Vice, Virtue & Video, page 15
“I want to make you feel good, Lola,” I whisper to her. “I want you to let it all go.”
I mean that in a bunch of different ways. First, I want to make her come—that’s pretty much my number one goal right now. Second, though, I want her to let go of everything that’s happened to her tonight. I want to erase all that bad stuff for her and I’m hoping a good orgasm can do that.
“Kiss me,” she pants as she starts those little pre-shakes right before it hits her. I love when you can literally see it starting to happen.
It’s not even a single second before my mouth is on hers and I’m kissing her really passionately. Her hands come up and she tangles her fingers in my hair in this sexy, kind of aggressive way. Her tongue moves a little faster in my mouth and I can feel her losing control. Her muscles are tightening against me and her moans are getting more high-pitched as I rub soft, light little circles over her clit.
“Mmm!” she moans against my lips.
Then it happens. She tenses up and then she snaps like a rubber band. She totally falls to pieces, shaking and shivering while she moans and whimpers. It’s so fuckin’ sexy I can’t even believe it. I wish I could make her come 24 hours a day just to watch this over and over again.
I slide my hand down a little bit and I start to slip a finger inside her. She’s still coming and I can feel her pulsing and trembling inside as I ease into her. Motherfucker! Does that feel fuckin’ amazing or what?! She’s so tight and it’s like her muscles are massaging me. I almost don’t even want to think about how good this would feel on my dick. It’d be like some supernatural shit or something.
I push in a little farther and she gasps, but not in a “that feels so good” kind of way. I stop immediately. Did I take it too far?
“You ok?” I whisper to her.
“Yeah,” she nods. “It just felt a little weird.”
“Weird good or weird bad?” I say, surprising myself with how sweet and gentle my voice sounds. For as horny as I am, I’d think it would come out like some kind of hungry animal.
“Just, you know, sort of different,” she bashfully replies.
“Does it hurt?” I say, looking in her eyes to show her that I want her to be totally straight-up with me.
“Well … um … a little,” she finally replies.
“Is it from earlier—did Eric hurt you?” The very thought makes me so mad that I want to go find him right now and drive a knife through his heart.
“It’s just a little bit … sore,” she says, breaking eye contact with me and looking down like she’s embarrassed.
“What did he do to you, baby?” I ask her. I can hear the anguish in my voice. I can’t handle it. I can’t handle the idea that Eric did something to hurt her there, in such a tender and delicate place.
“He just wasn’t very gentle—not like how you do it,” she softly replies and for some reason that sounds so beautiful to me, kind of moving, in a way.
The last time I touched her like this was several years ago, but she remembers how tender I was with her. I took such care to be gentle with her body, to treat every inch of her with respect and it’s cool that she noticed it. She’s my treasure, my little angel. I couldn’t imagine touching her with anything but the utmost adoration.
“You’re different. You always have been,” she continues, melting my heart with each word. “I know it’s only been a couple times, but whenever you do something sexy with me, you do it like I’m precious and special. Nobody else touches me the way you do.”
Those words—coupled with the fact that she’s naked underneath me and I’m just barely fingering her—make me feel almost overwhelmed. I exhale deeply and then I slide my free hand down the back of her neck and kiss her like I’ve never kissed anybody before. I might not have told her I love her, but I’m guessing she can feel it with the way that I’m kissing her right now.
I feel her hand reaching down my body and she unbuttons my jeans. I’m so in love with her, like I need her to be able to live.
“Oh fuck,” I whisper when I feel her warm little fingers reach inside my boxer-briefs and start to stroke me.
Oh my God! Holy shit! It’s the tiniest little motion, but it feels so motherfuckin’ good! I normally have a lot more control, but it’s like my dick was preprogrammed to get extra sensitive if Lola was the one touching me.
“I want you,” Lola whispers in my ear before she starts kissing along my jawline and onto my neck. Fuck! That turns me on even more, if that’s even possible at this point.
I can feel my pelvis pump a little bit as she strokes me faster. I seriously can’t even think of a time when I’ve been harder than this. I knew Lola could do this to me. I knew she could make me feel totally … unhinged. I don’t get like this with other girls.
I sit up for a second and pull my jeans off in a really fast motion. Now I’m totally naked ... with Lola ... in a bed. This is like some shit out of a dream.
I’ve never seen anything sexier than the way she looks in my eyes as she opens her legs for me. She wants me right now and I want to do it so bad, but I know I shouldn’t. She just said she was sore. If my fingers hurt her a little bit, my dick will hurt her a lot and I’d fuckin’ kill myself if I hurt her during sex.
I swallow hard and try to get my shit together. “Lo,” I breathe, “we can’t have sex tonight.”
“Why not?” she asks me, biting her bottom lip in that way that she knows turns me on. She’s trying to get her way and she knows what buttons to press, but I have to resist her.
“You’re sore, baby,” I explain, trying my absolute hardest to believe my own convictions. “The last thing I’d ever want to do in my whole life is hurt you and I know it’s gonna hurt if we do it tonight. You’ve been through so much. I don’t want to hurt you or for you to regret it because you made the decision after you’d been through some seriously fucked up emotional shit.”
“But I just want you so bad,” she says. Fuck! That’s damn near irresistible.
“I can’t hurt you, Lola. I literally can’t. I would fuckin’ die if I did something that didn’t feel good to you and I know this won’t feel as good as it could because of what that fuckin’ asshole did to you.”
She pauses, giggles and gives me a little smile. “You care about me so much. Nobody treats me the way you do.”
“I care about you the most, Lola,” I whisper to her.
“Kiss me again, ok?” she adorably asks me.
“You got it!” I grin and lower myself onto her again.
We start kissing and it’s sweet and soft at first, but it turns sexier with each passing second. We’re both just too hot for each other right now for things to stay in the “cute and innocent” zone. The passion’s just too strong.
“When do you think I’ll be ready?” she breathlessly asks me when she pulls back from the kiss.
“Maybe tomorrow? Not sure exactly, but we can just wait until then,” I reply, trying to factor in all the stuff I know about women’s bodies.
I was with a few virgins back in school and it was a couple days before we could have sex again, but I think Lola might only be a little bruised, not torn, so it shouldn’t be as long.
“I have to wait that long?!” she giggles like she’s outraged.
“Can’t stand the thought of not having me for 24 hours?” I tease. “All this is on display, but you can’t have none, girl!”
She laughs loudly and playfully rolls her eyes. “Fuck! This sucks so bad!” she smiles after she takes a glance down at our bodies pressed together.
“We can make it a couple days … hopefully,” I smile.
She looks in my eyes and then nudges me closer so she can kiss me. I will never get tired of these kisses. There will never be a time in my entire life when I don’t want Lola to kiss me like this.
I’m lost in her, kissing her deeply and feeling her body against me as I get closer and closer to her until it feels like we’re sharing the same skin.
“Ohhhh,” I exhale against her neck when her hips start rocking in that sensual way and I can feel her rubbing up against me.
There’s nothing between us. Literally nothing. She’s warm and wet as she slides her slit up and down against the underside of my cock. Fuck! This is so hot! I almost can’t even process how good this feels. This girl’s body, it just drives me completely crazy.
I don’t care about anything else—I can’t care. I feel myself starting to rock against her without even realizing I’m doing it. Clearly, she likes it because she moans when I press into her a little harder. I’m sliding up and down over her clit and she’s panting and gazing into my eyes in this way that basically stops time.
She opens her legs wider and bends her knees so her thighs are high up by my ribs. It’s more direct this way and I don’t know if she knew that of it was another case of her body just doing what it wanted. Either way, she’s moaning loudly with each motion I make and I’m panting too now, feeling the way her muscles tighten up as she undulates against me.
“Yes, beautiful girl,” I whisper against her neck when she whimpers.
“Oh!” she says, her voice trembly with how hot she is. She’s really close and I can tell.
A couple more strokes and she goes off. One hand clings to my shoulder and the other comes up and tangles into my hair, holding me close while I kiss her neck as she shivers and moans with pleasure. Her legs shake and all her muscles seem to fire at random, making her shudder every few seconds like she can’t get control of herself.
“Oh, Lola,” I exhale, shocked with how good this is feeling from my side of things. “My angel. My beautiful angel.”
I rock a little faster, push a little firmer and she trembles even harder, gasping and panting as she clutches onto me.
She cries out my name and I lose it. I can’t hold back. I kiss her hard and my body tenses as I come, spilling out onto her stomach.
“Oh fuck! Oh Lola!” I moan, still erupting and spasming like we just had killer sex, even though we didn’t.
I’m worn out and breathing all ragged when I rest my forehead in the bend of her neck. She strokes her fingers through my hair and kisses the top of my head. I lift myself up a bit and look at her. We’ve both got a light sheen of sweat on us and she’s looking into my eyes like there’s no one else in the world.
I kiss her softly and then she gives me a big smile.
“Wow!” she exhales with a giggle.
“Yeah, wow,” I laugh.
“Intense,” she says.
“Way intense,” I nod. “I don't get that way with anybody. I just lose it with you. The whole house could be on fire and I wouldn’t even notice because I don't give a shit about anything but you.”
She chuckles and tilts her head up to kiss me before she looks down at our bodies. My eyes follow hers and I give her a smart-ass grin.
“I made a mess, huh?” I tease.
“Ew!” she giggles.
“Wanna go make out while we take a shower?” I smile.
“Yes indeed, I do!” she beams.
I hop off her and hold out my hand, which she happily takes, and we go into the bathroom.
“And I just took a bath, too,” she says when she looks in the mirror and sees the aftermath of our little episode.
“Fuck! You’re the coolest girl ever!” I chuckle. Honestly, how many girls would be cool with a guy—their best fuckin’ friend for fuck’s sake—coming on them and just roll with it the way she just did? It amazes me how comfortable she is with me because I know how shy she can be with other guys.
We get into the water and make out as we soap each other up. I love getting to touch her and kiss her. Who else gets this kind of access to her body? Who else can say that she completely opens herself up to them the way she does with me? She lets go with me. She's not shy or self-conscious, she's just free and she lets her sensual side run wild. Sure it’s sexy, but it’s romantic too and that’s the part that’s really getting me, I think. It’s one thing to fuck around with a hot chick, but it’s another thing to fuck around with a hot chick that you also love.
“I don’t ever want to stop kissing you,” I smile at her as I hold her face in my hands.
“Same!” she beams.
We stand in there kissing until we're both raisins and we've probably wasted enough water to fill a swimming pool—not exactly environmentally friendly, but who can concentrate on that when you’re all wrapped up in loving someone?
We both crawl into bed totally naked and we turn on our sides to face each other. She wraps her arm around me, I wrap my arm around her and our legs tangle together. Aside from being inside her, I don’t think there’s any way I could get closer to her.
We kiss and kiss and kiss. It’s probably several hours of just soft, tender but passionate kissing. This right here is the best thing I’ve ever done. I would stay here kissing Lola until somebody filed a missing persons report because nobody had seen us in weeks. We’d just be here, frozen in time and lost in each other for days, not giving a fuck about what's happening outside these walls.
I run my hands up and down her back, her sides, her shoulders, her neck, caressing her like the fuckin' delicate treasure that she is. She caresses me too, running her little fingers up and down my biceps, over my back and my sides and putting her palm on my chest over my heart. Seriously, who else has ever done something like this with her? Who else has loved her as much as I do? Nobody. In fact, I'm pretty sure that nobody in history has ever loved anybody as much as I love her.
When she looks into my eyes, I can tell she’s getting tired and I know I should let her get some sleep. There’ll be plenty of time for kissing her tomorrow and maybe she won’t be so sore and I could finally be with her. Fuck, man! That’s probably going to be amazing!
“Sleepy, baby?” I whisper to her.
“Mmm-hmm,” she nods and smiles.
“Come lay your head right here and let me hold you,” I say, rolling on my back and motioning for her to rest her head on my chest. She does. “You’re safe forever with me, Lola. Always.”
“I know,” she whispers and gives me a sweet little kiss.
I take a deep breath and close my eyes. So this is love, huh? I can see why people write songs and poems about this shit. There is literally not a single human being on the planet that I care about as much as I care about Lola. It’s so crazy to feel something that strong for someone. Frankly, I didn’t know I had it in me.
I kiss the top of her head and try to relax the permanent smile that’s etched on my face as I fall asleep.
Chapter 15 - Lola
The birds are chirping, the sun is shining and I feel like I could burst into song like something out of a Disney movie. The second I open my eyes, I get a surge of happiness that just won’t quit. Lying beside me, with his long hair fanned out on his pillow, is my strong, beautiful, sweet, loving man. At least, I think he’s my man. He certainly seemed keen on being my man yesterday and I think he’s the perfect candidate for the job.
He’s still asleep, his face so serene and peaceful. For a little while, I just look at him with a big smile on my face. The curve of his lips draws my eye and I remember how soft his kisses were. The definition in his shoulder reminds me of the way his strong, muscly body felt against mine. His little sprinkling of chest hair reminds me of resting my head on his chest while he stroked my back. If someone had told me when I was younger that James would be the person I’d fall in love with, I would have laughed and told them they were insane. Now, I’m lying here with him, both of us totally naked, and dreaming of an entire future with him.
Of course, because my pessimistic mind has to try to find something wrong with this perfect picture, I’m reminded of his career, the Eva situation, poor Stacey and all the other problems facing us at the moment. Again, I get that anxious, uneasy feeling. Can this really work? Can James and I have a relationship in the real world or will I end up enormously heartbroken by this whole thing? I weigh it out in my head.
On one hand, I’m closer to James than anyone else in the world and I’m the only girl he’s maintained any kind of long-term relationship with—even though it’s just a friendship. On the flip side, James has maintained that friendship with me because he’s still been able to go out and hook up with countless other women and not worry about it affecting me. If I was his girlfriend, there’s no way I’d be ok with him having sex with someone else, even for work.
Work. That’s the other problem. How am I going to feel about being in a serious relationship with a porn star? I’ve never been ashamed of him or looked down on his profession, but I don’t think it would be my first choice for a boyfriend’s career. The internet is teeming with video clips and animated gifs of his scenes and I’d be forever seeing him balls deep in some other girl. I’d have to avoid Tumblr altogether and hope that I didn’t run into any of the gazillion starlets he’s fucked on screen while I’m out and about anywhere in the Valley. Not to mention all the BDSM stuff. How would I explain to my friends that my boyfriend did videos where he tied girls up and fucked them silly, but that he doesn’t do that stuff to me? People wouldn’t buy that. Just look at Eric, he was convinced that I was into that kind of kinky shit and James wasn’t even close to being my boyfriend last night.
Last night. It was only last night. All this stuff happened in less than 12 hours! I must be totally crazy to be thinking so far ahead and trying to figure out what a relationship with James would be like way into the future. I’m going to stop my spiral of scrutiny right now. I can’t let myself dwell on this too much or I’ll make myself crazy.
Very lightly, I trail my fingertips down his shoulder and over his finely chiseled bicep. I place my lips in his chest hair and softly kiss his chest. He stirs a little and I prop myself up on my elbow and gently kiss all over his face, lingering on his lips. I can feel him smiling and his hand reaches up and brushes through my hair before his thumb lightly traces my jawbone. He holds my face as he keeps kissing me. There's no way to describe how much I love this.
