Vice, Virtue & Video, page 8
“I won’t. I’ll tell him to take it easy from now on,” I accept.
“I just … I don’t like him being rough with you—I don’t want anybody being rough with you,” he confesses quietly like he’s afraid to say it. “I don’t want him to touch you anymore. You should break up with him.”
“Oh, James,” I sigh as I brush my fingers through his hair, “you have got to mellow out. He got overzealous and he bit me a little too hard, but he didn’t mean to and I’m fine. I’ll be ok and I’ll tell him to chill out if he does anything too rough, ok?”
“Alright,” he reluctantly agrees and gives me a sweet smile.
“See? Everything’s going to be fine. No more biting, no more rough stuff,” I take his face in my hands and kiss his forehead.
“Just remember, being with you is a privilege, alright? He doesn’t just get to touch you. Your body’s precious, Lo, and you shouldn’t let someone lay a fuckin’ finger on you if they don’t deserve it. You don’t owe him anything and you never, ever, ever have to do anything you don’t want to do,” he sincerely advises.
“Ok,” I nod and give him a smile.
“Alright,” he smiles back and puts his arm around me as I sit down beside him. “Wanna watch Curb Your Enthusiasm?” he says as he reaches for the remote.
I nod my head and lean into him. It makes me feel so warm and fuzzy when he acts protective of me like this. I mean a lot to him, and he means a lot to me, so it’s touching when I get these glimpses into just how much he cares. Being with me is a privilege. What a sweet thing to say! When he says shit like that to me, I just feel so … loved. I sit curled up like this with him all morning as we watch the many misadventures of Larry David on DVD.
Chapter 8 - James
“Jesus Christ, Amber! You have no idea how glad I am that I get to work with you today,” I say, wrapping my arms around Amber Blaze, my co-star for today. We’re not doing anything crazy, just a normal sex scene with a little tying up and some spanking—nothing that’s going to hurt anybody or leave me emotionally fucked up for the rest of my goddamned life like that Savannah shoot probably will.
“I’m glad too, honey,” she smiles and reaches up to drape her arms around my neck.
I’ve worked with Amber lots of times before and she’s someone I consider a good friend. She’s small with natural boobs and long, fiery, red hair. She’s really pretty and the two of us totally dig having sex with each other, which is why people say we have good on-screen chemistry.
“I did a scene with Savannah Slade the other day and I just need this, something that’s actually fun, you know?" I confess.
“Yikes!” she says with surprise. “Savannah Slade. How did that go?”
“It was so fuckin’ awful, Amber. Seriously. Just … traumatic. And crazy-ass Eva was calling the shots from the side. I felt like I was in some psychological torture experiment.”
“Aw, sweetie,” she says as she reaches out to hug me again. “I’m glad you’re back in the normal world, then.” She gives me a little kiss and smiles. “We’re doing just anal today or is it both? My schedule’s been so crazy I can’t even remember which hole I’m using in scenes anymore.”
I chuckle. The irony of “back in the normal world” and “I can’t remember which hole I’m using” appearing in the same sentence is not lost on me. The normal world of porn is pretty damn far from most people’s idea of normal.
“I think we’re doing both today,” I reply. “But, Amber, I don’t want to tape your mouth, if that’s ok with you.” I know I’m too freaked out to do anything even remotely extreme.
“That’s fine, honey,” she nods. “Maybe we could just do a gag or something.”
“Ok, but loose. I don’t want it to be too tight on you.”
“James,” she giggles, “have you gone soft?” She slides her hand down the front of my jeans and rubs me through the fabric. “Nope, I guess not.”
I laugh and pull her in for another hug. I really like working with Amber and I’m sure this shoot’s going to be great. I know her limits and I don’t have anyone behind the scenes trying to force me to injure her. The relief is almost overwhelming and, for the first time since the fuckin’ atrocity that was my Savannah Slade scene, I’m excited to go out there and shoot something.
Today, we’re filming in an existing playroom in some rich guy’s rented mansion. Our crew brought in their own props, but this dude’s got rigging on the ceiling for suspensions, shackles attached to the wall and a huge, wooden, x-shaped cross thing that was too heavy for the production team to move, so they just sterilized it and left it for us to use. I’d like to meet this dude and high-five him. Clearly, he gets pretty freaky.
We’re rolling and I bind Amber’s hands and latch her onto a big hook above the cross. She has to stand on her tiptoes and I make a mental note to let her down soon so she doesn’t have to stretch for too long. I turn her so her back’s to the camera and I start talking to her, saying my lines and telling her she’s broken the rules and has to be punished—all that Dominant, threatening shit I usually do. I put the ball gag in her mouth and leave it loose so she can spit it out if she wants to. Her stomach is elongated from having her hands tied above her head and I hike up her white cotton panties to caress the smooth skin of her ass. I give her a light swat and she pretends to flinch.
Amber’s a natural red head and she’s very popular in BDSM videos because, with her pale skin, every little slap leaves a pink handprint, regardless of how hard the hit really is.
I rotate her so her back’s to me and press her against me as I put my hand over her mouth like I’m trying to quiet her whimpers. I turn her so I’m standing behind her and she’s facing the camera as I rip her tear-away tank top open, exposing her tits. I squeeze them hard and flick her nipples in the way I know she likes. She whimpers and pretends to be afraid, but she also moans and I feel her grind her ass against my crotch as I press into her.
I back away from her, leaving her standing there wanting me. I grab a riding crop from the rack in the corner of the room and I run it over her stomach before swatting her tits. She pretends to wince and whine as I keep hitting her. Amber’s a pro and I’m very familiar with her tolerance level, so I don’t go harder than she likes.
We move on to nipple clamps and I tease her with them before sucking her nipples until both are elongated and hard. I close the clamps around them one at a time before turning her and spanking her again. I caress her ass between slaps and continue spanking her until she’s totally pink, then I tug on the chain attaching the clamps a little bit so it looks like it’s pulling and stretching her nipples. She whimpers, pretending it hurts. The clamps are adjustable and they’re actually pretty loose. I’m careful not to pull them too hard so they don’t come right off and ruin the illusion.
Once Amber’s thoroughly bound, spanked and clamped, we pause for some stills, get some close ups and get to the fucking. I’m facing her and she’s pressed against the cross when I lift her legs up and slam into her. She moans loudly around the gag as I thrust into her again. Amber likes it rough like this and I know how hard to go to make it feel the best for her.
My teeth graze her chin and I nip at her earlobe as I continue to pump her harder and harder, whispering shit to her while she acts like she’s scared. She’s panting loudly and her eyes look surprised at how good this feels. She seems to disregard the cameras and her moans sound a lot deeper and more real as I continue. If I remember correctly, she likes when I move my hips in kind of a circle, so I shift up a little bit as I enter her. I angle myself so I’m hitting her right on target. That gets her moaning even louder and I’m lightly kissing her face as I pound her rapidly.
All the lights, cameras and crew seem to fade out for me and I reach up and pull the gag out of her mouth, kissing her passionately. I pull her tight against me and rock my hips slower, giving her deeper, more sensual thrusts. She looks in my eyes and she seems thankful, like this feels incredible. She’s loving it and she can’t even concentrate on fake pleas or whines. She’s moaning really loud and her breath is racing as she pants. I lift her off the hook and press her back against the cross, holding her close as I continue going deep and feeling her body respond.
I know I’m not supposed to, but I just really want to do it like this. I need to hold her and fuck her slow like it’s some kind of sexual therapy for what I did with Savannah. Amber’s hands are still bound, but her arms rest on my shoulders as she pulls me closer to her and kisses me really intensely. She’s enjoying this and I couldn’t be happier about it.
She’s tied up and I’m giving her a seriously deep dicking, but this doesn’t feel like any scene I’ve done before. If it weren’t for the ropes, this probably wouldn’t even classify as BDSM. We’re looking in each other’s eyes and kissing, ignoring everyone who has now stopped what they’re doing and started staring at us.
I slow my pace a little and kiss her like never before. I’m closing my eyes and getting really into it when my mind suddenly transforms Amber into Lola. I hold her and caress her back just as tenderly as I would with Lola. I slide my hand down to rock her hips slowly against me as I start kissing and nuzzling her neck.
Lola likes soft, sweet kisses on the neck. I remember how hot I got her when I was kissing her neck the time I felt her up at our friend Dave Keegan’s pool party. It was probably about thirty seconds total, but her nipples got all hard and she started breathing deeply. She was way turned on and I wanted to get my mouth on those pretty pink nipples so bad, but I managed to pull the plug on it because I was too scared I’d lose control if I kept going. I wanted her so fuckin’ bad in that moment that I was worried I’d lose my shit, tear her bikini bottoms off and fuck the shit out of her right there in Keegan’s hallway. I totally could have done it. She was so warmed up that she probably would have let me, but I would have felt horrible. I don’t know what it is, but I think about her differently than I do with most girls and the idea of anybody—including me—fucking her makes me all angry and nervous. Nobody should fuck Lola, they should make love to her, and I was in no position to do that when I was a horny teenager.
In my head, I’m picturing Lola’s body wrapped around me, her warmth against me, the way she’d be so tight inside as her pristine, untouched body stretched to take me. I’d be gentle with her. I’d want to softly caress her and look in her eyes. I’d want to kiss every inch of her and go extra slow to make it feel really good. I’d want to hold her in my arms when she came and feel her little body tremble with pleasure. I’d want to see that delighted, surprised look on her face when it happened, to watch her expression right at that moment of ecstasy. Maybe she’d call out my name, maybe she’d just make some of those pretty little whimpers she does when she comes—either way, it’d be perfect.
I’m totally wrapped up in my fantasy of Lola when I feel Amber start to quiver inside. For a fleeting minute, I imagine that I’m inside Lola and that it’s her starting to climax around me. When I open my eyes, my daydream fades and I look over Amber’s pretty face as she starts tipping over the edge.
Her eyes shoot open wide and she gasps as her body convulses and she cries out. I feel triumphant. I got my mojo back. Making her come has made me feel like my old self again. I’m so happy to be giving one of my co-stars pleasure instead of humiliation and pain like that godawful shoot with Savannah. I keep going, wanting to squeeze every last drop out of this thing.
Amber is panting and moaning as she holds me tight. Her neck arches back and I speed up my pace, which sets her off again. She moans really loud when I make her come a third time, then a fourth. Fuck yes! I’m loving how much she’s enjoying this. The crew is dead silent behind us as she climaxes two more times in quick succession. I am the fuckin’ man!
She feels so good inside when she twitches and pulses like that and I know I can’t hold back much longer. I’ve been instructed to pull out and come on her tits, but I don’t want to let her go. I’m overcome by this therapeutic moment and I kiss her passionately as I moan against her lips and come inside her. I know that, somewhere deep down in my subconscious, I’m imagining she’s Lola, but I don’t want to dwell on that thought, since it kind of freaks me out how bad I wish it was real. I’m kissing her slower as I try to catch my breath.
“Holy shit, James!” she exhales as she looks up at me with wide, appreciative eyes.
“Sorry,” I say with an apologetic smile.
“Fuck! Don’t be sorry for that! That was amazing! I’ve never been fucked like that before,” she breathlessly praises.
“I’m pretty sure I fucked up the shot, but I just needed to know I could still make somebody feel good,” I confess, giving her a little kiss.
“Well you definitely did that!” she chuckles and kisses me back.
Finally, something that feels intimate again. I know it’s work and that it’s not real, but I just need to hold her and kiss her like this. I need a woman to feel good from the way that I touch her. I need to know that I’m not some soulless monster and that I can still give a girl pleasure, that I can still be gentle if I want to.
“What the fuck was that?” Jason, our director, shouts from behind the camera. He's totally pissed as he stomps over to us.
I’m still inside Amber, but I pull out and she giggles to me as I roll my eyes at his level of anger.
“Hello! You guys were supposed to go fucking, oral, anal, then a pop shot on her tits! And you didn’t pause when I called for stills or close ups!”
“Sorry, Jason,” I say apologetically, but with a smart-ass grin, “I got carried away.” Truth is, I didn't even hear him call for stills or close ups. I was that wrapped up in everything.
“Well, we’re making a fucking movie here, so I hope you’re both ready to go again!” he huffs.
“I’m good to go again,” Amber smiles as me.
“James?” Jason asks.
“I’m ready too,” I smile and nod, looking down to see that I am, indeed, ready and raring to go again.
“Then both of you get the fuck back up there and let’s reset,” he says with exasperation. “You wanna fuck, you do it on your own time!”
I snicker and Amber rolls her eyes at Jason before I give her a little kiss and get back into position. Now that I’ve got that out of the way, I know I can pull off a great scene. I just needed something to recharge myself, to bring me back to who I am.
Chapter 9 - Lola
I’m kicking back with my feet up on James’ lap as we watch TV. I’m totally stuffed from the dinner he made and I’m glad we’re at my house so I can go directly to bed at the end of the night. We’re watching a few old episodes of True Blood off HBO Go and talking about the characters and the differences between the show and the book series. Eric Northman—the Viking vampire—and Sookie Stackhouse—the telepathic Louisiana waitress—have just burst in the door of her house and are frantically fucking on the floor in the foyer.
“These two shoot a pretty good sex scene,” James praises.
“It’s glamorous with them, really sexy,” I smile. “Plus, Alexander Skarsgård is so fucking hot!”
“You like that Nordic look,” he teases, referring to Eric—my boyfriend, not the hot, Swedish vampire on TV.
“But I think Alcide is mad hot too,” I point out. Joe Manganiello, the actor who plays Alcide on True Blood, is definitely not Nordic looking, but equally gorgeous.
“So you have a range of guys you think are hot? You'd take a variety of dicks, then?” he says, giving me a playful smirk.
“I’d say that’s accurate,” I raise an eyebrow defiantly and then turn back to the TV. “The shower scene in this was so hot. It was so sexy in the book and they took it a different way, but still made it hot.”
“What do they do in the book?” he asks. He hasn’t read the novels, but I completely adore them.
“It’s a lot of anticipation. They wash each other off and then she’s all impressed because he has a great ass and a really big dick,” I giggle.
James nods as if saying, “Yeah, I’ve heard that before.”
“And then she decides to fuck him, so he takes her in the bedroom and he goes down on her a little bit and then they have sex, and it’s incredible. Best sex she’s ever had,” I explain.
“I wonder why they didn’t put that in the show like that,” he curiously ponders.
“Eh, creative decisions,” I shrug.
“They’re really good about sex scenes on this, though,” he nods in approval. “That one in the very first episode where he fucks that girl while she’s got her hands chained up to the ceiling, that was some pretty good shit. Reminded me of some of the ones I’ve shot.”
“That’s true,” I agree. “It was like the one you did with Tara Morgan a few years ago.” Now that I think about it, it was remarkably similar except the actress that plays Maudette Pickens, the fuckee in the True Blood scene, is prettier than Tara Morgan.
“I dig it, too, because they don’t do that thing where people are making out and they suddenly jump right to sex,” he adds. “It’s such a movie cliché and they only do it because they can’t allot a bunch of time for the sex scene. With us, we have all kinds of foreplay shit before we even start fucking and that’s more real.”
“But the entire point of your movies is sex. They don’t have to fit story in there too,” I retort.
“True, but that’s why I like this show,” he replies. “They’ll make out, but they’ve done scenes where they do other shit before they jump to sex. They do a good job with showing guys going down on girls, which you don’t see a lot on regular TV and movies.”
“That’s true,” I say, recalling various sex scenes in the series.
“And good for them, you know?” he says like they’ve received his honorable seal of approval. “Chicks really dig that and it’s never even mentioned in most shows and movies.”
