Dark Horse, page 1
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Other Books by A.L. Brooks
The Club
Table of Contents
Other Books by A.L. Brooks
Acknowledgements
Dedication
CHAPTER 1
CHAPTER 2
CHAPTER 3
CHAPTER 4
CHAPTER 5
CHAPTER 6
CHAPTER 7
CHAPTER 8
CHAPTER 9
CHAPTER 10
CHAPTER 11
CHAPTER 12
CHAPTER 13
CHAPTER 14
CHAPTER 15
CHAPTER 16
CHAPTER 17
CHAPTER 18
CHAPTER 19
CHAPTER 20
CHAPTER 21
CHAPTER 22
CHAPTER 23
CHAPTER 24
CHAPTER 25
CHAPTER 26
CHAPTER 27
CHAPTER 28
About A.L. Brooks
Other Books from Ylva Publishing
The Club
Drawn Together
Flinging It
Fragile
Coming from Ylva Publishing
Hold my Hand
Under Parr
Acknowledgements
I owe a huge debt of gratitude to Sharine and Arti, possibly the two best research assistants in the entire world. Thank you, guys, and to Cat too, for answering my endless—and, let’s face it, sometimes bizarre—questions about daily life in Ballarat. If there are any mistakes in this context, they are purely mine. Sharine and Arti are also the actual owners of the Bike Rack Cafe—yes, it’s a real place, but it’s in Ballarat, not Manly. I used literary license to transpose its location for this story. But if you’re ever in Ballarat, pop in to their place for one of the best coffees you’re ever likely to be served. And don’t get me started on the cakes…
As ever, massive thanks to the awesome team at Ylva—Astrid, Daniela, Gill, and CK.
Thank you to my two awesome beta readers, Emma and Katja, for their priceless guidance and encouragement.
And heartfelt gratitude and love to my Lesvos Crew, whose almost daily support and nurturing kept me sane and encouraged when my doubts threatened to take over. You rock, guys.
Dedication
For Jane
CHAPTER 1
“Me and Tash are moving in together.”
Nicole’s face shone with excitement.
Sadie was stunned. Out of nowhere, a blanket of hurt and misery swamped her. She knew it was childish, but once her old insecurities reared their ugly heads, she couldn’t shake them off.
“W-when?” Sadie’s heartbeat pounded in her ears; her hands shook, and she didn’t know if it was from anxiety or anger.
Nicole tilted her head.
“Whenever we can find a place we both like.” Nicole’s voice grew quieter. “Tash will sell her place, and I’ll give notice on the house-share. Then we’ll put our savings together and get a great big, fucking, grown-up mortgage.” She grinned, but it faded quickly at the lack of response from Sadie.
Somewhere, deep in the recesses of her mind, Sadie knew she should be pleased for Nicole and Tash. They were her friends. They had been seeing each other for nearly three years, and this was it. The real deal. And that meant living together. It made perfect sense. But somehow, Nicole’s excited words unleashed a torrent of repressed memories and old anger. The thudding in her ears got louder, and her stomach twisted in knots.
Nicole was leaving her.
Nicole was going off to find a life for herself. A life that didn’t include her. It was irrational, and not too far from the surface of her brain Sadie knew that, but she couldn’t stop herself from overreacting. She shuffled in her seat, fighting the urge to run.
“Sades?” Nicole reached out a hand and tried to touch Sadie’s arm, but she flinched away. “Sades, this doesn’t change anything, you know that, right?”
Sadie stared at her, willing her mouth to open and the right words to come out, but they wouldn’t appear. Of course it changed things; it changed everything. Nicole was her best friend, her rock. How could she just leave?
“Babe, I know what is going through your mind right now, but I swear to you, nothing changes. We’ll still be hanging out together just as much as we always have. I will still be ragging on you via text message night and day. You don’t get rid of me that easily, remember?” Nicole’s tone was earnest and pleading, but Sadie’s mind had gone into free fall and she couldn’t—or didn’t want to—stop it.
Tears formed, stinging her tired eyes. Nicole reached across the short distance between their chairs, but Sadie brushed her off and stood up.
“Sadie, this doesn’t change a thing.” Nicole stood too and planted herself squarely in front of her, hands on her hips. “Not a fucking thing, you hear me? Tash knows how important you are to me, yeah? Christ, the three of us have been hanging out ever since I started seeing her, so just because I’m moving in with her doesn’t mean that stops, right?”
She grabbed Sadie’s chin before Sadie could move out of the way, and pulled her round to look her straight in the eyes. “I love you, you stupid lump—always! Never forget that. Never.” Her eyes blazed, and Sadie wanted so badly to believe her. And yet…
Whatever it was Sadie’s mind couldn’t get past, it squelched all rational thought. She pulled sharply away, waving a derisive hand between them as if swatting a fly. Without a word, not trusting herself to speak with so much fear and anger eating her up, she stomped away.
“Sadie, please.” She heard Nicole’s plea but refused to turn back.
It was a lonely walk home in the balmy evening air. When she quietly let herself into her home, she had no recollection of which route she’d walked or any idea what time it was. She went straight to her room and threw herself onto the bed, acutely embarrassed at her immature response to Nicole’s news. But, simmering under the surface, there was still the anger. The fear. Nicole had been there for Sadie through the best and the worst, and Sadie couldn’t imagine life without her.
She tried to sleep but it was fitful. She tossed and turned in and out of dreams until, eventually, as the sun began to rise and a gentle light seeped under the blinds at her window, she gave up. Staring at the ceiling, she sighed. Thinking time was required, and that could only mean one thing.
She pulled on her clothes and reached for the keys to her Harley. Picking up her phone, she saw that Nicole had texted her about twenty times, each message saying essentially the same thing: nothing changes, I still love you, you’re still my bestie.
The ride out to Turimetta Beach helped—time on her beloved Harley always did. At first she rode too fast, as her anger and embarrassment about her actions the night before had her gripping the bike’s controls way too tightly. Gradually, the empty roads, the breeze flowing over her body, and the rising sun lighting her way eased her mood. The thrum of the bike beneath her as it ate up the road gave her a satisfying buzz, despite the gloom that still pervaded her mind.
The beach was small but beautiful, enclosed by two headlands that broke the incoming waves. She found a spot on one of the vegetated hummocks at the back of the sand and watched the waves smash against the rocks. They didn’t boom like big surf, but somehow whatever noise they did generate always helped ease her mood. The rhythmic flow and the shush of the water as it scurried back down the beach was almost hypnotic in its effect.
Sadie had never seen the ocean until she was seventeen and first arrived in Manly. It was love at first sight—something about the endless power of it had touched her deep inside and never let go. When she needed to think, the ocean always called her.
She sat for a while with an empty mind and let the rapidly warming sun and the gentle ocean breeze soothe her. Only then did she let her thoughts run and force herself to face up to what had brought her there in the first place. Nicole’s news shouldn’t have sent her over the edge like that. She had such a good life, and she made herself mentally tick off all that she had in that life to be thankful for. A fantastic friend in Nicole, and, by extension, Tash. An amazing home that she shared with her equally amazing grandmother. A great job that she loved and was good at. Why would she think for one minute that Nicole wanting to move in with Tash threatened any of that?
Stretching out her legs in front of her, she shifted her ass on the sandy hummock. She knew where her insecurity came from, but she also knew that, where Nicole was concerned, it wasn’t justified. She cringed with embarrassment at how…pathetic she’d been the night before. She was more than this. Stronger than this.
The overwhelming need to make things right had her reaching for her phone. She tapped out the message quickly, her brain already formulating the plan for what to do next.
Sorry. I’m an idiot. Will see you soon. Luv u xx
She stood up and brushed the sand off her jeans. She knew what she needed to do—go to Nicole’s place and apologise. Wholeheartedly. For all the times that Nicole had been there for her in the last twelve years, this was a shitty way to repay her. Sadie should be hugging her, congratulating her, and being excited for her. Nicole was the first of her friends to make this big move, the first of them to find the one and attempt the settling-down thing. Not that Sadie ever thought there was much hope of that for herself. She could see what Nicole and Tash had and, deep down, she knew she wanted it. She just had no idea how to get it, no idea how t
As she climbed back up the steep steps from the beach to the road, she smiled. While an apology was definitely due, she knew Nicole would not let her grovel. There might be some arm slapping and maybe a bit of shouting, but they’d be right. They always were.
* * *
The ride back was almost as pleasant as the ride up, just slightly busier, because the morning had really started. Rather than heading straight to Nicole’s house, she decided to detour home first to shower and check in with her grandmother. Eating would be good too, she thought, as her stomach loudly reminded her that she’d skipped brekkie again.
The bike slid to a gentle stop on the small paved yard in front of the weatherboard house she shared with her seventy-four-year-old grandmother, Elsie Thomson. Tucked in behind Pittwater Road, in Smith Street, the location was perfect for being near to everything Manly had to offer.
Taking a seventeen-year-old granddaughter in at the age of sixty-two had never been in Elsie’s plans, but when the circumstances arose, she gamely agreed, and Sadie moved into the spare room. Elsie let Sadie decorate it and the adjoining bathroom however she wanted—and made Sadie do all the work herself. Character building, her gran called it. One of her favourite phrases, Sadie was quick to discover.
Over their years of living together, they’d settled into a very easy rhythm that worked for them. The idea of moving out once she was old enough had never crossed Sadie’s mind.
She dumped her helmet in her room and went in search of food before her shower. She strolled down the long hallway that ran the entire length of the house from the front door to the kitchen. Both her and Elsie’s rooms, with their en suite bathrooms, were off that hallway, and the door at the end of it led into the open-plan kitchen/diner at the back. The generous space opened out via sliding doors to the small yard at the back, which had a paved area surrounded by planted beds. The doors were open most days, allowing them to pass freely from inside to out, and the paved area tended to be their lounge room.
As she passed through the door into the back of the house, Elsie was coming through it from the other side. Before Sadie could greet her, her grandmother whipped out a bony arm and slapped her hard in the bicep.
“Idiot,” she muttered as she pushed past, ignoring Sadie’s stunned face.
“Wh—?” Sadie began, then she heard Nicole’s throaty chuckle from inside the kitchen, and she knew. She turned to say something, anything, to her gran, only to be met by her retreating back as she trotted determinedly up the hallway towards her own room. Sadie took a deep breath. Okay, so that’s the way it’s going to be today. Right.
Inhaling another deep breath, she stepped into the room. She came face-to-face with Nicole, who was standing in the middle of the kitchen with her hands on her hips, trying very hard to keep a stern expression on her face. Somewhere in Sadie’s mind, a giggle formed—Nicole looked adorable attempting the fierce stance. Her black hair, its natural curls cascading down over her shoulders, framed a face that was quietly beautiful. Her petite frame was stretched to its full height, pushing her not insubstantial breasts fully out from her slender body. Nicole wore the usual multitude of thin bracelets on her left wrist, and they jangled softly like wind chimes each time she moved her arm.
Sadie had never been attracted to Nicole, thankfully—she wasn’t sure they’d ever have become such good friends if she had been—but she could appreciate her friend’s sexy gorgeousness in that moment. She knew remarking on that right then was not the way to go, and instead focused her attention on the scowl that Nicole was attempting to maintain. But Nicole’s eyes gave her away. Her deep-blue eyes, such a contrast to the bright green of Sadie’s own, were sparkling with humour, and Sadie grinned, albeit sheepishly.
“Sorry,” she mumbled, her chin somewhere down in her chest while her gaze flitted up to Nicole’s and back down again.
“Elsie’s right,” Nicole snapped, but not without warmth. “You are an idiot. A great big, fucking idiot, actually.”
Sadie exhaled and looked up properly this time. “I know. I…” Words wouldn’t come, not past the big lump that had suddenly formed in her throat. She’d let Nicole down, after everything Nicole had done for her.
Nicole’s entire demeanour changed in an instant, her face relaxing and a gentle smile parting her lips. She took three quick strides across the room to wrap her arms around the much taller Sadie, pulling her head down onto her shoulder.
“I know what you are afraid of,” she whispered against Sadie’s ear, “but I’m not them. Remember that, yeah?”
Sadie nodded, tightened the hug for a moment, then pulled herself clear. She swallowed and took a couple of deep breaths. Finally, she let her gaze meet Nicole’s.
“I am so happy for you and Tash. That’s what I should have said last night. Instead, I ruined it with my stupid insecurities. But, really, I am so pleased for you.”
“Thanks.” Nicole blushed and nudged Sadie gently with her shoulder. Then she threw her head back in a loud laugh. “It’s a bit fucking scary, yeah? It’s like this big grown-up thing to be doing. Fuck knows if I can handle it, but I won’t know unless I try, will I?”
Sadie chuckled. “That’s why Tash is so good for you—she’ll stop you from screwing it all up too badly.”
Nic didn’t join in with Sadie’s laughter. Instead, her face creased into a frown and her eyes widened.
Sadie took Nicole’s hand in hers. “You’re really scared, aren’t you?”
“Fucking terrified,” Nicole whispered.
“Hey, Nic, come on.” She squeezed Nicole’s fingers. “This is you and Tash. The mighty duo! You two have been so bloody right for each other since the minute you met. I’m amazed you haven’t moved in together before now, actually. What is it that scares you so much?”
“I don’t know, really. I guess I’m scared I’ll let her down somehow, once she sees me all day, every day. Or that I’ll find there’s something about her that annoys the fuck out of me. Or that—”
Sadie cut her off with a sharp pull on her hand. “Firstly, there’s no way you could let her down. She’s seen you, in all your glorious and not-so-glorious moments. Remember your birthday last year?”
Nicole blushed. “Jeez, don’t remind me!” She grimaced.
“And second of all,” Sadie ploughed on, “you are an amazing person, and Tash knows this. And she’s an amazing person too. I’d find it hard to believe there’d be anything about you or her that would annoy each of you so much that you couldn’t just talk it out, right?”
Nicole sighed, and nodded. “You’re right. I know you’re right. Why do I keep doing this?” She groaned and dropped her head.
“Because you care,” Sadie said without hesitation, “and that’s a good thing. Just don’t let it get in the way of actually…being.” She envied Nicole and Tash, and what they had. It seemed odd to be giving out relationship advice when she’d never really had one of her own. But seeing what they had together, she didn’t want Nic to run the risk of messing it all up.
Nicole raised her head and stared at her intently. “You are a fucking great friend, you know that?”
“Hey,” Sadie said softly, swallowing hard against the ball of emotion that was swelling in her chest. “I was taught by the best, remember?”
Nicole grinned, and pulled Sadie into a rough hug. “Yeah, and don’t you fucking forget it,” she whispered.
Sadie smiled into Nic’s hair. “Had brekkie?”
“No, and I’m starving! What’ve you got?”
And just like that, they were okay again. As always.
For the next few minutes Sadie busied herself creating a mountain of fruit toast and brewing them up a large pot of coffee. They took the food and their mugs out to the yard, and munched contentedly in an easy silence borne of twelve years good, solid friendship.
Nicole left about an hour later when Tash called. They were off to view a couple of apartments.
“Tell me how you get on,” Sadie said as she gave Nicole a quick hug goodbye.
“I will. Wish me luck!”
Sadie shut the front door behind Nicole and turned to find Elsie leaving her room. Sadie wasn’t sure what sort of reception she’d get this time. Elsie’s face held the hint of a smile, and it widened as she took a few steps towards her. Sadie smiled in return, relief washing through her.
