Dark Horse, page 10
Christine’s eyes widened further. “Fourteen?” she whispered.
“Yes.” Sadie slumped back into the couch and shook her head. “So you never even believed me on that, either?”
Her mother had the grace to look embarrassed. “No. That element of you, your announcement about liking…girls, didn’t play that big a part in his…our decision to move you to your gran’s.” She winced as Sadie let out a quiet snort. “Throw you out,” she amended, breathing deeply. “We just assumed… Well, we assumed you’d said it because you knew we wouldn’t like it. We didn’t take it seriously. It was all your trouble with the police that made up our minds. He was just so driven in his goal to be mayor, he didn’t want anything standing in the way of that. And I was so driven to be the perfect mayor’s wife that I didn’t argue with him.”
Sadie shook her head. “And yet, twelve years later, he’s still not mayor, is he?” She didn’t keep the sarcasm out of her tone.
Her mum blinked rapidly a few times and cleared her throat before speaking. “Well, no. He’s not.” She shifted in her seat.
A light flipped on in Sadie’s brain. “Oh, wait a minute. He blames me for that?”
Christine flushed slightly. “Well, let’s be fair, Sadie. Your troublemaking really didn’t help his reputation, did it?”
“I know I acknowledged my part in things, but are you sticking up for him? Even now?” Sadie was incredulous, half rising out of her seat in disgust.
“No! Don’t be ridiculous.” Christine sighed. “Sit down.” She waited until Sadie did as she was told. “Sadie, I’m not defending him. He’s… I’ve come to realise what an idiot your father is. I won’t defend him. Not now. But really, the things you did…” She put a hand to her forehead and closed her eyes for a moment. “You caused us so much trouble.”
“You know, half the things you thought I did were actually done by other kids,” Sadie said, pushing her hands through her hair as frustration threatened to get the better of her again. “I just happened to be there.” She held up a hand as her mother attempted to interrupt. “Yes, I know. Being there was bad enough. But the fact that you found it so easy to think that of me, every time. That hurt the most. No matter what I actually did or didn’t do, you always thought the worst of me. I don’t think you have any idea how that made me feel.”
She did stand and paced across the room, trying to let out some of the angry energy that had built up again over the last few minutes. She shook her hands out, like a boxer preparing to go into the ring, breathing slow and deep to bring her heart rate under control.
“So,” she said, turning back to face her mother. “You say you’ve realised what an idiot he is. Congratulations. Then why are you still married to him?”
Christine looked upwards briefly, flinching slightly at whatever she saw in Sadie’s expression. “Life is funny, isn’t it? Or cruel.” She sighed. “I woke up at the start of this year thinking this was the year I’d do it. Divorce him.” She met Sadie’s gaze. “I spoke with a lawyer a couple of weeks ago, to talk preliminaries, then I had that follow-up at the hospital, to see what they’d found out about the headaches.” She shook her head slowly from side to side. “And now, I’m…dying, and there really doesn’t seem much point in wasting money, time, or energy on a divorce now, does there?”
Sadie stared at her, such sadness washing over her in that moment it took her breath away. She flopped back down on the couch.
“And, even more ironic, I was also determined to reach out to you.” Her mum leaned forward in her seat, her expression fiercely earnest. “I’d been tempted so many times, but I always feared he’d find out. God knows what he would have done then. And so, along with a resolution to get divorced, I’d started composing a letter to you, to open up communication, see if I could convince you to let me come and visit. I wanted you back in my life, Sadie. I wanted my daughter back.” Her voice broke. “I just wanted you back.”
Sadie’s body caved in on itself, releasing the tension she’d been holding in throughout the day. A good part of it leeched out by the words they had shared, the cleansing of so much that had gone before. It wasn’t all fixed, not by a long shot, but it was a start. The sexuality issue they could deal with later. Right then, some of the most important words Sadie had needed to hear had been said.
The woman sitting across from her bore only a physical resemblance to the mother she remembered. Her personality, her demeanour, were so different from the woman Sadie had last seen twelve years previously. She knew people changed over the years, but she also knew that the shock of the diagnosis, how significantly it was changing the path her mother had set out for herself this year, had played a huge role in this transformation. Despite the circumstances, it was pretty good to meet this new Christine Williams. She was a woman Sadie hoped she could talk to, be honest with. She was a woman Sadie wanted to know more about.
And yet, they had so little time.
CHAPTER 9
When she saw Sadie pushing through the front door, Holly couldn’t help herself standing just a little taller. She pushed her hair back off her face and beamed widely at the tired-looking woman who stood in front of her.
Their eyes met, and Holly saw the redness that rimmed Sadie’s.
“Okay?” Holly whispered as Sadie continued to gaze at her.
Sadie nodded. “I…I’m tired. It was…hard, but it was worth it.” Her gaze drifted away slightly and then back again. “I’m sorry, but I’m too tired for our run, I—”
“No, it’s okay, me too. I’m really beat today. If I hadn’t seen you now, I was going to leave you a note saying I couldn’t make it.”
Sadie smiled, a small smile, yet it tugged at something in Holly’s chest.
“Okay, great. I don’t feel so bad now.”
They stared at each other. Holly saw something in Sadie’s eyes she couldn’t quite identify. All she knew was, it made her heart flutter.
“Do you have plans tonight?” she asked suddenly, into the silence.
Sadie shook her head. “I’d like to get a nana nap right now, but other than that, no. What did you have in mind? I have to be honest, as much as I would like your company, I don’t know that I want to go anywhere with lots of people. Could we just maybe get pizza in my room or something?”
Holly smiled widely, unashamedly delighted that Sadie wanted to spend time with her again. “I can do a little better than that, if you like? My parents are out tonight, so I have the house to myself. I make a mean spaghetti carbonara, if you’re interested?”
Sadie grinned. “That sounds like heaven. If you’re sure it’s not too much trouble?”
Holly shook her head, desperately trying to downplay her excitement at having Sadie all to herself. Alone. She immediately chastised herself—Sadie’d had a really long, emotional day. The last thing she’d need would be Holly getting carried away with her attraction for her. Mentally, she slapped herself. Outwardly, she rearranged her features into a friendly smile.
“It’s no trouble. Do you remember where the house is?”
Sadie nodded.
“Okay, so how about seven thirty? Gives us both time to nap—God knows I need one too.”
Sadie grinned again. “Sounds like a plan.” She turned and started to walk towards the annexe, then stopped and looked back with concern written all over her face. “You sure your parents won’t mind me coming over? I mean, your mum…”
Holly shrugged. “I don’t see why they’d have a problem. I have friends over there all the time.” Her eyes widened at the assumption inherent in that last statement, but she was immediately comforted by the pleased look that crossed Sadie’s face.
“All right, then,” Sadie said. “I’ll see you a bit later.”
* * *
Sadie’s head jerked as her alarm went off. She’d been in a deeper sleep than she would have imagined. Although the day had taken its toll, her mind had still been spinning when she’d climbed into bed earlier.
She flicked off the alarm and leaned up on her elbows. The room was not quite dark; it was six thirty and the evening was starting to draw in. She lifted one hand to rub at her tired eyes. They felt sore, and she imagined they wouldn’t look crash hot. She puffed out a breath. Oh well, it wasn’t like she was hitting the town—the only person who had to look at her was Holly, and maybe it wouldn’t be a bad thing if Sadie didn’t look her best.
She knew the attraction between them was strong, and she’d finally realised this afternoon that it was totally reciprocated—Holly may have thought she was hiding it well, but she wasn’t. Sadie chuckled softly to herself. No, Holly wasn’t very good at hiding it at all. It was flattering, and it gave Sadie a warm glow to think that someone as gorgeous as Holly was interested her. But, Holly was too young, too seemingly innocent, and the whole situation was too…temporary. Sadie just couldn’t bring herself to pursue it. Having someone to talk to this week, to just hang out with, seemed far more satisfying, somehow. It was also, she admitted to herself, safer.
She reached for her phone and saw the text message from Nicole she’d yet to reply to. She had thought about calling Nic when she’d left her mum’s place. She’d ridden up to Mt Buninyong, but the peace and quiet she’d found up at the top—there were surprisingly few people around—had resulted in her just enjoying the solitude and time with her thoughts. She still had a lot of processing to do of everything she had shared with her mother.
She swiped through to Nic’s number.
“Hey!” Nicole’s tone carried a mixture of relief and pleasure at hearing Sadie’s voice. “How’s it going?”
“It’s okay. There’s… Well, I’ve got a bit to tell you, if you have time?”
“Go for it,” Nic said, and Sadie could hear her whisper to someone, presumably Tash, and then the sound of a door closing. “I’m all yours, as long as you need.”
“Thanks.” She hesitated, not sure where to start.
“So, you made it inside the house, I take it. And you talked. Was it difficult?”
Nicole’s peppering of questions made her smile. She exhaled as she composed what she wanted to say. “Yeah, it was, but kind of not, at the same time. It was good, mostly. She’s changed so much. The diagnosis has changed her, she admitted that herself, but it seems like she’s been waking up to a lot of stuff the last couple of years anyway.”
She filled Nic in on the details of the emotional morning.
“And then she flat-out apologised for everything.”
“Holy shit,” Nic breathed. “I’d hoped that’s what would happen, but I never really imagined it.”
“Nor me. It… God, it really threw me. I’d gone there expecting to have to get into a big fight. And, I mean, there were harsh words, from both of us, but it was all right. They were things that needed to be said. I apologised to her, too. For being such an idiot all those years. It felt…right, you know? Good to admit that I could have done better too. Then we—” her voice broke as the remembered emotions flooded through her again, “—just ended up hugging and crying and talking so much.”
Sadie heard a small sound and realised Nic was crying softly on the other end of the line.
“Oh, hey. Don’t cry. Please.”
There was a loud sniff. “Shit, I’m sorry. But God, I’m just so glad! So glad you have the chance to reconcile with her, but even more, so fucking glad she’s accepted how wrongly she treated you. It’s eaten me up all these years, how your own mother could do that to you. Did she explain why?”
“Yeah, kind of. I’ll be honest, as much as it’s good she’s apologised, and I’m glad about that too, the explanation of it all still hurts. She says she was all wrapped up in trying to be the kind of wife a mayor would have, rather than being a mother. That still cuts deep, even though she says she’s not that person now.”
“Yeah, well, it would, wouldn’t it? But, if she’s willing to talk about it and get some kind of relationship and understanding with you now, before she dies, that’s a good thing, yeah?”
“It is.” Sadie paused, sifting through her emotions. “I guess I’m still raw from it. It isn’t all fixed in one day. She seems to have a bit of a problem with me being gay. But, yeah, it does help that she clearly wants to have something more like a real mother-daughter relationship with me before she…goes. Hopefully we’ll work through stuff. Hopefully she doesn’t turn out to be a raging homophobe.”
Nic sighed. “Let’s hope. So what else have you done with yourself since you’ve been there?” Nic diverted the conversation in a way that made Sadie realise her friend knew she didn’t want to talk about her mum anymore.
Sadie blushed and inwardly groaned. She couldn’t not tell Nicole about Holly, but she braced herself for the comebacks.
“Well, I’ve kind of made a new friend.”
“Friend?” Nicole’s voice was laced with sarcasm. “I’m guessing this friend is female and gorgeous. Shit, you don’t waste any time, do you?”
“Oh, ha. Look, it’s not like that.” Sadie laughed as Nicole snorted. “Okay, maybe a little bit like that.” At this, Nicole laughed out loud. “Okay, shut up! Look, her name’s Holly. She works on reception here—her parents own the hotel in fact. We just…connected, really quickly. We went for a run together after I arrived yesterday, then had tea and a couple of beers. And tonight she’s cooking for me.”
Nicole was giggling. “And how soon before you get into her pants?”
“No! Listen, it’s not like that. Yes, she’s gorgeous, and yes we are obviously both attracted to each other. But Nic, she’s only twenty-two, I’m guessing fresh out of the closet. I’m not sure she’s even been with a woman before, and I just…I just can’t face adding any more stress to the week.”
“Who says it would be stressful?” Nicole asked. “Can’t you just enjoy being with her? When’s the last time you had sex anyway—months now, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, it is, but it’s not like I can’t live without it. What do you think I am?” Sadie couldn’t hide the hurt in her voice.
“Hey, hey, I didn’t mean it to sound like I thought you were some sex-starved loser! Or that that was all you needed to make you happy. I just thought, I don’t know, that maybe something like that would help this week—switch your brain off, switch your emotions off, and just, you know, be physical.”
Sadie knew the idea had some appeal, but somehow, thinking of Holly as just something physical didn’t sit right.
“Yeah, I know what you mean. But not with this girl.”
“Oh,” Nicole said. And then, after a moment, “Ohhh. Okay, I get it.”
“What does that mean?”
“You like her, don’t you?”
Sadie felt herself blush again. “Yeah, I do. So I’m not going there, not when I’m only here temporarily.”
“Okay, I get it. Sorry I pushed.”
“No, it’s okay. My fault, I should have maybe explained a bit more.”
“Okay. But don’t go getting your heart into any trouble now.”
“I won’t. That’s why I’m keeping it just friendly. I can’t risk anything else.”
* * *
Sadie still felt a little jaded when she rang the doorbell to the O’Brien home just before seven thirty. The end of her conversation with Nicole was still ringing in her ears. Surely the sensible thing would have been to cancel this evening? If she was serious about keeping Holly at arms’ length, keeping it only friendly, then having dinner alone with her at her house was probably the stupidest thing Sadie could be doing. Especially when her emotional defences were so weakened from the events of the day. But, at the same time, the last thing she wanted was to be on her own with her thoughts.
Holly smiled warmly when she opened the door, and Sadie felt it all the way down to her toes. Friends, she reminded herself, just friends.
She stepped into the house at Holly’s invitation and let herself be led on a quick tour, not really taking in anything that she was seeing. Her senses were overwhelmed by the sensual perfume Holly wore, and the snug-fitting jeans that showed off a deliciously curvy ass and firm thighs. Holly had her glasses pushed up into her hair again, a look that Sadie found mystifyingly sexy. The short-sleeved top she wore skimmed her shoulders, and that collarbone looked so open to being kissed… Sadie mentally pulled herself up.
Stop. Now.
They ended up in the spacious kitchen, where a pan of pasta was simmering on the back of the stove, and an enticing aroma drifted from a smaller pan at the front.
“Smells fantastic!” Sadie enthused, taking position on a stool Holly gestured to at the breakfast bar.
“Thanks.” A hint of a blush pinked Holly’s cheeks. She pulled her glasses down onto her nose and turned to stir the sauce, asking over her shoulder, “So, do you feel rested from your nap?”
Sadie shrugged. “Some, I guess. Sometimes sleeping in the day makes it worse. I wake feeling all fuzzy in my head, you know?”
Holly giggled, an adorable sound. “Yeah, I know what you mean. Mine was good, though, I feel pretty awake now.”
Sadie grunted. “Not sure I can say the same.”
“Well, you don’t have to stay long tonight, if you don’t want to. I’ll understand.” Holly had turned around to face her, and her expression was sincere.
Sadie nodded. “Thanks. Let’s see how I feel after eating. It’s been a long few days, and I’m not sure I’ll be that good company tonight anyway.”
“I’ll be the judge of that,” Holly said quietly. She was staring intently at Sadie over the top of her glasses, her eyebrows pulled together in a small frown that seemed to dare Sadie to contradict her.
Sadie gazed at her, wondering again why she was putting this temptation in her path. Holly was so…lovely. Just all-round loveliness. Without a doubt, the most put-together woman Sadie had spent any time with in a very long while. The urge to reach over and pull Holly into her arms, to experience what that body would feel like next to hers, was almost overwhelming.
