I Know What You're Doing: The Whole Story, page 14
“I’ve got some coke to help the party along. You up for it?”
“No way,” I replied. “Not my thing.”
“Okay, but I’m having some anyway,” he stated. “Sometimes my dick doesn’t do what I want it to, but with this...” He tapped his pocket. “I’ll be solid and ready to party all night.”
I’d never been comfortable with drugs of any form, but I couldn’t take the moral high ground and nodded my agreement. Whatever he did, I’d get what I wanted. “Sounds good to me.”
“You’re in for a good fucking, mate.”
Suddenly, whatever sense I had left crept gingerly into my thoughts and I wasn’t sure if I was doing the right thing.
The buzz of excitement I initially felt was fading fast.
He lay back on the bed. “You gonna suck my dick then?”
I wanted to say no. I actually wanted him to leave, but decided I’d make him cum quick and then hopefully, he’d feel guilty, then make his excuses and go. Looking at him now, he repulsed me—his arrogance and the sneery expression on his face turned me off.
“Yeah,” I said, kneeling, pulling his trousers down, and grabbing his semi-hard cock in my hand. I hesitated for a moment, then wrapped my mouth round it.
“Don’t worry, it gets much bigger than that,” he said, laughing, and at that moment, I wanted to sink my teeth into it. He wouldn’t be laughing then. Stupid arrogant prick.
He was right though. It did get much bigger. A lot bigger in fact. As I felt it grow in my mouth, my doubts vanished, and I felt my own cock bulging.
“Can I fuck you too?” I asked.
“Nah,” he replied, “But, I’m up for banging you still.”
“Do it now,” I said, desperate to feel him inside me.
He didn’t argue and got off the bed, kicking his tracksuit bottoms off.
“You want it rough?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I replied.
I got on all fours and he smacked my arse—hard.
“Do you like that?” he asked, his cocky tone annoyed me.
“Yeah,” I replied again.
“All married men are the same,” he said, and I picked up the hint of judgement in his voice, despite the fact he had a girlfriend himself.
“Just fuck me.” I wanted him to just shut up and use me. I didn’t want any conversation with him.
“You got jonnies?” he asked.
“No, thought you were bringing them.” Suddenly, I was cautious.
“Don’t matter anyway, bareback is fine.”
And I froze. Turning, I sat on the bed, the blood rushing out of my dick.
“No chance,” I said. “I’m not risking it.”
“I’m clean,” he replied. “And I won’t spunk inside you.”
Like that mattered. Hadn’t this idiot ever heard of pre-cum?
“Sorry, I’m not into that.”
“Come off it mate, I came here for a fuck and now you’re not into it.”
“You better go,” I said. “I’m not doing bareback.”
“Fine, but I’m not going until I blow my load,” he said.
I could tell by his face, he wasn’t going to leave until he got what he came for. I didn’t want to do it, but it looked as though I didn’t have much choice. I’d got myself into this situation, so I had to get myself out of it as quickly and easily as possible.
“I’ll suck you off till you cum,” I suggested, hopeful he’d taken me up on my offer.
“It’s okay. I’ll finish myself off. Lie back and open your mouth.”
In my heart, I didn’t want any of this, and tried for this one last vestige of control. I was nervous, wondering if he would be happy wanking off over me and then go without making a fuss, or if I’d be forced to throw him out and call security? Don’t get me wrong, I’m no wimp and can certainly handle myself in a fight, but I didn’t want or need the drama. I’d have to give him what he wanted, and learn a lesson from it.
But, I had a nagging doubt that wouldn’t be silenced.
Don’t do it, I kept saying to myself. I couldn’t shake that voice in my head. This would hammer the final nail into my coffin. Yes, I knew my marriage was dead, but I didn’t want to bury it any faster than necessary.
If this guy was practicing unsafe sex, I didn’t want his bodily fluids anywhere near me. I know how hypocritical I was even thinking that way as I had unprotected sex with Chad, but in my muddled mind, I knew him, and that was okay, right? But, no, it wasn’t right—not under any circumstances.
“I’m sorry,” I said, “I know I’ve wasted your time, but I want you to go.”
He was openly hostile. “I fucked off a regular shag to meet you,” he snarled. “What is it—worried your wife will find out you’re a dirty faggot?”
“Get out,” I replied, angry, “Or I’ll throw you through the fucking window.” I was off the bed in a heartbeat. I wanted to smash him in the mouth and let him go home and explain that to his girlfriend.
“Go for it.” He laughed in my face, and I wasn’t expecting it, but he shoved me and sent me flying backward over the corner of the bed. I landed with a thud, winded, terrified somebody on the floor below would hear and come up to query the noise. I tried to get up, but a brutal kick to the ribs on my right-hand side forced the breath from my body. I gasped at the shooting pain as he kicked me again, in the same spot as seconds earlier. I felt my ribs crack. Then, without warning, he stamped on my leg and I screamed out in white-hot agony.
He knelt at my side grabbed my hair, and spat in my face. I was in too much pain to do anything about it.
“Not the big man anymore, are ya?” he said, a hint of pride in his voice. “Queer little bastard.”
“Just go,” I stammered, in agony. “Not until I get what I came for,” he spat.
And that’s what he did. He took what he came for—taking any choice I had away from me.
He groaned—his last thrust inside me took a part of my soul I’ll never get back, but it was a turning point for me.
He didn’t speak another word, climbed to his feet, wiped his cock on a towel from the bathroom, got dressed and walked out, slamming the door behind him.
I rushed into the toilet and vomited fiery yellow bile into the bowl. Then the floor rushed up to meet me.
Chapter Eleven
I brought my legs up to my chest and cried like a baby. No matter how many times I tried to pull myself together, the tears still fell, and I could do little to stop them.
I’ve never experienced anything like it.
The physical pain was indescribable. Every part of me hurt, and for the first time in my life, I realised what grief stricken felt like. I was grieving for what I’d lost and what had been taken from me.
Mentally, I was hanging by a very thin thread.
I sat and rocked, trying to stop my mind from whirling like a merry go round. I didn’t feel safe.
Images of Macy and Naya flashed through my mind. What would they do without me, and what would they think of me when they were older?
At that moment, I knew I’d survive to see them grow, and in a split second, my survival instincts kicked in. There was no way this was how it was going to end for me.
I picked up the phone and called the only person that would be able to help me.
“Hello,” I said, as the phone clicked on the other end.
“Zane, is that you?” Chad asked.
“Help me, please.”
I heard the concern in his voice. “What’s happened?”
“I need you,” I sobbed. “I’m at the hotel.”
“I know where you are, I’ve spoken to Jenna.”
I did register what he was saying, but it didn’t matter there and then. I needed him to help me.
“I’ll tell Reception to let you through.”
“I’m on my way – just stay there. Fifteen minutes at most.”
*
“Yes, let him up,” I said, placing the receiver down. I lay back down on the bed, clutching my side, my head pounding, my leg throbbing.
A few minutes later, he strode into the room, a look of horror on his face.
I watched as his eye was drawn to the patch of blood on the cream coloured carpet. I’d tried to clean it up before he got here, but any slight movement sent pain soaring through my body.
The colour drained from his face. “My God, Zane, what’s going on?” He rushed toward me and knelt on the bed.
I couldn’t hold the tears back, collapsed into his arms and told him everything.
He cried as he held me. “This is all my fault.”
I didn’t want him to blame himself—that wasn’t what the call was about. He was the only person who could help me put my life back together.
“It’s not your fault, Chad.”
*
An hour later, I was lying in a warm bath, the knots in my body unravelling.
Chad had rushed out to the local pharmacy for painkillers. The pills had taken the edge off long enough to help me get in the bath, but I was dreading getting out.
My leg was badly bruised, but my ribs were killing me. I knew I had no choice—I needed to go and get checked out at the hospital and agreed that Chad could take me, on the proviso, nothing but the kick to the ribs and my leg was mentioned.
Reluctantly, he agreed, but he had his own condition.
“Tell Jenna everything, or I will.”
“Are you crazy?” I asked. “I can’t tell her about this.”
“Tell her, or I do – that’s your choice.”
“Since when were you two best friends?”
“We’re not, but she didn’t deserve any of this. She needs the full truth for once.”
“No, she doesn’t.”
“You’ve been raped, Zane.” He flinched. “He could’ve given you anything.”
I could see how hurt he was—the rape had crushed him, but I knew him well enough to know he was quietly seething because I’d been intimate with other men.
“I’m not telling her, end of.”
“Then I will.”
He was absolute, and I knew he meant it.
*
At the hospital, Chad kept his promise.
Three broken ribs and a bruised leg later, I hobbled out of the Accident and Emergency Department. I would have to rest the ribs, but the leg would be fine.
I told the Nurses I didn’t want to make a police report, and I knew it had taken Chad everything to keep his mouth shut, but he did, and I was thankful for it.
“You’re coming to stay at mine until you’re a bit more mobile,” he said.
“I’m not,” I replied. “What will Jenna think?”
“She’ll be pleased your safe. And besides, are you going to go back there in this state?”
“Okay.” I couldn’t be bothered arguing with him there and then, and agreed, but only until I felt better, then I’d have to start looking for an apartment – hotel living wasn’t for me.
“And you need to decide when you’re going to tell her, then think about getting tested,”
I could feel the anger building within me. “Don’t tell me what to do, Chad.”
“Tell her, or I will.”
*
Later that night, I sat in Chad’s living room. It felt strange knowing Jenna had been here too. God, I missed her so much.
Despite telling him I wasn’t hungry, Chad was cooking in the kitchen. I had to admit, whatever it was certainly smelt better than the take away food I’d become accustomed to.
Feeling a surge of courage, I picked up Chad’s phone and dialled Jenna.
She answered straight away. “Hello. Is everything okay?”
“Jen, it’s me,” I replied, hearing the tiny gasp when she realised I was calling her from Chad’s phone.
“So, you two are together?”
“It’s not what you think.” I didn’t want her to jump to conclusions, but I would think the same in her position.
“Then tell me what it is,” she said, unmistakable anger in her tone.
“I need to talk to you.”
“You know where I live, so why are you taking the cowards way out? If you’re together, at least have the balls to...”
“I told you,” interrupting her, trying not to lose my temper with her. “It’s not like that – I’ve hurt myself so can’t...”
“Oh, my God.” Her voice raised several octaves. “What have you done?”
“Look, can you come over, so we can speak? I can’t drive right now.”
“When?”
“Now?”
“I’ll have to drop the girls at my parents.”
“Okay.”
“Does Chad know I’m coming?”
“He’s fine with it—in fact, I’m only telling you because he will if I don’t.”
“I’ll be there soon.”
She ended the call, and I realised Chad had been standing at the door listening to our conversation.
He put the tray of food on my lap, prawns with goats cheese on a bed of rocket with a dressing that smelt heavenly. “You’re doing the right thing, and when she gets here, I’ll make myself scarce.”
I raised my eyebrow, unsure, then tucked into the food.
Chapter Twelve
I drove the girls to my parents. They were excited to be seeing Nana and Grandpa again.
Usually, I’d use my key, but I didn’t want to go in—preferring to avoid the questions I knew would inevitably come.
My mother answered the door, her eyes narrowed and focused on me.
“Would you and Daddy mind looking after the girls overnight? Something’s come up with work.”
I was ready to make my escape.
“Yes, of course, but before you run off, I want to know what’s really going on, and don’t tell me Zane is working away because I know when you’re lying.”
“Bye, Mummy.” The girls zoomed inside, shouting for their Grandpa.
I was alone with my mother. This was what I’d been dreading.
“Nothing’s going on.” I looked into her eyes and knew she didn’t believe me.
“Jenna, don’t lie to me, or you can take the girls back with you.”
“I can’t tell you now, but I will, I promise.”
“No, Jenna, I want to know now. The girls are starting to notice whatever’s going on.”
I was floored by the comment. I thought I’d done everything to keep them away from the trouble between me and Zane. “What have they said?”
“That they haven’t spoken to Zane, and that you’ve been crying. As little as they are, they’re not stupid, now I want the truth.”
“Zane’s moved out.”
She scrutinized me—that look I always hated, like her eyes were boring into my soul. “Why?”
“Look, can we talk about this tomorrow?”
“No. You either talk to me about it now, or explain it to your father.”
“Don’t tell me Daddy knows too.”
She looked at me, her eyebrows raised. “Of course he knows, Jenna, but I told him I’d talk to you first.”
“We’ve just not been getting on. He devotes so much time to that bloody job of his and sometimes I think me and the girls come way down on his list of priorities.”
“Are you sure that’s all it is? He hasn’t been messing about, has he?”
“For Christ’s sake, Mama, no. You know him as well as I do, he isn’t that type of person. You wanted me to tell you the truth and now I have, you don’t believe me. I really wish you wouldn’t stick your nose into my business.”
I knew I’d pushed the wrong buttons. Her expression was poker straight.
“Don’t you dare speak to me like that, Jenna. You might be an adult, but it doesn’t give you the right to disrespect me. Do you hear me?”
I felt ashamed. I never argued with my parents.
“I’m sorry, Mama, but it’s the first time I’ve spoken about it. I miss him.”
She pulled me into a hug. “Oh, my gorgeous girl, I didn’t want to make you cry, but it was tearing me apart knowing you were going through something and you’d hidden it from me.” She kissed me on the forehead and held my face in her hands. Using her thumbs, she wiped away my tears.
“I’m sorry.”
“I love you, Jenna, and so does your father, and we’re here for you whenever you want to talk to us. And you know, it’s always a pleasure to spend time with our granddaughters so anytime you need us, you just call.”
“Thank you, Mama.” I smiled through my heartbreak. “I should go. I’m meeting Zane to talk.”
“Can you fix whatever is wrong?”
I didn’t like the way she used the word whatever, but she wouldn’t overstep again, I knew that. She wasn’t stupid.
“I hope so. He’s the love of my life, you know that.”
“Yes, I do.” She offered me a warm smile and kissed me on the tip of my nose. “And he’s lucky to have you and those beautiful girls in there.”
“I need to go,” I said.
“Okay, sweetheart, but you remember this.”
I looked into her eyes.
“What?”
“No matter how old you are, you’re my little girl, and I’ll protect you with my dying breath, and if...” She paused. “your husband doesn’t value what he has, then it’s his loss. He’s lucky his phone went through to voicemail earlier, or I’d have told him so myself.”
“You called him?”
“Just to say hello. I haven’t spoken to him in a while.”
“Don’t interfere, Mama—I mean it.”
“Okay, darling,” she said, but I knew that look. I’d seen her ‘don’t mess with me’ look a thousand times growing up. “But, the minute I find out he isn’t giving you the respect you deserve, I’ll kick his arse to hell and back, and you can tell him I said that.”
I left the conversation there.
“I’ll call to say goodnight to the girls.”
She closed the door and I jumped into my car—nervous about what lay ahead.
Chapter Thirteen
Although I hadn’t felt hungry, I finished the food Chad had prepared for me.
Drumming my fingers on the sofa, Chad shot me a glance.
