I Know What You're Doing: The Whole Story, page 12
Then the faces of my girls jumped into my mind.
I could never do that to them. I wanted to face up to the hurt I’d caused, but didn’t know how.
Chapter Two
What was I going to do with myself? Without the routine I was so used to—work, kids, wife, dinner, parents, gym and Chad, I didn’t know which way to turn anymore.
I couldn’t face my parents, my in-laws, or anybody we knew in common. I didn’t know what Jenna had told them, if anything.
And there was no way I could face Chad. I’d broken his heart and the look on his face when I rejected him would stay with me forever—how could I have been so cruel?
But, what choice did I have?
Then there was Jenna. I’d stamped all over my vows and walked away from my marriage. But, she told me to leave—I just gave her what she wanted.
I was a single man and had to figure a way forward.
It was harder than I realised it would be. Yes, there are times in any relationship when we crave what was, wishing to be carefree again, without responsibility, but when you get what you want, if only for a short time, the grass is certainly not greener on the other side.
Now, I had to think of my children. My daughters meant the world to me, and they shouldn’t have to suffer for my reprehensible behaviour. They were too young to understand what I’d done.
I felt immense sadness when I thought of them. How would they ever forgive me making them grow up in a single parent family?
*
The days passed by in a haze of Scotch and take-away, and my room looked like a whirlwind had gone through it.
I’d checked into the Hilton—the same place Chad and I had last been together.
It was a calculated decision, as was the fact I was staying in the same room. For some strange reason, it brought me comfort and I didn’t feel so alone.
I felt close to Chad and thought back to the last time I’d seen him—he’d screwed me senseless, and I’d give anything for that right now, but I couldn’t pick up the phone and call him, no matter how much I wanted to.
Despite Jenna asking me to leave, I felt like I’d be betraying her all over again, so I wrestled with myself, and the better side of me won.
*
It had been five days since I’d last spoken to Zane, and I broke my resolve not to contact him first. I was worried by the lack of contact, if not for me, but the girls.
My anger over the affair had started to dwindle, and it wasn’t because I didn’t care—I did, and if we sat down to talk about it, I knew the anger would resurface, but throwing away what we had was crazy.
Or maybe I was crazy for even thinking about it.
But, his silence made me mad for a whole host of different reasons.
“Answer the damn phone,” I said, as the voicemail clicked on again.
Hello, you’re through to Zane Michaelson, please leave a message after the tone... was as far as I got before ending the call and slamming my phone down on the kitchen countertop.
I wasn’t going to give up.
I still had questions, but weighing heavily upon me was the fact Zane might have left me and gone straight to Chad.
Just then, my phone rang. I swiped it from the counter, barely hoping, but it was only my mother in law—the last person I wanted to talk to right now.
“Hello,” I answered, plastering on a smile, scared she would notice a change in my voice.
“Hello, sweetheart,” she said, her cheery voice annoying me. “I’ve been trying to get hold of Zane for a few days, but he isn’t picking up. There’s nothing wrong, is there?”
“No, he’s gone away on business for a couple of weeks, and the daft sod left his phone here by mistake.”
“Oh, what’s he like? I was worried.”
“I’m in contact with him, but only via messenger,” I lied.
“Well, you know I’m hopeless with technology, so ask him to call me when he’s home. I want to have you all over for dinner—it’s been ages.”
“That sounds nice,” I lied again. I got on well with my mother in law, but she was like a bloodhound – one whiff of something off and she would be all over me and I didn’t want her to know anything. Zane was her pride and joy, and she would go into battle for him without hesitation, whether he was right, or wrong. “I’ll tell him.”
“Okay, love—must dash, we’re off to see friends. See you all soon. Give my girls a huge kiss from Nana.” Then she was gone.
I sighed. I needed to get hold of Zane and talk to him about the girls and what we were going to tell people when all was said and done.
Dialling his number again, I screamed in frustration as the voicemail clicked straight in.
This time, I waited for the beep, and let him have it—the full force of my rage.
“Zane, you’re a selfish arsehole and don’t deserve to have children who miss you.” I didn’t want to cry. “And if you don’t call me back, I’m going to go to the police and report you as missing. I’ll have no choice but to tell them everything, and let’s see how fast the news spreads then.”
I ended the call.
Chapter Three
I listened to the voicemail message and cringed, moving the phone away from my ear as Jenna bellowed. When she was angry, her accent was more pronounced.
I missed her so much.
It was shame that kept me from speaking to either Jenna, or Chad.
I’d broken two hearts and had no idea how to mend either one—shit, I couldn’t even mend my own. But, I had a responsibility to Jenna, not to mention my children.
I knew Jenna would forgive my appalling behaviour to a point, but not where the children were concerned. Shaking, I picked up the phone next to my bed and dialled Jenna’s mobile phone.
She picked up after two rings.
“Hello,” she said.
“It’s me,” I mumbled, the feeling of shame a million times worse than it was minutes before.
She started to cry. “Where are you?”
“In a hotel,” I answered, monotone.
For some reason, hearing her voice riled me. I felt my hackles rise.
“I’ve been worried sick,” she added. “And the girls have been asking for you. What am I going to tell them?”
“Tell them the truth—you threw me out. I don’t care.”
“You don’t get to play the fucking victim here, Zane,” she yelled, through her sobs.
“I wasn’t,” I replied. I couldn’t be bothered arguing with her. “You told me to leave, or did I imagine that part?”
“I told people you were working away for a few weeks, but the girls miss you. I miss you.”
She was trying to hold herself together—I could hear it in her voice.
Still, I didn’t know how to answer her.
“Are you there?” she asked.
“I’m here.”
“Then why don’t you talk to me?”
“What’s left to say?”
“Have you seen Chad?”
“Is that why you wanted to speak to me?”
“Wouldn’t you want to know if the shoe was on the other foot?”
“I wouldn’t care, if I’m honest.”
“I want to know if you walked out on our marriage and jumped straight into bed with him?”
“You know me better than that, Jen.” Immediately, I regretted my comment as I knew she would latch on and throw it back in my face.
“I didn’t ever think I’d find you in the woods getting fucked with people watching.”
And there it was, the anger, still there. She didn’t even try to hide it. The wounds I’d inflicted were still wide open.
“I’m sorry,” I said, breaking down. “I never wanted to hurt any of you.”
“I know you didn’t, but you did, and I have to take my share of the blame too. I’ve been sitting here playing it through my mind. If only I’d told you when I found out, we wouldn’t be here now.”
“Jenna, I want a divorce.”
I was surprised to hear myself say it – it hadn’t even crossed my mind before that moment, but our marriage could never be repaired, I firmly believed that, and she deserved somebody better.
“What?” I heard her panicked voice as I disconnected the call and switched my phone off.
I dropped the phone to the floor, and cried.
Chapter Four
I was restless and couldn’t sit in my hotel room any longer, and after grabbing the half empty bottle of scotch from the bedside cabinet, I staggered out of the hotel and sat in my car, debating whether I was sober enough to drive.
I wasn’t, and to my shame, I decided to drive anyway.
With no idea where I was heading, I started the car, cranked the music up until I could feel the windows vibrating, and drove out of the car park.
Luck must have been on my side that night as had I been caught driving over the limit, my career would have been over—my reputation in tatters.
But, I wasn’t caught, and before long, as though pulled magnetically, I found myself at Coastal Way once again. I drove down the bumpy, gravel path that led to the car park and pulled up, turning the engine off. I noticed a lot more cars there than last time, and for a few minutes, I sat contemplating my options whilst slugging what was left of the scotch straight from the bottle.
I had grey skinny-fit jeans on, white trainers and a tight red T-shirt. My body looked good, even if the rest of me didn’t. I hadn’t shaved in days and my usual well-groomed stubble was itching my face. I knew I looked a mess, but didn’t give a fuck right at that moment.
I staggered out of my car and wobbled toward the hill that would take me back to the clearing Chad and I had screwed in. Noticing a few people skulking off toward the trees, I was horny and decided to follow them.
I climbed the hill, and in my drunken state, it took me longer than it usually would have done. I was gym fit and took pride in my athleticism, but I was panting like an old, out of shape slob by the time I reached the crest.
Immediately, I spied a young mixed-race lad eyeing me as I pushed some tree branches out of the way. He smiled at me, his eyes twinkling in the moonlight. He had the most amazing jaw line, closely cropped hair, and gleaming white teeth. He was too young for me, but my cock was solid within seconds. I gripped it, wanting him to know I was interested. He looked down to where my hand was and nodded. I wanted to fuck him till he could take no more. I never had problems getting a hard on, no matter how much alcohol I guzzled—in fact, the more I drank, the hornier I became.
“You alright,” I slurred.
“I’m good,” he replied.
“What’s your name, and how old are you?” I asked, not really caring, but I asked anyway.
“My name’s Jackson,” he replied, his gruff northern accent arousing me further. “And I’m old enough,” he replied. “What you up to?”
“Not much, yet,” I slurred. “But I’ll be fucking you in about five minutes.” Even as the words came out of my mouth, I couldn’t believe I was so cocky in my reply.
Jackson offered me a cheeky grin, and I felt my cock strain against my jeans. I appreciated the fact he was good looking, but didn’t fancy him as such. I didn’t fancy any man, apart from Chad. This lad was just a hole. He turned around and walked toward some thick bushes, before disappearing into them. Was I supposed to follow him? I didn’t know the etiquette for cruising, but followed him anyway.
He was waiting for me, and in the moonlight, I could see his cock straining against his grey tracksuit bottoms.
“I wanna fuck you,” I said, sounding almost desperate as I stepped toward him. Immediately, I reached down and grabbed his hard cock, wanting it even more after feeling how thick it was.
I dropped to my knees wanting to get it in my mouth, but he stepped away.
“Fifty quid,” he said.
I looked up. “What?” I asked, unsure if I’d heard him correctly.
“Fifty quid, and you can do whatever you want to me.”
“Fuck that,” I said, angry, struggling to my feet. “I don’t have to pay to screw anyone.”
“Suit yourself, prick,” Jackson replied.
I was angry and wanted to punch the mouthy twat, but I kept my temper and walked away.
I heard him move.
“Don’t follow me,” I called back, struggling down the hill toward the car park. “Or, I’ll rip your dick off and feed it to you.”
Despite my warning, he followed anyway.
“Forty quid then, and my tight hole is yours,” he called after me. “I usually charge much more, but you’re fit, so I’ll do you a better rate—make it a regular thing, if you want?” He smirked at me, knowing exactly what he was doing, and I wondered how many clients he serviced on a weekly basis.
Despite wanting to knock him flat on his arse, his arrogance was a bit of a turn on. I was so tempted, knowing it was an easy fuck, and probably the best offer I’d get that night, the state I was in. My cock was still throbbing. I needed to slam into a tight arse, and knew my huge dick would wipe the smirk off his face. But, if I did it, I was crossing yet another line. Deciding I didn’t care, I walked to my car and opened the driver door, leaned over and grabbed my wallet from the glove box, pulling out fifty pounds. Was I too far gone, or was the defiance, coupled with the self-destructive streak I felt fuelled by the scotch I’d downed? I wanted to fuck, and would give him what he’d wanted at first. If truth be told, I would have paid him ten times more than that, but if he was willing to sell his arse on the cheap, I wasn’t going to leave myself out of pocket.
Chapter Five
I held the money out and watched with a smug grin as he walked closer to me.
“Show me what you got between your legs,” I said, holding the power in my hands.
“Then what?” he asked.
“Then I get to do whatever I want. Simple enough for you?” I could hear how condescending I sounded, but I couldn’t stop myself.
“You’re paying,” he said.
“Yeah, I am. Now get your cock out, or find someone else to rent you.”
I knew the money was too strong a pull, and he did as I told him to. He unbuttoned his jeans, then pulled the zip down, and his thick, chunky, brown cock flopped out. It wasn’t fully hard, but it soon would be.
I beckoned him over, dropped to my knees and opened my mouth. Handing him twenty pounds, he shoved his dick into my mouth, grabbing the back of my head until his cock was pushed to the back of my throat. It was rock hard now and I could feel how veiny it was and could have shot my load there and then.
Enjoying the taste of his dick, I squeezed his big hairless balls until I heard him groan. I could feel the vein in his cock pumping as he lost control and flooded my mouth with his cum.
I gulped it down, pushed him away, and wiped my mouth with my arm.
“You want the rest?” I waved the money in his face.
“Yeah, man,” he said.
“Then bend over the bonnet, dirty cunt,” I said, wanting to treat him like the scumbag he was. “I wanna play with your arse a little.”
“You’re not fucking me without a condom, man.”
“As if I’d put my raw cock anywhere near a slag like you without a rubber. Bend over, and shut the fuck up.”
He shoved his hand in his pocket and pulled out a condom, throwing it my way. “Give me the rest of my money.”
“When I’m done,” I said, opening the condom and rolling it on. It barely fit around my thick, veiny uncut cock.
“Don’t rip me off, man. I need the cash.”
“I said no talking. All I want from you is your hole.” Even as I spoke, I hated how I sounded, but I needed to fuck without any emotion or personal interaction involved. Besides, I was single now, I reasoned.
He reached behind and felt my cock. “Shit, man—you’re gonna need some lube on that, or you’ll tear me in half.”
I didn’t care at that moment, but let him struggle in his pocket again, before he passed me the lube.
I tore it open with my teeth – flavoured lube. Fucking pussy, I thought as I slathered it over my rubbered cock.
“Go easy, I’m tight.” He rested his head on the car bonnet, hands pressed flat and fingers splayed, as I stood behind and pushed my cock into him. “Aaargh,” he shouted, pulling away, but I gripped hold of his shoulders.
“Stay there,” I ordered, and he did as he was told.
“Slowly,” he said. “Your cock’s huge.”
I laughed. “Worth fifty quid?”
He didn’t answer. I gripped his hips, and slowly pulled my cock out before sliding it back in.
His groans told me he was enjoying it, so I went a little faster, gyrating so he could feel all of me inside him.
“Fuck, that feels good,” he moaned.
“You want it harder?”
“Yes, sir,” he moaned. “Ram it up me.”
I loved dominating him, and slammed my cock in him harder feeling my balls slap against him.
I reached round to grab his cock, thinking he’d cum again, I realised it was only pre-cum.
“Do you like that, pussy boy?”
“Yeah, man. I want it harder.”
I pulled my cock out, and turned him around, forcing him back on the car bonnet. I yanked his jeans off, pushing my cock back inside him. He threw his head back and groaned as I owned his arse.
I looked down at him and yes, he was a good-looking lad, but his dark, toned body wasn’t a patch on Chad’s.
I closed my eyes, trying to shake the image of Chad from my mind—I didn’t want to think about him there and then and focused back on Jackson—screwing him harder, slamming my cock in and out of him.
He reached up and wrapped his arms around my neck, trying to pull me in for a kiss, but I pushed him back down.
“No kissing,” I said, bluntly.
He closed his eyes, and his head lolled back, surrendering fully to me. His arse gripped tightly around my cock.
I was getting closer and pulled my cock out, ripping the condom off, throwing it to one side.
“Where’d you want it?” I asked.
