“On my balls,” he replied.

  I didn’t really care where I shot my load, and gave him what he wanted—covering his big balls with my thick white spunk.

  He used my cum to lube his cock and stroked it before spewing his own load over his flat stomach.

  I stepped back, threw the rest of his earnings into the dirt in front of him, pulled my jeans up and jumped into my car, watching as he got himself together, scooping up the rest of the money then rushing off into the darkness.

  I should have felt satisfied, but I was repulsed. I’d treated him like he was nothing—like a whore who didn’t deserve any respect. The least I could have done was to make sure he got home okay. What sort of monster was I turning into?

  I leant out of the car and the contents of my stomach splattered the ground.

  Chapter Six

  I sat on the sofa and brought my legs up to my chest. Rocking back and forth, I didn’t know what I was going to do.

  Zane told me two days ago he wanted a divorce.

  But, since then I’d heard nothing.

  He hadn’t been into the office, and by the time I remembered the app I’d put on his phone, it wouldn’t connect, and I still had no clue as to his whereabouts.

  I couldn’t call the police. I didn’t need them asking questions.

  I just had to hope he would call me sooner, rather than later, once he’d thought everything over.

  Why the hell did I ask him to leave?

  If he hadn’t confronted me at that moment, I doubt things would have turned out the way they had.

  I had to speak to him and there was only one person I could turn to.

  Chad.

  He was the last person I wanted to speak to, but Zane wasn’t just my husband, he was my best friend and the father of our children. Despite everything, a part of me was hopeful we could start again and be happy like we used to be.

  I don’t know if it was the way I’d been raised, or if it was my Scandinavian temperament, but I never tended to over-react about things life threw my way, well not until I’d thought things through first. If they warranted an explosion – I was more than capable of delivering.

  Zane was the love of my life, and I didn’t want to be without him. Sex was just sex at the end of the day, and I wasn’t exactly the innocent party here. I had to admit my own jealousy had forced my hand, and if I hadn’t heard Chad tell Zane he was in love with him, I doubted I would ever have blown our world apart the way I had. I protected my family, that was all, and I was terrified Zane would reciprocate the love Chad felt, but if I had thought things through properly, I knew Zane loved me and the girls more than anything.

  I felt terrible, but I couldn’t change the past. I just had to find a way to move on, if not for my sake, then for the girls.

  Chapter Seven

  I knocked on the door, terrified—not sure what reaction I’d receive. The last time I’d intruded here, I tore a marriage apart.

  Hearing footsteps approach the door, I began to tremble, I was so scared.

  Chad opened the door, looking more dishevelled, but no less handsome than last time I saw him. Immediately, I felt guilty.

  “What do you want? My wife’s already left so there’s no more damage you can do.”

  “I’m sorry, I should never have involved her.”

  “Cut the bullshit. What are you doing here, Jenna? You won, so if you’ve come to rub my nose in it, don’t bother.”

  “I wanted to know if you’d seen Zane?”

  He laughed. “You’re kidding me, right?”

  “Do you think it was easy for me to come here and ask you, of all people, ‘cos I can tell you, it wasn’t, but I care more for my husband than my own pride, so have you seen him?”

  He stood aside. “You’d better come in.”

  I entered the house, and without invitation, walked into the same room I’d blurted everything to his wife in not that long ago. I sat down, and he took the seat opposite me.

  “Do you want a drink?”

  “I just want to know if you’ve seen him?”

  “No,” he said, sadly. “I haven’t seen him since he chose you.”

  “He didn’t choose me,” I spat. “I was always his, and he was always mine. You were just a...”

  “A what?” he asked.

  “I don’t know—a distraction, maybe.”

  I felt horrible as tears filled his eyes.

  “I’m sorry, Chad. I shouldn’t have said that.”

  “I don’t know what I am to him, but if we’re being honest here, to me, he’s everything—my best friend, and my lover.”

  The words stung, but I couldn’t argue with him. He was right. “I need to know where he is. I’m so worried.”

  “He’ll come back when he feels ready. I know that much about him. I’m not your biggest fan, Jenna, but neither of us bothered to think about why we’re in this situation. Zane isn’t malicious, and wouldn’t hurt anybody purposely, we both know that.”

  I put my head down. “You brought him back to me. I knew he was going through some sort of crisis, but I believed it’d pass, then I found out about you, and like nothing had happened, he was my Zane again, so I turned a blind eye to the sex and got on with our life together.”

  “But you didn’t think I’d fall in love with him, did you?”

  “No, and I told him if he loved you, I would let him go.”

  “You really love him that much?” Chad asked. “Enough to let him go if it made him happier.”

  “From the day I met him, there’s never been anybody else I wanted to grow old with. So yes, I love him that much and if he was happier with you, I’d let him go.”

  “But, he told you he didn’t love me, right?”

  “No, he didn’t say that.” Despite my life turning to shit, I didn’t want to hurt him anymore. I could see the pain he was in—deep in his eyes. “He told me he loved you, but he wanted to stay with us, his family. I’d be a fool to think he didn’t love you, of course he does, even I can see that—but you had your chance years ago.”

  “I never should have got involved with him again. I knew he was married and kept track of him all these years, never brave enough to contact him, so when he messaged me, everything seemed to fall into place.”

  “Why did you get involved?”

  “I walked away from him after college, too scared to admit how much I loved him—too scared of what my parents would think, and of losing my inheritance, so I left, but I never forgot him. Even on my wedding day, it was him I wanted to be stood next to, not Melissa.”

  “Have you spoken to her?” I shouldn’t be asking, but couldn’t stop myself. I felt so responsible.

  “She’d divorcing me—irreconcilable difference.”

  “Oh?” I was surprised. She would have him bang to rights for adultery.

  “Yeah, it surprised me too. Even after what I did to her, she’s still protecting me.”

  “I think you’ll find she’s trying to save her own embarrassment, rather than helping you stay in the closet.” I knew I shouldn’t have said it, but I couldn’t help myself.

  “Maybe,” was his only reply.

  I changed the subject. Sitting there suddenly felt weird and I didn’t want to be having warm and cosy chats with this man. I didn’t want to care about him. “Any idea where he could be?”

  “No, but I’ll find him, and make sure he’s okay, at least.”

  I stood up and looked at him. “I don’t hate you, Chad, I need you to know, and that probably shocks you as much as it does me. Under different circumstances, I’d have welcomed you into my home and family, but I have to do what’s right for me and our children.”

  He stood up too. “For what it’s worth, Jenna, I’m sorry.”

  Hearing him apologise affected me in a way I didn’t understand. It wasn’t enough to cover the damage he’d done, but it was more than I was ever expecting to hear from him.

  I don’t know what came over to me, but I walked around the table and hugged him. For a moment, he stood there, arms by his sides, then slowly, he returned the embrace. That few moments, we were united in our love for the same man.

  I pulled back, feeling I’d overstepped whatever boundaries I had. “If you hear from him, tell him to call me, please.”

  I rushed out of the house.

  Chapter Eight

  I opened my eyes, and thanked God, the curtains were drawn, and no natural light crept into the room. My mouth was as dry as a nun’s crotch and my head pounded like a jackhammer had taken up residence inside my skull.

  Leaning across, I grabbed a bottle of water from the bedside cabinet. The sudden movement made my head spin.

  Forcing myself up, I slugged back the water, draining the bottle. I needed more, and swung my legs slowly over the side of the bed, before standing and almost tripping on my trainers.

  I kicked them across the room then noticed the mud all over them. Where did the mud come from?

  I didn’t remember much from the night before, but once the fog lifted, the memories crept back to me, and any shame I felt was still there, but magnified a thousand-fold.

  Slumping back onto the bed, I rested my head in my hands and cried like a child. Loud, ugly sobs escaped me.

  How could I have done that? Treating Jackson the way I had? I was a disgrace, and had fallen further than I ever thought possible.

  “Fifty quid,” I said, remembering how much I’d paid him to bend over for me. I was appalled with myself, plus I’d driven whilst over the limit. What if I’d hit somebody, or been stopped by the police. Not forgetting the fact I’d fucked somebody in an open car park, like it was the most acceptable practice in the world.

  I just wanted to go back to bed and forget everything, but I had to shower and get out of this room. I’d only just woken but felt like I had cabin fever already.

  *

  I stood under the steaming jets, washing the night before away.

  A momentary panic about whether I’d used protection hit me, but then I remembered pulling the condom off and dropping it. I scrubbed myself clean with the abrasive side of the sponge. By the time I’d finished the water stung my skin, but I couldn’t stand the thought I’d been intimate with somebody else—well, intimate is pushing it.

  Chapter Nine

  My phone rang.

  I answered, wondering who the withheld caller was.

  “Hello, Jenna Michaelson speaking.”

  “I know where he is,” Chad said.

  I hadn’t expected to hear from him.

  “Where?”

  “The Hilton, near Deansgate,” he replied.

  “How do you know? Have you seen him?” I asked.

  “No, I haven’t seen him,” he snapped. “But I drove past earlier, and his car was parked up. I called the hotel, and they confirmed what room he was in.”

  “I don’t know what to do.” Why was I even admitting this to him?

  “That’s between the two of you, now I gotta go.”

  “Chad,” I said, quickly before he hung up.

  “Yeah?”

  “Thank you.”

  He ended the call.

  *

  An hour later, I was stood in the hotel’s reception, arguing with the receptionist.

  “I know my husband is staying here, his car is parked just out there. Now, are you going to buzz me through, or do I have to stand here and shout?”

  “I’ll call Mr Michaelson’s room and see if he’ll come down for you.”

  “Ridiculous,” I said, getting angrier by the second.

  She lifted the phone and after a few seconds, she spoke, telling who I assumed was my husband I was waiting for him.

  “Very well,” she said, hanging up the receiver.

  “I’ll buzz you through—you know the room number, but before you go, I’m warning you, any disturbances and we’ll have no choice but to call the police.

  I wanted to scratch her eyes out, rip the extensions out of her head. Snotty cow.

  “Just buzz me through and keep your comments to yourself,” I replied.

  “Listen here...” the receptionist said haughtily, before I cut her off.

  “No. You listen to me,” I interrupted. “When I want your opinion, I’ll put a suggestion box outside the door, now keep your mouth shut and buzz me through.”

  I half expected her to call security and have me escorted out, but I held my gaze. She glowered at me, and upon seeing the look on my face, she didn’t dare reply.

  The door buzzed, and I pulled it open, making my way to the elevator.

  I was nervous, but why? Was my husband alone up in his room, or did he have company?

  I’d soon find out as I hammered on the door.

  The door slowly opened a crack, and then I heard footsteps walk away.

  Furious at his behaviour, I shoved the door open and it banged against the wall, the smell of stale alcohol hit my nostrils as I stepped over the threshold, and my husband stood before me looking worse than I’d ever seen him.

  “Look at the state of you,” I said, livid I was having to chase after him. “This place is a shit-hole. Are you happy living like this?” I turned my nose up. “A man your age dossing about like a student.”

  “And?” was his only reply. “What if I am? Nobody asked you to come here and stick your nose in.”

  He picked up a bottle of scotch from the side of the bed and guzzled it.

  “Is that all you have to say? Well, is it?” I stared at him, waiting for more, but nothing. Just dead eyes staring back at me. “You disappear, not a call to your daughters, nothing. Don’t you think we deserve more than that?”

  “What else do you want? It was your choice, Jenna—live with it.”

  And for the first time ever, I lost control. The anger I’d kept down inside burst from me like a nuclear explosion. He didn’t see it coming. I slapped him so hard across the face, he lost his balance and landed in a heap on top of the bed, then crashed to the floor.

  I rushed over, my anger vanishing as quickly as it appeared, terrified I’d hurt him. “Zane, are you alright?”

  I tried to pull him from the floor, but he pushed me away.

  “Get off me, you stupid bitch – I can get up myself.”

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hit you,” I cried.

  Zane struggled then got to his feet. “What’re you doing here, Jen?” He cradled the side of his face.

  “I don’t know, but I needed to make sure you were safe.”

  “Ta-dah,” he answered, his arms outstretched, and suddenly, I wanted to slap him again. “Safe and sound, now you can go.”

  “And what about your kids?”

  “Tell them you threw me out. I. Don’t. Care.”

  I was stung. I wanted to scream and shout. Hell, I wanted to knock his teeth out, but he was drunk, and I knew there was little point continuing with the conversation.

  “I’m going, but when you come to your senses, call me. The girls are missing you, and I’m not lying to my family, or yours, forever.”

  I stormed out of the room, slamming the door shut. Leaning my head against the door, I couldn’t stop the tears, but then I heard it—him sobbing.

  Should I go back in?

  I wanted to comfort him, but fought with myself not to.

  It wouldn’t do any good the mood he was in.

  Shattered, I walked along the corridor, wiping my tear stained cheeks.

  Chapter Ten

  I woke up and staggered into the bathroom.

  My face was sore. What the hell had I done to myself now?

  Checking my face in the mirror, I had a massive bruise down the right side of my face.

  I wondered how I’d done it, and stumbled back to bed, flopping down hard.

  Jenna, I thought, remembering. She whacked me.

  *

  I woke again a few hours later, more miserable than I’d ever been before.

  Lying in the bed, I felt so alone and needed company, but I was in no fit state to drive anywhere. I’d learned my lesson on that score.

  Grabbing my phone, I clicked into the App Store, quickly finding what I was looking for. Grindr.

  Setting up a profile, I quickly showered and took a couple of pictures of myself, sending them to other users I liked the look of.

  It wasn’t long until I got a reply, and minutes later, we’d exchanged a few more pictures and arranged a meet.

  He was versatile, which suited me. It was my turn to take a pounding tonight.

  How long? I messaged. Send your location.

  My fuck for the night was close to Piccadilly Gardens and would be with me in a few minutes. I told him to message me when he was in reception and I’d come down for him.

  Ten minutes later, my phone buzzed. He was waiting for me.

  I pulled my tracksuit bottoms on and a T-shirt, then made my way down to reception.

  Pushing open the security door, I nodded at him. He looked even better in the flesh than his pictures—handsome face, stubble, full sleeve tattoos on both arms, blond shaved head, blue eyes, and by the looks of him, he worked out, a lot.

  He followed me into the lift, and as soon as the doors closed, he was all over me. He kissed me, his stubble grazing the skin on my face. It felt odd being kissed by him, and a part of me wanted to shove him off, but I went with it anyway.

  “I can’t wait to shove my cock inside you,” he growled. “I’m gonna bang you all night long.” He flicked his tongue over my lips.

  “I hope so,” I said, flirting a little in my response.

  “Trust me, I like fucking straight lads.”

  “What makes you think I’m straight?” I asked, my hands wandering, feeling for what was going to be inside me soon.

  “The ring on your finger, mate,” he said in his broad Mancunian accent. He smirked. “Don’t worry, lad—I’m totally discreet, I’ve got a bird myself and I don’t want her knowing I fuck lads on the side.”

  The lift shuddered to a halt, and the doors opened.

  I showed him to my room, and he sat on the bed.

 

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