My Husband and I Sleep in a Coffin Vol. 1, page 18
Xiao-Luo shut his mouth, but his gaze was noticeably more guarded than before. The skinny young man now exuded an unexpected sharpness, like that of an unsheathed sword.
After their figures vanished into the pitch-black, stone-paved cavern, a smooth portion of wall suddenly began undulating like water within the darkness before finally transforming into a pair of transparent, jellylike people. These two figures huddled, their whispered conversation sounding like intermingled chirps.
[Did you smell which ones had that scent Mu Yi mentioned, chirp?]
[Yeah, there’s three in total with that scent, chirp!]
[It was the sword-wielding one in the front, the tall skinny one at the very back, and the short wax gourd next to the woman, right, chirp?]
[Not right, chirp! Not right, chirp! Not a short wax gourd, it’s a little bean sprout. He’s not fat at all, chirp.]
[You’re right, you’re right! Mu Shi is amazing, chirp~]
[Heheheheh~ Mu Jiu is amazing too, chirp~]
[Then what about the other people, chirp?]
[Obviously, we kill them all, chirp!]
The two jelly people once again transformed into transparent liquid and slowly disappeared into the wall.
Beneath the blazing blooms of the pining tree, peach blossoms fell like sparks of flame. Within the abyss, atop a platform, stood a peach blossom tree and a red coffin. It was like the start of a poignant romance.
And beneath the tree, the protagonists of this poignant and romantic tale were—barbecuing.
It happened like this: Once he learned that his dagger, Kaiming, could emit heat, Wang Xiaomie was struck by the brilliant idea of getting out the vacuum-packed beef and lunch meat he’d previously uncovered, then washing Kaiming and handing the freshly cleaned dagger to Wen Fengjin.
As he watched Kaiming get increasingly hotter, Wang Xiaomie’s eyes practically emitted a light of their own. A wicked expression revealed itself on his face.
He then stuck a piece of meat on the dagger’s blade with an audible plop.
Wen Fengjin was speechless. In this moment, I actually feel some empathy for a dagger.
If the dagger Kaiming could speak, the first words out of its mouth would be Fuck you!
Wang Xiaomie picked up a piece of cooked meat with his homemade chopsticks and put it in his mouth. Mm, delicious!
He remembered to feed Wen Fengjin as well; Wen Fengjin’s beautiful face was somewhat wooden right now, but he softly opened his mouth and ate the proffered meat.
Feeling the heat in his hands—strong enough to radiate through cloth—Wen Fengjin had a feeling like he’d just eaten what little there remained of his conscience.
Wang Xiaomie continued to press his advantage as he ate. “Aiya, look at Kaiming! It’s so hot it’s started steaming! Just think of how many bad deeds you must have done to make it do that!”
To think the world actually contained such a completely shameless person! Boss Wen fell silent, staring at his shixiong’s face and thinking for the first time that this puppy of his was really quite diabolical!
I’d like to self-destruct real quick here, just to blow this damn idiot to smithereens, Kaiming might have said.
After finishing off the meat, Wang Xiaomie tossed the chopsticks, piled the mess of packaging and cans off to one side, then took Kaiming back with a cheerful grin, carefully wiping the oil and residue off its blade.
Now that it was in his hands, Kaiming finally began to cool down. Wang Xiaomie looked at the dagger with a loving gaze as he tenderly caressed it. “You really are something great~”
And Kaiming? The dagger let out a hum, and burned Wang Xiao-zongzi hard enough to make him yelp.
Wen Fengjin, watching all this from the sidelines, was quietly chuckling to himself when his smile suddenly froze on his face. He narrowed his eyes and looked off in a certain direction—the direction in which the grave robbers had just broken in.
The outermost perimeter of the mausoleum was Mu Shi and Mu Jiu’s territory. This being the first day, it was probably best not to kill anyone. After all, what if they decided not to come in?
Wen Fengjin lowered his head, the look on his face like a smile, yet not. “Xiaomie.”
“Huh?”
Wen Fengjin’s expression softened as he said, “It’s time for us to sleep.”
Chapter 30:
First Blood
THOUGH THEY’D ONLY managed to reach the passage Zhen Mu passed through on his previous visit, over two days of exploration, the man named Yan used the traps they encountered to ascertain their exact position on the map he had with him.
Everything was ready on the night of the seventh day. The group once more entered the mausoleum.
“This was the deepest point we managed to reach.” Zhen Mu stopped and turned to look behind him, saying, “It was here that I met a monster that looked like a long-haired female ghost. And then up ahead…”
The procession all stopped and looked at the man named Yan.
“What do we do, Boss?” Xiao-Li cheerfully asked.
The stiff-faced man took out his map and carefully pored over it, while Zhen Hao said with a frown, “What do we do? Obviously, we keep going forward! Didn’t you say that sort of thing was unavoidable, Yan-xiansheng? And we haven’t run into a single creature in the past two days.”
“That’s not your average zongzi, or any of the other evil creatures you might find in a tomb. It’s a tomb guardian.”
“Don’t get impatient.” The man cast Zhen Hao a lukewarm glance. Perhaps because his face was stiff to begin with, his expression looked particularly cold right now. He turned to give a slight nod to Xiao-Li and Zhen Mu. “We’ll keep going. The map only shows a portion of the traps, not all of them. As for the tomb guardians, they’re not marked at all. But this isn’t our first time running into a situation like this, and we’ve gone through a good number of graves without a map at all. A little thing like this isn’t enough to make us panic.”
His calm and indifferent tone effectively calmed down the nervous members of the team. Zhen Hao pulled a long face, wordlessly shooting Yan-xiansheng a glance before following the group in their continued forward march. At the back of the line, Lei-jie snickered with narrowed eyes, her quiet laughter prompting Xiao-Luo behind her—strictly defending his shifu’s back—to cast a glance at Zhen Hao. His normally warm gaze carried a faint hint of a sneer.
“Shifu, he’s too much of a hindrance. In a place as dangerous as this, he may slow us down…”
“No touching, you little brat.”
“…Right.” Xiao-Luo lowered his head, and Lei-jie reached over to muss his hair.
How long had it been since she last saw someone who let all their resentment and arrogance show on their face? Lei-jie smiled, eyes narrowed. He really was pure, in a certain sense of the word.
“This mausoleum sure is huge. How long’ve we been walking at this point?” Chun Lei quietly asked.
Tiezi nodded. “It doesn’t help that we’ve got to rely on the boss’s pointers to evade traps, and watch out for any tomb guardians while we’re at it.”
“These tomb guardians are real though, right? We haven’t seen any female ghosts or anything yet.” Tiezi rubbed his face, then said, “Hm? Is it because we’re too far underground? Why do I hear water? Fuck, I just got a drop in my mouth!”
Water droplets? Oh, that made sense—they were deep underground, and also beneath a mountain, so it wouldn’t be strange for there to be plenty of underground river water.
Plus… Chun Lei rolled his eyes at him, saying, “It’s because your mouth’s too big, you idiot!”
“Fuck off.” Tiezi spat a few times, then stopped to pull a canteen from his backpack so he could wash out his mouth—only for Zhen Hao, who’d been walking behind them with that long face of his, to bump him aside without even bothering to look up, nearly knocking Tiezi’s canteen to the floor. “Move, don’t get in my way!”
Tiezi’s face immediately contorted, but Chun Lei pulled him back before he could say anything. “Don’t start any trouble!” Chun Lei shook his head slightly, then used his eyes to signal: Boss is watching.
Tiezi sneered angrily, then firmly spat in Zhen Hao’s direction. He muttered through gritted teeth, “Shit, once that Zhen Mu is gone, I’m gonna make him pay!”
As he was saying this, water droplets began to drip from above again. But with how angry Tiezi was now, he couldn’t be bothered to care—it was just a few drops of water, let them drip all they want!
At this moment, Xiao-Li and Zhen Mu suddenly told the group behind them, “There’s a dead end up ahead!”
“A dead end…” Yan-xiansheng stepped forward to feel the wall.
He was just about to say something when Zhen Hao suddenly raised his voice. “What’s going on, Yan-xiansheng?! Are you unable to point us in the right direction, even with a map in your hands?”
Once he said this, every last person in the area was immediately thinking the same thing: This man must be soft in the head. Why else would he be picking a fight with Yan-xiansheng in front of them all?
Zhen Mu frowned, then sighed. Lei-jie’s smile grew wider then before. Some of the men exchanged glances: Is Boss gonna off him?
Yan-xiansheng’s face was even colder than before. He lowered his gaze and pulled out the map, ignoring everyone around him as he carefully ran his hand over the seamless wall, looking for a mechanism within it.
“Tch!” Chun Lei and Tiezi turned their heads with some disappointment.
Zhen Hao, meanwhile, curled his hands into fists. I’m going to teach that Yan bastard a lesson in respect once we get out of here! he thought to himself.
Zhen Bei, who hadn’t said a word since he came down, stood in a spot out of reach of the light sticks and raised his head, looking up at the high ceiling of the pitch-black tomb passage. As he looked, a foolishly sweet smile slowly made its way onto his face.
Ah… They’re here.
“Oh, right! Who’s in charge of guarding the outermost tomb passages?” Wang Xiaomie turned back to look at the man currently hugging him.
“Hm? It’s Mu Shi and Mu Jiu,” Wen Fengjin replied in his low voice, as he kept brushing his lips and chin against Wang Xiaomie’s neck.
Wang Xiaomie, getting somewhat restless from this pestering, struggled to push him away as he grumbled. “You mean those two jellyfish?”
They were so soft, and even made chirping sounds. He had to admit they were pretty cute.
“They can transform into a liquid like water and permeate into the bodies of their targets, who feel no pain at the intrusion. Mu Shi and Mu Jiu will then begin eating them from the inside—organs, intestines, and finally flesh, blood, and fat. They don’t eat the skin, however, so in the end…all that’s left is an empty husk.”
I was a real fool for calling them cute, Wang Xiaomie thought with a gulp, a wooden expression on his face.
Pale lips curved upwards as Wen Fengjin hugged Wang Xiaomie hard. His handsome, womanish face pressed unforgivingly against his neck, the tip of his nose twitching as he sniffed at something.
“…Seriously, why are you so annoying today?! Sniffing me up and down like this…do I stink or something?” Wang Xiaomie couldn’t take any more of this. Turning his head, he gripped Wen Fengjin’s neck as though he was about to hit him.
Wen Fengjin looked calmly down at him. His smiling expression and the unnamable emotion in his eyes inexplicably caused Wang Xiaomie to blush. Faltering, Wang Xiaomie bared his teeth. “W-what do you wanna say?! You’re not allowed to sniff me like a dog with a bone!”
“A dog sniffing a bone…that’s not a bad analogy.” Wen Fengjin placed a hand on the ones gripping his neck, then licked his lips with the tip of his tongue, saying, “Though I wonder if Shixiong will allow me to eat him?”
Such a back-breakingly lascivious expression… Wang Xiaomie was speechless. My Xiao-Wenzi must be possessed today. Yes, that’s definitely it!
“Don’t come near me! Kaiming’s even started to heat up! What sort of evil designs do you have?!” Wang Xiaomie loudly wailed as he ran around the casket.
Wen Fengjin chuckled in that low voice of his as he leisurely pursued him. What evil designs? Mn… Those would be lustful ones, most likely.
Wen Fengjin swept his long, narrow eyes over the pining tree off to the side, then turned his gaze back to Wang Xiaomie, who was watching him on full alert.
…Come quickly. I can barely wait any longer. The man who wants my heart… My shixiong just happens to need a new sacrifice, as well.
At the outermost perimeter of the mausoleum, the man named Yan said, “Xiao-Li, you and Zhen Mu go take a look around the nearby walls.” He then set down his backpack and pulled out a sheet of folded paper.
It was the copy of the tablet inscription.
Xiao-Li and Zhen Mu exchanged looks, then each went to different sides. The perfectly pristine, stone-paved passage was lined with rows of unlit lanterns, but not one of the people present suggested they light one. The majority of lamps or lanterns found in tombs triggered some sort of mechanism when lit. Rather than take that risk, it was safer to rely on light sticks and flashlights to find your way around.
As Yan-xiansheng was absorbed in studying the inscription, their current predicament probably wouldn’t be solved anytime soon, so Chun Lei and Tiezi parked their butts on the ground to rest and conserve their energy.
This time, Zhen Hao also said nothing, simply folding his arms as he leaned his back against the wall with an impatience that not even his soft, elegant features could hide.
Lei-jie sat off to one side with her hunting knife, her gaze combing every inch of the wall before them. It was covered in an engraved pattern like great ripples of water. The main entrance of a tomb would normally be carved with religious icons, or pictures of whatever terrible beasts were guarding the grave in order to scare any potential grave robbers away. If not that, there’d at least be carvings depicting the life of the tomb master—how they ascended to immortality, or whatever. This was much too strange…
Xiao-Luo didn’t put down his backpack, nor did he sit down to rest. The first thing he did was cautiously look around, after which he walked over to where Zhen Bei was squatting. His shifu had said there was something wrong with this guy, but seeing him squatted silently with downcast eyes, Xiao-Luo still couldn’t help but pat Zhen Bei on the shoulder after a moment’s hesitation.
Zhen Bei looked up at him in surprise, asking, “Something up?”
“Not really…” Not knowing what to say now that he’d patted him, Xiao-Luo somewhat awkwardly pulled his hand back. After a long moment, he finally squeezed out the words, “This place is pretty dangerous…be careful.”
Zhen Bei stared blankly at him, blinked, then showed off a brilliant smile. “Thank you, I’ll remember that.”
Xiao-Luo assumed he meant he’d remember his warning. He couldn’t have known it would be his softhearted kindness that, together with that little pouch, would save his shifu’s life…
“Hey, is it just me, or is it dripping even more around here?” Chun Lei rubbed at his arm. Even though a layer of clothing separated his skin from the air, every time a drop of water hit him, he’d feel a tiny sting.
“You’re right…” Tiezi looked up at the ceiling just in time for a droplet to land right in his eye. “Fuck!” He started wildly rubbing his eyes.
It was at this moment that they heard the dull clack of moving machinery. Everyone, including Zhen Bei and Zhen Mu, snapped into battle-ready positions.
But upon closer inspection, it turned out that Zhen Mu and Xiao-Li had pressed what appeared to be a normal brick in the wall, while Yan-xiansheng stood nearby with the inscription in hand, softly nodding.
The activation of this mechanism also caused accumulated dust and dirt to fall from the wall. What originally looked like a carving of ripples now revealed four hollowed recesses, each with a rotatable round stone in the shape of a beast’s head. Each stone was encircled by markings, much like those of a clock.
“A password? Hahaha, this tomb master sure is up with the times! And here I thought we’d have to have Chun Lei blast our way through—after all, I get the feeling that if we made a door we could go in and out of, then they could come out through it too,” Xiao-Li said with a grin.
Everyone else gathered around the new discovery, looking curiously at the ingenious mechanism.
Zhen Mu said, “Yan-xiansheng, we don’t know the password here. If we get it wrong…” Won’t we die?
Before he could finish speaking, a great rumbling noise suddenly sounded from above. Even the floor seemed to quake beneath them.
“What’s going on?! Quick! It’s the mechanism! The ceiling’s coming down—aaahhh! What’s this?! Aaahh—”
“What’s happened?!” Yan-xiansheng shoved a few panicking men out of his way and stepped forward, only for his pupils to shrink nearly to dots at the sight of the thing on the floor. Even Lei-jie and Zhen Mu burst out in cold sweats.
What lay on the floor was a sack of boneless, fully clothed human skin. And the clothes that skin was wearing clearly belonged to Tiezi!
“Tieziiiii! He’s dead—!”
“What the hell’s going on?! Are you telling me none of you saw it? How the hell did he get hit?!” The man named Yan roared his question at a completely dumbstruck Chun Lei as the rest of the group unconsciously distanced themselves from the skin.
Chun Lei dully lifted his head, saying, “I-I don’t know… We were sitting together just a minute ago, looking at the mechanism on the wall, I… Why is my stomach so hot? My throat—I—urgh—”
His eyes widened and he grabbed desperately at his throat and gaping mouth. He then bonelessly collapsed in front of everyone’s terrified eyes as he turned into empty human skin…
Chapter 31:
The Tomb Master’s Invitation
