My Husband and I Sleep in a Coffin Vol. 1, page 17
Lei-jie carefully wiped the body of the sword with her sword cloth, checking the grain of the blade as she did so. The sword cloth, made of special materials, also produced a quiet humming sound as it slid over its edge.
Zhen Mu sat silently on a nearby rock, watching as Lei-jie did her inspection.
After a long while, Lei-jie suddenly said, “The Zhen family’s oldest son, Zhen Hao…did he ever get injured when he was little?”
A befuddled look crossed Zhen Mu’s fiercely handsome face; after a moment of serious thought, he responded, “No.”
“Oh.” Lei-jie continued, “Then why does he look so much like a damn idiot to me?”
Zhen Mu was stunned silent.
Lei-jie squinted as she closely inspected the sword, while indifferently saying, “I’ve always been frank with my words, so don’t take offense or anything. I’m just an old lady, and I don’t have the best sense of judgment. But everyone in the circle knows that old bastard Yan is the kinda guy who’ll eat you up and leave not even bones behind, and that lot who work under him are all bloody bastards. Meanwhile, that brother of yours is groveling in their wake and giving them whatever they want with an idiotic smile on his face. The way I see it, he’s gonna die in there, sooner or later! And your poor devil of a mother wants you to protect him? Is that even possible? It’d be a blessing if you even made it out alive yourself.”
Zhen Mu was silent for a moment before replying, “I know this is your warning to me, so thank you, Lei-jie.”
“Tch.” Lei-jie, knowing he was as expressive as a piece of wood, said nothing more. She reluctantly handed him the Changfeng Sword she was so fond of as she said, “Well-meaning advice won’t do much for a guy who’s already doomed. Watch out for that little brother of yours.” Swordsmiths like her were particularly sensitive to the blades and spiritual energy of weapons. They were similarly sharp when it came to people, as well.
“My little brother…” Zhen Mu shook his head: “My little brother is a good kid, Lei-jie, you’re overthinking it. Also, if I die down there, this sword will go to you. So could you help me watch over him and make sure he gets out safely?”
Lei-jie looked him over, then said, “Aiyo. What are you saying? I’m not trying to pit you against each other or anything. Besides, if you can’t manage it, how do you expect me to rescue your brother?”
The normally expressionless Zhen Mu gave a rare smile at that. “Lei-jie, others might not know it, but I’m no stranger to your skill. If it weren’t for those famous weapons, you’d never have come here.”
Lei-jie scowled at him. She cast a covetous glance at the Changfeng Sword in his hand once more, then finally gave him a languid reply. “Ai… If only I could manage to see the Liaoyue Sword and Kaiming. Then even if I died in there, it’d be with a smile on my face!”
Zhen Mu let out a sigh of relief at this response. He gave her a proper smile.
Within the tent, Zhen Hao slowly fanned himself with a paper fan, looking entirely unwilling to move as he listened with half-closed eyes to the man named Yan deploying his underlings.
“Xiao-Li, you’re good with your hands. You and the Zhen family’s little second son Zhen Mu can take point. If anything seems off, send a signal and retreat immediately.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Tiezi and Chun Lei, you two will protect Zhen-xiansheng.”
The two men named Tiezi and Chun Lei nodded with grins on their faces. “Don’t you worry about a thing, Yan-ge.”
“Lastly, let me mark the positions of the traps for you to avoid. We’ll also have to leave someone on the surface as backup. A-Shui, you stay behind.”
“Got it. Leave it to me, Yan-ge.”
“Mm, by the way, what about that woman and her disciple?” Zhen Hao asked with a frown, opening his eyes.
The man stiffly turned his head and spoke without any real inflection to his voice. “They’re coming with us. The woman and her disciple are real tough characters; let them do what they want. Either way, for safety purposes, they’ll be working according to our arrangement.”
“All right.” Zhen Hao nodded reluctantly.
In the depths of the mausoleum, Wen Fengjin looked at Mu Yi and the rest of his former subordinates—now tomb-guarding monsters—who were all lined up before him. “The enemy’s strength is unknown. You’re free to investigate them, and kill them as well—but Mu Yi, remember to let in the men who have the same scent as last time. Those men absolutely mustn’t be killed. Understand?”
“Gegege.” Mu Yi gurgled in his throat, while the monsters behind him all made similar noises of obeisance.
“Very good.” Wen Fengjin nodded with satisfaction. “Now go to each of your guard points and remember what I told you.”
The terrifying monsters all obediently turned and left the tomb passage at great speed. Meanwhile, Wen Fengjin turned his head to find Wang Xiaomie standing right behind him.
“Xiaomie?” Wen Fengjin was thrown off by this, his eyes darkening despite the smile that graced his face. “How long have you been here? I didn’t hear you coming.”
Wang Xiaomie rubbed the sleep from his eyes, exhaling at Wen Fengjin’s question: “I just got here—I didn’t see you anywhere when I woke, so I came over to look. Did Mu Yi and the others just leave? What did you tell them to do?”
Wen Fengjin kept smiling as he walked up to Wang Xiaomie and pulled his hands away from his face, then carefully used his own fingers to brush at the corners of Wang Xiaomie’s eyes. “Don’t rub at your eyes so hard, you’ll hurt them.”
“Okaaay.” Though Wen Fengjin hadn’t answered the question, Wang Xiaomie didn’t pay it much mind. He lowered his hands and raised his face, eyes shut as he obediently let Wen Fengjin brush them for him.
“If my assumption is correct, they should be coming down here tonight to scout the area, but won’t venture too far in. Make sure to keep my dagger on you at all times, understood?”
“I know.” Wang Xiaomie pulled away, tossing his head. When he opened his eyes again, he really did feel better. He reached into the bosom of his robe to pull out a dagger. The blade was pitch-black and primitive in design, lacking any sort of inlay or carved patterns. Its only distinguishing mark was the name “Kaiming” written on its round-headed hilt. “See, I’ve been keeping it on me.”
Wen Fengjin took his hand and slowly walked back together with him.
Wang Xiaomie waved the dagger and sighed. “Do you really think it’ll be any use for me to carry this thing? Every inch of lost reach is an inch of more danger, so wouldn’t this be the death of me? They could have my head pressed to the floor and I wouldn’t even be able to reach their bellies.”
Wen Fengjin chuckled as he explained, “The dagger Kaiming was once known as a divine weapon. It was created by a master swordsmith, then given to an assassin and used to kill an incapable ruler. Because it bore the hope that it would eliminate a tyrant and save the country, it earned the name Kaiming, referring to the phrase for an enlightened sovereign. This dagger is abnormally sharp, can slice other divine weapons in half, and has previously killed a great many foolish monarchs and nobles. If a wicked person is in the vicinity, Kaiming will emit heat in warning.”
“Huh? That’s so cool!” The pitch-black color of this blade instantly seemed both simple and sedate. Every scratch upon the dagger seemed to speak to the many ups and downs it had experienced in its life.
Suddenly remembering something, he blinked at Wen Fengjin. “You said it’ll get hot when there’s bad guys around, so how come it’s not reacting when you’re right next to me? You better not be making an ass of me!”
Wen Fengjin was taken aback. “…Shixiong, I’m actually a good person.”
Wang Xiaomie fell silent, looking at Wen Fengjin in his brightly colored red-and-black robes. In response, Wen Fengjin automatically donned a smile which he thought was gentle, but was actually bewitchingly evil. With his dark gaze, his quirked lips, and that eye-searing little red mark on his forehead, he looked like a strikingly realistic final boss brought to life!
“…Tell the truth.” Wang Xiaomie poked him in the chest with the dagger.
“I am a good person,” Wen Fengjin said with a wooden expression on his face, “Kaiming even acknowledged it.”
The dagger poking at his chest suddenly heated up with a hum.
They both stared in silence.
Wang Xiaomie slid his gaze away from Wen Fengjin’s face, which was too beautiful for him to behold. “I said, tell me the truth.”
An unpleasant look crossed Boss Wen’s delicate, handsome face. Under Wang Xiaomie’s wordless stare, he finally told him the truth. “All right… The truth is that after first acquiring the dagger, I’d often carry it with me in winter because it amused me. I’d use it to…keep warm.”
Wang Xiaomie looked at the increasingly hot dagger in his hand. He could almost feel its sorrow and anger at having been used as a portable heater for so many years. No wonder it couldn’t be bothered to heat up around Wen Fengjin these days—it’d probably gotten so used to the scent of the boss’s scumbaggery that his presence made it want to cry!
Chapter 29:
You Dare Kick the Boss’s Butt?
THAT NIGHT, a dozen or so grave robbers prepared to enter the underground, following the path they’d previously made.
After getting the ropes down, advance scouts Xiao-Li and Zhen Mu tossed in a few light sticks, watching as the dim lights descended away from them. It was a long time before they finally heard the faint sound of the sticks hitting the ground. It didn’t seem like they’d be all that useful as light sources, since all that could be seen from the surface were the tiniest specks of illumination.
“Damn, how deep is this?”
“Beneath this thousand-year-old tomb is an underground palace as huge as a proper building—big enough that it stretches underneath this entire mountain range. Just think about how much space you’d need to fit a building that grand, and you can imagine how deep it is.”
For ease of entry, the mouth of the hole wasn’t a vertical drop, which meant that nobody could see inside all that well. Gazing down into that bottomless pit, Zhen Hao was unable to hide the excitement and impatience in his eyes. He yelled at the squatting pair: “What’re you spacing out for, then?! Hurry up and get down there!”
Xiao-Li grinned cheerfully at him, not moving an inch. It wasn’t until Yan-xiansheng slightly nodded at him from behind Zhen Hao that he finally said, “Got it, boss! Right away.” He then fastened the buckle at his waist and slowly slid his way down on the rope.
Just as Zhen Mu was about to head down as well, Zhen Bei pulled him back and shoved something into his hand: “Erge, this is for you.”
Zhen Mu stared dazedly at the little pouch sitting in the palm of his hand: “What’s this?”
“A protective charm,” Zhen Bei said with a smile. “I specially went up the mountain for it.”
Looking at that tiny cloth pouch, a faint warmth welled up within Zhen Mu’s eyes. He mussed Zhen Bei’s hair with a gloved hand. “Thanks, Xiao-Bei.”
“You’re welcome!”
After Zhen Mu went down, Zhen Bei kept squatting at the entrance of the hole, gazing in with obvious worry on his face.
“Heh, you knew to give Zhen Mu a protective charm, but didn’t think to give your dage one?” Zhen Hao asked, smiling down at the squatting Zhen Bei.
Zhen Bei looked up with agitation as he said, “No no, I brought one for you too, Dage! Look!” He then pulled a little pouch from a pocket, holding it out as if presenting a precious treasure. “I’m worried about both you and Erge, so you gotta make sure to get back safe, Dage.”
Holding the pouch by its string, he enthusiastically attempted to put it around Zhen Hao’s neck. Zhen Hao looked at the dusty pouch and the foolish smile on the quickly approaching Zhen Bei, then knocked his hands away with a look of disgust.
The resounding slap left the back of Zhen Bei’s hand slightly red. The pouch fell to the ground. Yan-xiansheng glanced coldly at them before returning his gaze to the entrance, while the underlings behind him broke out in malicious laughter.
“A thing like that? You might as well wear it yourself!”
“Who knows where that dusty old thing has been? Disgusting!”
“Oh…” Zhen Bei lowered his head, looking somewhat hurt, like a big golden retriever that had just been kicked. He bent to pick up the pouch, only for another hand to snatch it up before he could.
As it turned out, Xiao-Luo had been unable to keep watching this. He handed the pouch to Zhen Bei and whispered, “Don’t pay any attention to that blockhead brother of yours, just keep it for yourself.”
“Thank you.” Zhen Bei managed a somewhat bashful smile, but didn’t accept the pouch, pushing it back at Xiao-Luo instead. “You take it, then. It’s really effective. I’m sure it’ll protect you from harm!”
Xiao-Luo laughed in surprise, nodding as he tucked the pouch into a shirt pocket and even patting the pocket afterward to show that he’d treasure it. “Thanks, I’ll take good care of it.”
“Right!” Zhen Bei nodded happily.
Zhen Hao coldly watched the two, rolling his eyes as he muttered to himself, “Idiots.”
The rest of the group was unaffected by this short scene.
It wasn’t until a pair of clear, sharp whistles sounded from below that the stiff-faced man finally quirked his lips up into an awkward smile. “They’ve done it! We’re all heading down.”
At his words, the men immediately forgot everything else. Each of them quickly and smoothly tied on their ropes; in an instant, all but Zhen Hao had slid their way down. Once Zhen Hao had gone down as well, Lei-jie finally called Xiao-Luo to come along, leaving Zhen Bei as the last of them all.
He stood at the entrance, gazing into the distant depths with a dark gaze. In the gloom, his face looked as cold as if he’d been possessed by a ghost. A-Shui, who’d stayed behind, shuddered upon catching an accidental glimpse of it. But when he turned his head for another look, he saw Zhen Bei’s expression wasn’t cold at all. He was clearly smiling like a fool!
A-Shui—angry at the thought that he’d been frightened by this big idiot—kicked Zhen Bei in the rear as he said, “What are you staring at over there?! Get going, you dumbass!”
Zhen Bei stumbled a moment, then turned to look at him, laughing at the sight of A-Shui’s somewhat nervous expression. He nodded. “Sorry, I’m still a little scared, haha. I’ll go down right away.”
After watching Zhen Bei dawdle his way down like he really was a little scared, A-Shui relaxed, muttering a few curse words before tugging at the ropes to ensure they were secure. With that done, he then leisurely headed back to the tents to sleep.
Gazing up from the depths of the hole they’d descended into, the view was enough to make the men feel as if their world had been reduced to a gaping abyss beneath a great cliff. Before them was a great stone door, which seemed almost to join this world to the one they’d just left. The stately portal before them was suffocatingly tall. No matter how far back they tilted their heads, the men couldn’t see its top. It was illogically disheartening, while simultaneously filling them with awe. Someone less brave might have wanted to stop right here and go no further, too fearful to take a peek inside.
“This…is the legendary thousand-year old underground mausoleum?!” Zhen Hao stared fixedly at the stone door, his hands shaking as they brushed over the engravings carved into it.
Even Yan-xiansheng, behind him, was breathing slightly faster. Though Zhen Bei and Zhen Mu had been here once before, they couldn’t help marveling every time they saw this door.
A gaping Chun Lei asked Tiezi, “How the heck did they even make this thing?! It’s so tall… Could the ancients all fly or something?”
Tiezi rolled his eyes, then calmly turned to look at Yan-xiansheng, waiting for their boss to lead them inside.
“Considering how cool just the door to this place is, I’m getting kinda scared. ’Cause what’s inside…can’t possibly be easy, can it?”
“Hey! If you’re chickening out, then leave. It’ll mean more for us when we get to splitting the goods!”
“Fuck off, I didn’t mean it like that!”
The excitement of being about to uncover a little corner of splendor got the men all carelessly joking around. Far at the rear of the group, however, Lei-jie was tightly gripping her disciple’s hand, her gaze fixed upon that door!
Xiao-Luo twisted his face into a grimace. “…Shifu, at this rate you’re gonna sacrifice me to heaven before you even get through that door!”
Lei-jie recovered her senses just to slap him upside the head, saying, “Shut up! Sacrificing your teammates nets you boundless magic power—so watch yourself, or I really might burn you alive, you little bastard.”
“Come on…we’re going in!” The man named Yan waved a hand with undisguised excitement, and the group exploded in joyful cheers, shimmying in through the spot where Zhen Mu had previously cracked open the door.
Zhen Mu and Xiao-Li carefully made their way forward at the head of the procession, each with one hand on their respective weapons and the other holding a Wolf Eyes flashlight, while Zhen Hao and the rest trailed behind.
Xiao-Luo surreptitiously asked Lei-Jie, “Shifu, does this mean we’ve made it in past the mausoleum’s front door? That easily?”
Lei-jie snickered at that: “The mausoleum’s front door? Heh. What you’ve just stepped through is nothing but a city’s main gate. What’s more, lots of people have come through here before. How could it not be easy? There’s no knowing how many of them died in here—it’s possible you’re stepping on someone’s remains even now.”
