Illyria (TCG Edition), page 7
(Short pause.)
COLLEEN (To Gladys): Do we think we’re done? Are we done? Maybe we should take some of this into the kitchen … Mary?
MARY: I’ll help …
DAVID: We’re grown-ups.
BERNIE (To David): You’re doing five shows for Stuart?
DAVID: I can do both.
COLLEEN: I think we’re done …
(Colleen and Mary start to pick up some dishes, plates, etc.)
DAVID: So what now? Is that it? Fuck him.
BERNIE: Merle, is there nothing else you can do? Why do they really care? So you piss in their park. Haven’t they got other things more important? It doesn’t make sense.
MERLE: There’s more.
BERNIE: What do you mean?
MERLE: Like Joe said. We got sandbagged. They called us in. They didn’t say anything about any meeting with the unions. And we still don’t know what was really said. We assumed we were there to explain our request, why we needed to raise money by asking people at the shows—you know, give something. Pass the hat … Why we should be allowed to do this even though it’s against park rules. ‘No—begging.’ Constable banged on the desk: ‘No more begging.’ Maybe it was the banging, but Joe then got a little full of himself— (Smiling) You probably haven’t noticed but Joe Papp can sometimes get a little full of himself …
DAVID: Really?
BERNIE (Joking): Oh I’ve never seen that …
MERLE: He’s telling Constable—sir, you don’t understand what a park is for. (Incredulous) We’re in the headquarters of the Parks Department … (Continues) ‘A park needs people,’ he explains to the head deputy of the Parks Department. (Smiles) ‘And in their own park, people shouldn’t have to pay …’ I’d given him that line. Then Constable just interrupts and tells us about this meeting with the unions. How, he said, we are seen by them. Once again how beggars aren’t allowed in the parks. ‘For everyone’s protection.’ How this will now be strictly enforced. And about the new so-called Lincoln Center.
DAVID: What …?
BERNIE (Same time): What about the Lincoln Center?
MERLE: How there’s going to be a park there too in the fucking Lincoln Center.
DAVID: I didn’t know that.
BERNIE: Me neither.
MERLE: And how they—and who the hell is ‘they’ I don’t know—rich people, I guess—how they are thinking of doing their own fucking outdoor summer Shakespeare festival. In this ‘park.’ So once theirs is built, in a couple of years, ‘Why the hell will we need two?’
PEGGY: That’s just stealing from us.
MERLE: See it’s not that they don’t want Shakespeare—in a park. It’s that they want their own fucking Shakespeare in their own fucking park. Their fucking rich person’s park. So they can fucking run it. Own it. Decide who can and can’t get into it. And, to control that, charge whatever the fuck they want …
(Joe enters.)
So what happened?
JOE: He ran down the stairs … The elevator button had been pushed. He must have heard me coming and ran down the stairs.
MERLE: Why didn’t you take the elevator and beat him down the stairs?
(Joe looks at him.)
You probably wouldn’t have beaten him. If he was running ….
DAVID (To Joe): Are you okay?
JOE: We’re going to do Twelfth Night even if it kills us. I’ll show that son of a bitch. I just decided that.
BERNIE: Good.
JOE (To Peggy): And you’ll be a wonderful Olivia. You were born to play that part.
COLLEEN: That’s right. You were.
PEGGY: I don’t need to play Olivia.
JOE (To Merle): But we’re going to have to change something now, Merle. No more—‘free.’ To get them off our backs.
MERLE (Over this): It’s not about that. They just want us out. That’s their excuse—
JOE: They win that.
COLLEEN: It’s not their fucking park.
MERLE: Tell the mothers that as they bring their kids to the playground that’s now a goddamn restaurant parking lot …
(Colleen, Mary and now Gladys will take dishes off to the kitchen.)
JOE: Bernie, fifty cents. For half of the seats. I’ve told Merle, what’s the big deal? If that gets them off our backs for a while.
MERLE: It won’t get Moses off our backs, Joe.
JOE: Just get off your high horse, Merle!
PEGGY: Joe, he’s your friend.
MERLE: What ‘high horse’?
JOE: Bernie, we haven’t raised half, a third of what we need for the summer.
BERNIE: Why are you two talking to me?
JOE: They smell blood. After the Committee, CBS—everything said to denigrate—it hasn’t exactly helped with fundraising.
MERLE: No.
JOE: So we have to charge something.
MERLE: We’re on the same side, Joe. Why do I have to remind you of that?
JOE (Continues to ‘Bernie’): And so if we have to charge a little … I don’t think that’s some ‘climb down.’ What great heights are we climbing down from?! We’re just trying now to survive. (To Merle) That high horse, Merle.
(Colleen, Mary and Gladys have returned; they continue to take things off.)
COLLEEN: We’re all on the same side here. Aren’t we?
PEGGY: We are. We are.
BERNIE (To lighten the mood): Mary, I once asked Joe, why do only Shakespeare plays in the park? You know what he told me? ‘Because you don’t have to pay royalties …’ (Smiles)
MARY: Is that true?
BERNIE: That sounds like Joe. Doesn’t it, Merle?
PEGGY: That sounds like him.
DAVID (To Joe): I’m sorry. I was going to tell you. About the Phoenix shows.
JOE: It’s okay.
MERLE: Joe, show Bernie your ‘birthday card.’ He insists on calling it his ‘birthday card.’ You said you were going to bring it …
(Joe takes a letter out of his pocket.)
JOE: I brought it. To show you, Bernie. I wanted to see your face … You will appreciate this.
GLADYS: Hear this.
JOE: They’ve all seen it.
(Hands the letter to Bernie.)
GLADYS: He wrote Stratford—
JOE (To Bernie who has looked up from the letter): Canada. Stratford, Canada. Not Connecticut.
GLADYS: And said—we’re struggling here. And we’re a sister festival. And we’re doing Twelfth Night.
JOE: And that I know you in Canada did a ‘wonderful’ Twelfth Night—I actually heard it was crap—‘wonderful’ Twelfth Night last season up there in Canada, so we’re wondering could we please please—borrow your costumes? Because that would save us a lot of money this summer. Theater to theater? Shakespeare festival to Shakespeare festival?
BERNIE: And so what did they say?
JOE: Read it, Bernie. (To the others) From Michael Langham himself. Just read that … Out loud. Word for word. (Points) There …
BERNIE (Reads): “I cannot, I’m afraid, agree with your policy over these matters. I think it is harmful to the profession to proclaim to audiences that our work is not worth paying for.”
COLLEEN: Fucking Canadians.
MERLE: Langham’s English.
COLLEEN: Fucking Brits. If I hear one more Brit tell me how to do Shakespeare—‘Oh, dearie, you need to learn to breathe.’ I fucking know how to breathe. I’m a human being! George does a very funny Brit. He prances around—
MERLE (Laughing): I’ve seen him do that.
DAVID: I have too …
BERNIE (Handing back the letter): So—no costumes … Colleen, is there any whiskey? I’d like a whiskey …
DAVID: That sounds like a very good idea, Bernie.
JOE (Over this): Colleen always has whiskey.
COLLEEN: What about the coffee?
GLADYS: Who wants coffee? (To Colleen) No one wants coffee.
COLLEEN: Mary, now we need glasses for whiskey.
(Mary gets up.)
MERLE: I’ll have a whiskey …
GLADYS: No coffees? Peggy?
PEGGY: I’ll have coffee.
(Colleen and Gladys, after picking up the last few things, head back into the kitchen. They will soon return.)
JOE (To Merle): Fifty cents is not much. Who can’t afford fifty cents? They’ll still come.
MERLE: And next summer it will a buck, then the next and the next—
JOE: That’s how we’ll win.
MERLE: Win what? What will we have won?
BERNIE: Langham’s a jerk. We all know that. And all you wanted was a free rental. Joe keeps trying the same thing with Connecticut Stratford. ‘Sister festival.’ They don’t even answer him anymore there.
MERLE: Joe, I will do anything in my power, you know this, for free Shakespeare.
JOE: I know that, Merle.
MERLE: But, Joe, I’m not going to work for cheap Shakespeare.
(Then:)
JOE: What a stupid thing to say. What a silly thing to say, Merle … What does that mean?
BERNIE: Joe …
JOE: It just sounds clever. But what does it mean?
PEGGY (What she’s been thinking): Maybe someone else should play Olivia, Joe. Not me.
MERLE: Peggy.
PEGGY: We can’t even afford to hire a sitter.
COLLEEN: You’ll be great. Won’t she, Joe?
JOE: I already told her that, Colleen.
(Then:)
We can afford a sitter.
(Mary returns with the whiskey and glasses.)
PEGGY: I’ll have a whiskey.
(As the whiskey is poured:)
JOE: The Board of Education called me this morning—this was after our meeting.
MERLE: You didn’t tell me this.
JOE: They’re not going to send any more kids to our shows this winter. So they won’t be paying for any more student matinees.
MERLE: That’s most of our winter’s budget. When were you going to tell us this?
(Then:)
DAVID: This is funny. You want to hear something funny? Who wants to hear something funny?
BERNIE: I need something funny.
MERLE: Me too.
DAVID: Joe’s big trailer?
JOE: What about it?
MERLE: What? What are you talking about?
JOE: What’s wrong with our trailer?
DAVID (To Merle): The flatbed we have sitting now collapsed in the park?
MERLE: You mean our stage. It’s not ‘collapsed.’
PEGGY: It looks collapsed.
DAVID: It can’t be moved. The wheels don’t … Pretty much the definition of collapsed. I was telling Mary this. She said I should tell all of you. That it’s funny. (To Mary) His garbage truck.
MARY: It is very funny.
DAVID: Robertson told me how Joe— (To Mary) Did John tell you this?
MARY: I haven’t seen John. I told you that. I don’t see him.
DAVID (To the women): How Joe got that trailer into the park this week … As if he didn’t have enough on his mind ….
JOE: It’s good to be busy. (To Peggy) We need to be busy.
BERNIE: This week?
PEGGY: I haven’t heard this.
DAVID: John said Joe called him late at night and said, meet him at the entrance to the park.
(They are laughing.)
JOE: So? Why is this funny?
DAVID: So John goes and he’s waiting, and then, there coming down Central Park West, he sees a big goddamn garbage truck. Guess who’s driving this big garbage truck?
BERNIE: Joe!
JOE (Over this): So what? Why is this funny?
DAVID: Joe’s driving it. God knows where he got it. And attached to this garbage truck, pulling behind—is our stage.
BERNIE: Where the fuck did you get a garbage truck?
DAVID (To Joe): Where the hell did you get it? (To Bernie) Robertson said he asked the same question and Joe won’t answer.
JOE (To Bernie): Why do you care? I needed a big truck.
DAVID: We don’t know. He won’t say. So Joe pulls into the park. And this is in the middle of the night.
BERNIE: Of course.
MERLE: This is legal?
DAVID: The park’s closed for hours now. And a policeman on a horse is there. He sort of rides up to the garbage truck. What the hell is this? He must be thinking. And Joe, he just sort of—salutes the guy. And the cop says nothing, lets Joe drive right in. I guess the cop is thinking, if he’s got a garbage truck dragging what looks like a big fucking stage, and he’s saluting me, then this guy must know what he’s doing … He must belong here.
(Then:)
JOE: We do—belong there. And I think we’re all grown-ups here.
GLADYS: Don’t listen to Stuart.
MERLE: To hell with him.
JOE: And I’m going to keep this going if I have to drag the damn thing to another state …
DAVID: What about Utah?
MERLE: I’ll push it with you.
JOE (Over this): If I have to pull that trailer with my goddamn teeth. If I have to charge some money? … So what? If I have to pass around a hat? Beg. I’ll beg. I’ve begged. (About Merle to Bernie) We keep having the same conversation over and over and over … He doesn’t listen!
MERLE: I listen, Joe. I just don’t agree. Listening doesn’t mean you have to agree.
JOE: It doesn’t?
(Then:)
COLLEEN: I can just imagine the faces of those mothers, as it dawns on them: ‘What happened to the swings …?’ ‘Where’s the sandbox?’ ‘Where the hell did this parking lot come from?’
MARY: You’d think the people who went to the restaurant could just take the subway. It’s not much of a walk.
PEGGY: Good luck.
BERNIE: That’d be nice …
PEGGY: They don’t.
(Lights fade.)
Scene 3
August, 1958. The temporary stage of the Shakespeare Festival, Belvedere lawn, Central Park. Night. Eleven P.M.
A short time after the final performance of Twelfth Night. What remains of the last scene: two camp stools, a bench, a pewter pitcher and steins on the ground and prop leaves. Faintly, from another part of the park—folk dancing music; as well as other park sounds and distant traffic throughout.
Joe sits on the bench and looks out into the empty ‘theater.’ John is entering with a small box for the prop leaves.
JOE: There you are, John.
JOHN: I just heard Carol saying, she thinks she now understands her ‘fucking’ part. (As Carol) ‘And now I have to fucking stop.’ Actors, Joe …
JOE: Actors … I know, John. Oh I know. I do think she got better.
JOHN: I need to pick up all these— (Leaves, etc.) They’re borrowed.
JOE: You want help?
JOHN: I can do it.
JOE: I’ve been a stage manager, John.
JOHN: I know.
JOE (Looking out): Look out there. I’ve been watching them. Why are they still here? The last two. And what the hell are they talking about so earnestly.
JOHN: Maybe the play.
JOE: No. No. I doubt that. Maybe—where to eat … Whether to walk or take the subway. Whose bed they’re going to make love in.
JOHN: Joe, we have to figure out how we’re going to get this goddamn stage out of here. And when do we do that? Tomorrow?
JOE: We’ll do it tomorrow. I’ll get a truck.
JOHN (Smiles): Garbage truck?
JOE: If I have to.
JOHN: Good. I don’t think we can store it anywhere. Can we? I’ve asked around … So we’ll have to junk it for scrap. That seems a shame.
JOE: Don’t be sentimental, John. It’s just a bunch of wood. And next summer we’ll get a real trailer and stage. And a truck. I have a friend in Queens. He’ll give us a deal. It’ll even be bigger. And one that doesn’t bounce.
JOHN: Or feel like it’ll flip over when you drag it around a corner …
JOE: Guaranteed. He’s a friend.
JOHN: Good. That’ll be a nice change.
JOE: Nice for you. For stage management. But this was okay. She served us well. She got us this far. Leave them (The camp stools) … I’ll store them in our apartment. We own these, right? We didn’t borrow them? The bench too. It’s a nice bench.
JOHN: I’m not sure, Joe.
JOE: I think we own them.
(Gladys enters.)
GLADYS: Didn’t rain. That would have been a real shame to cancel the last one.
JOE: Is Stuart still here? I know. He ‘loved the show.’ Thinks I’m now a wonderful director. That’s what he says to my face. Is that what he told you?
GLADYS: Stuart said he loved it. (To John) You need help? (He shakes his head, she continues) He’s taking some of the men down to the Cedar … He asked me to see if you’d come. Want to? I’m sure he’d be thrilled—
JOE: I’m going to go out with John. Buy him a drink. He’s earned it. Just us stage managers. (To John) Is that all right? My friend here …
JOHN: I can’t tonight, Joe—
GLADYS (To John): Aren’t you coming too? With Stuart. I think John’s coming too, Joe.
JOHN: We all said we’d go … A lot of people are going. Not just—Come to the Cedar … I need to lock this stuff away. Lock up everything. Come with us to the Cedar … Come on. It’ll be fun. Just the guys … Maybe I’ll see you downtown. I’ll save you a barstool.
JOE: Leave that last light on. I’ll shut it off … Oh, and John, if Stuart offers you work, take it. Look after yourself.
JOHN: Do you mean that?
GLADYS: Of course he doesn’t. He really doesn’t. Goodnight, John.
JOHN: Night, Gladys. Joe. Thank god it didn’t rain.
(John goes off with the props.)
JOE: I hope it does rain now, Gladys. I want to stand here in a big goddamn rainstorm.
GLADYS: Oh come on, Joe.
JOE: John’s going to work for Stuart …
GLADYS: I know. And he knows you know. So that was mean. He can do both.
JOE: Sit down. Sit down … Do you know what Stuart’s season is going to be? He told me. Has he told you?
GLADYS: I’m his wife. It wasn’t his idea, Joe.
JOE: I thought he’s the ‘boss.’ Only plays by—‘Nobel winners.’ That’s just stupid. You need someone to give them a prize first before you have the guts to put on his play? I thought we are doing something different. Those our age … Us. Do something different. Or just try to. Let the Shuberts pander all they damn want … We’d win just by trying. Let the rich guys build their palaces of art. And lock the gates at night. This is supposed to be different, Gladys. Next I want to do Antony and Cleopatra with Colleen and George Scott.
