Illyria (TCG Edition), page 2
JOHN: And then, like that, Scott is—on.
DAVID: In the forest of Arden. There’s a look in his eye: ‘Where am I?’ Silence. And one kid suddenly shouts out some stupid thing. I couldn’t even hear what he shouted …
JOHN: I think he shouted, “Hey mister, why do you have your watch on?”
STUART: Fucking unbelievable.
JOHN: And I guess Scott has heard this, because now dressed as—I don’t know what he was dressed as—he’s got this huge turkey leg in his hand, that’s his prop—every day we have to get him a new one—
STUART: Because he eats it, John.
JOHN (Over this): —he barges out into the audience of schoolkids, now very frightened-looking schoolkids. He finds the kid who shouted, thinks he’s found the kid, maybe it wasn’t even the right kid, I don’t know, he doesn’t know, and he looks down at this tiny little kid, leans down, so they’re face to face now, and he screams at the top of his lungs: “Will you shut the fuck up!”
MARY: Where were the teachers?
JOHN: They’re out having a goddamn smoke, Mary.
STUART: The teachers are the worst.
MARY: Are they?
JOHN: Some of them. Joe says we should just hire Scott out to the schools. He’d get them to behave. They were all quiet after that.
STUART: I’ll bet.
DAVID: They were scared.
JOHN: Yeah … They were. (Just realizing, to David and Mary) You two haven’t met.
DAVID: We haven’t.
MARY (Same): No.
JOHN: David—Mary. Mary—David.
DAVID: How do you do? John’s told me all about you.
MARY: And you. Nice to meet you.
JOHN (To Mary): You all right?
MARY: Just waiting.
STUART (To David): Do you know where Joe is?
DAVID: Probably still with Gladys, trying to herd Scott back into his dressing room.
STUART (To John): Is there any more coffee? I was up early.
JOHN: I just finished it.
MARY: What were you going to do if he didn’t show up?
(John shrugs.)
I’m amazed you can talk about it so …
JOHN: What?
MARY: Calmly. If I’d just—
JOHN: I’m a stage manager. I’m always calm.
MARY: Not at home you’re not. He’s not.
DAVID: What’s John like at home, Mary?
JOHN: Shut up, David.
MARY (Again): What were you going to do?
JOHN: I was getting ready to read his fucking lines.
MARY: You’re a terrible actor.
JOHN: They’re kids, Mary.
DAVID (To Mary): When have you seen John act? (To Stuart) Have you ever seen him act?
STUART (To Mary): He ‘acts’ for you?
MARY: Sometimes he reads lines with me. When I’m learning a role—
DAVID: He ‘acts’ for her, Stuart.
JOHN: Shut up.
DAVID: She’s blushing.
MARY: I am not blushing. Why do you say that?
JOHN: Come on.
DAVID (‘Innocently’): What?
JOHN (To Mary): Ignore them.
STUART: What’s John like at home, Mary? Tell us. (To David, snapping his fingers) He’s a stage manager. Cue. Cue cue. Cue.
DAVID (Still teasing John, to Stuart, about his ‘cueing’): Cue! That’s him in bed.
STUART: David …
JOHN (About Stuart and David): They are grown-ups. Sometimes. They can be. You’ll have to trust me. (Back to the story) Stuart, while I was standing outside looking up and down the street for George Scott, I hear one teacher tell another—“I’m on my way to that bar over on Lex.”
DAVID (To Mary): They abandon us. Joe says, they treat it like it’s a big goddamn vacation for them—a student matinee.
JOHN (Repeats): Some of them.
STUART (To Mary): They abandon us. You go out there on a student matinee, you know you’re on your own.
DAVID: You weren’t even there, Stuart.
(Gladys, thirty, Stuart’s wife and Joe’s assistant, enters.)
GLADYS: John …
JOHN: So where’s Scott now?
GLADYS: He wants a cab. Can you do that, John? Please. I think I’ve had enough of him for one day.
JOHN (Getting up): Where is he?
GLADYS: Dressing room. Joe’s babysitting. He’s telling Joe stories. George Scott always has lots of stories. I think he thinks he’s still in a bar.
JOHN: That little kid’ll have nightmares for years. (To Mary) Good luck …
MARY: Thanks.
GLADYS: What was he thinking, John?
(John heads off.)
“Little boy, will you shut the fuck up”?? They’re children.
(She has looked toward the coffee pot.)
DAVID: There’s no more coffee.
STUART (Introducing): Gladys—Mary Bennett.
GLADYS (Shaking hands): How do you do?
STUART (To David): Scott’s still worth the trouble though, don’t you think?
DAVID: I suppose so …
STUART: We’re talking about doing something else.
DAVID: Are you?
GLADYS (Same time): You told me.
STUART: Sometimes he can be brilliant.
GLADYS: I know.
STUART: Mary, Scott does the seven ages of man speech—?
MARY: I know the speech.
STUART: That can be brilliant.
DAVID: Was that your idea?
STUART: Some of it.
MARY: What?
DAVID: George eats a great big turkey leg while giving the speech. (Smiles) Every day John has to buy—
MARY: He said.
DAVID: So each “age of man” it’s like—rip. (Rips with his teeth) And then … And then …
STUART (Over this): He’s supposed to take just one bite, not …
DAVID: Stuart, this morning—
STUART: What did he do this morning?
DAVID: He was probably very hungry, probably hadn’t had breakfast. Maybe dinner. And he ate his turkey leg with so much goddamn relish—it was almost obscene.
MARY: Was it?
DAVID: Juice running down his chin … I think that’s what scared the girls in the uniforms.
STUART: Catholic schoolgirls?
DAVID: They got all quiet in an odd sort of way …
STUART: Jesus. Still when he’s good, there’s no one better. We’re talking about a few things he could play. Good parts.
DAVID: I thought he wanted to do movies.
STUART: He might do a movie. But it’s ‘iffy.’
DAVID: Aren’t movies always ‘iffy’?
STUART (Shrugs): He talks. I let him talk. He belongs in the theater. And if he does get a movie, we can work around that. It’s not like in the park … (The third time he’s asked, to Mary) When do you have to be back?
MARY: I’ve missed the lunch crowd. (Shrugs) I’m fine. David, I waited on George Scott once … He’s a good tipper.
STUART: Actors often are. (To Gladys) Can you go and remind Joe that we’re waiting?
GLADYS: I’ll go tell him …
(She heads off.
David peeks at Mary’s book.)
DAVID: Twelfth Night. So we’re doing that next?
MARY: You didn’t know that you’re—?
STUART: Don’t believe anything David says to you. And David will say a lot to someone like you.
MARY: What do you mean—someone like me?
DAVID (To ‘Stuart’): Why does our stage manager get to have such a beautiful girlfriend?
STUART: Like that. He’ll say things like that.
DAVID (To Mary, ‘incredulous’): And we’ve never met. You’re sure about that?
STUART: And that.
MARY (‘Answering’): Maybe. You look a little familiar.
STUART: She’ll be a very good Olivia.
MARY: I hope you’re still saying that after I’ve auditioned …
DAVID (Teasing her): I could play while you …
STUART: David.
DAVID: Something like …
(He plays the guitar.)
STUART (Over this): Leave Mary alone. Don’t bother her.
DAVID: I’m not—
MARY: He isn’t …
(David strums.)
STUART (To Mary): When I saw you in Merry Wives I hadn’t realized, you and John … He’s a very good stage manager.
MARY: I’m sure he is.
DAVID: He’s very clean. Very neat. Good with the ‘cues,’ right?
MARY (Smiling): Really good.
STUART: John’s a friend of ours. Isn’t he, David? And this is his girlfriend …
MARY (Smiling): I am.
STUART (To Mary): I hate pretty much everything I see up in Stratford. (To David) Can you stop playing that? (To Mary) I mean, you have to almost kidnap me to get me on that train to Stratford. Because I know what will be awaiting at the end of the road.
MARY: What is?
STUART: Stratford. (About Mary) So—I was very pleasantly surprised.
DAVID: I’ve never worked there. I’ve tried …
STUART: They’re not going to hire you. People like us, we scare them in Stratford.
DAVID: She works there, Stuart.
MARY: Once. But I agree, it’s awful there. Like a factory. But I’ll work anywhere.
(Gladys returns.)
STUART: So where the hell is Joe?
GLADYS: Merle just arrived. Now they’re talking.
STUART: Oh please … Come on. I told this young woman one o’clock.
MARY: I’m in no hurry. I’m okay. I have nothing to do. I already missed the lunch crowd.
GLADYS (To Stuart): We doing this onstage?
STUART: It’s fine here, isn’t it? (To Mary) This okay? We don’t need to be onstage. It’s always too—‘formal’ onstage. I hate that. (Looks to Mary)
MARY: Anything …
DAVID (Standing up): Should I—?
STUART: Stay. He could be forever with Merle. (As David sits back down, about Mary) I didn’t have to ask you twice.
MARY: ‘What?’
STUART (‘Calls’): John!
MARY: He’s busy.
GLADYS: I hope he’s getting George into a cab. Please god …
STUART (To David): Let her prepare.
GLADYS: Did you see those teachers outside? What are we now, babysitters? Joe was furious. He’s going to write a letter. He’s asked me to write a letter. (To Stuart) She’s reading Olivia?
STUART: She is.
GLADYS: My husband is a fan, I understand.
STUART: I certainly am.
GLADYS: We saw you at Stratford. I love going there. I love the country. Where do you want Mary?
(He points.)
STUART: And Joe and I …
(He points—behind the table.)
GLADYS: And I should read with her?
STUART: Please. Thank you, Gladys.
DAVID (A ‘wink’ at Mary): Or maybe John should.
(Mary smiles.)
Make you look good.
GLADYS: What are you talking about?? Are you staying, David? Don’t you have to—?
MARY: I don’t mind if he stays.
(David has started to stand.)
I’d sort of like an audience. It makes it easier for some reason.
GLADYS (To Stuart): Is that all right?
STUART (To David): Stay. Stay … This won’t take long. She’s really good …
GLADYS: I know.
STUART (To David): You want to go out after …? And talk? Maybe go to the movies? (To Gladys) David told me yesterday that he’s interested in the Phoenix.
GLADYS: Why am I not surprised?
DAVID: I’ve wanted to ask how much are they paying? Are you paying, I should say? Now that it’s you. (To Mary) He’s now a boss.
MARY: I know. I just read that.
STUART: I don’t know, David. But it’s a real theater. So real pay. (To Mary) I don’t mean to say this [here]—
MARY: I understand.
STUART: —isn’t.
DAVID: We’re ‘real,’ aren’t we?
GLADYS: I think so.
STUART (Over this): So I assume—real proper pay. T and I haven’t discussed salaries yet. Even for composers. Musicians.
DAVID: That’ll be a change.
STUART (Over this): T has money. That you figure out right away.
GLADYS (To Mary): Is this your copy?
MARY: It is …
STUART (To Gladys): Do we have another copy?
DAVID: Of Twelfth Night? We should, we’re a Shakespeare festival.
GLADYS: I don’t think we do. I just looked.
STUART: There’s not another copy?
DAVID (Over this, to Stuart, trying to make a joke): I’ll bet Stratford has two copies of Twelfth Night.
STUART (Over this, a joke): I’ll make it a policy to have at least two copies of any play we do at the Phoenix.
GLADYS (To Mary): What if I read over your shoulder? Will that bother you?
MARY: I don’t think so. No.
DAVID: Mary, which one is Olivia, I always get them mixed up?
GLADYS: Not the one who wears pants, David.
(As Joe and Merle enter:)
JOE: Here they are, Merle. Why aren’t we on the stage? We were just looking for you on the stage.
GLADYS: We thought it’d be less formal, Joe. Relaxed …
STUART: You want to go up on the stage?
JOE: We thought you’d left ….
STUART: Why would I leave?
JOE: I just didn’t know where you were.
GLADYS: You want to do this up—?
JOE: This is fine. Whatever.
STUART: Joe, this is Mary Bennett.
JOE (Shaking hands): Hello.
MERLE (Shaking hands): Hi. Merle …
STUART (For the fifth time): I’ve seen her work. In Stratford. Merry Wives …
JOE: I thought you never went to Stratford.
GLADYS: I dragged him.
JOE (To Stuart): They’re not going to hire you. I’ve told you that.
(As Merle looks toward the coffee pot:)
STUART: There’s no more coffee.
JOE: Is there enough room here? We have a big stage.
STUART: It’s fine, Joe.
GLADYS (To Joe): She’s going to be there. I’m reading with her.
JOE (To Mary): I think I’ve seen your work too …
MARY: In what, Mr. Papp?
JOE: Weren’t you in a class with my wife? Or am I wrong? Was that someone else?
MARY: I was in an acting class with Peggy … Last year. In the fall.
JOE: Then I saw you there. I thought you looked familiar.
STUART: Then you’ve met … Good. That’s good.
JOE: Nice to see you again, Mary. And thank you so much for coming in. For taking the time. I’m very sorry if we’ve kept you waiting. It’s been an interesting morning, Mary. (This explains everything) Scott.
MARY: It’s no problem …
JOE: You in something now?
MARY: Not right now, no, sir.
JOE (To Gladys): She’ll be there? I’m here?
MERLE: Joe, should I—go?
STUART: This won’t take long. She said she likes an audience, Merle. (To Mary) Didn’t you?
JOE: That’s lucky. For you. Being an actress …
(Smiles at his joke.)
Mary, you weren’t by any chance in the audience this morning?
STUART: She wasn’t, Joe.
DAVID: We were just telling her about that.
JOE: He made a little boy cry, Mary.
STUART: So—should we start?
JOE: We have kept this woman waiting long enough.
(Arranging themselves:)
(To Merle) Sit by me. Sit here. Congratulations, Stuart. I don’t think I’ve congratulated you.
STUART: Actually you have.
MERLE (Taking a seat, to Stuart): Congratulations.
STUART: Thank you.
JOE (To Merle): Stuart’s got a new job.
MERLE: We all know that, Joe.
JOE: He doesn’t look any different.
STUART (For the tenth time, over this): And it doesn’t affect anything with the festival.
JOE (Confused): Is David playing during this?
DAVID: I’m not. Want me to go?
JOE (To Stuart): I thought you had some fancy ‘director’s idea’ for the part. (Smiles) That you hadn’t told me about.
STUART: I don’t.
JOE: What is she reading for?
(This takes Stuart aback.)
STUART: ‘Olivia,’ Joe. You know that.
JOE: ‘Olivia.’ Right. You want me to read with her?
GLADYS: I’m reading with her.
JOE: Just want to help.
GLADYS (Quietly to Mary): Where are we starting?
MARY: Stuart told me here …
(She points to the place in the book.)
JOE: David, did you see the paper this morning? What’s he talking about?
DAVID: I haven’t. Who?
JOE: Kerr.
MERLE: We’re going to write him, Joe.
JOE: What the hell is he talking about? And why is it his business?
MERLE: I’ve tried to explain it to him, Joe; he’s a little thick. He’s a critic.
(They have all taken their seats, Mary at some distance from the others; Gladys behind her.)
GLADYS: Are we ready? (To Stuart) “Give me your hand, sir”?
STUART: From there’s fine.
(Joe leans over to speak to Merle.)
JOE: We should write that letter—
STUART: Joe…
MERLE: I’ll write him.
(Joe sits back to watch the audition. They read from Twelfth Night, Act III, Scene i.)
JOE (To Stuart): I really meant it—congratulations.
MARY: May I stand, move around?
STUART: Of course.
GLADYS: I’ll just follow … Anytime …
JOE (To Stuart): T. Hambleton’s one lucky man.
STUART: Thank you.
MARY: Now? (Reading, though she has it mostly memorized)
Give me your hand, sir.
GLADYS:
My duty, madam, and most humble service.
MARY:
What is your name?
JOE: Don’t we have another copy?
STUART: Sh-sh … It’s fine.
DAVID (Over this): We don’t.
GLADYS (Quietly to Mary): Let’s start again …
MARY:
Give me your hand, sir.
GLADYS:
My duty, madam, and most humble service.
MARY:
