No Safe Haven: A gripping, twisty tale of loyalty and survival, page 8
‘You could well be right,’ she said thoughtfully.
‘And besides, Harriet is around all the time, and you are fine with that.’ A searching tone crept into my voice as I said the last few words, as if I was daring Jessica to admit she wasn’t fine with it, but she didn’t answer me directly.
‘I heard raised voices when you got back from hospital,’ Jessica said. ‘It woke me up.’
‘Sorry.’
‘I wasn’t sleeping properly anyway. I was worrying you’d gone into early labour or something. Harriet told me what happened and she was grousing about you not looking after yourself properly when she was in the kitchen making you breakfast this morning.’
‘She doesn’t need to do all this stuff for me.’
‘That’s what I said. I said you’re a grown woman with an eighteen year old son you brought up alone.’
‘I did appreciate her taking me to hospital. And it was nice to have breakfast in bed, I have to admit. But… well–’
‘It’s getting a bit much.’
‘She just cares about me,’ I said. ‘Maybe I’m not used to having people care for me. I’m worried I was horrible to her, snapping at her like I did, but she was saying she would call my midwife and that I wasn’t taking things seriously…’
Nothing is more important than the baby. That was what Harriet had said. That was what had turned round and around in my head all night.
‘It was a difficult situation for her when I had Reef,’ Jessica said, as she absentmindedly stroked the dress on her work bench, her fingers tracing over the glittering diamantes. ‘She was so keen to start a family with Ben, then their marriage broke down and all of a sudden there I was with a new, unplanned baby that I was struggling to bond with, and it wasn’t a good combination of events. It must have taken everything she had to take me and Reef under her wing.’
‘I just worry…’ I struggled with how to sum up my feelings. ‘She’s getting very attached to the idea of there being a new baby in the house, and I don’t want her to end up getting hurt. I will have to leave eventually. This little bubble I’m in here can’t last forever.’
Jessica shrugged. ‘Maybe it can,’ she said. ‘Why not? Just because what we’ve got here isn’t a normal family, doesn’t mean it can’t work out. Reef and your baby – it’s like they’ll each have three mums for the price of one. Doesn’t seem like a bad deal to me.’
…
In spite of Jessica’s words, I stepped out of the shower a few days later to the sound of a blazing row downstairs in the kitchen. Dashing quickly to my room, I pulled on some clothes and tried to make out the words of the argument, but I couldn’t. I bumped into Reef coming up the stairs as I made my way down, and his face was frightened. I gave what I hoped was a reassuring smile. ‘Are your mummy and Auntie Harri arguing?’
He nodded, eyes wide, and I sat down on the stairs and pulled him close to me. ‘Do they argue a lot?’ I asked him softly.
‘Sometimes,’ he said, after thinking it through for a moment.
‘Why don’t I put the TV on for you? You stay in the lounge for a bit, and I’ll see what’s going on with Mummy and Auntie Harri, okay?’
I got into the kitchen as the argument reached a head, and Jessica screamed that she was going away for a few days and taking Reef with her.
‘It’s Thursday!’ Harriet said, ‘you can’t keep dragging that poor boy out of school at the drop of a hat! He doesn’t know whether he’s coming or going.’
‘That “poor boy,”’ Jessica said. ‘You mean the boy that I dedicate my whole life to? The boy I try to make sure has some fun and can escape your miserable clutches!’
‘Look, let’s just take a breath–’ I said, though the sisters barely noticed me.
‘Fine,’ Harriet said, ‘fine. You go then. Walk away from the life you have trapped me into.’
Jessica dashed out of the room, and I hovered in the doorway, unsure which sister to go to. In the end I stepped further into the kitchen. ‘What was all that about?’ I asked Harriet. The life Jessica had trapped Harriet into?
‘I told her Reef can’t have chocolate spread on toast for breakfast on a weekday.’
‘That… that was it?’ I asked.
‘That’s all I said. She blew it completely out of proportion.’
Apparently Harriet wasn’t prepared to be drawn any further on the subject so I went upstairs to Jessica’s bedroom, where she was haphazardly stuffing clothes into a suitcase. I wasn’t sure how she could even see what she was doing in the perpetual semi-darkness of her room, which had a heavily embroidered voile curtain draped over the small north-facing window. Fairy lights twinkled around the shelves on the wall though, and every surface was cluttered with colourful ornaments, some of which caught the light and glittered enticingly. ‘Jess, wait,’ I said. ‘Harriet said this was just because of chocolate spread–’
‘Yes of course she did! Making out that I’m being hysterical. It’s about… it’s not just about that. She’s a total…’ Jessica struggled for words strong enough to sum up the situation. Finally seizing on some and punctuating them by slamming her hand against the suitcase she said, ‘a total fun sponge.’
If Jessica hadn’t looked so utterly furious I would have laughed. ‘Jess, remember what you said to me, about us all being a family. A weird family, but still a family.’
‘I must have been soft in the head that day,’ she said. Then she let out a laugh. ‘I’m sure that’s what Harriet thinks of me. That I’m unhinged. An unfit mother, too wrapped up in herself to think about what’s best for Reef. But it’s not true. Just because I value fun and adventure, and all Harriet cares about is duty and being a martyr. You’d better watch your back, Poppy, before she gets her claws into your baby.’
With that she zipped up her suitcase and rushed off to Reef’s room, and the sound of drawers being opened and slammed closed drifted down the hall. There was nothing I could do right now. They were both too angry, and the last thing I needed was to get caught in the middle. But a lot of odd things had been said. Why was Harriet trapped? Why did Jessica say that Harriet was being a martyr? I couldn’t make head nor tail of it, but then it wasn’t really any of my business. It was probably best if I stayed out of the way and waited for it all to blow over.
‘Shall I open up the shop?’ I asked Harriet when I went back downstairs.
‘I can do it myself.’
‘I think you need to take a moment,’ I said carefully. ‘I will open up. Just join me when you’re ready.’
‘She’ll be back,’ Harriet said. ‘She throws a tantrum every now and again, but she needs me. She’s never been much good on her own.’
17
I woke to blackness, my heart pounding. Where was I? A sense of foreboding gripped me and I opened my mouth to call out to Dominic when finally reality clicked back into place. I was at Harriet and Jessica’s house. Not my old flat. Kevin wasn’t coming, Max wasn’t coming, Dominic was safe. A floorboard creaked in the hall, and feeling completely awake, I got out of bed and slipped out onto the landing where I nearly collided with Harriet.
‘Sorry Poppy,’ she said, ‘did I wake you up?’
‘No – I – maybe. But it doesn’t matter. I was feeling unsettled anyway.’ I paused for a moment then added, ‘It’s weird without Jessica and Reef in the house.’
‘It’s not the first time she’s done this.’
‘I gathered that.’
Harriet pulled her red dressing gown more tightly around herself and sighed. Her eyes had a puffy look and her face was drawn. Had she slept at all? It didn’t look like it. ‘We have a big argument sometimes and she storms off,’ she said wearily, ‘but she comes back again. Our personalities clash. We rub along okay together for the most part but then it blows up and it takes a day or two for the air to clear and for us to realise we need each other.’
‘I was going to make a cup of tea,’ I said, touching her shoulder gently. ‘I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep again for a while. Do you want one?’
‘Yes – and I’ll make it,’ she said. ‘You go and put your feet up.’
‘Harri–’
‘No arguments. I’d rather be doing something. I don’t want to just sit and think.’
It was easier to do as she asked, so I curled up on the living room sofa. Despite her assurances that Jessica always came back and that things would return to normal again, Harriet was clearly rattled. Had the argument been worse than usual? Or was my presence upsetting the balance? I couldn’t stand the thought that I might be causing stress, when the sisters had done so much for me.
Harriet handed me a mug of tea and sat down on the armchair near the log burner. I wished that a fire was lit – I’d feel better watching the cheery, comforting flames. Instead I picked up the purple and white checked throw from a basket beside the sofa and snuggled myself up in it.
‘Harri,’ I said carefully, ‘why did you say Jessica had trapped you into your life here?’
Startled, her eyes flashed with some strange emotion, but she simply shook her head. ‘Oh, it was nothing. I don’t know. I was just angry.’
‘It sounded like more than that,’ I pressed her gently.
I waited while she stared down into her mug of tea. Eventually, when I was about to give up on an explanation, she said, ‘I didn’t think my life would be like this, that’s all. Not so long ago I was married, I worked in a buzzing, busy office, and I had friends and a social life. I thought I was going to start a family.’
‘You said you wanted to move back here, though.’
‘Yes, when my mum and dad were here and I was hoping to get pregnant and thought I would benefit from their support. But then my dad died, my mum moved to Spain, and all of a sudden here I am looking after a business I’m not really interested in, marriage over, and instead of having my own family I’m living with Jessica and helping her raise her son. Yes, I love Reef, and Jessica – even though she drives me round the bend – but I don’t feel like I have my own life. I’m just holding together other people’s lives. I–’ she quickly gulped down some tea, ‘does that sound awful?’
‘No, it doesn’t. I completely understand.’
‘I know that none of us can predict how our future will be. We make plans and then life comes and sticks a great big oar in and you just have to get on with it. But sometimes… sometimes I want to run away. Jessica thinks I like all of it, the responsibility of running the shop and helping with Reef and everything, but the truth is sometimes I would like to drop everything and escape the way she does.’
‘Perhaps you should tell her that,’ I suggested. ‘Maybe it would help if she knew.’
Harriet shook her head. ‘She needs to feel that I’m solid and dependable. She’s more vulnerable than she seems.’
I wasn’t too sure this was true, but Harriet had spent a lot more time with Jessica than I had. Perhaps there were sides to her I hadn’t seen.
‘I don’t suppose this is how you imagined your life would be either,’ Harriet said.
‘No. I’m not sure I could have imagined what has happened to me. Sometimes the whole thing is beyond comprehension.’
‘So… what did happen in the end?’ Harriet asked me. ‘Did you pay off Kevin with the money that you–’ she stopped, clearly reluctant to say “stole.”
‘I tried to. But it didn’t work out quite how I hoped.’ I said, almost wincing at the understatement.
‘What happened, then?’ Harriet asked. ‘You’re feeling up to talking about it now, aren’t you? You seem a lot better.’
‘Yes,’ I said heavily. ‘I can talk about it.’
Habmouth
18
The inevitable sound of Kevin pounding at the door didn’t even startle me. I knew it was coming, and I was prepared. I took some deep breaths. I’d rehearsed the conversation in my head a hundred times, if I wasn’t able to convince him now, I never would be. All I had to do was get him to understand that although I’d used all the money I’d usually pay him to make a dent in my rent arrears – and hopefully avoid eviction – in just a few weeks I’d be able to give him far more than usual once I had the money from my fraudulent payslips. Not that I’d explain where the money was coming from, of course, but waiting just a little longer for a much bigger payment was the logical choice for him. He had to see that, surely. Then perhaps I could keep my home, and pay him off. I just had to hold my nerve and not let him get to me.
Once Kevin burst into the flat, slamming the door closed behind him, I tried to keep my exterior unflustered even though my pulse was racing. In his late twenties, Kevin stood nearly a foot taller than me and though he was as skinny as a rake I knew firsthand from the bruises he’d made on my wrist that he had plenty of brute strength. God knows how he’d seemed charming and understanding when he’d first spoken to me. I guess he was like Liam – he had all the chat when he was trying to win someone over, but it was hollow and meaningless.
‘Are you having a fucking laugh?’ he said when I tried, as calmly as possible, to outline the reasoning behind not having the money ready for him.
‘I can pay far more than I usually do if you just give me a couple of weeks longer,’ I said, trying to hold his gaze. I was not going to let him bully me. Not today. ‘I can pay back everything in two or three months, I think, if you tell me exactly what I still owe–’
‘Do you think I’m stupid?’ he said, glaring at me. He was in a bad mood today. Not that he was ever exactly cheery with me, but his blue eyes had had a mean glint in them from the second he’d stepped into my flat. He was looking for confrontation. ‘You’re paying now. Otherwise, your boy is getting his head kicked in.’
‘Listen to me,’ I said. ‘I am not lying. By the end of this month I’ll have more money coming in. Far more. Give me a little longer, and this works out better for you.’
He stared at me incredulously, before grabbing me by the elbow and dragging me into the living room. Shoving me to one side, he glanced around as if looking for something, then stepped through to the kitchen.
‘I don’t have anything valuable,’ I told him, ‘there’s nothing left to take.’
He opened and closed a couple of cupboards until he found the one with my glasses and mugs inside. He wasn’t looking for anything to take; he was looking for something to smash. My favourite pink mug – bought back when me and Dominic had been happy and safe – smashed into pieces on the kitchen floor. ‘That is your boys head.’
I dug my nails into my palms, trying to seize on something, anything to say. ‘You hurt Dominic and you get nothing,’ I said wildly. Stupidly.
He strode across to me and gripped my chin in his hand. ‘Oh, I’m getting something,’ he said, pushing me back towards the wall. His breath was hot on my face as his hand pressed between my thighs and in a fit of rage I shoved him away and slapped him.
My hand flew to my mouth. What the hell had I done? My face exploded with pain as he punched me and I dropped to the floor, but I held my hand out to him, pleading. ‘Don’t hurt Dominic,’ I said. ‘Please.’ I could taste blood in my mouth, and when I reached up to my face my fingers came away red.
‘I’m not going to hurt him. I’m going to fucking kill him. And before he dies I’m going to tell him his mum didn’t love him enough to pay what she owes.’
I struggled to my feet, grabbing at him as he started to leave. ‘Stop,’ I said, my voice rising hysterically. ‘You can do what you want to me. Just leave Dominic alone!’
‘I want my fucking money!’ he yelled at me, shoving me so hard that I fell and found myself at his feet again. I curled up as he kicked me, until the world faded away.
…
I opened my eyes at the burst of voices. I must have blacked out for a few seconds, but Kevin was still in the flat. And so was my son.
‘Dom!’ I called out with all the strength I had. ‘Dom, run! Run!’
My voice was broken and cracked, and I struggled to focus on the two of them. Once my vision cleared, the shock of what was in front of me made me cry out.
‘Dom, no,’ I sobbed. I tried to get up but the pain almost made me black out again and I slumped to the floor, eyes fixed on the pair of them. Somehow, inexplicably, Dominic was holding a kitchen knife and threatening Kevin with it.
‘I said fuck off!’ Dominic said, gesturing towards the front door, his voice surprisingly strong as my consciousness began to fade. ‘Now!’
The front door slammed closed, the sound shocking me awake again. Dominic dropped to his knees, shaking violently, and I dragged myself across the floor to him despite the blinding pain. ‘Dom?’
There were tears on his cheeks, and his face was white with shock. ‘He’s gone,’ he said. ‘I got him to leave.’
‘Yes,’ I breathed, my mind thick and groggy, ‘yes, you did.’
‘Are you okay?’ he said, coming back to his senses, ‘I’ll call an ambulance.’
‘Did Kevin say anything?’ I asked him, ‘before he left, did he…’
The glassy sheen of Dominic’s eyes told me all I needed to know. If we stayed, we were dead. ‘We need to leave,’ I said, as clearly as I could. ‘We can’t be here. We can’t ever come back here.’
Dominic stared at me. ‘What have I done? What have I done? Mum–’
‘Call Max,’ I said. ‘He needs to get us right now and take us away from here.’ The pain was overwhelming, but I reached out for Dominic’s hand and he held it. ‘We will be okay,’ I reassured him. ‘Max will help us.’
Cattleford
19
On Sunday morning, when we hoped Jessica would be coming home, Harriet sat in the kitchen staring at her phone, eyes full of shock.
‘Are you okay?’ I asked carefully as I joined her, ‘you look like you’ve had some bad news.’
She snapped out of her trance and put the phone down on the table, picking up her mug of coffee instead and taking a long sip. I sat opposite her. ‘So?’
