‘Don’t worry about that. Just get some sleep. We’ll take Reef back home in the morning.’

  …

  The next day dawned cloudy but calm, the stormy rain from the previous night having finally cleared. I’d dipped in and out of sleep on the sofa next to Reef, and when Jessica joined me in the early morning the little boy was fast asleep.

  ‘Poppy, I’m so sorry,’ Jessica said. ‘I shouldn’t have called you and stressed you out, and I shouldn’t have made you sit with a sick child when you’re pregnant, the last thing you need is to catch whatever Reef has.’

  ‘It’s probably just a nasty cold,’ I said, ‘nothing more than that. Anyway, I need a wee, this baby is really giving my bladder a squeeze this morning.’

  ‘I’ll make some tea,’ Jessica said.

  A few minutes later I sat with her at the small table, while Reef continued sleeping. ‘Jess,’ I said slowly, ‘Reef’s dad isn’t some guy you met on holiday, is he?’

  Jessica shook her head, her hands clasped around her mug of tea.

  ‘Who is he?’ I asked quietly. ‘And why did you say sleeping with him was “shameless.”’

  ‘I can’t tell you,’ she said.

  ‘Why not? Was he married when you started seeing him? Was it an affair?’

  ‘I wish that’s all it was,’ she said.

  For a moment I stared at her, totally bewildered, and then an idea hit me like a bus. I knew exactly who Reef’s dad was. How hadn’t I seen it before?

  ‘Jess,’ I said softly, ‘it wasn’t…’ I paused. If I was wrong, she would be horrified at my suggestion, but I was utterly convinced my instinct was right. ‘It wasn’t Ben, was it? Harriet’s ex-husband?’

  25

  Jessica’s eyes were wide with shock. ‘How did you–’

  ‘So it’s true, then?’

  She nodded.

  ‘Jess, how… how did it end up happening?’

  ‘I don’t want to talk about it,’ she said. ‘It’s so awful you can’t believe any one would ever do it. My own sister’s husband…’

  I smiled at her kindly. ‘Torturing yourself about it this much after all these years isn’t helping anybody. You have to forgive yourself.’

  ‘I can’t,’ she said. ‘I mustn’t.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘Because Harriet is still hurting. As long as she’s hurting, I should be hurting too.’

  ‘That’s not true. Perhaps if you can forgive yourself it will help her to heal as well.’

  Abruptly she stood up and went across to Reef, feeling his forehead before sitting down beside him with a sigh.

  ‘Do you have any food here?’ I asked her.

  ‘No. I was going to go across to the little shop and get some croissants.’ She looked at me with concern. ‘You look exhausted,’ she said.

  ‘I’m okay.’

  ‘No, you’re not.’ She glanced between me and her son. ‘I can’t believe I’ve done this. I let myself get so wound up about bloody Tyler that I ran away and hurt the people who actually do care about me.’

  ‘Jess,’ I said calmly, ‘it’s all right. Everyone is fine. Reef is catching up on his sleep, but he’s not feverish now. He’ll probably be completely fine by tomorrow. But you do need to message Harriet and explain where we are. She’ll be getting up in a minute and she’ll worry when she realises none of us are there.’

  My words did the trick, as Jessica’s face lost its haunted look and after messaging her sister she bustled off to get dressed and buy some croissants. By the time she got back with our breakfast Reef was beginning to wake up, and he ate a few bites of a pain au chocolat, though he didn’t have much appetite. Admitting defeat Jessica tucked him up under his blanket and put on the TV, before sitting down at the table opposite me.

  ‘It wasn’t just physical,’ Jessica said once she’d finished her croissant, her voice low as Reef was the other side of the room. ‘Ben had this way of drawing you in.’

  ‘I know what that’s like,’ I said, thinking of Liam.

  ‘He seemed to be offering me everything I ever wanted,’ she continued. ‘I always had kind of a sheltered life, staying at home with my parents rather than moving out. I felt safe with them, but it got boring sometimes. I started to want adventure, and Ben fed into that – he encouraged all my wild ideas, he said we could go travelling – that I didn’t need to hold myself back and be afraid. And I believed him. Now of course I know it was all empty promises to manipulate me. As soon as he found out I was pregnant he didn’t want to know. He was absolutely furious when I said I would tell Harri. He told me I was deranged and childish, and that it had all been a big laugh to him. He said he only slept with me because I was there and I made it so easy. But I was in love with him. I thought we were going to be a family. As much as I knew it would hurt Harriet, my feelings for him overwhelmed me and I couldn’t help myself. And he laughed at me for it.’

  ‘What a complete pig,’ I said.

  ‘I never saw it, the contempt he had for me. He seemed so charming and funny.’

  I looked over at Reef, who was completely absorbed in his cartoons.

  ‘What happened then?’

  Jessica’s face grew guarded and she lowered her voice further. ‘Well, I told Harriet about the baby and all hell broke loose. They got divorced, and I never saw him again.’

  I drained the last of my tea, watching Jessica closely. She was agitated, running her hand through her hair over and over. ‘But Harri stuck by you,’ I said.

  ‘She said Ben was the one to blame, and that he’d taken advantage of me. She was there by my side through everything – she still is – even though I can see how much it hurts her to watch Reef grow up and know who his father is.’

  ‘And you invented the story about his dad being someone you met by the sea? You even chose the name Reef to support it?’

  She sighed wistfully. ‘Sometimes I almost convince myself to believe it, because it’s easier if I can tell myself that’s what happened.’

  We fell into silence as I considered all she had said. ‘I’m so sorry Jess,’ I told her at last. ‘For you and for Harriet.’

  ‘That’s why things are so weird between us. I don’t blame her for getting mad at me sometimes. I’m not sure there’s anyone else in the world who would put up with someone who betrayed them so badly.’

  ‘Well, you have to hold on to people you really care about,’ I said. ‘Even if sometimes it hurts.’

  …

  I jumped out of my skin at the hammering on the door of the caravan, and Jessica leapt to her feet. ‘I told her she didn’t need to come here!’ she said.

  ‘You think it’s Harri?’

  Sure enough, once Jessica unlocked the door Harriet spilled into the caravan in a blaze of fury. ‘What is wrong with you?’ she shouted at Jessica. ‘You scared me half to death, telling me Reef was ill, that Poppy was sat up with him half the night! Poppy is pregnant, Jess, what the hell were you thinking dragging her out of bed and exposing her to whatever it is that Reef has?’

  ‘I’m okay,’ I said. ‘I know I’m pregnant but I’m not ill, I’m perfectly capable of helping out with things.’

  ‘Yes, apparently more capable of helping out than Reef’s own mother!’ Harriet said, her cheeks the same colour as her red highlights.

  ‘Stop shouting!’ Reef cried from his spot on the sofa. Immediately Harriet rushed over to him, making a show of fussing over him. Expecting Jessica to be angry, I was surprised when she went and sat down beside Harriet, apparently having shaken off her sisters’ direct attack on her parenting without comment. In fact she said softly, ‘I’m sorry.’

  Harriet stared at her in blank amazement. ‘What?’

  ‘I don’t want to fight. I know I shouldn’t have run off with Reef in the middle of the night. I was upset about Tyler and I wasn’t thinking straight, but I’m thinking straight now.’

  Reef snuggled up against Harriet’s legs, and Jessica laid her head on Harriet’s shoulder. I couldn’t help but smile at the sight of the three of them. No doubt they had their struggles, but the bonds between them were strong. Strong enough to overcome some pretty daunting odds, anyway.

  My phone began to ring, and seeing it was Dominic I slipped outside and made my way down through the caravans towards the path to the beach as I answered.

  ‘Mum, you have to agree to see Max,’ he said, with barely a hello. His voice was panicky, and I sat down on a low wall by the side of the path. ‘Why?’ I asked slowly. ‘What’s happened?’

  ‘Max told me what you and him were up to with the payroll. And he said to tell you they’re doing an audit at QHM Solutions.’

  26

  Ice settled around my heart. An audit. The payroll fraud could be uncovered! On top of that, Dominic now knew what I’d done. He knew I was a criminal.

  ‘Dom, listen–’

  ‘No. Listen to me, Mum, please. I always suspected there was something going on, Max just told me exactly how you did it.’

  I opened my mouth to try and explain but Dom pressed on quickly. ‘I don’t care what you did. You don’t need to try and explain it. All that matters is that Max thinks he’ll be able to cover it up more thoroughly and protect you. But he needs to talk through a few things face to face. You have to see him. How bad can meeting him really be? If you talk to him and he can cover it up enough that it’s not discovered in the audit, you’ll be safe. You won’t need to hide any more.’

  I closed my eyes. Of course, Dominic would think the fraud was the only reason I was hiding. He didn’t know anything about how Max had treated me since he’d realised my feelings for him weren’t what he’d hoped.

  ‘Dom, if it was possible for him to cover it up more thoroughly, why wouldn’t he just have done that anyway? It’s a trick to draw me out, but I can’t meet with him.’

  ‘Why not?’ he said, his voice rising.

  I looked down at my body. Short of wearing a tent, there was little I could do to disguise my bump anymore.

  ‘I can’t explain, Dom.’

  ‘We used to always talk to each other,’ he said. ‘But if you don’t trust me enough to tell me what’s going on, why should I trust you any more? Max knows more about my life nowadays than you do.’

  ‘Dom–’ I said, my voice cracking, ‘if you knew…’

  ‘Then tell me! I know you and Max weren’t right for each other and you broke up with him. You did the right thing, but why are you treating him so badly now? He was good to us. He took us in when we had nowhere to go. Kevin would have had us both killed.’

  ‘I appreciate what Max did for us back then. Of course I do.’

  ‘And as for what he did for me…’ Dominic said, his voice choked. ‘When I–’

  ‘I know,’ I said quickly, before he could say any more. ‘You must try not to dwell on that. And listen to me, Dom, Max is up to his neck in the fraud. Believe me, if he could do anything more to cover it up, he will do it anyway regardless of whether he meets with me.’

  My hands began to shake. If my crime was discovered before I’d managed to have the baby and confess, what would happen to me? I’d be treated far more harshly, and everyone would realise that Max was the father of my baby, including Max himself.

  ‘I know it doesn’t make a lot of sense to you right now,’ I said, trying to keep my voice steady, ‘but I will explain everything to you soon. Once it’s safe to.’

  ‘And what do I say to Max?’

  ‘How often do you see him?’ I asked, avoiding his question. ‘Is he bothering you?’

  ‘Bothering me? No, he cares about me. A lot more than you do anyway.’

  My eyes filled with tears, but he flung one more barb at me. ‘You know I’ve always said I want to change my surname once I turn eighteen, so that nothing connects me to Liam.’

  ‘Yes, I know.’

  ‘I was going to change it to Farrow the same as you,’ he said. ‘But I don’t know if I can any more, not now that you’ve shut me out. What Max did for me that night–’ I shuddered as he reminded me of it again. What had happened after my argument with Max was beyond a nightmare, and Dominic had no idea what a terrible chain of events it had set unfolding. ‘Well,’ Dominic continued, ‘I want him to know how much I appreciate it. I’m going to change my surname to match his. I’m going to be Dominic Dorsett.’

  I nearly screamed as he hung up, and when I tried to phone back he rejected the call. Dominic Dorsett? He couldn’t do it. Once it was safe for me to tell him the truth he’d be cursing the new name he’d given himself as much as he hated having Liam’s surname now. I hugged my phone to my chest, a low moan escaping from me. I’d have to tell him what Max was really like to stop him from changing his name. But the surname was only scratching the surface of the problem. After being so angry about Liam’s betrayal Dominic had finally felt safe opening up to someone again and the person he’d chosen was Max. Going through another betrayal by another father figure would crush him completely.

  ‘Poppy?’ Harriet’s voice startled me and I turned to her. ‘What on earth?’ she said when she saw the tears on my cheeks.

  ‘Dominic,’ I said helplessly.

  ‘What about Dominic?’

  ‘It’s a nightmare, Harri! It’s a nightmare. You don’t know – you just don’t know…’

  ‘Then tell me,’ she said softly. ‘Come on, let’s go down to the beach. The sun is starting to come out, and there’s no one there this early. Jess is fine with Reef, she won’t disturb us for a while. I know there’s still a lot more to all this than you’ve said.’

  Habmouth

  27

  Max followed me up the stairs. ‘So you’re going to leave are you?’ he said. ‘Just like that?’

  ‘The way you spoke to me, Max. I know I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, but you do not get to talk to me the way you did.’

  He grabbed my arm as we reached the top of the stairs, and for a moment I nearly lost my balance. He quickly helped me steady myself, and his face softened. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I know I completely lost the plot down there. It’s only because I love you so much.’

  ‘Don’t give me that,’ I said. ‘That’s not an excuse.’

  ‘But it is true!’ he protested. ‘I never thought I was going to find someone like you, and not just you, Dom as well. I have a family of my own now and I don’t want to lose you.’

  I brushed past him and made my way to the bedroom. Although I’d said I had no choice but to leave, I didn’t want to. I had nowhere to go and Dominic would be worried and probably decide he couldn’t start university straight away. But on the other hand, Max’s outburst had frightened me. Was he going to behave like that whenever things didn’t go his way? I couldn’t stay here, but where would I go right now? Was it sensible to drag Dominic off somewhere and unsettle him when he was just about to leave home anyway?

  ‘Poppy,’ he said gently. ‘I really am sorry for how I behaved over dinner. I couldn’t stand the thought that you felt more strongly about Liam than you do about me when he treated you so badly and caused you so much pain.’

  I turned to him. His face had lost that strange look he’d had over dinner. This was the man I knew, his eyes pleading with me to believe him and forgive him. Hadn’t Liam looked just the same when he’d come back into our lives? I’d never know for sure whether he’d been plotting to steal from us from the start, but the possibility was there; the possibility that I had been utterly taken in by a man whose only intention was to use me. If I’d got it so wrong then, how could I trust my judgement now? Max had two sides to him, that was the truth, and having a side that was capable of kindness didn’t make it okay that the other was capable of terrifying me.

  ‘Max, you implied I liked being left penniless after what Liam did. That I didn’t want kindness.’

  He placed his hand on my arm gently and I stepped away from him. ‘I’ll make you a proper meal now,’ he said. ‘I was being ridiculous and childish.’

  ‘And saying you’d turn me in? Smashing things on the floor? Max, you are so critical of Liam – and God knows he deserves it – but the way you behaved tonight wasn’t so different to him! He used to yell at me. He threw a glass at me once. If you are going to get angry like this how can I predict what you’ll do next? I can’t live like that. I’m not doing it to myself.’

  There was a long silence. Max sat on the bed, staring down at the carpet between his feet, and I fidgeted with my engagement ring as I joined him.

  ‘There’s something I haven’t told you about me,’ he said.

  ‘I don’t know if it will make any difference now,’ I said heavily. ‘I can’t pretend the last few minutes never happened.’

  ‘Let me tell you anyway,’ he said. ‘Please.’

  I didn’t reply, and at length he started talking. ‘I got married young,’ he said. ‘I was only twenty. Caitlyn was twenty-two. I was head over heels in love with her, and I was happy. I thought it would be forever.’ He took a deep breath. ‘We were together a few years, and then the next thing I know she’s divorcing me. She said our relationship had been over for months, but it’s the first I heard of it.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ I said, ‘but like I said, it doesn’t–’

  ‘Just hear me out. Please,’ he said. ‘It turned out she’d left me for someone else. I didn’t know what to make of it all. I was so shocked and naive that I didn’t put up a fight. I just said I wanted her to be happy, even though inside I was in turmoil. After it was over she blocked my number and I tried to get on with life and move on, though I really struggled. I wished I could speak to her, just one last time, to help me make sense of what had happened. Then, thirteen years later I happened upon a photo of her online with a daughter. A thirteen year old daughter, who looked so much like me there could be no doubt. She’d hidden my child from me. I’ve never met her, my daughter. She’s in her twenties now. When I realised what Caitlyn had done, I said I’d never let the same thing happen again. I wouldn’t let anyone walk all over me the way she did.’

 

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