No Safe Haven: A gripping, twisty tale of loyalty and survival, page 2
I drew in several shaky breaths. She had no idea. ‘It’s… so bad.’ I choked out.
‘Well, you’re safe here,’ Harriet said. ‘The most drama we’ve ever had in Cattleford is when someone nicked a couple of the “village in bloom” hanging basket displays. And the scarecrow competition can get a bit heated from time to time. I thought Mr Quail three doors down was going to punch one of the judges last year.’
I let out a shaky laugh at her words and wiped my eyes, but the tears quickly overflowed again. It was as though all the emotion from the past was trying to come out at once. Harriet rubbed my back. ‘You’ve been holding all this in for a long time, haven’t you?’ she said. ‘It’s going to be okay now. We’ll sort it out.’
My tears began to subside at her reassuring tone. ‘I’m not sure… it can be sorted out.’
Harriet sat back and watched me as my tears finally dried and I took a tentative bite of my toast.
‘Do you and Jessica have plans today?’ I asked her eventually. ‘What do you usually do in the school holidays?’
‘I’ll catch up on paperwork for the shop before I open up again tomorrow, and Jessica will probably take Reef to the park, or maybe swimming.’
‘What shop?’ I asked, realising I had no idea what the sisters did.
‘It was Mum’s originally,’ she said. ‘Bits and Bobbins – it’s a fabric shop and haberdashery. That was the plan when Mum and Dad moved here – start a nice little business in a village, somewhere Jessica could get involved too. Jessica’s a dressmaker. It works well, she can fit it in around Reef and she gets customers via the shop sometimes.’
‘And your parents, where are they now? Does your mum still run the shop, or is it just you?’
‘To begin with I had nothing to do with the shop. It was Mum and Jessica’s thing. Jessica carried on living with them – she never flew the nest. Then my dad got ill and Mum had to spend more and more time looking after him. I was married at that point, and me and Ben – that’s my ex husband – had moved away, but we wanted to be close to family again. I stepped in and took over Bits and Bobbins and me and Ben moved to a house in the village.’
‘But now you and Jessica live here together.’
‘Yes. My dad died, and then four or five years later my mum met someone else. She married him and moved to Spain, and Jessica was here in the house on her own for a bit. Then me and Ben–’ her face contorted with pain. ‘Well, it didn’t work out. We sold our house and I moved in here with Jessica. She needed me while she was pregnant, and when Reef was first born. It wasn’t an easy time for her.’
‘I’m sorry. About your dad, and about you and Ben.’
Harriet nodded her thanks and stood up to clear the table, while I sat and sipped my tea slowly. My hands were still shaky and my eyes were puffy. God knows what Harriet thought of my outburst, though it appeared she’d taken it in her stride. Her unruffled, practical nature was soothing, and an unfamiliar sense of tranquillity filled me as she bustled around the warm and cosy kitchen. ‘How about I help out in the shop?’ I suggested. ‘For free, of course, to make up for you letting me stay. Just while I get myself sorted out.’
Harriet turned. ‘You’re planning on staying a while, then?’
I put my hand up to my mouth. Had they only meant for me to stay one night? I could hardly remember our conversation from the evening before and now I’d put my foot right in it. ‘Sorry, I–’
‘It’s okay,’ Harriet said. ‘Me and Jess realised you’d probably need more than one night, and I would appreciate an extra pair of hands in the shop. We’ve got someone who works Fridays and Saturdays to help me out, but having you there during the week would be good. And I’d enjoy the company.’
I tried not to show my relief too visibly. ‘Thank you,’ I said. ‘Really, Harriet, you don’t know how much this means to me.’
3
After a long soak in the bath – Harriet insisted I spend the morning relaxing – I sat on my little bed beside the window and gazed out at the view. The sister’s cottage garden was a little sorry for itself in winter, dormant as the plants reserved their energy to burst into life in the year ahead, though here and there the odd cluster of berries added some cheer. Beyond the ramshackle stone wall at the bottom of the garden, leafless trees lined the edge of the stream. It was a dismal day – the sky a uniform shade of grey above the bare branches, sprays of drizzle misting the air – and yet I was still struck by the beauty of these surroundings. It was all so gentle, so serene. I got up and pulled on a thick jumper, before making my way downstairs.
‘In this weather?’ Harriet said, when I told her I was going for a walk.
‘I need some fresh air, and to clear my head.’
‘Me and Reef could come?’ Jessica suggested. ‘He’s full of beans no matter what the weather. He needs to run off some energy.’
‘I– sorry, Jess, normally I would, but I need to think for a little while. I want to give Dominic a call too.’
‘Okay,’ she said. ‘I think I’ll take Reef out anyway, but we’ll keep out of your way. I’ll take him down to the duck pond.’
I slipped out of the house while Jessica was still bundling Reef up in a coat and scarf. The weather really was horrible, the drizzle sapping the warmth from my body and misting my hair with chilly droplets. Nevertheless, I made my way to the centre of the village. No more than a small cluster of shops, the central square was empty apart from the war memorial and few vacant benches. I sat down on one and took my phone from my pocket. It was gone eleven now, so Dominic should be up. In fact, when my eyes fell on the screen I was shocked to see how many missed calls I had from him. He must have been calling while I was in the bath.
‘Why haven’t you been answering your phone?’ Dominic said, his voice urgent. ‘I’ve been so worried–’
‘Dom, I’m sorry, I didn’t–’
‘Max is freaking out! He says you’ve blocked his number and disappeared, that he has no idea where you’ve gone.’
‘Me and Max are over,’ I said, as calmly as I could. ‘It’s nothing to do with him where I go or what I do.’
‘I know that,’ Dominic said, ‘but he was good to us and he still cares about you. Couldn’t you have told him you were leaving? Or me, at least? And why have you blocked him?’
‘I don’t owe him any explanation!’ I said, more sharply than I intended. ‘Sorry, Dom,’ I said quickly. ‘I should have told you what was going on, I don’t know why I didn’t.’ I did know, of course. If I’d told him I was planning to leave he would have been worried, and he’d have confided in Max. ‘I just need some space. I’m perfectly safe, you can tell Max not to worry, and you don’t need to be concerned either. I will be changing my number soon though, and when I do, please don’t tell Max my new one. I want a fresh start, and Max can’t be a part of that. I need a clean break, and I think he does too, he just hasn’t realised it yet.’
There was a short silence. ‘So you’re really okay?’
‘Yes. I’m okay. I’m safe.’
I brushed away the drizzle that was settling on my face. What was wrong with my brain nowadays? I should have called Dominic before I went to sleep and told him that I’d left. Of course Max would go straight to Dominic and start worrying him once he realised I’d got away. But I’d barely been able to keep my eyes open. My body just needed to stop.
‘Mum, where are you?’ he asked me. ‘Where are you staying?’
‘I’m safe. That’s all you need to know.’
‘Are you sure you’re safe?’
‘Yes, I’m sure.’
‘What about money?’ Dominic asked.
‘Shouldn’t it be me asking you these questions? You’re supposed to be the penniless student.’
Dominic let out a laugh. ‘Hardly,’ he said. ‘Between my student loan, my restaurant job and the money Max gave me I’ve got more cash than I could have dreamed of back when we–’ he stopped abruptly, sparing me the memory, and I looked up at the sound of voices. A family were walking across the square, a couple of small dogs running along in front of them. They smiled at me and said hello, and I was startled for a moment, then I smiled back, a little guardedly.
‘You don’t need to worry about me,’ Dominic continued, ‘although…’ he paused and I steeled myself. I knew what was coming. ‘I wanted to talk to you about that phone call.’
I closed my eyes briefly, glad when I opened them that the family had disappeared around the corner.
‘Why were you asking me those questions?’ Dominic pressed me. ‘I thought you said we should never mention that night, and yet you–’
‘And we shouldn’t talk about it,’ I said. ‘I wasn’t thinking straight before, and I’m so sorry I scared you. I got paranoid, that’s all, but it’s fine now. I know it’s hard, but you need to try and forget it. We can’t change what happened.’
‘I’ll never forget it,’ he said quietly, and for a moment I couldn’t trust myself to speak. I glanced up at the shop opposite me, trying to calm myself. It was closed – as all the shops were, apart from the small supermarket and the pharmacy – but this shop caught my eye as it was so pretty with its powder pink paintwork, while the window display was a riot of colour. My eyes drifted to the name painted in sprawling, curly script above the door: Bits and Bobbins. This was Harriet’s shop! How wonderful to work somewhere so cheerful.
‘Mum?’
‘I’m sorry,’ I said. I didn’t know what else I could say to him. ‘Just keep reminding yourself that it wasn’t your fault. If it was anyone’s fault it was mine, okay?’
‘No, it was Liam’s.’
I shivered involuntarily. The bench was damp, and rainwater was beginning to soak into my jeans, but I wasn’t in a hurry to get up and start walking again. ‘You can’t stay angry at your dad forever,’ I told him.
‘That man is not my dad.’
‘Dominic, listen to me. Who’s to blame for any of it doesn’t matter any more. And I know my actions probably make no sense to you, but once I’ve had a bit of time to make plans I will explain why I had to leave, okay? I will make it right. I promise.’
There was a burst of laughter and shouting down the phone and Dominic said flatly, ‘We were about to go out for breakfast.’
‘It’s nearly lunchtime.’
‘Not when you don’t go to bed until three a.m. the night before.’
‘You go, then,’ I said, relieved that he was managing to enjoy himself despite everything. ‘Go and have fun.’
‘Mum… I’m worried about you,’ he said. ‘Are you sure you’re okay? I can send you money, I can come and see you, you don’t have to pretend you’re all right.’
‘I’m not your responsibility, you’re mine,’ I said, ashamed by his offer.
‘You know I don’t mean it like that. We’ve always looked after each other. Through everything.’
There was another burst of laughter, and his friends yelling his name, and Dominic sighed.
‘Go,’ I said. ‘We can talk another time. All you need to know is that I’m okay. I’m safe. And I love you.’ I paused. ‘It will be okay. I promise.’
As Dominic ended the call I dug my nails into my palms until my eyes stung with tears. I had to make things right, even though it felt impossible. I couldn’t let my son down, not again.
…
‘So, that’s it,’ Harriet said, ‘I think you’ve seen it all.’
I nodded, slightly sad the tour of Bits and Bobbins was over. I’d enjoyed losing myself in the brightly coloured rolls of fabric towards the back of the store – gazing at the patterns and stroking the rolls of cloth had made me feel cosy and safe like an animal in a little nest. We now stood in a corner surrounded by bright ribbons and thread in every imaginable colour, and Harriet eyed me quizzically.
‘It’s a lovely little place,’ I said. ‘Does it get busy?’
‘People drive here from all around,’ she said, ‘there’s nowhere else like it nearby. It’s still not exactly bustling – not often anyway – but it’s steady. We’ve got quite a few regulars. It’s enough for me and Jess to get by, especially with her dressmaking too.’
‘What do you need me to do?’
‘Well, I want to have a tidy up and reorganise the store room but it’s awkward when I’m on my own. I thought now would be a good time, with you here to help.’
‘Okay,’ I said, ‘just tell me what to do and I’ll do it.’
We worked companionably until lunchtime, Harriet darting off to serve the odd customer who came in, while I tackled the disorder that had crept into the store room. She didn’t try to press me on what had brought me to her door two days before and I didn’t volunteer any information, but at half past twelve she wrote a note saying the shop was closed for lunch and stuck it on the door.
‘We’ll go to the pub for lunch,’ she said. ‘If you want to?’
I nodded, and we pulled on our coats, though the pub wasn’t far. On the corner of the square, The Rose and Thistle appeared for all the world like it had risen up from the earth with its old stone walls strewn with ivy and a higgledy-piggledy assortment of windows which looked like somebody had thrown them at the wall then fitted them where they landed.
I ate warily, sure that Harriet was going to start grilling me any second. Although it was the middle of the day it was dull and dark outside, and despite our table being beside the window it could almost have been evening. The food was delicious though, and gradually my guard began to come down.
‘Did you manage to talk to Dominic yesterday?’ Harriet asked me.
‘Yes, briefly.’
‘Does he know where you are?’
I hesitated. ‘No,’ I said, ‘not exactly. He knows I’m okay, though.’
Harriet nodded as she finished her plate of ham, egg and chips and pushed it aside. ‘Poppy, I can see you don’t really want to talk about whatever it is that’s happened…’
If she was waiting for me to speak, she would be disappointed. My throat closed up, and I jabbed helplessly at the remains of my lasagne.
‘Maybe you could start at the beginning?’ Harriet suggested. ‘The last time we saw each other you were about to move to Habmouth with Liam. What happened after that? Did things go wrong between you?’
Her words opened up a great, yawning canyon in my mind, as though I was looking down on the last eighteen years from a great height. I couldn’t fall back in, not when I’d worked so hard to claw my way out.
Before I could speak, there was a tap on the window. Jessica was outside, a hat with an excessively large, multicoloured bobble perched on her head, while her dark hair tumbled over her shoulders. She disappeared as she made her way to the door, and once inside she pulled up a chair and placed a bulging shopping bag on the floor.
‘I thought you must be in here when I saw the sign on the shop,’ she said. ‘I’ve been getting food for Reef’s birthday party tomorrow.’
I smiled. Reef had been talking about little else that morning before school. ‘Why don’t I pick him up later?’ I suggested. ‘It will give you more time to get organised. That’s if Harriet can spare me from the shop,’ I added.
‘Could you?’ Jessica said. ‘That would really help me out. I had two brides come round for dress fittings this morning before I managed to get out of the door to get this food. I’ve not even bought Reef’s presents yet! Having his birthday so soon after Christmas, it’s chaos.’
‘Well, you definitely need the afternoon to yourself then,’ I said, imagining Reef’s face if he didn’t get all the various extra bits of train set that he insisted he needed. The house was littered with wooden track and little trains, which drove Harriet to distraction, though Jessica was apparently unconcerned by the mess, content to kick things out of the way when necessary.
Jessica rushed off to take the party food back to the house, while Harriet and I, slightly reluctantly, left the cosy pub to make our way back to Bits and Bobbins.
‘Whatever it is,’ Harriet said to me as she unlocked the door, ‘it won’t seem as bad once you’ve shared it, I promise you. I don’t want to pry, but maybe a new perspective on things could help you plan your next steps.’
My stomach clenched. Your next steps. Harriet was wondering when I was going to leave. ‘I– I think I’m still trying to process it all myself, to be honest,’ I said.
I was relieved to be away from Harriet’s questions at school pick-up time, and once I’d collected Reef I sat with him in the corner of the living room, helping him build his train set. Initially unsure about being left with me, he was now perfectly happy, attaching bits of track together and running his beloved trains around it. Harriet was startled when she came home from the shop to find me and Reef sat in the kitchen tucking into jacket potatoes, and she glanced around to see where Jessica was.
‘There’s two more potatoes in the oven for you and Jess,’ I told her.
Harriet frowned. ‘Is she still not back, then? I thought she’d be with you.’
‘She said she got caught up. I’m sure she’ll be back soon.’
Harriet looked at her watch, and then went over to the oven to check on the potatoes. ‘She probably went to the big shopping centre in Bracton. It takes a little while to drive there.’
Jessica didn’t arrive for another half an hour, when she burst through the door with bulging shopping bags. ‘Got a few other things,’ she said to me as she rushed down the hall, trying to keep the bags from Reef’s sight.
‘Good,’ I said, ‘I’m glad I could help out.’ She beamed at me and dashed up the stairs, for all the world like a teenager who had been allowed out to meet their friends when they were supposed to be grounded. Harriet’s face was set in a look of disapproval, but she made no comment. Once Jessica had deposited the shopping in her room and come back to hug Reef she’d lost none of her exuberance, and started chattering away to him animatedly.
‘It’s late,’ Harriet said, ‘he should be getting to bed.’
