I shake my head quickly, telling him no, but also trying to get my head on straight. I cannot fall back into his arms. Not after what he did to me. Not after he scared the shit out of me and my best friend just so I’d move into his house. Not after he fucked another woman while I was still in the house, just because I told him I’m a virgin.

  “Fuck no, I’m not. How did you even know I was here?!” I yell.

  People are starting to stare, but I don’t give a shit.

  “I have my ways,” he says cryptically.

  Ugh. Classic Donovan. I turn to look at Sway and Leanne.

  “Did you fucking tell him we were here?!” I scream, my blood boiling.

  “I swear to God, I didn’t,” Sway says, pulling Leanne close to him.

  “Then how did you know?” I ask, turning my attention back to Donovan.

  He doesn’t say anything and then I think back to him always knowing where I was, even before the earrings, and it clicks. My fucking phone.

  “You’re a psycho, controlling piece of shit!” I shout, pulling my phone from my purse. “Track this.” I throw the phone to the ground and stomp on it, then grab David’s hand. “Come on. Let’s get out of here.”

  I make it three steps, and my anger turns to heartbreak once again. It’s like the alcohol has instantly worn off.

  David hails us a cab, and I climb in next to him. I don’t have a desire to sleep with him anymore, but I don’t know what to do.

  Donovan is shouting at me, but I tune out the noise and give the cab driver my address.

  “I am so sorry about that,” I tell David, who wraps his arm around me.

  His touch is calming. Something about it feels like when Leanne wraps her arms around me. Can I actually sleep with a guy I feel no sexual attraction to?

  “Ex-boyfriend?” he asks.

  I nod into his chest.

  “Do you love him?”

  I nod again.

  I don’t want to love Donovan, but I do. I can’t help it. I know it’s not right or healthy, but it’s how I feel. I want him so fucking bad, but he doesn’t want me the way I want him. If he did, he wouldn’t have slept with another woman while I was there. And how can I forgive him for that?

  “I get it. I was out tonight to forget about my ex too. It’s hard when you love someone, but the relationship is toxic.”

  How does he get it so well?

  We pull up to my place, and David kisses me on the top of my head.

  “Have a good night. Don’t let an asshole break your spirit, all right?”

  I smile at him and nod.

  He stays in the cab, and I wave as he leaves. I guess good guys do exist. Too bad they aren’t what I’m drawn to.

  As soon as Donovan showed up at the club, he was all I wanted. My body is still craving his touch. David was wonderful and hot, but he was almost too sweet.

  I get into my house and unlock the door, entering my alarm code. I think about the meaning of the numbers. Everything in my life right now is a fucking constant reminder that Donovan has consumed me. I was only with him for a short time, but he dug his way into my heart.

  I look around at the empty place. I completely forgot that we had cleared it out and moved all of my stuff into a storage unit. I lean against the wall by my door and lower myself to the ground. I can’t even call for help.

  Tears start to pour down my face. What a fucking life.

  I must have passed out by the door, because a knock wakes me up.

  “Paige, are you in there?” Leanne shouts.

  I stand up, opening the door and flinging myself into her arms.

  “Come on. Let’s get you back to my place,” she says, pulling me toward her car.

  “How did I forget my house was empty?” I ask.

  She shakes her head. “Stuff happens when you’re drunk. Where’s David?”

  “He was actually a good guy and just made sure I got here safely.”

  Sway waves from the driver’s side of Leanne’s car.

  “How are you feeling?” he asks when we climb into the backseat.

  “Not bad, which means I’m still drunk. There is no way I won’t get a hangover after the amount of tequila we drank.”

  Sway chuckles and pulls out of my drive.

  “Can you guys help me move back into my place next weekend?” I ask.

  Leanne nods. “If that’s what you want, yes, but you are totally welcome to stay at my place as long as you want.”

  “I know. I just want life to go back to normal.”

  The rest of the drive is quiet, and I can’t help but let my thoughts drift to Donovan. Why did he have to fuck this all up? Why was me being a virgin such a big deal?

  I climb into bed and cry myself to sleep again like I do every night. All he had to do was love me back, but I guess he wasn’t capable of that.

  Maybe one day I’ll find the kind of love I’ve always dreamed about. Except that I think my dream has changed.

  I still want Donovan so fucking bad. But I won’t be treated like a side piece. If he wants me, there will have to be a whole lot of groveling and apologizing. I’m not just running back into his arms.

  “Did she fuck him?” I ask Sway, who just glares at me.

  “I’m not answering that, because it’s none of your business.”

  I want to yell at him, but he’s right.

  “You shouldn’t have fucking been there, Don,” he spits out.

  I run a hand over my face.

  “You should have told me she was going out. What if she got hurt?!” I yell.

  “I was with her!” he yells back, his face red. “And besides, she’s nothing to you anymore. I’m not forcing a woman to be with you, man! That would make us just as bad as those fuckers we want to kill.”

  I grind my teeth, wanting to throw his head into the countertop. But he isn’t wrong, and that’s what’s even more upsetting.

  “Do you want her back?” he asks, staring at me for a real answer.

  “More than anything,” I admit.

  “Then you have to make her see that you actually care. I know we don’t do the love shit. It’s not who we are. But you fucked a girl while she was here. You have a lot of apologizing to do. She also figured out that you manipulated her to move in with you.”

  “Fuck,” I hiss.

  He laughs. “I think she’s good for you in some ways. I just don’t like when you’re confused. So either get her back and hold on tight, or let her go completely and move on.”

  I grab the back of my neck and nod.

  “So, what’s the game plan?” he asks, changing the subject.

  “Kyle has been doing all the groundwork. We have our targets. I think the best way to do this is to hit them all at once. Give everyone a hit and take them out. They won’t see it coming. You, me, and your closest brothers will hit Hector and whoever is with him. We can have it all done in one night.”

  “I’ll talk to the guys, but I think we can make it work. Don’t tell anyone else. This has to be a surprise. I’m thinking we wait a few weeks to make sure it’s all sorted out and we know exactly where these asshats will be.”

  I nod. We are finally going to shut this shit down. But first, I’m getting my girl back.

  “Fuck off,” Paige says, trying to push past me to get into her car.

  “Hear me out,” I say.

  If her eyes could actually shoot the daggers she’s giving me right now, I’d be dead.

  “Why the hell would I do that? You are a disgusting piece of shit and I never want to see you again.” She pushes my chest with probably as much force as she actually has, but I don’t move.

  “One dinner.”

  “No!” she screams, and an old lady walking her dog stares at us.

  “It’s okay, Miss Crippen. I’m fine.”

  Miss Crippen nods, but glares at me before walking off.

  “Seriously, Donovan, I’m over this shit. I’m almost done with school, and I just want to live a normal life again.”

  “Is normal what you really want? Because I remember how your body reacted to mine. I bet it still does.”

  I lean in and kiss her neck. Her body shivers, and I smile. Yep, still the same reaction.

  She steps back and shakes her head. “Well, my body is stupid. But I’m not. You fucked another woman while I was there. You probably have STIs or something.”

  I chuckle. “I promise you, I don’t. I could get you a medical report if you want.”

  “That isn’t the point!” she growls. “The point is, you’re so used to how your world works that you don’t think about other people. I am not a woman who is going to sit on the side and let you fuck other women. I won’t be your arm candy. I understand you like to be in control, and I don’t even hate that. But I’m not your slave. I’m your other half. That’s how real relationships work, Donovan. You have to trust me, and you have to be honest with me, or I can’t trust you. And I can’t give in to you if I can’t trust you.”

  “I’m so sorry, Paige. You’re right. I’m not used to relationships of any kind. I’m used to everyone around me doing what I say because they’re afraid of me. They don’t ask questions, and I don’t have to tell them anything I don’t want to,” I admit.

  She sighs. “That’s not how relationships work, though. At least not a relationship I want to be a part of. I’m willing to obey you when you give me instructions. I liked pleasing you.” She bites her lip at the admission. “But I don’t like being kept in the dark, and I don’t like being manipulated. Was there a real threat against me or did you throw that rock to get your way?”

  I hang my head. “It was me.”

  “Exactly. If you don’t get your way, you act like a child.”

  “I’m sorry,” I apologize again. “I want you back, and I’ll do anything you want.”

  She stares at me, but doesn’t say anything. Her face is hard to read.

  “Please come to dinner,” I try again.

  “Just dinner,” she finally says, breaking her silence. “But we have a lot to talk about, and if you lie about anything, we are done for good.”

  “I’ll tell you whatever you want. But pick your questions carefully. You may not like the answers.”

  I move away from her car, and she climbs in.

  “Seven o’clock. Don’t be late,” I tell her.

  She shakes her head. “I’m glad to see that hasn’t changed.”

  She closes her door and drives off, and I’m left standing there staring at her taillights.

  I have one chance to get her back. I can’t fuck this up.

  “Am I really doing this?” I ask Leanne, pulling my black tank top over my head.

  “You can back out, you know. I don’t even think he deserves a second chance.” She crosses her arms and tries to look mad.

  I giggle. “Yeah, I don’t know if he deserves a second chance or not. But I have questions that need answers. I can’t get him out of my head, and he owns my heart. If he answers my questions honestly, I’ll have a hard time saying no to him.”

  “Just be careful,” she says, standing from her bed and pulling me into her arms.

  I hug her back, taking a few deep breaths. “What’s the worst he can do? He already broke my heart.”

  “He’d better beg for your forgiveness. And if he does anything to hurt you again, I’ll cut his dick off.”

  I laugh. “I’ll allow it.”

  “You look beautiful,” Donovan says, resting a hand on my hip and kissing my cheek.

  Of course, my body immediately heats with want. Ugh. I need to have a level head for this conversation.

  Pulling myself from his touch, I straighten my spine. “Don’t touch me until after our conversation, please. I can’t think straight when you do.”

  If I want him to be honest tonight, I have to give him the same courtesy.

  He nods. “I had the chef make us lamb. It reminds me of better times.”

  I smile. “Well, I’m excited to try her take on it.”

  I follow Donovan to his dining room. We haven’t actually had meals here before. Normally, we eat at the small table in his kitchen. This room feels far too formal.

  “Are you all right?” he asks when I pause outside the dining room.

  “Fine,” I say, shaking my head. “I just don’t normally use a dining room. I’ve told you this before, but I’m not used to your lifestyle and your wealth.”

  He grabs my hand, and it’s like a fire inside me was lit. I want to kiss him more than anything. To forgive him just because I love him so much.

  “Would you like me to move the food?” he asks.

  I shake my head and pull my hand back. “No, this is fine. Thank you.”

  He nods and walks to a chair, pulling it out and gesturing for me to sit. I comply, and he brushes my hair over one shoulder.

  “I know you aren’t used to this life, but I want you to be treated like a queen. I was a fool for treating you like less before,” he whispers into my ear.

  I’m fucked. My anger for him is already melting away.

  We start eating in silence. I’m still consumed with the way he makes me feel, and I can’t even remember the questions I wanted to ask.

  “So, where do you want to start?” he asks.

  “Why was me being a virgin such a big deal?” I ask, starting with the first thing that pops into my head.

  “Because you’re innocent. I already knew you were pure, but when you told me you were a virgin, my head just screamed at me and told me that I couldn’t have you. I’m not a good man, and you deserve so much better. I mean, I freaked out and fucked another woman just to release tension. I couldn’t even come, because all I thought about was you. The way you taste, the way your body feels against mine. I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything. But I’m not good enough for you. My sister was taken from me when I was young; she was raped and murdered. And your innocence just reminded me of her.”

  I gasp, his confession leaving me speechless.

  “But you weren’t raping me. I wanted you,” I finally manage to say.

  “You don’t know what you want. If you knew all my dark secrets, you wouldn’t want me.”

  “You can’t tell me what I want!” I shout. “I know you kill people. I’ve seen you shoot a man right in front of me, and I’m still here.”

  “You were right. I was the one who manipulated you to move in with me. The reason you’re in danger is all my fault. I’ve stalked you since the day you saved me. You know I’m a bad man, but the good in you called to me. I couldn’t stay away. You were all I could think about. I messed with Leanne’s car so that she would need a repair to get her to think I was a good guy. I put a tracker in your phone so I could see all your texts and know where you were at all times. I put cameras and microphones in the library so I could keep tabs on you. I’ve killed so many men it’s not even funny. In fact, I have a man dying in my basement as we speak. Every man who I’ve killed deserved to die, but I took joy in ending their life. You should be terrified of me. You were smart to run. But not because I fucked another woman. Because I’m only bad. There is no heart inside my chest, only darkness.”

  He’s right. I should get up and run. Never talk to him again. But I can’t do it. Fear isn’t what I feel right now.

  “How could you want a man like that?” he continues.

  I stand, walking over to his side of the table, then place my hands on his cheeks and kiss him gently.

  His honesty is having the exact opposite effect on me than what he seems to want. Maybe it’s because I’ve already pieced a lot of it together, or maybe it’s because I honestly don’t even care anymore.

  “I don’t care how many men you’ve killed,” I tell him honestly. “What I care about is how you treat me.” I point to my chest with one hand. “I knew you were a bad man, and I tried to guard my heart against you. But it’s like the universe pulls me to you. Maybe the good in me wants to fix the bad in you. I’m not looking to change you; I know that’s impossible. If you say those men deserved to die, then I believe you. The law doesn’t always work, and assholes go free all the time. But I have a few more questions that you have to answer before this can go any further.”

  “Anything,” he says, grabbing my wrists gently.

  “Have you ever hurt a woman?”

  He shakes his head. “Women and children are not to be touched. That is the only no-go for me.”

  I nod. “Will you ever lie to me again?”

  “Never,” he says, staring into my eyes.

  I don’t know why I believe him now when he’s lied to me so many times, but I do.

  “I will listen to you if you explain why you are telling me to do something. Do you trust me to listen to you?” I ask.

  “I do.”

  “Will you treat me as your equal in life?”

  “If you allow me to be me, and listen to me, then you will have all my respect.”

  I kiss him again.

  “I’m yours,” I whisper against his lips.

  Pulling me into his lap so that I’m straddling him, he kisses me deeply. I’m instantly wet, wanting him to claim my body.

  “How did I get you in my life? I don’t deserve you, but I will never do anything to hurt you again,” he says, breathing heavily.

  I don’t answer him. Instead, I just kiss him again, pressing my breasts into his chest and grinding into his lap.

  “Stop that or I’m going to fuck you on this table,” he growls.

  “I don’t even care anymore. I want you so bad.”

  He shakes his head. “That will not be how you lose your virginity. I will try to take my time with you, but I can’t promise anything.”

  He picks me up and carries me to his room, kissing me every moment he can. When we get there, he lays me gently down on his bed. A look of uncertainty crosses his face.

  I always thought I wanted gentle for my first time. With a good man. A man who doesn’t have a dying man in his basement at this very moment. But life changes, and I don’t want gentle anymore. I want all of him. I don’t want him to hold anything back.

  His hands shake as he undoes my jeans. He’s trying so hard to control himself, and I’ve had enough.

 

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