Monster In The Shadows: A stand-alone dark romance, page 14
“Us,” I finally admit. “I know I’m yours, and you want me to obey you. But I don’t know the rules. How am I supposed to rise to your standards when I can’t read your mind? I’m not purposefully trying to piss you off here, but your mood swings are driving me crazy. I guess I’m just hoping you’ll lay out better guidelines for me.”
He straightens his tie and nods. I’ve never known anyone who wears a suit all the time, but fuck, Donovan looks good in one.
“I’m sorry for that, Paige. I know you can’t read my mind, and I will be more mindful of making sure everything is clear for you. This is just as new for me as it is for you. I guess I’m just used to people cowering and walking on eggshells around me. But that isn’t you, and I like that. What are you confused about?”
I pause and think about the question. “Where in the house am I allowed to go, and where is off-limits? Do I have to be with you at all times?”
He smiles. “You can be alone if you wish, and most of the house is fine for you to visit. Don’t go into the basement and stay out of the west wing of the house. That is the staff’s living area and they like their space.”
“Am I allowed to invite people over?”
“If you ask beforehand, yes. I don’t want you to feel like a prisoner here. I just want you to respect me.”
“How often do I have to work out?” I ask, stretching my arms, which already feel sore.
“Any day you aren’t working at the hospital. I know those are strenuous days, so I won’t make you do it after a shift, but on your days off, you will work out. I promise you’ll start to enjoy it.”
“Not likely,” I mutter, rolling my eyes.
Donovan reaches across the table and places his hand on mine. “Overall, Paige, I just want you to think before you act. If you think of me, I think you will find most of your answers.”
I nod. He isn’t wrong. I contemplated not wearing this dress tonight, but I knew he would want me to wear it, so I did. And when he complimented me, it felt good.
I finish eating and stand. “I’m going to change into my bathing suit, if that’s all right?”
He nods with a big smile.
“Will you be joining me?” I ask, hoping he does.
“I have some work to finish up, but yes, I will join you in a bit.”
I bite my lip, smile, and rush off to change.
The hot water floats around my body, and I relish the way it takes the pain of my muscles away.
“Do you want another massage?” Donovan’s voice breaks through the silence.
“Yes, please,” I say, giving him a small smile.
He cocks his head to the side, gesturing for me to move over to the stairs again. Once I settle myself between his legs, he kneads away at my muscles, relaxing them perfectly. Small whimpers and moans leave my lips, causing Donovan to huff out his breaths.
“Do you know what those noises do to me?” he asks, his voice lower than normal.
I squeeze my legs together, assuming my moans do the same as his voice.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, trying not to moan as he hits another spot just right.
“Don’t apologize. I want you, Paige. And I think you want me too.”
I pull out of his grasp and turn on my knees, looking directly into his eyes. Rather than speaking, I just kiss him, afraid that if I say anything, I’ll back out of this.
He puts his hands around my waist, pulling me into him. His erection presses into my stomach, and I squeeze my knees together more. He angles our heads so he can kiss me deeper, and he growls when I sweep my tongue out to play with his.
Pulling me from the water, he lays me down beside the hot tub.
“I’ve wanted this for so long it physically hurts,” he tells me, thrusting his hips into mine.
I kiss him again, needing him so badly that I can’t think straight. He moves slightly and slides a finger under my bathing suit and into my wetness.
As if finally realizing what I’m doing, my brain starts firing off warning signals.
“Can we take this slow?” I whisper, trying to push him off of me, but he doesn’t budge.
“I don’t do slow, Paige. I take what I want, how I want it. Don’t you know this by now?”
He bites my neck, hard. I scream because I’m caught off guard, but it feels so good. He inserts his finger further into me, but I squeeze my legs together, trying to stop it. Yes, I want him, but I figured maybe he would show me his softer side, not just fuck me on the side of the pool.
“I just thought my first time would be more special,” I admit.
He freezes.
Sitting up quickly, he pushes himself away from me. His face is white, and I instantly freeze, missing the warmth of the hot tub.
“What do you mean, your first time?” he tries to growl, but his voice warbles slightly.
“I mean, I’ve never done anything with anyone before,” I admit.
Sitting up, I pull my knees to my chest, feeling the tears bubble to the surface.
“How is that possible? You’re twenty-seven!” he shouts.
I shiver from the cold and his temper.
“It just never felt right,” I start, and he raises his hand, stopping me from elaborating.
“Fuck,” he hisses, running his hand over his face.
“If you just go slow, I’ll give it to you. I know you care for me,” I whisper, still wanting him, just in a different way.
“Go to your room,” he states coldly, standing to get towels.
He throws one at me, but I don’t move.
“For fuck’s sake, Paige! Go!” he screams.
Again, I don’t move, hoping he’ll calm down and talk to me. He growls and lunges at me, grabbing my throat and squeezing harder than I ever thought he would.
“Go to your fucking room, or I’ll make you, and you won’t like it.”
He lets go and I run, tears streaming down my face.
I should have known better. I should have known this would never work. But why does his rejection break my heart?
I don’t follow Paige. Instead, I head to my gym, needing to lift weights or punch something.
A fucking virgin. You have got to be kidding me.
I let out a scream and punch a bag. I know I should wrap my knuckles first, but right now, I don’t care.
I can’t be the one she gives her virginity to. Even if I could be sweet and slow—which I can’t—she deserves better. She should lose her virginity to someone she loves. Someone who is capable of loving her back.
She was right to stop me. I know most people lose their virginities in worse places than beside a private pool, but when you’ve held off as long as she has, there has to be a reason.
I can’t fuck her now. I won’t. I knew she was innocent; I just didn’t know how much.
I pace around the gym, anger coursing through my veins. How could I have been so stupid? How did I miss the fucking signs? She doesn’t date. She’s timid. She blushes all the fucking time.
Moving to my free weights, I pick up two heavy weights—probably heavier than I should be lifting—and start to do bicep curls, cursing with every curl. After I can barely move my arms anymore, I drop the weights. They clang as they hit the ground.
I pull at my hair hard, needing to feel the pain. I need a release of some sort, something to make all of these emotions disappear. I wish I could bury my cock deep inside Paige, but that isn’t possible. It can never happen.
I leave my gym and jog up the stairs, on a mission to find my phone. As soon as I do, I pull up a number I shouldn’t.
“Long time, no talk,” Natasha’s voice purrs through the phone.
“Get over here. You have twenty minutes,” I bark.
“Yes, sir,” she says before hanging up.
I’m a fucking asshole for doing this. But now that I know Paige is a virgin, I can’t have her falling for me anymore. She’s too light and I’m too dark. She needs to hate me, and this will be a sure-fire way for it to happen. I know I need to let her go, to relinquish my claim on her. But if I do, she’ll probably end up dead, and I don’t want that. When the threat is removed, I’ll need to completely separate myself from her, or I’ll end up destroying her life.
I slowly trek down the hall to Donovan’s room, wanting to talk. I don’t know if he’ll want to see me right now because he was so angry earlier, but how can we move on if we don’t talk?
Stopping outside his door, I raise my hand to knock when I hear female moans.
What the fuck?
“More, sir. Please. Fuck. Yes!” she says between moans and husky grunts from Donovan.
I gasp and cover my mouth, running back to my room.
I can’t believe he’s fucking someone else right now. I know we aren’t dating, but I didn’t think he would fuck someone with me here, especially after earlier. He wanted me, and then I told him I was a virgin and he reacted like my touch burned him. I guess he only likes used pussy.
Grabbing my phone, I call Leanne with tears running down my face.
“Hey, hon. It’s late. What’s up?” she asks, and I hear her giggle, then it sounds like she’s holding the phone away from her mouth. “Stop that. It’s Paige.”
Fuck. She’s with Sway.
“I’m sorry to bother you, but I need you to pick me up. I’m packing my bag right now. I need to get out of here now, Leanne.” My words are rushed, and I know she can hear me crying.
“I’m on my way. Give me twenty minutes and I’ll be there.” She doesn’t ask any questions before hanging up.
She’s always been there when I needed her, and tonight is no different.
I grab my box of letters, thinking about throwing out Donovan’s note, but stopping myself. I shove it to the bottom of my bag and quickly pack my clothes.
I’m standing at the front door when Leanne pulls up. I let out a sigh of relief that Donovan is still busy with his slut. I don’t ever want to see him again. He can die, for all I care.
“Thank you for coming,” I say after putting my suitcase in the backseat of her car.
“You know I’ll always be there for you. Do you want to talk about it?”
I shake my head, another tear slipping down my face.
“Maybe later, but right now, I just want to sleep for a hundred years. Can I spend the night at your place? I have to get my furniture out of storage, and I don’t really want to be alone tonight.”
She nods and grabs my hand. “Of course. My house is your house. You can live with me until you feel safe. You know my office has a pull-out couch for guests. It’s your room now.”
I can’t help but start to cry all over again.
“Oh, honey,” she says, squeezing my hand. “We’ll get you through this.”
As we pull away, I look out the back window. Donovan is standing there in just a pair of sweats, face red and fists clenched.
“Get the fuck back here!” he yells, but we don’t stop.
Pulling my phone out of my purse, I text him.
Me: I’m not yours anymore. You can go fuck yourself. I’d rather die than ever see you again.
I power it off and shove it back into my purse. The only other person who would need to get a hold of me is sitting next to me.
How could I have been so stupid? I am so glad we didn’t sleep together. Even if I wasn’t a virgin and we did sleep together, he still probably would have fucked that hoe. I mean, he always gets what he wants, right?
When we pull up to Leanne’s house, the one she inherited from her grandma, I see Sway’s bike.
“Sorry. I thought he was leaving,” Leanne says.
Her eyes are begging for me to believe her, and I do. She would never hurt me. Sway is probably still here to check up on me.
We enter her house, and Sway nods at me. “Donovan wants you to call him.”
“Well, I don’t do what Donovan says anymore,” I state, walking away from him.
“I think maybe you should go; we need some girl time. I’ll call you tomorrow, though,” I hear Leanne tell Sway.
“Okay. If you need anything, call me, okay?” he tells her, and they are quiet for a couple of minutes, probably kissing goodbye.
I think back to how it felt when Donovan kissed me. The way a spark lit inside me. I was really beginning to think he was the one. But now I realize that he will never be a good guy. It just isn’t in his DNA to be like that.
I set my bag on the floor of the office and take the cushions off the pull-out couch.
“Here, let me help you,” Leanne says as she walks into the office.
We get the bed made, and I sit down, Leanne sitting beside me.
“He was fucking someone else,” I finally say, and fall back on the bed, staring at the ceiling.
“He’s a fool,” she says quietly.
I nod. “I’m really hurting right now, but I know the pain won’t last forever. Can you drive me to get my car tomorrow so I’m not a burden to you?”
She pushes me. “You are not a burden. But I will drive you to get your car. There’s lots of space for you to park on the street.”
“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. Thank you for being amazing.”
She leans over to hug me. “You’re my sister. You would do the same thing for me.”
“If Sway breaks your heart, I’ll chop his dick off,” I mumble.
Leanne laughs. “I would expect no less. You sleep well, okay?”
I nod. As soon as she leaves, I change into my pajamas and crawl under the covers. The bed is a bit harder than I’m used to, making me wish I could have just gone home.
I don’t know what my life is going to be like now. Are those people going to try to kill me? Is it even safe for me to be at Leanne’s house, or is it putting her in danger too?
I’m thankful that she has Sway. He’ll protect her.
“Why didn’t you bring her back here?!” I scream at Sway.
“She wasn’t going to come willingly. She’s fine. She’s with Leanne.”
I run a hand over my face and then punch the wall. Feeling a bite of pain, I shake my hand and notice that my knuckles are slightly torn.
“Why did she leave?” he asks.
I shake my head. “Because I’m a fucking idiot.”
Walking to my liquor cabinet, I grab a bottle of Scotch and bring it to my lips, chugging.
“You know what? It’s for the best. Fuck her,” I say before chugging again. “Winston was right. She was a distraction.”
Sway raises a brow at me. “That’s all you’re giving me?”
I nod and chug some more. The Scotch burns, but I love it.
“Well, if that’s what you think, okay. I’m not saying you’re right, but I know better than to try to change you. Just don’t let this fuck with your head. We’re so close to getting the answers we need. Your head needs to be in the game. I’m not going to war with you if your brain is clouded.”
“I always do what has to be done. A woman will not bring me down. She wanted out, and now she’s out. She’s happy, and I’m happy.” I paste a fake grin on my face before chugging some more Scotch.
“Yep. You sure look happy,” Sway scoffs sarcastically.
“You know what? Fuck off,” I tell him.
I shouldn’t be taking my anger out on him, but I don’t know how else to deal with all the shit that’s going on in my head.
“You love her, don’t you?” he asks, catching me off guard.
“You can’t love someone when you don’t have a heart,” I state plainly.
“You wouldn’t be this torn up over her leaving if you didn’t.”
“I pushed her away. This is my fault. But it’s for the best. I’m not meant to have happiness. I lost my sister, and this is my punishment.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it,” Sway says.
He always calls it like he sees it.
“I’m done.” I stand to walk away. “Meet me back here tomorrow night to help me get answers out of Marcus. My personal life is off-limits.”
I stomp off to my room, ending the conversation. Is it mature? No. But I’ve never felt like this before. It’s a completely foreign feeling, and I don’t know how to process it.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Leanne asks, crossing her arms across her chest and leaning against her door.
“Can I talk to Paige?” I slur drunkenly.
“Did you drive here? Because if you did, I’m calling the cops. We don’t need you killing someone on the road.”
I can’t help but laugh. She doesn’t know that I literally kill people for a living. I didn’t drive, not because I care about the law, but because I didn’t want to wreck my nice cars. I can barely fucking walk, let alone drive.
“Just get Paige,” I demand.
She shakes her head. “Go the fuck home, Donovan. The last thing you are doing is talking to Paige. She’s still sleeping. She spent the whole night crying over you.”
I don’t leave, and Leanne grinds her teeth. She pulls her phone out, and for a second, I think she’s going to call the cops. Not that it’ll do her any good. Most cops in this town are dirty, and I could pay them off.
“Come and get Donovan. He won’t get off my front porch,” she says, and I know it isn’t the cops.
“I just need to see her.” I sound fucking pathetic.
I never did sleep last night. I just drank more and fucked a bunch of stupid whores. My clothes are wrinkled and I stink, but I need to see Paige. I need to know she’s okay. Her phone and her earrings are both here, so she has to be here, but I just need to see it to believe it. I need to know she’s okay.
“You aren’t seeing shit. Sway is on his way, and he’s pissed that you’re here.”
“Please,” I beg.
Wait, what? I never fucking beg. What the hell is wrong with me?
“Maybe you should have thought that shit through before you cheated on her. I mean, at least you should have had the decency to do it while she wasn’t home. You fucking knew she would hear it. You know what? I think you wanted her to hear it. You wanted to destroy her. Well, congratulations. You succeeded.”
She pushes me backward, and I stumble, unable to hold my balance.
