GETTING OVER YOU: a novel by:, page 28
Cindi broke away from me.
“I had to see you,” I said. “I had to face it all. I…”
“It’s okay,” she said. “Oh, Cros, it’s okay.”
“But it’s not,” I whispered. “I ruined everything. Then and now.”
My sister knew nothing of Josie. She knew nothing of my life now. She knew nothing of how I hid behind music to mask my pain and regret. She knew nothing of how my pain had been pushed aside for overwhelming happiness because of Josie. She knew nothing of how I just threw that away…
“I didn’t know where else to go,” I said. “This is me, Cindi. This is all of me. Broken. Because of everything I lost too.”
“Follow me,” she said.
I walked through the house that contained the ghosts of memories of Nicholas. His playful yells. His serious cries when he would fall and bump his arm or leg. The scream of happiness on Christmas morning when he’d come charging down the stairs to see if Santa had come.
I could hear it all.
And I could feel… smell… the house…
The look on Kait’s face, confused as she stood on the steps.
The heat of the walls.
The thickness of the smoke.
Meadow in the corner of her room, frozen with shock as to what to actually do.
“Here,” Cindi said as she appeared from the pantry closet with a half empty bottle of whiskey.
“This is going to piss off Noah,” I said.
“You being here is going to piss him off,” she said.
I twisted off the cap and took a long drink.
It burned so bad and so good at the same time.
Cindi leaned against the kitchen sink, the light above it shining down on her.
“You look like hell,” she said.
“I feel like hell, sis.”
“Good… now tell me everything that’s happened to you.”
37
Maybe Too Late…
THEN
Josie
It was our favorite restaurant. Way too fancy and way too expensive. But we always found a way to save up some money and treat ourselves. Especially when things got a little rough in life. We’d dress up nicely and pretend to be on a first date. We’d flirt and casually touch hands. Denny would work his magic to try and get me to go home with him. Which I was going to do anyway since we lived together.
But it was fun.
It took away the edge.
I had been working on a few paintings for a gallery and after finishing all the artwork and taking it there, I was told to leave. Some other artist from Paris was coming to town and I was bumped. Basically, I was a no name and it didn’t matter. Which meant all that time and effort had gone to waste. It also meant not making any money on my artwork either. On top of that, Denny had his hours cut to part-time thanks to some kind of shut down at the building the electrical company he worked for had been working on. So that meant things were rough and were going to get rougher.
So that’s why we needed tonight.
To meet up at the restaurant and just experience the first date thing.
The whole butterflies in the belly thing.
Holding hands and walking the street, getting to know each other.
It always worked for us.
It never failed.
I didn’t have enough money to get a new dress, but I found a little black dress hidden in the back of my closet. I did my hair differently to surprise him.
And I sat there at the table in the restaurant, waiting for Denny.
The first ten minutes wasn’t a big deal to me.
The next ten I got a little nervous.
And the next ten… I tried calling and texting him, but there was no response.
The restaurant was busy and if I wasn’t going to order food, I needed to leave.
I paid for my glass of wine and left the restaurant.
I was almost in a full panic as I hurried to my car.
On the drive home, I called Denny five more times.
When I saw his truck sitting outside the house, I sighed with relief.
I took my heels off and carried them as I ran to the house.
I was already calling his name when I opened the door.
The first thing I saw was a suit jacket thrown over the back of the couch. Then there was one shoe. A second shoe. A tie thrown on the floor.
As wild as it sounded, my mind thought Denny was having an affair. That I was going to keep seeing clothing until eventually I’d see Denny. On the table, with another woman…
But that wasn’t the case at all.
Denny was at the table, but he wasn’t with another woman.
He just sat there, alone, face down, two bottles of whiskey surrounding him.
Both bottles were empty.
I hadn’t realized we had whiskey in the house.
The sight of him like that made me freeze in place.
It reminded me of his father.
This was the kind of thing his father always did. He would take plans and ruin them by getting so drunk, he’d pass out.
I slowly approached Denny and really wasn’t sure what to do.
My attention was stolen when I looked to the kitchen and saw the mess.
I gasped at the sight of broken plates and cups on the floor.
It looked like Denny had broken half the stuff in the kitchen.
I shut my eyes and took a deep breath.
It was the job thing. The money thing. My art.
I knew he was pissed that I had no real career, but he kept that to himself. That was because his mother was on my side when it came to my paintings. Not that I needed her approval, but it was nice to have her support.
And Denny’s.
He did support me.
“Just a bad night,” I whispered to myself.
I knew I was on the edge of a scary road. One that I didn’t want to cross.
I stood there and looked to the dining room.
He was snoring, head to the side, looking bloated and half dead.
I got the trash can out from under the sink and bent down to get to work.
I cleaned up every last shard of glass as I bit my lip, refusing to let this night get the best of me.
I was hungry. All I had for dinner was a glass of wine and a piece of bread.
Denny had gotten drunk before in front of me. But here was the thing. Denny could be a fun and happy drunk. The kind of drunk where he’d look at me with wild eyes and take me to bed. But there was always that one drink threat where he’d cross the edge and become mean.
So, I knew better than to bother him as he slept at the table.
I went to bed by myself.
I hugged a pillow tight and tried to calm myself.
By morning, he’d be sober.
By morning, he’d be back to Denny.
I promised myself this was a one-time thing. Denny wasn’t going to become the self-destructive twin of his father.
It helped me sleep.
But I knew it was a complete and total lie.
38
Never Too Late…
NOW
Josie
I couldn’t sleep as all I heard was Crosby’s voice echoing in my mind. His words were hurtful, but they were also true. There was no denying the way I felt or the way the events of my life led me to him. I couldn’t take back the way I felt, then or now. And the same for Crosby. He had spent so much time trying to hide behind what happened to his nephew.
My heart ached, and my stomach twisted at the idea that in Crosby’s mind, he was somehow carrying his nephew out of the burning house instead of Meadow. In a greedy way, it was a relief to know Meadow was alive. There was a chance she wouldn’t have survived long enough in the house to be saved if Crosby hadn’t gone in there.
Sleep came and went in small chunks.
I was in a hotel.
In a large, comfortable bed.
My brother and his wife were at the hospital with Meadow. In some miraculous way, she was going to be fine. The doctor said there was nothing wrong with her. Nothing physically at least. She was obviously terrified from the entire ordeal, which would probably stay with her for a long time. But in the grand vision of life, she was okay.
I talked to Kait, who couldn’t string a full sentence together, but was still justifying why she left the house without her daughter. I wouldn’t even think of suggesting Kait did anything wrong. Talk about the worst moment of your life. Being home, being alone, and then tragedy striking.
When I talked to Corey, he was calm and spoke in a very clear voice. He was the rock for Kait. He held her up. He gave her faith when she needed it. It was the most romantic thing about their marriage. She could prance around with yoga blocks, energy rocks and essential oils all day long, but when the time came for her to be vulnerable, my brother was right there, by her side, holding her, letting her show that side of herself.
I loved them both for it.
Corey promised to keep me in the loop of things.
I made sure to give him the extra keycard to my hotel room in case he or Kait wanted to take a shower, or take a nap, or whatever they needed. I offered to sleep on the couch to leave the bed open, but Corey told me not to do that.
When my eyes opened for the hundredth time, the sun poured through the windows and curtains.
I reached for my phone and there was nothing from Crosby.
I wasn’t sure where he went.
Covered in sweat and smoke. Facing so much at once.
My gut telling me, maybe I should have gone after him… but the things he said. That I was using him? That he was, what, a scapegoat for my feelings for Denny? And that I somehow knew my brother’s house would catch on fire and I would rely on Crosby to save Meadow?
I heard a noise, followed by a voice.
I jumped out of the bed, wearing the clothes I had in the back seat of my car as a spare change in case I got messy painting, and I ran through the hotel room.
When I saw Corey sitting on the edge of the couch with papers and a laptop, I froze.
“Corey,” I said.
He looked at me. His eyes were worn and tired.
“Hey,” he said.
“What are you doing?”
“The worst process of my life.”
“Corey…”
“I have to do something here,” he said. “Trying to get insurance in order. How random is that, huh? I had packed up all of our insurance documents yesterday because I wanted to review a few things. I had them in my bag with me at work. I guess that’s one good thing here.”
“No, it’s not,” I said. I walked toward the couch. “This is a fucking horrible thing, Corey.”
He looked at me. “I know, Josie. I know.”
I slowly sat down at the opposite end of the couch. “Corey…”
“What?” he snapped.
“I’m so sorry.”
His fingers stopped moving on the keys of the keyboard. He put his right hand to his face.
It was rare to see my brother cry.
Last two times were at his wedding and when Meadow was born.
This cry was very different.
I slipped a hand around his shoulder and he put his head to my shoulder. “What the fuck, Josie? What the fuck was that about? Huh? I go to work… and…”
“I know,” I whispered. “Everyone is okay. It’s all just stuff inside the house. Everyone is okay.”
“You sound like Kait,” Corey said.
“It’s the truth. It doesn’t make it any better, it just happened.”
Corey hurried to stand up. “I’m just trying to get this done. Keep perspective. Figure out what’s next. There was no damage to any other houses, which is good. The guesthouse is fine.” Corey looked back. “I might be moving in with you.”
“Corey,” I said.
“Sorry,” he said. “I’m trying to laugh.” He cleared his throat. “They said it was just an electrical thing. It started in the attic and spread down through the walls. The first floor is just smoke damage. The upstairs is bad. And Kait…”
“It’s so hard to tell someone not to feel guilty,” I said. I had a sinking feeling in my chest. “Because… the way they feel…”
“I know,” Corey said. “We had a plan. They always do fire safety week or something like that in Meadow’s school. And we always talk about our plan if there ever was an emergency. Meadow even made us practice the plan. She would blow a whistle and make Kait and I rush through the house to safety.”
I laughed. “I can see her standing there, commanding you.”
“Kait was in the master bedroom and I guess Meadow thought she was in the shower. By the time the smoke detectors went off, things were getting bad in the walls. Meadow ran to the bathroom to save her mother. Kait ran to the bedroom to get Meadow. They couldn’t find each other. Meadow ran down to the master. Kait ran to the bathroom. By then, the smoke and flames were in the hallway. Kait started to panic. But then Crosby showed up. He saved Meadow. She must have ran back to her room. He saved my daughter, Josie.”
“I know he did,” I said. “We were running together. And he saw the house…”
“He ran right in. I can never thank that man for what he did.”
“Yeah,” I said with a weak smile.
“Where is he?”
“He left. Uh, he… that was hard for him. There’s some personal stuff there, Corey. He lost his nephew.”
“In a fire?”
“No. In a lake. His nephew couldn’t stay above the water, and Crosby couldn’t get to him in time.”
“Christ,” Corey said. He shut his eyes.
“Yeah,” I said again. “I don’t know what’s going to happen now.”
“What do you mean?”
“Things were said last night…”
“Look, Josie, you can’t let the emotions of one night destroy something that makes you happy.”
“Says the guy who hated Denny.”
“No,” he said. “I didn’t hate Denny. I hated what he did to you. I hated the way he made you feel. The person you became. Was I happy when he died? No. I knew how much it broke your heart. You were left lonely and confused. All those years you took care of me and took the brunt by being the oldest, and I finally had the chance to take care of you. So, I did. But the second you met Crosby, everything changed. You were alive again, Josie. And not just alive… you… you were happy. I could see it in your eyes and on your face.”
I looked down. “Corey…”
“Don’t be dumb, Josie. You shouldn’t even be here. You should be with him. Figure out whatever is happening. Don’t let my family’s tragedy ruin your family.”
“Family?” I asked.
“Yeah,” Corey said. “You and him. You can be a family. With your paintings. And his music. And running. And smoking.”
I smiled. “I don’t know…”
Corey’s phone buzzed on the table. “That’s the insurance company.”
“Right. Can I go see Meadow?”
“Yeah,” he said. “Let me take this call and we’ll go to the hospital together. She should be discharged soon.” The phone kept buzzing as Corey stared at me. “Thank you for what you do for Meadow. And for what Crosby did to save her. I don’t care about a house. Maybe we’ll fix it up and stay there. Maybe we’ll sell it. Maybe we’ll tear it down and do nothing. I don’t know. But without my family, I’m not here. They are everything, Josie. That includes you. But for you, you need your own happiness too.”
I nodded and turned.
I didn’t want my brother to see me crying.
* * *
When Meadow walked down the hospital hallway like the proud, smart, defiant kid she was, I dropped to my knees and covered my mouth. The clothes she wore were a little too big for her, but Kait had done her hair in a fancy braid.
I looked up at Kait and her face was weary. Guilt spread across her gaze.
“Aunt Josie,” Meadow said as she started to run toward me.
We hugged, and I took a breath, knowing how close I had come to losing her.
I stood and lifted her up.
“Oh, Meadow,” I whispered. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” she said.
Kait looked at me and she slowly shook her head. Her bottom lip quivered.
I gently put Meadow to her feet.
“I need new clothes,” she announced.
“Yeah, you do,” I said.
“Where’s Crosby?” she asked.
“Oh, he’s not here right now…”
“I need to see him. I need to thank him. He saved me.”
“Yeah, he did save you,” I said.
“Maybe I should make him a card. Or buy him something. My piggy bank was in my room. Does money catch on fire?”
I swallowed hard, trying to keep my emotions calm. “I’m not sure. I don’t think you need to buy Crosby anything. He’s happy you’re okay.”
“Hmm,” Meadow said. “I still want to do something for him.” She sighed. “I guess I’ll find out later what’s left of my room.”
“You shouldn’t be worrying about that,” I said.
“I worry about everything. You should give Crosby a big kiss.”
“What?” I asked.
“A really big kiss. For saving me. You should marry him too. I heard that if a man is good looking, makes you smile, and is a protector, he’s marriage worthy.”
“Marriage worthy,” I said. “Oh, Meadow…”
She shrugged her shoulders. “I’m just saying. Hook him or else someone else will kiss him.”
“Oh, jeez,” I said. “I love your heart, Meadow.”
“I keep thinking about my room though. Then again, I guess it all worked out. The toys I had really weren’t good for me anymore. And my clothes were outdated. So last summer.”
“Meadow…”
“I wish I could have donated them though,” she said. “That would have been better.”
“It would have,” I said. “But you’re okay. Nothing else matters but that.”
“Oh, I know,” she said. “Dad is taking me to the store right now. Well, after a quick lunch. The food here is terrible.”
