GETTING OVER YOU: a novel by:, page 26
I emptied my pockets of my keys, money, and cellphone. Just dropping them to the ground.
“What the hell are you doing?” Josie asked.
“Facing everything.”
* * *
The water had the same feel and taste to it. You were never sure if the water was actually okay to swim in or not. It was very much different from a swimming pool or the ocean. But it was still fun to swim in.
Not now.
Not then… not on the day Nicholas fell in and couldn’t save himself.
My head bobbed up and down into the water as I threw my hands and arms with incredible strength. I kicked my legs hard, thinking of every mile I ran after Nicholas was lost. And I felt the same sinking feeling in my heart and stomach that I felt that day when I knew I wasn’t going to get to him in time. The gasps of breath and the way my body hurt so much, trying so hard to save him.
I was bigger now. I was faster now. I was stronger now.
I swam with purpose.
When my head shot up out of the water, I let out a cry each and every time.
It was dark, the water was cool, and it was all but fucking terrifying to be in the water. I didn’t believe in monsters or anything dangerous in the lake, so I just kept going.
I knew the exact spot where it all happened.
That’s where I swam to.
The seconds ticked away in my head and when I reached the spot, I stopped swimming. My lungs burned, and my shoulders ached. But I was there. With plenty of time to spare. Which meant if it was that day, then Nicholas would be in my arms. I’d have him above water. I’d swim right to the dock and put him on it. I’d get out of the water and check on him. Then I’d yell at him for doing something so stupid. Then he’d cry because he’d be afraid - of the water and me. Then I’d hug him tight and I’d cry, but I’d make sure he’d never see a tear.
But none of that mattered.
There was never a chance of that happening.
He was gone.
I wasn’t.
I floated in the lake, realizing that.
I turned and looked to the shore to see Josie standing there, a hand at her mouth.
“Josie,” I whispered. “I love you.”
Right there in the middle of the lake, alone, I faced my pain and let myself go…
35
Into the Now…
NOW
Josie
It was silent as he swam to the shore and came out of the lake. He grabbed his stuff off the ground and walked to his truck. Water dripping off his skin. Just staring forward. All I could do was be there for him. Understanding what he went through and what happened after. It wasn’t just about the loss of his nephew. It was everything after. The way he punished himself, wanting to have that one chance to try again, which would never come.
He drove home shirtless and when he got out of his truck, he waited for me and took me by the hand as he led the way into his house. That’s where he let my hand go and walked to the fridge to get a beer. It was almost as though he were a zombie as he walked by me, his eyes glazed over, going up the stairs. I waited a minute or so and then I heard the sound of water running.
Crosby was in the shower.
I walked up the stairs and followed the sound to the bathroom door, which was partially open. A sliver of light tempting me. I stepped forward and pushed the door open. A cloud of steam wrapped around me. The mirror was already starting to get fogged up. The shower had a frosted glass door, meaning I could see the jagged silhouette of Crosby as he stood there in the water.
I slowly shut the door behind me, trying not to make my presence known.
I took a deep breath in and when I exhaled, it was shaky.
There was the man I loved. The man I truly cared for. He had thrown my entire life off its rails, which was a good thing. I had been like a train under a Christmas tree, just going in the same circle, over and over, telling myself things would change. And then there came Crosby.
I took my clothes off, feeling nervous.
I moved to the shower and gently slid it open and stepped inside.
I shivered when I saw the back of Crosby’s body. The thickness of his shoulders and the definition of his back. The way his body cut down to his firm ass and down to his powerful legs…
I had to bite my bottom lip for relief.
I’m not in here for that…
I inched forward and reached out.
My hand touched his back and I pressed my fingers into muscle.
“I’m here, Cros,” I whispered. “I’m always going to be here.”
I slipped my other hand to the left side of his body and moved it around. I stepped forward and pressed my body against his. The water started to hit my head and my face. I slowly moved my head, rubbing the tip of my nose to his back, stealing a few kisses here and there.
Crosby hadn’t moved an inch.
His hands at his sides, the water dripping off his fingertips.
My left hand felt the way his stomach moved as he breathed.
The silence and the sadness shouldn’t have made me feel the way it did. But that was what we both understood of each other. Silence and sadness.
I put my forehead to his back and shut my eyes.
“I love you, Cros,” I said. “All this pain we feel. But at least I know I can feel love too.”
“Me too,” Crosby said.
I swallowed hard and smiled for a second.
That’s when Crosby moved.
As he turned to face me, my hands scratched along his body, his skin warm and slippery. His hands moved, touching my waist, making my body jump. I was suddenly up on my toes, gasping for a breath. Between us, between his legs, I felt the hardness of his body.
Without hesitation, and with a stare that threatened to take my breath away for good, Crosby turned again, putting me against the tiled wall. His right hand slid down behind my leg and he pulled, bringing my lower half toward him. My hips gently rocked as my inner thighs quivered. His left hand dipped between my legs, fingers sliding against freshly wet skin, the tips of his fingers curling just enough to make sure I was ready.
Believe me, around Crosby, I was always ready.
His hand moved away from my body as he took a firm grip of his cock and guided himself forward. As he broke my threshold, I put my head back against the wall and tried to let out a cry of relief.
Crosby thrust forward and moved his hand to the back of my head, pulling me forward so he could kiss me. I groaned into his mouth as he started to kiss and fuck me at the same time. He still held the back of my leg, keeping me in the position his body needed and the position my body craved.
His thrusts were slow, deep, and powerful. Grunting each time he slammed himself forward. I bucked my hips against his thrusts, demanding more of him. The tips of our noses were smashed together as we both gritted our teeth, letting out noises of need and relief, our eyes locked tight.
The water hit the right side of my body and the left side of his body. When the water tried to cool off, even a single degree, Crosby’s hand shot out and turned up the temperature even more. The water was hot, my skin aching, but I had the best distraction to ignore the stinging on my skin.
Crosby put his hand to my wet hair and my face, holding me as he took me.
My hands touched his stomach, feeling the way he moved, how wet his skin was, and how rippled his stomach was.
He was too impossibly sexy… but here he was.
Crosby made another move as he slid his hand down my face, down my shoulder, pausing at the swell of my breast for a second, but then kept going. Down to the back of my other leg where he then lifted me off my feet. I slapped my hands to the shower tiles as he buried his head into my neck, kissing and grunting.
He took me to climax and followed shortly after. With the same movements. Those strong thrusts of his hips, giving himself, taking it away, giving himself again. And again.
When I was back on my feet, my legs bent as I ached for more.
Crosby turned off the water and opened the shower door. He reached for a large, black towel and wrapped it around my shoulders.
“I love you, Josie,” he said and kissed my forehead. “You’re the reason I can face the pain that wants to destroy me.”
He exited the shower and grabbed a towel for himself.
We were in silence again, staying that way, even as I reached for my clothes and Crosby touched my wrist and shook his head.
He scooped me up into his arms, our towels falling to the bathroom floor.
We went to his bed where he held me tight as we faced each other.
The moment was intense. Maybe the most intense moment of my life.
Our hearts left bleeding into one another.
“It’ll never go away,” Crosby whispered. “I’ll never have that closure.”
“I know,” I whispered back. “But you’ll have me. And I’ll always understand.”
He kissed my forehead. “You’re so strong, love. You don’t need to do this for me. You don’t need to be here.”
“Of course I don’t,” I said. “I want to be here, Cros. Because I love you.”
“I promise, love, you’ll never feel the fear and pain you felt before in your life.”
“I believe you when you say that,” I said.
“Get some sleep, love.”
That’s all I needed to hear.
My eyes began to shut.
I hurt for Crosby. Because what he said was right. There would be no true way of getting over what happened. But if I could love him, and show him what happiness was, then I would be happy myself.
That night, all I did was dream of living my life with Crosby.
* * *
I was in the middle of packing up after a long day of painting. I slept in because I had been working on some paintings the night before. Crosby and Jonny had a late-night writing session, which was fueled by whiskey and memories. So, I did the same, minus the whiskey, and came up with a couple of ideas I ran with.
By the time I got to the park to work on the mural, it was well past noon.
I took my time though getting there.
Everything moved slower for me. A sense of worry had left my body. Which was strange for me.
I carried all my supplies to my car and knew I only had a few more days left before this mural was done. And from there… I had nothing else lined up. I hadn’t really been looking for any work. Cheryl kept hinting at a gallery, wanting me to meet a friend of hers. So, I was stuck between work and fear, using Crosby as the easy way to keep my mind off the reality of what I wanted to do for a living.
What I wanted to be when I grow up.
I got home just as Corey was leaving.
A coffee in his hand and a bag thrown over his shoulder, wearing a brown checkered pattern shirt, looking pissed off.
“Did Kait finally kick you out?” I asked as he came down the porch steps.
“Yeah, right,” he said. “Got a call that there’s an issue with a project. So back in I go.”
“Such a kiss ass,” I said. “Is that why your shirt is brown?”
“Oh, she comes with jokes,” Corey said.
“Cheap jokes at that,” I said.
“I’ll see you later,” he said.
His phone started to ring, and he growled as he fumbled to dig it out of his pocket.
When I went inside, I smelled lavender and vanilla. It was a nice smell.
Meadow sat at the dining room table, with crayons, markers, and it looked like a glue gun. Kait was in the kitchen, standing over a pot on the stove, stirring it.
“Beef soup?” I asked as I entered the kitchen.
“Funny,” Kait said. “It’s a white bean chili.”
“That sounds good.”
“You should stay for dinner then,” she said.
“Maybe I will. I have to call Crosby and see what he’s up to.”
“Oh, that’s right. Crosby is first on the list now.”
“Of course he is,” I said.
“You know, I just cook your food, give you a place to live, be there for you…”
“But there’s one thing he does you can’t,” I whispered.
Kait’s mouth fell open. “Look at you. Is it love or lust?”
“Can it be both?”
“Yeah, but that could get messy.”
“Messy is what I’m good at,” I said. “It’s my specialty.”
“Meaning I’ll never get my guesthouse back?” Kait teased.
I stole the spoon from her and took a scoop from the pot.
I tasted it. “Needs something…”
“What?” she asked.
“Gluten,” I said. “Super, extra gluten.”
Kait smacked her lips together. “Oh, stop.”
I laughed.
“You’re almost glowing over there, Josie,” she said. “I like this. Seeing you like this. I can feel your energy shifting.”
“My energy shifting?”
“Yeah,” Kait said. She tapped the spoon on the pot and put it down. “You were in a cloud before. Like wrapped up in a blanket in winter. But then it became summer and you never took the blanket off. So, you were trapped.”
“So, Crosby took the blanket off me?” I asked.
“Sure,” she said. “But your energy…” Kait moved her hands through the air, drawing the curves of my body. “It’s different. You’re confident. You’re not… you’re not held back.”
“Actually, I’m a little scared right now, Kait. I have no idea what I want to do after this mural is done. I’m sort of on the edge of things.”
“Which is the best place to be for you,” she said. She reached for my hand. “I don’t mean this in a bad way, but you have everything to go after in life.”
“Why would that be bad?” I asked.
“Well, because you sort of have nothing,” Kait said. “I mean, you live here. You know we’ll never kick you out. So, everything is yours to go get. You can take risks not many can take. That’s why you and Crosby work.”
“Because of our energies again.”
“Call me what you want, but I’m always right,” she said.
“I probably don’t say it enough, but I really appreciate everything you and Corey have done for me. I hate to be the pain in the ass sister-in-law that never leaves.”
“We love you,” Kait said. “Trust me. We all love you.”
There weren’t many tender moments between me and Kait. I kept myself guarded and always carried guilt for living in the guesthouse. I feared being the wedge that would break her and Corey apart. And if it ever came down to a choice between myself and his wife, I would leave in a heartbeat. Because Corey had a great life. A beautiful wife. A beautiful daughter. A beautiful house. A beautiful life.
I would never get in the way of that.
But I never had to.
Because Kait was true to everything she believed.
I left the house after giving Meadow a few points on the house she was making. She said since her daddy was working so much lately, she wanted him to have a picture of their house to keep at his office so he didn’t get sad when he wasn’t home.
When I finally got home… the guesthouse… I sent Crosby a text.
Promise me something good to eat… with gluten.
He called me instead of replying, which was what he always did.
“What the hell is gluten?” he asked.
I laughed. “I love you, Cros.”
“Yeah. Love you too. How was your day?”
“Better now,” I said. “I hate coming home to not find you here.”
“Then you should come to my place.”
“Oh yeah? Should I just pack up and move?”
“Why not?” he asked.
“Cros…”
“I’m not joking, Josie. Pack it up and come over.”
“I’m on my way then,” I teased.
I laughed but Crosby didn’t.
He was serious.
Which made my heart jump more than a little.
“Why don’t we start with you taking me out for something to eat?” I asked.
“I think we can arrange that. But I have something maybe a little better.”
“Which is?”
“A run,” he said.
“A run?”
“That’s what I said. I’m in the mood to go for a run.”
“Long day for yourself I take it?”
“Something like that,” Crosby said. “I’m leaving in a few. I’ll pass by your way in a little bit. Love you, Josie.”
The call went dead.
I laughed. “Well then. I love you too, Cros.”
* * *
I swore sometimes he could read my mind. Without seeing him for the entire day, he knew what I needed. I needed to run. There was so much garbage built up in my head and the run cleared it all out. I felt myself challenging myself to run faster, run harder, push at Crosby so he would push at me.
As we came to the end of the street, Crosby looked over at me and smiled. “Last little bit. I’ll race you.”
He took off.
There was no way I could catch him, but I wasn’t going to let him just think he could run like that without me trying.
I chased after his ass, running maybe faster than I ever had in my life.
He stopped at the stop sign and turned, crossing his arms, leaning against it. Looking so bold and cocky, as though he could run ten miles and not sweat.
When I got close enough, I leapt off my feet.
Crosby caught me, and our sweaty bodies collided, followed by our lips.
We were out of breath, kissing wildly on the corner of a normally quiet street.
It was after nine at night, making the street extra quiet. All the families were home. Putting the kids to bed. Getting ready to settle on the couch to watch a show. And there I was, making out with Crosby as though it was our last kiss ever.
We stood there out of breath from running and kissing.
“You’re getting better at running, love,” he said.
“Yeah. Sure.”
“How about we go track down some of that gluten you wanted?” he offered.
“That sounds like a plan. Can we at least shower first?”
