The Dear Wife (More Than a Wife Series Book 3), page 31
On that note James and I had a mostly silent drive back to the office. When we were a few minutes away, I turned down the truck radio. “I hope I didn’t upset you. It’s just Joan wants us to come to her wedding on New Year’s Eve and I haven’t been sure what to tell her because I don’t know what will make you most comfortable. We could go and be in separate rooms, or you could stay home. But I would really like you to come with me whether we share a room or not.”
He glanced my way. I wasn’t sure how to read his creased brow. “This is how you want to ring in the New Year?”
“It’s how I’d like to say goodbye to one of the worst and . . . best years of my life.”
He tilted his head. “Best?”
I rested my hand on his thigh. “I got my miracle.” My eyes filled with tears.
James pulled into the office’s parking lot and threw the truck in park before reaching over and caressing my cheek. “Baby, you amaze me. Tell Joan we’ll take one room.”
“Are you sure?”
“Are you?”
I thought for a minute. “Yes.” I really was. The way we’d come together in other ways over the last few months made me long for our relationship to sing like Dr. Shields said. I wanted to share all of myself with him again. To be one in all ways—heart, mind, soul, and body.
So to make the holidays a little more crazy I was now finding myself worrying like a virgin bride about my wedding night, except it wasn’t my wedding. But it did feel like the start of a new relationship. While shopping for Christmas gifts I was also on the lookout for nightwear to take on our trip. One set that said, Take me I’m yours and another one that said, I’m a hibernating lumberjack, do not disturb. James and I decided to make having sex our goal that weekend, but no pressure. Except it was a lot of pressure.
To add to the craziness, we decided to buy Jimmy a used car for Christmas using some of the money I’d been saving from my contracting job. I knew he was hoping for just that. He kept hinting at it by bringing up the fact that Matt got a car when he was sixteen. Amid car shopping and trying our best to find something we could afford, Dad hit us with another zinger. He was retiring at the first of the year. He’d promised Mom he would. They both felt like James and I could handle running the family business. That’s right. Both of us were inheriting the company. I thought James would perhaps feel slighted, as he had longed for the day his dad turned over the reins to him. But he agreed with Mom and Dad, who thought we made good partners. I thought so too. Besides, if we ever disagreed about which direction to take the company, we could hash it out in couples therapy.
To top all that off we had Mia Hannah’s christening a few days before Christmas, which was beautiful. She was truly angelic in the christening gown our own Hannah had worn. As James and I stood there as her godparents, we each wept, thoughts of our own baby girl swelling within us. I’ll never forget after the ceremony James holding Mia to him and promising her that he would watch over her for the rest of his life.
By the time Christmas rolled around, I was happy but exhausted. I needed a long weekend getaway. And after Christmas morning, I wanted nothing more than to spend some alone time with James. Early on Christmas morning James and the boys woke me up and blindfolded me. They led me to Hannah’s old room. I’d kept my word to James and hadn’t been in it since we’d cleaned it out. Even though I was anxious to see what he and the boys had been doing in there the last couple of months. All I knew was sometimes it was noisy and obviously messy by the amount of trash and construction materials they hauled out of there frequently.
When we got to the room, James stood me right in front of the door. I was a bit nervous to enter. Thoughts of Hannah filled me. I had to remind myself she didn’t live in the room. She lived within us. I heard the door open before James whipped off the blindfold.
“Merry Christmas!” they all shouted.
My mouth dropped. I was absolutely stunned. The first thing I noticed was the wall directly facing me. James had built bookcases all around the window. He’d even found my stash of Autumn Moone books and placed them on the shelves. I couldn’t wait to add Delanie’s new book, the sequel to Belonging, Acceptance, there next year when it came out. I had it on good authority the cover was going to be amazing. As was the book, which incorporated some of the lessons Sam, Delanie, and I had all learned over the last few years. Mostly how we had come to accept ourselves and rise above our circumstances.
When I was done ogling the bookcase, I focused on the white handcrafted desk that stood in the middle of the room. It stood out against the dark wood floors James had installed. But that wasn’t the most beautiful part. James took my hand and led me to the desk. He pulled out the chair for me and knelt next to me. “I thought you might be missing these.” He pointed to the drawers that lined both sides of the desk. The drawer knobs were purple hearts. The same purple heart knobs from Hannah’s dresser. It was the best gift I’d ever been given.
I delicately touched each knob before throwing my arms around James’s neck, so overcome with emotion. “Thank you. It’s all perfect.”
James held me tight. “Merry Christmas, baby.”
“Let’s get out of here before the PDA starts,” Matt said.
“Thank you, boys,” I called out to their retreating figures. I leaned back and took James’s face in my hands. “Merry Christmas. I love you and . . . I forgive you.” I realized I had never said that, and I needed to for me and him.
James’s eyes filled with tears. “That’s the best present you could give me. I know I won’t be perfect, and I’m going to make mistakes. It’s me after all.” He grinned. “But I can’t imagine my life without you. You are my life, and I’ll do what it takes to keep it that way.”
I leaned in, running my hand through his bedhead hair, and whispered against his lips, “You better.”
He chuckled before kissing me. “I’d be the biggest damn fool not to.”
“Agreed.”
Chapter Forty
James and I were acting like newlyweds holding hands and staring at each other with googly eyes on the plane while we flew to New York on New Year’s Eve. The last time we flew anywhere together was several years ago for my grandma’s funeral in Texas. I hoped no one died on this trip, but Delanie and Sam, who were already in New York with Reed, Peter, and the babies, said that Joan was on the warpath because Lucas did the unthinkable. He nixed the drag queen Joan wanted to hire to make them man and wife, and then he had the audacity to suggest they write their own vows. Joan was hoping for a slam-bam-thank-you-ma’am kind of wedding—no mushy crap, as she put it.
Hopefully there was still going to be a wedding. Regardless, James and I were sharing a room. I was trying not to think about it, but I thought about it a lot. I’d shaved, waxed, plucked, and tried to temper any expectations. But I would be lying if I said I didn’t have any. I was hoping for a very romantic weekend and us sharing every bit of ourselves. Honestly, I’d had a hard time keeping my hands off him. My James had come back to me even better than he was before. Healing together had connected us in ways I could have never imagined. Not only was I willing to be more vulnerable, but James was too, and I loved the honesty between us.
When we arrived in New York it was a zoo. It was as if the whole world decided to celebrate New Year’s Eve in the Big Apple. I mean I knew it would be crazy, but it was insane. And the taxi driver was a worse driver than Joan. I thought for sure we were going to die along with Lucas. Or perhaps a pedestrian or two or more like twenty. By the time we made it to the hotel, I almost threw up from the zigging, zagging, and frequent slamming on the brakes. I hadn’t heard James swear that much since 2007 when the Bears lost the Super Bowl to the Colts. Those were some dark days for the Decker family.
James and I were both a bit frazzled by the time we arrived at the hotel on Madison Ave. I soon got over it when we entered the opulent hotel. James looked around with wide eyes at the stately lobby with black-and-white striped floors and green velvet furniture. It was still decked out for Christmas, which made it even more grand looking.
James was more of a Holiday Inn kind of guy, so he started to chuckle. “I’m glad we’re not paying for this ridiculous place.”
I sidled up to him and strung my arm through his. “Behave.”
“We’ll see.” He cocked a brow seductively.
A little shiver coursed through me.
This was good. Dr. Shields recommended a lot of foreplay.
When we got to our room, it was like walking into heaven. The suite was a cream-colored dream, from the fine furniture in the living area to the big bed in gorgeous linens. The kind of bed you wanted to kick off your shoes and jump on. The room was accented with several windows draped in sheer red curtains. It was elegant and simple, yet stunning.
James set down our luggage near the bed. “Now what?”
It was a question I’d never heard him ask when we were alone in a hotel room. Before he would have already had me half-undressed, saying we should try out the bed.
I reached into my bag and pulled out the invitation on black paper with red script. Only Joan would make her wedding announcements look more like a Halloween party invite. “Cocktails are at five, dinner is to follow, and then the ceremony on the rooftop terrace.” I was told it would be under a tent with heaters to keep us all warm in the below-freezing temps. I needed to visit New York once when it wasn’t too hot or too cold.
James looked at his watch. “We have forty-five minutes to get ready.”
Our flight had been delayed, not giving us as much time as we’d hoped.
“Do you mind if I use the bathroom first?” I asked.
“Have I ever?” He grinned.
I walked over to him to get my suitcase. I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him. “I’ll hurry.”
“Please do,” he groaned before crushing his lips against mine. For a second I thought we might be skipping cocktails, but the kiss was over too soon.
With raised blood pressure I headed for the bathroom to freshen up my hair and makeup before I put on my faux wrap sleeveless gown in the most beautiful shade of azure. The color really made my eyes pop. I was hoping my husband’s eyes would pop, too, when he saw me in it.
I pulled my hair up in a romantic updo before touching up my makeup. I looked in the mirror and thought it wasn’t bad for a forty-four-year-old. I added a layer of lip gloss and slipped into sexy black underwear before slinking into the formfitting gown that I was going to need help zipping up. I peeked my head out of the bathroom door to see my handsome husband in his black suit and tie he rarely wore, but man did I love it when he did. He was back to his fit and trim self, and what a sight was he to behold. His graying hair and the five-o’clock shadow made him even sexier.
I bit my lip and stepped out of the bathroom, using my hands to keep my dress up. “Can you help with my dress?”
He turned around, and his eyes did pop, pleasing me to no end. He stood speechless for a moment. “Damn,” he groaned.
I smiled coyly before turning around, showing off my exposed backside.
He was to me in no time and leaning to breathe me in. He softly kissed my neck with his warm lips and lingered before his fingers glided down my bare back, leaving a trail of sparks. “You’re a vision,” he spoke low.
“Thank you. You look great too.”
“Not as good as you.” He started to zip up my dress but paused. Was he thinking what I was thinking? That the bed looked inviting. I thought that’s exactly what he was thinking when he started caressing my shoulders with his strong hands that knew how to be gentle. Then he kissed the nape of my neck, making me gasp. My body was all sorts of singing. The music paused, though, when he abruptly zipped up my dress.
“We’re going to be late,” he whispered.
I let out a deep, disappointed breath. “Just let me slip on my heels.”
He let me go while he did some last-minute grooming in the bathroom. While he finished getting ready, I repeated in my head about what Dr. Shields said about unrealized expectations being marriage killers. I didn’t want to ruin this weekend or my marriage with expectations of the past. My support group warned me this might not be the weekend of my dreams and that the first time after a major hiatus was awkward. And that James would probably be even more nervous than me. It was weird because James, for most of our marriage, thought the more sex the better and initiated it probably 90 percent of the time.
I closed my eyes and focused on all the positives and the fun we were going to have with our family and friends. I tried not to think that maybe I didn’t arouse him or maybe he was thinking about photoshopped babes. He’d been clean for months now, and in his eyes I could tell he wasn’t watching pornography. But was it only me he had visions of? Maybe I would be wearing the lumberjack flannel to bed after all.
James was out in no time, smiling at me. “I can’t get over how beautiful you are.” He reached for my hand.
I placed my hand in his along with my heart. “Shall we go?”
He pulled me up against him. “In a minute.” He tipped my chin with his finger, and his lips skimmed mine once, twice, three times before they consumed my own briefly. He let out a heavy breath. “That will have to tide me over.”
So maybe we were still on for later tonight.
On our way down in the elevator to the hotel lounge, James couldn’t keep his hands off me. I liked it very much. We even walked across the lobby with his hand on my butt. Our family was already in the lounge when we arrived, and it didn’t go unnoticed where James’s hand had landed. Delanie and Sam rolled their eyes.
Joan and Lucas hadn’t arrived yet, which made me nervous for them. I hoped Joan’s cold feet hadn’t made her run. I knew that’s what all her protesting was about. She was scared to be vulnerable and committed. I didn’t blame her. It was scary. Even I was still scared. But overcoming that fear day after day together created a bond like no other.
It was cute to see Reed and Peter with a baby strapped to each of them in a carrier. I thought the accessories went well with their suits and ties. It also gave their mommies time to shine in their evening gowns. Sam looked stunning in a red draped dress made especially for nursing mothers. Delanie looked ever like a goddess in a Sicilia ruffle dress and no shoes. I adored her tenacity.
The men automatically began talking about the big high school championship win that had happened almost a month ago. Reed and Cody were still on cloud nine about it, and Reed was happy to go over it again, play by play, all the way to when Cody ran in the winning touchdown. Delanie and Sam were more interested in matters of the heart, specifically my heart.
“You looked cozy,” Sam purred to the tune of the grand piano music being played in the background.
“Uh-huh,” was all I could say before Joan blew in like a midwestern tornado in a black gown akin to her Morticia Addams costume. Delanie, Sam, and I all stifled our laughs. Only Joan would get married in a body-hugging black lace gown that took a deep plunge in the back and front.
Joan blew past us to the open bar. “Give me a shot of the strongest thing you got.” She slapped her hand on the bar, and the bartender hopped to it.
Delanie, Sam, and I all joined her. Joan turned and leaned against the bar with a scowl on her face, a snarl escaping her.
“Everything okay?” Delanie asked.
Joan looked between Sam, Delanie, and me. “Why did you do it? Especially after all the hell you’ve been through with men. Why get or stay married?”
Sam placed a gentle hand on Joan’s arm. “Maybe you should ask yourself why you said yes to Lucas in the first place.”
“I didn’t,” Joan growled before turning, grabbing her drink, and downing it in one swallow. She slammed her empty shot glass on the bar. “Another.”
Delanie placed her hand over her glass. “Let’s not.”
Joan narrowed her eyes at Delanie but conceded. She loved Delanie like a daughter and seemed to listen to her more than anyone.
“Are you going to be happier walking away from this?” Delanie asked point-blank.
Joan, for once, was speechless. Then quietly she spewed, “No, dammit.”
With trepidation, I took Joan’s hand with her blood-red nails, hoping she didn’t kill me with them. “It’s okay to be scared. We’ve all been there. But”—I looked between the strongest, best women I’d ever known—“we’ll be here for you too.” I got a little choked up.
Sam and Delanie rested their hands on top of mine and Joan’s. We each squeezed with all our might.
Joan smirked at all of us. “You damn Decker women. I love you, but don’t tell anyone.”
We all laughed but kept ahold of each other.
Lucas showed up, determined and dashingly formidable in his black tux. He marched over to us and plucked Joan out of the midst of us. He placed his hands firmly on her shoulders “Dammit, Joan, we’re doing this now. The priest is here and the tent’s ready. I’m ready.”
Joan at first gave him such a withering stare, it would have melted any mere mortal, but Lucas only returned her steely gaze with one of his own, daring her to contradict him. I would have hated to face either of them in court. Joan finally breathed out, “Fine, we’ll do it your way, this once.”
Lucas leaned in and whispered, “I’m happy to let you have your way for the rest of my life.”
“That’s a good line,” Delanie commented. “I’m using that in my book.”
It was a good enough line that it saw us all up on the terrace under a large white tent that glowed with hundreds of candles all while the snow gently fell. It was perfect. It was made more so by the way James held me to him while Joan and Lucas said their vows. Joan’s went something like, “I’ve loved you. I’ve hated you. I’m sure I will again. But in the end, I’ll always love you.”
I looked up at James. I felt the same way.
When the priest performed the ceremony, James placed his hand on my cheek and mouthed the words to me, “I promise to always love you and cherish you, for as long as we both shall live.”
