Love and Music (Small Town Secrets Book 3), page 7
Was I getting soft somehow?
“It’s very nice, Penny. I’m guessing it was a lot of hard work.”
“Oh, it was, but it’s all worth it when everyone appreciates it so much.”
If there was a heaven, I’m pretty sure I earned a gold star with that one.
“Looks good, Penny. Do you have a pen?”
Our dark-haired classmate handed Tyler a black gel pen, and he quickly scrawled his name in the middle of the last page. “Thanks so much, Tyler. We’re all so lucky you’re our classmate.”
He gave her an easy smile that crinkled the corners of his eyes. “Nah. I’m just as lucky.”
Tyler earned two gold stars for that. Penny gushed, touching Tyler’s shoulder before picking up the papers. “Thanks again. I’ll get out of your hair.”
I knew I had maybe two seconds at the most to steer the conversation before Tyler tried to get back on track. I did not want to talk about his sappy ballad. Maybe I’d be ready on Sunday, but not now. “I just have to say, Tyler, I love the direction your band is heading. Madversary sounds a lot more mature than your first band, but it also sounds freer, more prepared to take risks. You have a raw, edgy feel that sounds polished at the same time.”
“Thanks, Meg. That tells me we nailed it. I mean…our label tells us teens are our target demographic, but that’s not who I’m writing for. That’s not who the band is writing for. We’re writing for our generation. That’s who we’re talking to.”
“Then I guess you’re keeping everyone happy.”
“Yeah, I suppose so. Thanks for that, Meg. I’m not kidding when I say your opinion means a lot to me.”
Taking another long drink from my beverage, I tried to assess my alcohol level. My behavior changed depending on how much I’d imbibed, kind of like Godsmack’s song “Whiskey Hangover.” For instance, for me, one cocktail would usually take the edge off. The second would make me giggly and happy—and that should have been my stopping point. Because the third drink often removed most filters, and I could be brutally honest.
And here I was sitting next to the man I’d lost my virginity to years ago, the man I had thought at one time I’d love forever.
And maybe I had.
How could I not ask the most obvious question? The one that had come to mind when he’d mentioned the song I hadn’t wanted to discuss?
The alcohol made me feel light. My head was cushioned by cottony clouds but my arms were heavier than they’d been an hour earlier. My teeth felt almost brittle, and my voice sounded to my own ears like it was far away. “I hope this isn’t too personal a question but…do you have anyone special in your life?”
“How likely do you think that would be?”
What was he asking me? Apparently, the drinks really had gotten to me, making me thick. “What do you mean?”
Why the hell was my heart thudding in my chest as I awaited his answer?
“Let me put it this way. Becoming semi-rich and semi-famous limits my chances of forming any kind of genuine relationship.”
“Really?”
“Don’t get me wrong. It can happen. Like with Ronny. He’s a huge Lakers fan and he kept commenting on one of the cheerleaders’ Instagram pictures—and now they’re dating.”
“So maybe it’s easier if they’re in the same spot as you?”
“I dunno. I’ve dated a few of those types. They never felt real.” He took another swig off his beer and then focused his eyes on the last inch of my drink, formulating words. I didn’t trust myself to say much at this point, so I just let him talk. “I didn’t expect that, any of it, and it sucks. At first, it was really cool. Us guys were just swimming in—” He stopped himself, giving a quick nod, glancing at me before taking another pull from the bottle. “I’ll just say I was living most guys’ dream. Women would literally just throw themselves at us. And that was awesome at first. Intoxicating. But they say be careful what you wish for, and it’s true. It loses its charm.”
The biggest problem with alcohol relaxing my everything was that my tongue was far faster than my brain. “I find that hard to believe.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’re a virile young man, Tyler—and you have needs. You’re telling me you don’t like having constant access to unfettered, unregulated sex? Any way you like it? Anyone you want?”
No, I personally wouldn’t have liked that, but Snark Meg was in full force now. Filled to the brim and a black belt Jedi.
“Think what you want. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. It’s actually nice making a real connection once in a while.”
Oh, shit. There it was. Tyler’s sensitive side, one of the things that had always endeared him to me. And I’d poked a sore spot. Not wanting to dig a deeper hole with more words, I raised my glass to my lips and polished off my drink. Finishing it wouldn’t make me any worse than I already was—a complete and total asshole.
But my mouth. Oh, it just couldn’t stop. Only this time it was out to get me.
“I’m just saying…all these gorgeous women throwing themselves at you. I can believe they’d be hard to resist. And I get where they’re coming from. You’re a fucking rock god, Tyler, and you’d be a hell of a notch on any groupie’s bedpost. Most women I know have a rock star fantasy. Throw in your lyrics that actually touch our hearts—suddenly, our knees grow weak. You and the guys in your band have that typical rock star bad boy appeal, but your words show a softer side where you’re baring your souls. It makes you human. And there’s something that feels dangerous about rock stars. For good girls, you’re forbidden fruit to be admired from afar but never touched. For bad girls, you’re a side of beef, a great time, and an awesome story for their twilight years. Some of the lucky ones get accidentally pregnant, too, so you’re the gift that keeps on giving.” I was still holding my fingers up making air quotes as my prefrontal cortex caught up to the action, signaling to my amygdala that I should be fucking horrified.
Had I actually said all that shit?
“I guess the question then is this: are you a good girl or a bad girl, Megan Walker?”
As if he didn’t know…
Chapter Eight
Fuck. That was it. No more drinking for the rest of my life.
“I thought you knew the answer to that question, Tyler Green.”
Shit.
He grinned again, the mood suddenly lighter once more. “Well…let’s just say I didn’t think I’ve changed that much over the years, all things considered. But you seem a little different. More, um, closed off, kind of keeping to yourself. Less…I don’t know. Less open.”
Yeah, he was probably right. “I guess that’s my inner librarian coming out.”
“We’re still friends, Meg. Even with all the years between us.”
Were we?
I just nodded but, fortunately, I was able to keep my lips shut.
“So what about you? Do you have someone special in your life?”
I snickered. But that unfiltered honesty was still there. So much for being closed off. “Not even a cat, if you can believe that.”
He narrowed his eyes but then smiled. “Why’d we get so somber so fast?”
“Alcohol is a depressant, Tyler. Don’t you remember that long fucking lecture Mrs. Griffin gave us in biology where she talked about it like a horror movie?”
“Like I could forget that. Longest week of my life.”
“Especially since we partied the weekend before.”
Tyler let out another easy laugh, reminding me how good it felt to be around him. Why had we ever broken up?
“So aren’t you dying to know what Penny had me sign?”
“Everybody’s asking for your autograph. Maybe they should’ve had you sign their yearbooks ten years ago.”
“No, it’s not that. Nobody knows yet, but the other guys from the band are coming here so we can play a small set tomorrow night for the reunion.”
“Nice. I thought they were gonna have some stupid dance tomorrow night—for old times’ sake or some shit.”
I realized at that point that I had a filthier mouth than Tyler. Fortunately, it didn’t seem to bother him.
“Yeah, she wants us to play a few songs then. Before we get nostalgic, I guess, and start listening to stuff from ten years ago.”
“So those of us who don’t dance can headbang?” I snorted while I laughed. Definitely time to lay off the sauce.
“I guess so.”
“Well, I, for one, approve.” As if toasting with a group of invisible friends, I held up my empty glass. “I’ve never seen you guys live. Well, on YouTube…”
“Yeah? You’ve watched some of our videos?”
In for a penny… “Of course, I have.” I was not about to divulge that I’d pictured his shirtless tattooed body in my mind more than once during sexual encounters with forgettable dates. Even my loose lips had their limits. Tyler would never know that little tidbit. “And to think I was gonna ditch out on tomorrow night.”
“You’ll stay for me?”
I wasn’t sure what I was giving away when I answered him. “Yeah.”
Our eyes locked and I felt my breath escape. I could get lost in the dark forest of Tyler’s eyes again and find myself once more willing to do anything for him. Something deep inside me still wanted him as badly as I ever had, and it was as though we’d never been apart. But then, as quickly as it had happened, we snapped out of it as someone’s voice droned into a microphone—but the words were indistinguishable.
Tyler kept talking as if we hadn’t had an indescribable moment pass between us. “She asked me last week. The guys don’t mind committing to something small like this, especially since we’re gonna play at least one of our new songs that no one’s heard yet.”
“Seriously?”
“Hell, yeah. It’ll be fun. And the guys have always given me massive loads of shit, calling me a small town kid and a redneck, just because I grew up in Winchester. At first, I thought having them here would shut them up about it, but I actually think it’ll give ‘em fuel for their fire.”
“Probably.”
“My only saving grace is reminding them of the fact that I come from the same town as J.C. Gibson, one of the greatest metal musicians who’s ever lived.”
“I always forget about that.”
“Well, he doesn’t talk about it, especially since he wasn’t born here like we were.”
“So what other songs are you gonna play?”
“Here’s the thing—a lot of our classmates don’t listen to my music. I think Billy’s pretty typical of most of these guys, so we’re going to stick to mostly playing our most popular songs.”
“Then you’ll be playing ‘Wake the Dead’?” Considering it had been featured in some stupid zombie videogame and Madversary’s video pictured the band as participants stuck in that world, I would’ve ventured that at least half our graduating class had at least heard that song once or twice.
“Yeah, that one for sure.”
“That’s one of my favorites.”
“Really?”
“Why do you find it so hard—”
The voice on the microphone got louder and crisper, demanding our attention. “Hey, everybody. I’m so glad you’re all having so much fun catching up. Don’t stop, but, as promised, it’s time for a little karaoke. Who wants to go first?”
“Fuck.” Okay, there was a part of Tyler I hadn’t seen yet tonight—the rock star potty mouth. “I gotta get out of here before they make me do it.”
“You think?”
He frowned. “Why wouldn’t they?”
Shrugging, I started looking around the now-darker room. “Do you remember what Lisa looks like?”
“Yeah.”
“She’s my ride. If you’re out of here, so am I.” But she’d disappeared—in fact, she’d completely abandoned me. I should have known. “Guess I’ll call a cab.”
Tyler slid his hand across the table to cover mine with his warm one. Fuck me. I’d managed to keep most of those strong feelings at bay, especially not knowing how Tyler felt, but the heat radiating off him now was impossible to deny. When I looked up from the tattoos on his knuckles to peer in his eyes, I felt that old chemistry bubbling between us, that one I’d somehow managed to forget about until he’d touched me. Then it was as if no time had passed, as if we were still young and carefree, eager to explore one another with our lips and hands.
Mesmerized in the moment, I forgot to breathe.
But my heart hadn’t forgotten to pump blood through my veins, and my pulse quickened more as I could hear its beating in my ears. As I tried to force my lips apart, Tyler asked, “Want me to call one for you?”
What the fuck? It was as if I could hear a car’s screeching tires on hot asphalt. Of all the shit I’d expected to come out of Tyler’s mouth, offering to call a cab on my behalf was not in the top one thousand guesses.
Yep. That only meant one thing. This shit was all one-sided. I was officially in the fucking friend zone. And that meant my evening—hell, this entire goddamned reunion—was now over.
“Nope. Thanks, Tyler. I got it.” I stood, surprised and grateful my legs weren’t too wobbly, and pushed the chair in just as I heard the first chords to a Journey song I recognized but couldn’t name. “Nice seeing you again.” I gave him a tiny wave and turned around, determined to make it quickly to the doorway.
I needed to get out of there like a fucking Nascar driver. Fresh air and solitude would help. How could I have been so fucking stupid?
I made my way quickly through the crowd as most of them headed toward the guy inflicting punishment on Steve Perry’s lyrics. There were some stragglers, though—a few folks, including Billy, by the bar and others engaged in conversation, and so, near the doorway, it was tough for me to make it through.
Soon, I was out in the hallway, a good first step. But then I felt a hand on my shoulder. “Hey, are you all right?”
I wanted nothing more than to run but I instead turned to face Tyler. It was quieter in the hallway, even though there was no mistaking the butchering of a classic in the large room with our former classmates. “Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Well, we’d been having a nice conversation and then you just jumped up and left. I thought I was supposed to do that, considering I didn’t want to get sucked into singing. Are you gonna turn into a pumpkin or something?”
I forced a smile, not wanting to give away the strange sense of disappointment lurking in my chest. For no good reason. “I just need to get home. I’m super tired and it’s been a long day.”
Tyler, ever understanding, nodded his head. “Okay. I can at least walk you outside.”
I decided to try my best to make amends. After all, I probably would never see him again and I had enough shitty karma on my side. “You can catch a ride with me to your hotel if you want.” Deciding against an expensive cab, I opened up the Uber app on my phone and started typing.
“I’m staying here—but thanks.”
That was my cue. “Okay. See ya.” Dashing toward the front of the hotel once more, I finished up my Uber request as I got closer to the revolving door, hoping Tyler had taken the hint that I wanted to be alone. It looked like I was only going to have to wait about fifteen minutes for sweet deliverance—and only then could I let my guard down.
Walking outside into the warm summer air, I took a deep breath, not even noticing the well-dressed man standing at the podium until he spoke. “Do you need someone to fetch your car, ma’am?”
Ugh. Ma’am? I could be nice, right? “No, thanks. I’m waiting for an Uber.”
When I saw the attendant’s focus shift to behind me, I figured Tyler had followed me—especially when the guy’s eyes grew wide. Either he recognized Tyler or he was shocked that such a rebellious-looking tattooed man had made it into such an establishment. Never mind that most of my classmates had tattoos—they just weren’t as extreme as Tyler’s.
I sauntered down the sidewalk as if I hadn’t noticed—until Tyler caught up to me. “Look, you don’t need to wait with me. I’ll be fine.”
“Don’t you get it, Meg? I want to. I don’t know the next time we’ll get to hang together, and I’d kinda like to maximize our time alone. The next two days? We’ll probably be bombarded by people in the light of day without all the drinking. Tonight, most of our classmates seem to have been looking for someone specific. Tomorrow, there’ll be no holds barred. So, even if it’s only five minutes…I wanna be with you.”
Oh, God, he hadn’t picked up on the fact that I wasn’t planning on being here tomorrow—even though there was going to be a free mini-concert. After tonight, my heart couldn’t handle that.
But I wasn’t going to tell Tyler.
I continued walking away from the front of the hotel, not wanting to be close to the attendant, having him scrutinizing our every word. Spying a bench a few feet away, I headed there to wait for the car. I didn’t know what to say to him now, because I’d received his message loud and clear: we were friends, only friends, and nothing more. But stupid me. I hadn’t figured out until this goddamned reunion that my feelings for him ran way deeper than I had let myself believe. That meant I needed to go home and either cry in a pillow or lie awake for hours. Either way, there’d be some Ben & Jerry’s involved, and I just prayed it could mingle in my stomach with all the alcohol.
“Suit yourself. I’m afraid I won’t be much company, though.”
I got ready to sit on the bench but something in his eyes stopped me. They were searching mine as if I held the answer to the secrets of the universe. I tried to speak, but no other words would come out. There was a dull, throbbing ache in the core of my body, and I felt like I might die without him. But that was stupid and silly. I’d lived ten years without Tyler and, compared to the time we’d been together back in school, I had no reason to harbor these feelings for him.
