Love and Music (Small Town Secrets Book 3), page 17
Damn, I was good. There wasn’t even a crackle in my voice. I actually sounded like a completely mature adult, large and in charge of her sexuality.
“That was our agreement, wasn’t it?” God, how he be so fucking cold? Compared to Tyler, an ice cube would be comforting. “You go back to your life here in the ever charming Winchester and I go back to mine. Isn’t that what we agreed on?”
I swallowed, still managing to keep my shit together. “Is it?”
“If I recall correctly, that was your idea when you dumped me in high school.”
Now I fully sat up, pulling myself out of Tyler’s arms. Funny how the heady effects of sex dissipate when your mind moves back to reality. But, goddammit, he was right. “It made sense at the time.”
It still did actually. A relationship with two people hundreds of miles apart would never work, especially when one of the parties was a rock star surrounded by women who were easy and available 24/7.
“Can I be honest with you, Meg?”
“Haven’t you been?”
“Not exactly.” My ears pricked up in the silence of that locker room, even as muted music wafted in from the gym. “Do you have any idea how badly you hurt me back then?”
Guilt made my face grow warm, but only for a second as my mind latched onto a piece of evidence that would serve in my defense. “Did I? Hurt you? You ran right back into Tamara’s arms without hesitation. You didn’t seem to be hurting at all.”
I heard a soft scoff exit Tyler’s mouth but then he grew silent again. After a bit, I felt his hand on my arm as he searched for mine, and, when he reached my wrist, he took my hand in his. “That was an act, Meg. If you’re a guy in your senior year, you’re not going to be whining and crying ‘cause your girlfriend dumped you, because then you’d look like a complete fucking pussy.” I started to speak, but he continued. “And just days after prom, too. That was a nice touch. You know how much shit I took for that? I just wanted to sit on the banks of the river and find a way to process it all—and I couldn’t. I wasn’t ready to talk about it or write a song about it until I worked my way through it, but none of my friends would let me. The only way I was able to move forward at all was to get back with Tamara. The guys didn’t say shit after that.”
I found my voice but I feared speaking. “You got back with her because of me?”
“Technically, yeah. When I broke up with her the first time, I’d ended it. I asked you out later because you’d been the girl I’d always wanted. You made me laugh. We always had fun together. We liked the same classes, the same books, the same movies and TV shows.”
“The same music.”
“Yeah, exactly. Tamara was like the exact opposite of you. But she was hot and asked me out—and I was a virgin before I dated her. She ticked all those boxes.”
“Not hard to do as a teenage boy, I’m guessing?”
“Not hard at all. But after spending almost two years together, I didn’t want to do it anymore. And all that time with her and finding the courage to break up with her in our junior year helped me find the confidence to ask you out.”
Homecoming—in the fall of our senior year in high school.
“I loved you, Meg. Loved you like I never had another girl. We were having the time of our lives, discovering ourselves and having fun—and you yanked my heart out of my chest, threw it on the sidewalk, and ground it in with your heel.”
Oh, fuck. Those were lyrics—off his most recent album.
But then…a shiver ran down my spine as I realized Tyler had written multiple songs about me. God, how had I been so fucking stupid?
“Tyler…I’m so sorry. I was protecting myself.”
“I know that now—but ten years ago, I had no clue. I couldn’t fucking figure that out.”
“I was afraid and hurting and trying to figure out how to save myself from any more pain. You were leaving for California like a week after graduation—”
“But that didn’t mean it was the end of us.”
“It did to me, Tyler. I had that scholarship to—”
“But you didn’t even want to talk about it. You didn’t want to figure it out. We didn’t even try. You didn’t give us a chance.”
“I couldn’t see it lasting. And, even if it did, let’s say it was today. Do you think I’d fare well around your limelight? You know I don’t like attention.”
He let out a soft chuckle, and that almost pissed me off. “How many rockers’ wives or girlfriends have you ever seen? Seriously?”
I tried to think. I was sure I’d seen some of them over the years—occasional wedding photos or pics with their girlfriends at red-carpet events. But he was right. It was rare.
Realization washed over me—that I’d hurt Tyler deeply…and maybe for the stupidest of reasons. Today, hearing it in his words, I could see it.
“Tyler, I’m so sorry. I guess I was just a dumb kid.”
His voice was soft, but it managed to permeate the darkness. “We both were, Meg. I should have fought for you, tried harder to convince you we could work. Instead, I tucked my tail between my legs and ran back to the biggest mistake of my life.”
A tear fell from my eye then and I squeezed his hand. “But you wouldn’t have had to if it hadn’t been for me.” Leaning my head against his chest, I let another tear fall—and I no longer cared if he knew I was crying.
After a while, he brought his other hand to my chin, raising my head, even though there was no way he could see my face. “Earlier tonight when I said we were just gonna knock boots and then move on with our lives, I didn’t mean it.”
“You didn’t?”
“I was being a little bitch, Meg. I was being stupid, wanting to give you a taste of your medicine…let you know what it felt like. That was dumb. Instead of talking to you, like now, I wanted to hurt you back.” He ran a finger over my cheek, wiping away a tear. “That was selfish and childish—and if I could take it back, I would.”
“Oh, stop. I forgive you. I, obviously, have a much bigger regret.”
“We were dumb kids. We made mistakes, both of us. The key is learning from them.”
“Wise words, Tyler. I’m going to start thinking you’re a philosopher instead of a rock star.”
“As the front man, I’m a little bit of both.”
I smiled, rubbing his pec with my hand, feeling a little better about everything. “I think I’m ready to know the answer to the question I asked you last night.”
“What was that?”
“How many serious relationships you’ve been in since high school.” I was ready now. Surely, after he’d managed to let me go, no matter how long it took, he’d found someone to care about, someone to love and dream with.
“You really want to know?”
“Yes. That’s why I asked.”
I nodded, not that he could see it, as Tyler took a deep breath into his lungs. “I thought you might have already figured it out. The answer is none, Meg. None. Getting over you took way too long. And I’m not trying to be a crude asshole, but don’t think I was a priest or anything, taking a vow of celibacy. I wasn’t alone—just never serious. There are lots of gorgeous women out there willing to fuck a rock star’s brain out to help him forget just about anything—and they’ll indulge whatever fantasy you have.” I tried not to grimace, not that he’d see it, but I didn’t want to imagine a never-ending smorgasbord of women. “But they meant nothing other than filling the emptiness for a short time.” Tyler’s arms pulled me closer. “This, though…this is something more.” He let out another long sigh. “Does it feel that way to you?”
There would be no lying now. “Yeah. It feels almost like no time’s passed.”
“Me, too.” He kissed the top of my head while his hand rubbed my arm. Even though the locker room’s air felt stale and stifling, I didn’t want to go.
But there was another set of questions gnawing at me—and, try as I might to pretend they didn’t exist, I couldn’t. Several minutes passed without us saying any words, and Tyler’s breathing grew lighter and softer, and I imagined he was getting sleepy.
It was time to talk now, though.
“Hey, Tyler?”
“Mm, yeah?”
“Tamara said something earlier that’s been bothering me.”
Tyler might have sounded sleepy, but the way his body stiffened said otherwise. “What the hell did she say now?”
After walking into it, what exactly should I say? The only thing that came to mind was telling him exactly what she’d told me. “She, uh…she said she had your baby.”
The silence was palpable and I didn’t realize I was holding my breath until Tyler sat up, forcing me to sit up with him. “I can’t believe she’s still saying that shit.”
“So is it true?”
“What do you think, Meg?”
“I’d like to believe it’s not.”
Tyler’s arms were moving as he searched for something in the enveloping darkness. “Well, you’re right. It’s not. She wants to believe it, but it’s not true.” Well, snuggling time was officially over. I could thank myself for that. “Are you ready to go?”
Not only was it over, our impromptu date was as well. “Just a second.” I felt around for my shoes before sliding them back on. I felt dirty and gross after being on the concrete floor, and I wondered in the back of my mind if I would have felt that way if our time together had ended differently. “Why are you in such a hurry now?”
Tyler stood. “I told you I had to help the guys load up the equipment. Do you need some help up?”
“Sure.” I felt around in front of me for his outstretched hands. Once he helped me stand up, we wound our way back around to the door, with Tyler still holding my hand. But he was quiet—and now things felt awkward as fuck between us.
Good job, Megan.
When we entered the gym, I felt like I was in an old-fashioned disco. Pop rock was wailing from the DJ’s big speakers on the wooden stage, and a strobe light flashed somewhere in the room, causing the movement from all the dancing bodies to look fractured and clipped. Tyler stopped at the edge of the crowd and turned to me. “Hey, Meg. Sorry. That just really pissed me off. I’m going to have to talk to her tonight—that much is sure—but don’t blame yourself.” I nodded, not sure what to say. His eyes scanned mine as if looking for something he’d lost before he leaned over to kiss me. “See you later.”
Giving him another nod, I stood in the gap between bleachers as I watched him walk away. I felt empty and alone, full of fresh pain and more questions than I’d had hours earlier, and ready to go it on my own once more.
What was worse was knowing I’d probably done it all to myself.
Chapter Twenty-one
I stood by the refreshments table, scanning the crowd for my bestie in the midst of dozens of moving bodies. I was tired of this reunion and ready to return to my safe, comfortable life—the one without Tyler, without his promises. Maybe he’d made me happier at particular moments, but I’d felt more miserable than satisfied over the past twenty-four hours.
This shit wasn’t healthy.
Lisa was nowhere to be found but damned if I didn’t spot Tamara. Even though Tyler had denied that Tamara had given birth to his child, he hadn’t been exactly convincing. Glancing toward the entrance to the gym, I saw Tyler holding a guitar case, talking with the guys in his band, and I tried to decide—if I had to stay here—what my next move should be.
Dammit, Lisa, where the hell are you?
And why did I feel guilty about wondering if Tyler’s statement was credible?
When I turned back around, Tamara stood directly in front of me. “You just can’t keep your hands off that guy, can you?”
Her voice was loud, but the music drowned her out, so I didn’t have to worry about classmates overhearing her—not that it made her words any more comfortable. Near the refreshments table where I stood was an alternate exit that didn’t lead outside but to a lobby of sorts that branched out into the school proper where there were bathrooms, water fountains, and a concession stand. At least, that was what used to be there, and since the gym hadn’t changed at all in the past decade, I didn’t expect the lobby to look any different. Glancing through the windows in the doors, I saw the lights were on. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”
Tamara’s blue eyes lit up like streetlights. “Thought you’d never ask.”
I tilted my head toward the lobby. “Let’s go in there where it’s quieter.”
In a few short seconds, we’d made our way into the lobby and stood next to a wall with a long display case full of trophies and memorabilia from Winchester Bulldogs teams of the past. Tamara’s mouth was curled into a sneer, but I didn’t know what that meant. “What exactly do you wanna talk about, girlfriend?”
My skin crawled, and I refrained from telling her we were not friends by any stretch of the imagination—particularly because of what I was about to say. “Tell me everything.”
If Tyler wasn’t going to dish, I would get my information wherever I could.
A sly smile curled Tamara’s red lips as she arched a too-thin black eyebrow. My soul withered as I realized just how much Tamara relished this moment. The woman in front of me was bitter and more than willing to infect me with her illness. But it was far too late to back out now.
“Well…you know Tyler and I dated before you—and after.” Tamara affected a pout, but it made me want to slap her face. Instead, I gritted my teeth together, waiting for her to get to the meat of her story. “Before you entered the picture, Megan, Tyler told me he loved me. We were going to be together forever, he said. So I did what any girl in love does: I gave him my precious flower.”
My teeth were in danger of being ground to dust as I fought the urge to laugh. No one I knew called virginity a precious flower, especially someone like Tamara.
“I let him strip away my innocence.” Once the threat of laughter subsided, I allowed her words to permeate my pores and I wondered…was any of this true? The rumor back then had been that Tamara was easy—but if Tyler was her first, maybe that was bullshit.
She kept talking, so I couldn’t follow the trails created by my thoughts.
“But I wasn’t stupid. I was on the pill so I couldn’t get pregnant. But then, as you know, we broke up. Maybe he got bored with me or we fought too much? And you guys started dating. But it wasn’t long before Tyler came sniffing around my tree again. He came to my house drunk one night.” Tamara turned to the glass case and began running her finger along an edge. “And then he raped me. I didn’t understand what I’d done to deserve it but, deep down, I was happy, thinking Tyler loved me again. So, after that, we kept having sex. Part of me felt guilty that he was cheating on you, but the rejected feelings went away, and it was hard to say no. I’d gotten off the pill after we broke up—and I figured if he didn’t care, I wouldn’t, either. Tyler and I were meant to be together and maybe having his child would help him love me.
“So he cheated on you the whole time—and that’s why when you broke up with him, we became public. I decided then I should probably get on the pill but when I was at the doctor’s office to do that, I found out I was already pregnant.
“Put yourself in my shoes, Megan.” I was trying, but I was having a hell of a time. Should I believe the queen of lies or dismiss all her words outright? Was any of this true and, if so, how much? If the pieces hadn’t seemed to fit together so well… “I was scared out of my mind, and so I asked Tyler to help me get an abortion. He got really mad, slapping me and beating me, blaming me for trapping him. So I just kind of got all depressed and spent an entire week crying and worrying. I finally told my mom I was pregnant, and she talked me into keeping the baby.” She read the shock on my face like a paperback. “Yeah, I was pregnant at our graduation, Megan. So, at that stupid ceremony, I tried one last time to get Tyler to do the right thing. When we were lined up outside the football field, I pulled Tyler aside. I told him I loved him and I was going to have the baby—and I wanted us to try to be a family.
“Instead of being a stand-up guy and doing the right thing, he said he didn’t want anything to do with me or the baby. He said he’d never loved me and he never wanted to see me again.” I seemed to remember Tamara causing some kind of noisy incident right before our graduation ceremony, but I thought he’d broken up with her.
He had. But was it because they weren’t compatible—or was it because of the story she was telling me now?
Was Tyler Green the kind of guy who would rape someone? Was he the sort of man who would refuse to care for his own child?
I didn’t think that was the Tyler I knew—but we’d dated for less than a year and we’d been kids. Maybe I didn’t know shit about him.
“I know you don’t believe me, Megan—and that’s why I brought proof.” Yanking her purse off her shoulder, she opened it, sticking her hand inside. “I came here this weekend, trying one last time to convince Tyler to do the right thing…to be a good father to his son.” Tamara pulled an envelope out of her purse. Opening the flap, she pulled out a piece of paper folded in thirds and handed it to me. “Go ahead. Read it.”
Wishing I could refuse, I instead opened what wound up being three papers folded together. On the back of one was a child’s drawing in blue ink of a spider hanging on a web. It was nothing fancy, and yet it was more detailed than something I would have drawn—but I was no artist. I turned the pages over to see that the top sheet was printed on a company’s letterhead, but I didn’t take time to digest that part. Instead, I focused on the writing that seemed faded and old while I scanned the actual words. My eyes were drawn to familiar groupings of letters, specifically Tyler’s name halfway down the page. Tyler Green cannot be excluded as the biological father of Tyson Dickens. That didn’t mean much to me but, as I continued reading, I saw that this letter—which was actually some sort of report—said that Tyler was considered the child’s father, and the results were up to 99.99 percent conclusive.
