After she left, Lisa’s eyes scrutinized me much like she might a suspicious package that had arrived unexpectedly at her door. “There’s something you’re not telling me.” I felt my eyes grow wide as I scrambled to lie. “Oh, my God. You did, didn’t you?”

  I was way past the point of attempting to act innocent. Instead, I felt haughty and righteous. The lie I’d tried to come up with withered away as I added an indignant tone to my voice. “Did what?”

  Even though she lowered her voice, I imagined the people in the booths next to us could hear every fucking word—and I felt myself wanting to slide underneath the table. “You did the deed, didn’t you? The horizontal mambo. The in-out, in-out.” I scowled, but it didn’t stop her from punctuating each syllable. “He cleaned your fucking engine, didn’t he?”

  “Here’s that muffin, hon, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.” I looked up at Daisy again, not sure if I was grateful for her timing this go-round, considering she probably heard every word my friend had uttered. But she smiled, a perfect waitress. “I gave you a couple of pats of butter that might help.”

  “Thanks.” Oh, God, were my cheeks flaming?

  “Can I get you anything else?”

  Lisa’s voice was steady and polite at the surface, but I was sure Daisy could feel the irritation as well as I could. “We’re good. Thanks.”

  “Great. Just holler if you need a refill.” Ripping a page out of her pad, she set it upside down on the table. Lisa frowned at it before focusing on me once more.

  “So?”

  “So what?”

  “You did. I know you did. But I’m trying to figure out what the problem was.” I looked down at the muffin, wishing I could give it to Lisa to take her off track, but I knew that was an impossibility. She was a bloodhound on the trail of something big. Fortunately, she lowered her voice from party mode to chatting with a girlfriend fashion. “Did it suck? Is that it? Or…oh, shit. Was he smaller than you remembered?” I shook my head, unable to stop a small smile from cracking my face. “Or is it that his merchandise is now a little too pre-owned?”

  “Jesus, Lisa. No. Nothing like that.”

  “So how was it?” I could see in my friend’s eyes that she was still feeling quite romantic and lovey-dovey from the pounding her lady parts had taken the night before. Clearly, she had no regrets like I did.

  “The point isn’t how it was. The point is how it will be.”

  “What does that even mean, Meg?”

  “It means nothing’s changed. It’s just like when we were in high school. He’ll be leaving on Sunday and our lives will go back to normal. So why even bother?”

  “Why can’t you just enjoy making the memory?” Shrugging, I opened the napkin wrapped around the silverware. As I focused on cutting the muffin in half with the table knife before spreading on the softened pats of butter, Lisa determined to not let it go. “Here’s the thing, Meg. If last night had sucked, you wouldn’t give a shit if he was leaving.”

  Fuck. She was right.

  Damn it all to hell.

  Furiously, I spread the butter over one half of the muffin, pretending like her words didn’t matter.

  “Fess up, Meg. How the hell was it?”

  Damn her for making me think back to last night’s events. I mentally took back the notion that having my best friend around made me feel better.

  “You’re really going to make me go there?”

  “Yes! I shared. Now it’s your turn.”

  I put the muffin half down, no longer eager to take a bite. My brain went back in time, whether I’d wanted it to or not, and I vowed to give my friend an honest assessment of the previous night’s activities. “It was…incredible. Intense. I wasn’t ready at first, and he was really patient, just like when we’d been kids.” Lisa started humming the tune to Like a Virgin. Jesus. That didn’t help. “He gave me an amazing backrub and then—”

  “Ooh. Erotic rubdown.”

  “No. Just really relaxing. I needed it because I was tense.”

  “I wonder why.”

  I tilted my head. “Why the sarcasm?”

  Lifting an eyebrow, she took a sip of her coffee. “You’re cute.” Waving her hand as if she were a queen and I her lowly servant, she added, “Continue.”

  “It was amazing. I’ll just say that. But you know this shit will never work.”

  “You never tried. You never let things just go the course. You don’t know.”

  “Yes, I do, Lisa. Think about it. Tyler had always planned to go west to start his band—and it’s a good thing he did, because he made it. He became successful. And I had that scholarship. I was lucky if I came home twice a year and I doubt he ever did. How the hell could you have a real relationship when one person lives in Kansas and the other in California?”

  “People make it work all the time.”

  “Tyler and I couldn’t.”

  “That’s what I mean, Meg. You didn’t give it a chance.”

  Angry, I picked up that poor muffin that had never done a thing to anyone and took a savage bite out of it. I wasn’t going to admit it now, but our waitress had been right. The thing dry and on the verge of stale. God knew when it had actually been baked. But I chewed on it, glaring at Lisa the whole time before swigging some coffee.

  “I shouldn’t have gone. It’s going to be just as hard getting over him this time as it was last time.”

  “That’s what I’m saying. You’re doing this to yourself just like you did back then.”

  Gulping more coffee, I tried to add some moisture to my mouth after the muffin had sucked it dry. Then I shook my head, looking down at the table. At least being angry took away the sadness.

  “Don’t you see that, Meg?”

  “I didn’t have a choice.”

  “You did. And I promise you that the breakup with Tyler hurt him just as much as you hurt yourself.”

  “It was mutual.”

  “Bullshit it was. You might have convinced him of that, but you forget I was there, Meg. You pushed him away.”

  But hadn’t we agreed that it would be best?

  “Why else do you think he started dating Tamara Dickens again?”

  I felt my bottom lip starting to tremble, and then the anger welled up again at my friend for sharing with me this very inconvenient fact. I started to spit out some nasty words and managed to stop myself by shoving the rest of the buttered half of muffin. I chomped on it, taking out my emotions on the dry pastry.

  “And I saw, whether you wanted me to or not. Tyler made a fucking beeline for you as soon as he walked in the door. You guys are meant to be together, Meg. Why can’t you at least give it a try?”

  “Maybe he just wanted a little nostalgia to go with the whole reunion thing. You ever think of that?”

  “Do you really believe that?”

  “I don’t know what to believe.” In self-defense, I began spreading butter over the second half of the muffin. Avoiding eye contact with Lisa helped me get control over my breathing.

  “Hey. If I stick around, would you at least talk to him one more time? Just explain to him all the shit going around in your head?”

  I set the knife down on the table a little too hard, causing the person behind Lisa to turn around and look at me. Once the woman turned back around to mind her own business, I lowered my head and voice, leaning over the table a bit. “Not only no, but hell no.”

  “You’re being stupid, Megan.”

  I had to bite my tongue. Licking my lips, I sucked another breath in through my nostrils and then willed myself to be calm. “Look, Leese, the reason I’m doing this is because it hurts. If I have to deal with him more, it’s going to hurt more. I don’t want to make this harder than it already is.”

  Lisa’s shoulders drooped some, as if I’d disappointed her beyond belief. Unpursing her lips, she picked up her coffee mug once more. “Suit yourself.” As she took a sip of her coffee, I hoped the matter was finally closed. “Will you at least come along for the hike this afternoon?”

  “No.”

  “Fine. But you have to come to dinner tonight, okay?”

  “I said no, Lisa.”

  “Oh, come on. You know Madversary’s going to be playing tonight. It’s like a free concert, and I know you love his band. You can just come and watch and then leave. He’ll be onstage.” I shook my head. “He’ll never see you.”

  “Absolutely not. What part of no don’t you understand?”

  What I knew was that my friend was just as stubborn as I. “Jesus, Meg. I get not going to dinner—but the dance is gonna be at the high school gym. You could sneak in and out before—”

  “No. That’s my final answer.”

  And I meant it. But, like I said, my friend was just as stubborn as I and a much better salesperson…

  Chapter Fifteen

  After I drove back to my place and Lisa and I parted ways, I walked to the library as planned. It was hot out, but feeling uncomfortable took my mind off my emotions for a bit.

  I looked through the area where we had the new releases. Usually, I got my paws on them before our patrons because I was able to read fast, but I couldn’t get through them all before the next week’s batch. Out of the leftovers, there was a thriller that caught my eye, a debut by a new author, so I snagged it. There were also a couple of new romances, but I didn’t think my heart could take one of them at the moment, so I snagged an old Perry Mason. Maybe now was a good time to start rereading those books again.

  Sure enough, Serenity was minding the counter today. I wasn’t sure where Helen was. She didn’t usually work Saturdays, because it was usually one of the days I was left in charge, but I’d asked for it off because of the stupid reunion, so she’d likely be here somewhere.

  Serenity’s hair was fuchsia today, and she was popping a piece of gum that was almost the same hue. “What are you doing here? Didn’t you have your high school reunion today?”

  “Yeah—but I’m taking a break.”

  As she started checking out my books, she raised her pencil-thin eyebrows. “That good, huh?”

  “Exactly.”

  She kept talking in between smacks of her gum. “I’m never going to my reunions. No way. They couldn’t pay me to go. And I’m hoping to be out of this godforsaken town before my ten year comes around. I don’t want to be anywhere near that.”

  “I hear you.” Why the hell was I agreeing with Serenity? She and I never agreed on anything. “Has it been pretty slow today?”

  “Like a frigging turtle. People don’t want to read. They’d rather do fun stuff outside.” Gulping, she looked at the books in her hands. “Sorry…but this day can’t end fast enough.”

  It was hard to be sympathetic, because I thought the weekend hours at the library were great—provided, of course, a person didn’t have to come to work with a hangover. Knowing Serenity, a rough Friday night party lasting into the morning’s wee hours was a possibility. So, looking up at the clock behind her, I smiled before delivering what I thought would be good news. “You just have a couple more hours.”

  “I think I’ll die before then.”

  Taking my books, I headed for the front door. “We’ll close the library in your honor on the day of your funeral then.” Serenity gave me a confused look, and that signaled my cue to get the hell out of there and go home. Once I got there, I lay on the couch so the chilly air from the swamp cooler would blow over my overheated body, and I started reading the thriller. It was good, but I kept finding my mind wandering back to Tyler and that stupid reunion. I switched to Perry Mason and made it through a couple of chapters, remembering why I’d always loved those books so much, but this time I couldn’t fully immerse myself.

  I didn’t know if I should blame Tyler or Lisa.

  Or myself.

  Later in the afternoon, Lisa called. I tried ignoring it but I couldn’t, finally answering before it went to voicemail. “No, Lisa. The answer is still no.”

  “God, Megan, don’t be a bitch. Just hear me out.” I didn’t say a word. Instead, I found myself glaring across the room, but it obviously wasn’t for Lisa’s benefit. She asked, “Are you still there?”

  “Yes.”

  “Listen. Tyler tracked me down and asked if I knew where you were. Holy shit. That man is way fucking hotter and sweeter than I remembered—and here you are blowing him off. And, to top it all off, he’s amazing in bed. You hit the jackpot and you’re holed up in your apartment. Are you out of your ever-loving mind?”

  “Why don’t you go out with him if you’re so enamored?”

  “Dammit, Megan, stop being so damn stubborn. I almost gave him your cell number.”

  “You’re lucky you didn’t.”

  The whine in Lisa’s voice hit me in my gut. “Stop making me the bad guy, Meg. I don’t want to be the middleman. I just wanted us to have fun—and now Tyler’s asking if he did something wrong.”

  Oh, shit. As if I hadn’t felt guilty enough. Maybe Lisa was right. Maybe I needed to come clean.

  “And Randy’s going to be gone for most of tonight. I don’t want to sit at dinner by myself—which is why I wanted you to be my wing-woman.” I started laughing, but Lisa didn’t stop talking. “You already paid for the whole weekend—so you might as well get your money’s worth.”

  “Leese, you know I never wanted to go to this damn thing in first place. Don’t you want to talk to other people besides Randy? You didn’t go to the reunion just to hook up with him, did you?” This time I thought she’d dropped the call. “Lisa, are you there?”

  “Yeah, I’m here.” Her sigh was audible. “I didn’t come to the reunion just to see him again, Meg, but it’s weird. We’ve reconnected on a totally intense level, like—like we’re soul partners or something. As natural as it all feels now, I can’t believe we never got together in high school.”

  “I’m happy for you, Lisa, but…” I drifted off. I’d been a big enough asshole over the past twenty-four hours.

  “But what?”

  She was going to make me say it. Setting my book down on the coffee table, I sat up on the couch, stretching my neck. “What happens when he goes back to his life and you go back to yours?”

  “Then we go back to the way things were. I know that’s gonna happen, and I don’t care. I know he’s got his own life and I’ve got mine, but why can’t I enjoy it while it lasts? I can either mourn the fact that he’s leaving tomorrow—or I can eat him up while he’s here. I’m choosing to have fun while I can.”

  Fuck. How could my best friend and I be so different?

  And how the hell could I manage to find the logic in what she was saying?

  As she kept talking about all the reasons why she was going to do her own thing, I let her last words sink in. Deep inside my pores. Choosing to cut things off with Tyler right now was not only cowardly, but my best friend was so right. It was letting my circumstances rule my life rather than taking charge.

  And I really did want to see him again. I was hooked.

  Looking at the two barely read books on my coffee table, I made a silent promise to myself. If I went back to the proceedings and then felt completely empty tomorrow after all was said and done, I’d enjoy this amazing reading material—and I’d let myself pick up a pint of ice cream to go with.

  I sighed as I caught the last of Lisa’s monologue. “I refuse to live my life like that, Meg—and I wish I could convince you to see it my way.”

  “Fine.”

  “What? Did I hear you right?”

  “Yes. But I didn’t buy any formal wear, and I refuse to wear anything over the top.”

  Lisa’s squeal made me pull the phone away from my ear. “I’m not planning to wear anything overly formal, either. You should know me better than that.”

  “Good. Then I can drive this time.”

  “Either way’s fine with me. Randy can always give me a ride home.”

  “I used an Uber this morning, and the guy picked me up pretty fast—so if you want to drive, I’m cool with it.”

  “I just…I want to tell you I’m eternally grateful for your support, Meg. I mean it.”

  “Yeah, yeah.”

  “Seriously. Dinner starts at seven, girlfriend, so I’ll be by your place around six-thirty, okay?”

  My stomach flipflopped as my brain told me I was about to take a long, hard fall.

  “See you then.”

  I couldn’t believe I was fucking doing this. What the hell was wrong with me?

  * * *

  It was like déjà vu walking into that hotel again. I’d settled on my little black dress, something not formal but good enough. It had been my go-to over the past few years for first dates and other semi-formal occasions with city council or benefits for the library, and I’d never felt overdressed—or underdressed. It was perfect. I loved it because it fit like a glove and had the tiniest of sleeves—just an inch of flowing fabric that showed off my curvy arms, thanks to my best friend’s insistence that I weight train two to three days a week. The snugness showed off my waist while accenting the curves of my breast and hips. The skirt, though, was what made the dress one of my favorites. It had multiple overlapping layers of sheer black fabric that ended around my knees, creating a wispy, ethereal look.

  If Tyler thought I looked good in the casual clothes I’d worn last night, he was going to die seeing me in this number.

  What the hell was my problem? Tonight was not going to be another hookup. No way. Instead, I was going to have an adult conversation with my ex, telling him why we couldn’t keep this up.

  But Lisa’s speech had spoken to me. Why couldn’t we just have fun for the duration? Why couldn’t we just have a great time while it lasted and then part like two souls in the night destined to be forever apart?

  Because just having fun without the emotions was impossible for me.

  When we entered the large room where we’d been the night before, I was impressed at how different it looked. It had been converted into a dining space, complete with linen napkins, fine china, and mood lighting.

  I couldn’t see Tyler anywhere.

 

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