The Beginning, page 9
part #0.50 of Off Screen Series
“I think I do understand,” Emma said. She smiled at Addison. “You know, I’ve been thinking a lot about that myself. I never thought much about my sexuality, Addy. You know?” she asked.
Addison smiled.
“I poured myself into stuff. For a long time, it was gymnastics and dance. That was a release, but—Well, to be honest, I think that’s why acting appealed to me. You know my dad. My mother is one thing. With my father? Life was about control. He’s a good man. He’s softened more with age, but growing up? Well, you acted appropriately. It was not unlike Hollywood. You don’t show your emotions, not to the rest of the world anyway. Acting meant that I could feel without any risk. I could love, even if it wasn’t me that was being loved. I didn’t honestly think I would feel that—being in love. Maybe it was just too risky. That changed when I met you.”
Addison sighed and kissed Emma’s forehead. “My mom told me once that the saying, wear your heart on your sleeve must have been written with me in mind. The thing is, Em, I don’t know how to hide what I feel. It’s always there, not just below the surface, right on top of it, threatening to bubble over for the world to see. When I met you, when we first started—”
“I know,” Emma said. “That’s where Jack and Genevieve came from. That’s why it’s such a powerful story. It was your love letter to me. I knew that from the first page.”
“But, see? I still couldn’t hide it,” Addison said as her tears surfaced.
“I don’t want you to hide it,” Emma said.
“No, but you need to think about your career. I would never hide what I feel from you. That’s not what I mean. I don’t want my love-struck foolishness to jeopardize anything for you.”
Addison’s admission nearly broke Emma’s heart. “Stop. I—for one—am glad that you are love-struck, assuming you mean your foolishness is about me, that is.”
“Completely,” Addison replied.
“Good, because I will let you in on a secret. I seem to have fallen completely in love with you,” Emma admitted with a kiss. “We’ll figure it out.” We have to. Emma let her eyes close when Addison pulled the blanket over them. We have to.
***
Tamara sat in a kitchen chair shaking her head with amusement. “Addy, what the hell are you trying to do there?” she asked. Addison had been puttering around Emma’s kitchen for nearly two hours. The place was a complete mess, and Tamara could no longer contain her laughter. “You would have been Chopped like an hour ago,” she remarked.
“Screw you, Tam,” Addison replied.
“I hate to break this to you, but you have never been and will never be Julia Child. You are the only person I know who can burn water.”
Addison shot her best friend a glare and then huffed dramatically.
"Why don’t you let me help?” Tamara suggested.
Addison looked over at her friend hopefully and then sighed. “No. I want to do this for Emma.”
“I don’t think Emma fell in love with you for your skills in the kitchen,” Tamara observed.
Addison sighed again.
“Why is this so important to you?” she asked Addison.
Addison stopped her task and flopped into a chair. “Because she always takes care of me,” she said before collapsing her face into her hands helplessly.
“I just want to take care of her. I suck.”
“Well, I can think of one person I know who is grateful you suck,” a voice answered lightheartedly.
Addison and Tamara both turned abruptly at the sound of Emma’s voice. Addison’s face lit up and then promptly fell again in defeat.
Emma smiled. “Hello, Tam,” she said.
“We didn’t think you’d be home for a few hours,” Tamara said with a raise of her brow and a grin.
“I can see that,” Emma answered with a wink as she scanned the scene in her kitchen.
Tamara got up quickly. “I just remembered, I need to go—grocery shopping—or something,” she said. She stopped and whispered in Emma’s ear. “She’s been at it all day.”
Emma nodded, and kept her eyes on Addison, who would still not meet look at her. “Have fun—shopping,” Emma said to Tamara. She remained silent and still until she heard the front door close. “Addy,” Emma called softly.
“I suck,” Addison said.
Emma chuckled and made her way over to her lover, dropping down into her lap and wrapping her arms around Addison’s neck. “I would love to test that theory,” she flirted.
Addison groaned.
Emma responded with a tender kiss. “Now, what exactly are you trying to accomplish in my kitchen?” Emma asked playfully.
“I wanted to make you dinner,” Addison explained.
Emma quirked an amused brow at Addison.
“Something special,” Addison said tacitly. She had searched for days online to find what she thought would be a perfect recipe—something simple and romantic. The romantic part might have been realized if the simple part had proved accurate. The pasta portion Addison could manage. The soufflé was a different story.
Emma studied Addison’s pensive expression. Her inclination was to make light of the situation and tease Addison out of her sullen mood. Genuine disappointment loomed in Addison’s eyes, and Emma understood that this was important to her lover. “What did you mean that I always take care of you?” Emma asked gently.
“You do,” Addison looked up at Emma adoringly. “You always make sure I have everything I need. You cook for me. You do my laundry before I even think about it. You make sure all the things I like to eat are in the house. You—”
“Addy—”
“No, you do. I just wanted to do something for you—for once,” Addison said.
“You take care of me all the time,” Emma said truthfully. “You rub my feet until I fall asleep when we are sitting on the couch. You buy fresh flowers for the kitchen because you know that I love them. You leave me little notes every morning,” Emma said. “And, you whisper how much you love me, how much you need me over and over again when you think I’ve fallen asleep after we’ve made love.”
“You were faking?” Addison asked with the first hint of a genuine smile.
“Only the sleeping part,” Emma returned flirtatiously.
Addison chuckled.
“I just wanted to—I’m sorry, Em. I wanted to welcome you home with something special.”
Emma kissed Addison lightly. She knew that Addison would not believe her, but the spectacle in her kitchen, Tamara’s comment, and the look on Addison’s face were priceless to her. No meal, no gift, nothing could have compared to the sentiment that was behind all of it. It was another reminder for Emma of the many reasons she had fallen in love with the writer. Addison was thoughtful. Addison was genuine. Addison was loving. Addison was gentle. She drove Emma crazy sometimes with her little quirks, but even those were uniquely Addison, and Emma loved her. “This is really important to you,” Emma observed.
Addison nodded with a lopsided frown.
“Well, let me put my things away and we’ll see what we can do about salvaging this dinner you planned.”
“The point was for me to do something for you, Em.”
Emma got up and kissed Addison on the cheek. “You are. Maybe I haven’t made it clear,” Emma said. She kissed Addison deeply, taking the time to enjoy the taste of butter, sugar, and lemon that lingered on Addison’s lips. “You were sampling, weren’t you?” she teased.
Addison shrugged.
“Mm. Well, if that kiss is any indication of what you were planning, I would say we have a wonderful evening ahead of us.” Emma stepped back and winked before heading off to take care of her luggage.
Addison smiled and shook her head. Emma was home. Somehow, that suddenly made everything right in her world.
***
“Nervous?” Jeff asked Emma.
“About what?” Emma laughed.
“Oh, come on. Admit it, you would love to get that nomination,” he said.
“Who wouldn’t?” Emma returned. “But, I’m not nervous about it. If it happens–great. I’m not holding my breath.”
“Yeah, well, I think this might just be your year,” he said confidently.
“Do you know something that I don’t?” she asked.
Jeff shrugged.
“Jeffrey?”
“No, I don’t know anything. I just have a feeling, is all.
“You writers and your feelings.”
“You should know,” he replied.
Emma laughed.
“Speaking of—how is that writer of yours?”
“Wonderful,” Emma glowed.
“You have it bad.” Jeff rolled his eyes. “You’ve been home for almost three weeks. I thought the afterglow would have faded by now."
“See, the problem with your theory is the after part.” Emma winked.
“Jesus. What are you two, some kind of mutant rabbits? Good thing you’re lesbians.”
“What?” Emma snickered. “Why is that a good thing?”
“Otherwise you’d be looking for barefoot and pregnant roles,” he answered seriously.
Emma shrugged happily. “You’re just jealous.”
“Damn right I’m jealous. I can’t get one beautiful woman to have dinner with me. Here I have to watch two of the most beautiful women I know having each other for—”
“Okay,” Emma held out her hand to stall her friend’s thoughts.
Jeff grinned. “Truth hurt?”
“Not me,” Emma replied. “Apparently, you have some issues with it.” She laughed.
“I will just have to live vicariously through you. At least, I have something to inspire a love scene or two.”
Emma shuddered. “Do not ever tell me that Addison and I have inspired a love scene in your head.”
“Oh, you two could inspire a whole lot more than one love—”
“Stop,” Emma said, covering her friend’s mouth, but laughing at the same time. “You are sick.”
“You have no idea,” he winked.
“Thankfully,” Emma said. She followed her friend through the restaurant door and smiled politely at the maître d’ as he pointed them to their table. Jeff watched as Emma’s expression seemed to darken slightly. “I hate these things,” she muttered.
“Oh relax,” he whispered to her. He saw the brilliant, yet contrived smile that Emma painted on for the room. “It will all be over in a couple of hours,” he reminded her. “Have a cocktail—or ten.”
Emma nodded to a few familiar faces and then leaned into her friend’s ear. “There is not enough alcohol in the Northern Hemisphere to make this enjoyable,” she noted.
Jeff snickered. Emma’s observation was exactly the reason the two had become close friends. Jeff loved movies. He’d loved them ever since he could remember. When he was six, his parents gave him an 8mm camera. Jeff proceeded to spend the majority of his free time writing stories and coaxing his friends into playing the roles, so he could film them. That’s all he had ever dreamed of doing—making movies. He’d never stopped to consider that making movies was a business, not just an adventure. Dealing with the business was a necessity if he wanted to continue the adventure.
Emma was the same way. She played the roles she was given, both on and off screen for years. Her life was decidedly more public than Jeff’s. He struggled with many of the expectations placed upon him. It was difficult for him to imagine how it felt for Emma to handle with all the expectations and insinuations she was forced to endure. Meeting Addison had restored a light to Emma’s eyes that he had not seen shine as brightly in almost six years. Walking into this room, he noted that it had dimmed ever so slightly.
No matter how much Emma tried to downplay her feelings, the possibility of an Emmy nomination was something most actors dreamed about their entire lives. Most would never be sitting in Emma’s seat, knowing that the possibility was real, and waiting for either a reason to celebrate or a need to mask disappointment with grace. This was a monumental occasion. Emma smiled and exchanged pleasantries with each person who passed their table. She would sigh softly each time someone walked away. This is not how she would have chosen to await the news.
Jeff shook his head sadly. Emma was a talented actress. Why couldn’t that be enough for people? If he had taken a moment to be honest, the fact that she was here with him and not with Addison pissed him off more than a little bit.
Jeff ordered them both a drink and handed Emma her gin and tonic. “Painkiller,” he said with a wink. “Couple of hours and we will both be free.”
Emma smiled. She sipped her drink and scanned the crowd. Only a couple of hours? If only that were true.
***
“Sit down!” Tamara laughed. “You are going to wear a hole in the floor.”
Addison stopped moving for a second and started again.
“Fine. Be that way. Don’t bitch to me when you don’t get your security deposit back.”
“I hate waiting.”
Tamara shook her head. “Well, walking in circles is not going to make them announce the nominations any sooner. Just sit down.”
“Can’t.”
Tamara was accustomed to Addison’s nervous energy. When they had been college roommates, Addison had a mini basketball hoop. At some point, she’d lost the ball and replaced it with a tennis ball. Whenever the pair were awaiting final grades, or whenever Addison was anxious about a date with some sorority girl, she would bounce the tennis ball off the wall endlessly. Tamara laughed at the memory.
“What’s so funny?” Addison asked.
“I was thinking about that stupid basketball hoop you had in college.”
Addison smiled. “I never could sink the ball in that thing.”
“Because you never tried!” Tamara reminded her friend.
Addison wrinkled her nose.
“Oh please! I swear to God, that wall has dents in it that can be attributed to half of Alpha Dyke Omega or whatever the hell it was called.”
Addison laughed and plummeted onto her couch beside her friend. She looked at the computer screen and took a deep breath. “I hope they get it right,” she said.
Tamara put her arm around Addison’s shoulders. She was almost positive that if Emma did not receive a nomination, Addison would be more disappointed than the actress. “And, if they do?” Tamara asked.
Addison’s lips curled into a mischievous grin.
“You are not going to try and cook for her again, are you?”
Addison offered Tamara a look of disgust and then smiled. “No, I’m not, smart ass.”
“Whew,” Tamara sighed dramatically.
Addison smacked her friend briskly.
“Ouch!”
“You deserved that,” Addison observed. “And, for your information, that dinner turned out far better than I had expected,” she gloated.
“Yeah? Change in menu, I bet.” Tamara smirked.
Addison feigned innocence. “Let’s just say cooking in tandem can have its benefits.”
“I’ll bet. Lots of taste testing?” Tamara guessed.
Addison shrugged.
“You suck,” Tamara groaned.
Addison kissed her best friend’s cheek. “I’m sure you will find someone to play Kitchen Confidential with you soon,” she comforted Tamara.
“Where do you come up with this shit?”
“It’s a gift,” Addison answered smartly. She looked back at the computer and tensed noticeably.
“What if she doesn’t get it?” Tamara asked hesitantly.
Addison sighed. She turned to her friend and smiled. “Same surprise either way,” she said.
Tamara nodded. In Addison’s world, Emma deserved every accolade possible. Tamara felt a twinge of jealousy. She’d never loved anyone that much, nor had she ever been loved by anyone that much. “She’s won either way,” Tamara said honestly.
Addison smiled. She appreciated the sincerity and sentiment of her friend’s words. All the same, Addison wanted everything for her lover. Emma had sparked Addison’s muse in innumerable and unexpected ways. She intended to show Emma exactly how amazing she thought her lover was. Addison sighed. Some unknown truth seemed to be whispering to only her. Things were about to change. She could feel it. “She’ll get it,” she said assuredly.
***
Emma sat silently in her seat and watched the screen placed at the front of the room.
“The nominees for Lead Actress in a Drama Series are—”
Emma held her breath as actor John Bridges continued. “Maggie Perry: Midnight Hour.” A soft clapping was heard. “Deborah Sturgis: After the Storm. Belinda Jansen: The World As We Know It. Kate Beringer: Eyes of a Deceiver. Jane Malloy: Oppositions.”
Emma closed her eyes. There was one square left to be filled.
“And—”
***
Tamara watched as Addison edged forward gradually with each name that was read. She could see Addison’s hand trembling as each name passed from John Bridges’ lips. Addison held her breath as each name failed to be Emma Bronson.
“Jane Malloy: Oppositions,” he said.
“Come on,” Addison implored the screen. “Say it,” she whispered.
“And—”
***
“And, Emma Bronson: Found.”
Applause immediately filled the room. Found had been nominated for both Outstanding Drama Series and Lead Actress in a Drama Series. This is the reason producers, directors, writers, actors, and studio execs were gathered in the room. Which shows would make the cut? Found had enjoyed years of fantastic ratings, Golden Globe nominations, and viewer awards, but it seemed that the show could not live up to its name with the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences until its final season.
Jeffrey jumped in the air. “Yes!” he exclaimed excitedly.
Emma sat shell-shocked.
“Emma?” he called to her.
Emma heard her phone buzz softly on the table and picked it up. She read the message and a smile finally painted her lips.
***
“And, Emma Bronson: Found.”
