Strings Attached, page 30
It wasn’t enough, and that was proof she’d made the right decision by ending things now. In time, Nikki would fade into another painful memory of lost love. After what had happened with Kelly, she should have known better than to get involved with another musician. Especially a famous one. There would always be another scandal, another performance, another TV appearance, another album to record, another tour, and…another reason to leave. Another crazy fan to create chaos in our lives.
Andres brushed against her leg. She gently scooped up the old duffer and hugged him. His rumbling purr and plump body comforted her aching soul. She crawled under the covers, surrounded by her fur babies, and cried.
At least her kitties thought she was the most important person on earth. Even though she hated herself for what she’d done. Did I just make the biggest mistake of my life?
***
Nikki sank into the couch and stared at the flames dancing in her fireplace. The time passed in a blur. She looked at the corner of the room where she’d planned to put a Christmas tree. She imagined Drew lying nearby on the fur rug in front of the hearth, wearing only a red ribbon.
She closed her eyes, which still stung from tears she thought would never run out. She should go to bed, but she didn’t know how she was going to sleep, knowing she’d never again hold Drew in her arms. She leaned forward and picked up the Ella Fitzgerald album that lay on the coffee table.
Maybe she could give it to Jerry to pass along, though she’d give anything to see the look on Drew’s face when she opened it. Then again, would it bring Drew joy or sorrow? Would she look upon it as a farewell gift and be satisfied with the brief time they’d had together? Or would she regret her decision and long for what could have been?
She selfishly hoped for the latter. Was she being selfish? No. She’d given Drew her heart. She’d treated her well. I would give her the world if I could.
Except Drew didn’t want the world. Drew wanted her to be something she wasn’t. She wanted the impossible. If Drew can’t accept my life as it is, then she must not love me enough to give us a chance.
She shoved off the couch with a frustrated huff. A fleeting image of Drew’s cats napping by the warmth of the fire teased her imagination before she snuffed out the flames. Having Drew and her beloved kitties living here with her was a fantasy she no longer had the right to indulge in. The four of them would have brought life to the place, that was for sure.
She wandered through the rooms, one by one. Without Drew, nothing held any meaning. Once again, this was merely a place to sleep and keep her stuff. One step up from a hotel suite. She ended her trek and picked up the album she’d moved heaven and earth to find. A year ago, she might have smashed it to bits in a fit of pain this unbearable. Instead, she hugged it to her chest. Drew would cherish it, and she cherished Drew so fiercely that she made a snap decision.
She threw on her leather jacket and chased her own shadow out of the house. She was giving the album to Drew now. Not because she expected it to change Drew’s mind. Not because she wanted to prove her love to her. Not because she wanted Drew to feel guilty. But because she wanted Drew to have something she wanted and thought she’d never have. I know all too well how that feels.
She zipped through the empty streets in her trusty Jeep. Everyone was either in bed or catching last-minute deals at the malls. Patches of crusty snow lined the curbs, blackened with car exhaust and the salt-and-sand mix from city plows. Snow that, just like her heart, had fallen hard and fast, only to be shoved aside, unwanted. She scrubbed away tears as she fought off the images of the snow sculptures, the snowball fight, the feel of Drew’s body pressed against hers when their first kiss was postponed by nearby voices.
She reached Drew’s house with no memory of how she got there. The route had already become automatic. She peered up through the windshield. The apartment was dark. Maybe this was a bad idea. She shook her head and grabbed the album off the seat as she stepped out. Just do it and get it over with. You might not get another chance.
She quietly climbed the stairs, let out a deep breath, and knocked. And knocked again. And again. Tipping her head back, she took in the overcast sky, the light of the moon diffused by the streetlamps. She sucked in a lungful of cold air. She knew Drew was home. She rapped sharply again. I’m not leaving here until I give this to you.
Finally, there was noise from within. The door opened slowly.
Drew looked at her with bloodshot eyes. “Nikki, please. Don’t make me say good-bye to you again. It was hard enough the first time.”
“I’m not here to pressure you.” She gripped the album at her side. Handing it to Drew unwrapped in the doorway was so far removed from how she’d planned to present it to her that it felt sacrilegious. She held it out to her. “I wanted to give you this.”
Drew’s mouth dropped open, and she looked at her with wide eyes. “Oh my God.”
“Merry Christmas, Drew. I was thinking of you, even while I was gone. I just wanted you to know.”
She ran down the stairs. She heard Drew say something, but she knew if she turned around, she wouldn’t be able to handle looking into Drew’s eyes for one more second without wanting her.
She sped home, the reflection of the wet streets competing with her soaked eyes. She needed release but had no desire for any of her usual crutches. Singing. Nah. Drinking. No thanks. Sex. Yeah, right.
After a lingering stare at her cello, she readied herself for bed. Sleep was the best escape at her disposal tonight.
Gooseflesh sprung across her bare skin as she pulled the satin sheets over her body. Her bed provided no warmth, no comfort, no rest. She imagined what her life would be like without the band or her career. What purpose would she have? Her need to sing and perform came as naturally to her as breathing.
This is who I am. If Drew couldn’t accept her as she was, then she had to imagine her life without Drew.
Her eyes filled again. Life without Drew would be as painful as life without her music. It was becoming excruciatingly clear that having both was too much to ask.
Chapter Forty-Three
“Are you crazy?” Geena said for the third time as Drew tried to explain why she’d ended things with Nikki.
“I’m not crazy. I’m realistic.”
Geena followed her down the hall to the office. “No. You’re crazy. I can’t believe you broke up with her over a stupid picture.”
Drew plopped into her chair. “That’s not the only reason. I needed to nip it in the bud before it got too serious.”
“Too serious? You’re too late, Drew, can’t you see she’s in love with you? It’s so flipping obvious you feel the same way.”
“We’ve only known each other a couple of months. No one falls in love that fast, Geena.”
“Bullshit. I fell in love with Jen the moment I saw her. And look at us—together almost two years already.”
“Totally different situation.”
Geena threw her hands in the air. “I give up. You are officially the most stubborn person I’ve ever met. And I think you’re lying to yourself if you think this is the right thing to do.”
“And you need to get back on the floor before someone robs us blind.”
“There’s no one in here.”
“Sure. Twist the knife even more, why don’t you? It’s almost Christmas, and our sales still aren’t where they need to be. I don’t know why I even bother to work here anymore. If it weren’t my father’s…” Shit. She shouldn’t be saying this in front of Geena.
“Hello? Excuse me?”
Geena jumped at the sound of a man’s voice behind her. She turned and asked, “How can I help you, sir?”
“I’m looking for Drew McNally. Is she here?” The lilting voice sounded vaguely familiar.
“That depends,” Geena responded protectively.
“It’s okay, Geena.” She moved out from behind her desk. “Lance, is it?”
“Yes!” Lance extended his hand for her to shake. “We met briefly a couple months ago. You may recall that I’m Passion Play’s manager?”
“Yes, I know. Nikki speaks very highly of you.”
Lance dropped his mouth wide open in mock surprise and slapped his cheek. “Does she now?” He then gestured dismissively. “Oh, you’re just being polite.”
Drew wasn’t sure if she should take him seriously or not. What was he doing here, anyway? She asked him to have a seat, and she returned to the safety of her desk. Geena discreetly closed the door behind them and headed back to work.
“What can I do for you? I know you had to replace quite a bit of your equipment recently. I’d be happy to work out a deal with you if there’s anything else the band needs.”
Lance crossed his legs and brushed nonexistent lint off his perfectly pressed slacks. “Actually, I’m here to offer you a deal.”
“I don’t understand.”
“How would you like to work on Passion Play’s next album?”
The heat flooded her neck and face as quickly as she stood. So, this was how Nikki wanted to play? She thought she could use her leverage in the music biz as a ploy to get her back? Well, it wasn’t going to work.
“No thanks.”
Lance frowned. “You haven’t even heard the offer.”
She sat back down. “Fine. Let’s hear it.” She could at least appease the poor man.
Lance cocked his head and blinked rapidly, probably confused by her dismissive demeanor. “Well, anyway,” he continued, seemingly regaining his composure. He took a deep breath and looked her in the eye. “I’m here to ask if you’d like to arrange and play strings on our new album, with the possibility of co-producing a handful of songs. We’ll pay you quite well, and you’ll be entitled to a small percentage of royalties from record sales. Of course, we would arrange a meeting with the band and our attorney to discuss the details—all of which are negotiable—but I wanted to run it by you first to feel out your interest. What do you think?”
Dollar signs flashed across her mind. No more scrounging for spending money. No more canned soup for supper. No more…time for teaching. She’d be selling out and leaving her dad high and dry.
“Look, if this is Nikki’s underhanded way of getting me to change my mind, you can tell her to forget it.”
“I assure you, Nikki didn’t send me. The band believes you’d be a good fit after one of them heard you playing one day. Change your mind about what?”
“About—” Nice try playing dumb. Nikki had obviously put him up to this, and she wasn’t falling for it. She knew how Nikki worked now. Nikki always leapt before she looked, assuming Drew couldn’t say no if she’d already bought tickets or made travel arrangements or whatever. She’d signed up for cello lessons as a way to force her to spend time with her. When Nikki hadn’t shown up for this week’s lesson, her motivations became clearer. “Nothing.”
Lance studied her for a moment. He withdrew a business card from his breast pocket and wrote something on the back of it. He slid it across the desk toward her. “This is a ballpark figure of what we’re prepared to pay you to work on the album. It’s negotiable, of course. We’ll pay you twenty percent of the agreed fee up front when we sign the contract.” He stood and put on his overcoat. “If you decide to tour with us, too, the potential to earn more is…I’m sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself. At least give it some thought. Call me if you change your mind, but I will need an answer soon. We head into the studio next month.”
She pocketed the card without looking at it and then thanked him as she walked him out. He paused before stepping outside and took an appraising look around. “You have a wonderful store here, Drew. Think of what you could do with the place with a little extra cash flow, hmm?” He smiled hopefully and let himself out before she could reply.
She didn’t bother correcting him that it was her father’s store, not hers.
Two seconds later, Geena was on her heels. “What was that all about? Who was that guy?”
Drew filled her in on what had transpired.
“Oh my God, Drew! What an opportunity!”
“I said no.”
Geena shook her head. “You what? Okay, that’s it. I’m taking you to a doctor. That hockey puck must’ve hit you harder than we thought. What is wrong with you?”
“Geena, don’t you see what’s going on here? Nikki’s using this to get me back. Why would Lance show up now to offer me this? He doesn’t even know me.”
“Maybe she talked you up. Hell, your reputation speaks for itself. Everyone knows what an incredible musician you are.”
“Now you’re the one who’s crazy. What reputation? Nobody knows who I am.”
“Uh, hello?” Geena wrapped her knuckles on Drew’s head and yanked her cell phone from her pants pocket. “Look at this.” She tapped away on the screen. “Yelp reviews. Five stars. ‘I’m so glad I brought my son to DJ’s for lessons. I checked out every teacher in the area, and there’s no one more qualified than Drew McNally. She’s also kind, patient, and her enthusiasm is contagious.’ Here’s another one: ‘I won’t take lessons anywhere else. I learned more about music in one month than I did in a year of music theory class in high school. Drew’s the bomb.’ And this: ‘I can’t believe Drew doesn’t perform anywhere. She plays every instrument under the sun like she was born with it in her hands.’
“Shall I go on? If you Google DJ’s, the ratings and reviews are all like this. People love the store and most of all, they love you, Drew. Can you imagine the business it would bring in if people knew you worked for Passion Play?”
How did she not know this? Because you’ve been wallowing in self-pity. Because you’ve allowed yourself to be influenced by your dad’s stubborn ways. Because you didn’t have the courage to stand up to him.
She was learning all too well that although social media could be your best friend, it could also be your worst enemy. A business association with Nikki Razer now wouldn’t put DJ’s in a positive light.
“My decision stands, Geena. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have work to do.”
But instead of covering the sales floor, she ducked back into her office. With shaky hands, she reached for the card. She should just toss it in the trash bin. Did Nikki really think she could bribe her way back into her life? Although she doubted the band’s manager would make her this offer if he didn’t think she was qualified. She assumed she’d still have to audition to prove her credibility.
No problem. She knew she was good enough. She knew she could play whatever they threw at her.
The problem was how would Dad manage the store without her while she took time off for this type of commitment? Geena couldn’t cover her hours due to her class schedule. They could hire a temporary replacement, but she didn’t want her father burdened with working any additional hours. He was overdoing it as it was. If she worried about him now, she hated to think of the stress he’d be under if she wasn’t around as much to alleviate it.
Maybe the others hadn’t noticed the signs of fatigue, but she had. He’d been slowing down over the last few months. She wondered if he could even afford to retire if he wanted to.
Either way, he needed her more than Passion Play needed her. Did Lance say they might want her to tour with them, too?
She thought of the reviews Geena quoted. She thought of her students. They needed her, too. Abandoning them would be as bad as abandoning her father.
She flipped over the card. Oh my God. She fell into the chair Lance had just vacated. Twenty percent of this would cover my rent for a year! Her mind raced with what she could do with the balance.
But at what cost? If the offer came from an impartial person, she might consider it. But it hadn’t. It came from Nikki. An offer from Nikki had strings attached. Strings that played on her heart and her conscience.
She was beginning to understand how her father felt all those years ago when her mother kept pressuring him to be something he wasn’t. Pressure that ultimately led to his decision to file for divorce. I just want to teach, damn it. There was no way she was going to let fame and fortune seduce her as it had Mother. There was no way she was going back to Nikki when it would only lead to heartbreak. Nikki’s words came back to her. You’re afraid. Was that what this was? Was she throwing up obstacles because of fear of success?
She tore the card in half and then in half again. She fisted the pieces into a ball and threw them across the room. She went back to work where she belonged.
Chapter Forty-Four
Nikki barged into Lance’s office. “What the hell is taking so long?”
Lance glared at her and wrapped up his phone call. “And hello to you, too, your highness,” he said after he’d hung up. “I’m sorry your throne isn’t here. I’ve sent it off for its weekly polishing.”
“Very funny. How long can it take to trace a stupid Facebook page and arrest that bitch?” She took two steps and had to turn around. A fuckin’ hamster wouldn’t have room to pace in here.
“Would you untwist your bloomers for two minutes and calm down? It’s only been a week. Celebrity extortion isn’t exactly high priority on the NYPD’s docket, you know. We’re doing everything we can. If she’d shown up to get the bag of fake money at the drop, it would have been over. But she obviously knew she was being set up.”
She slumped into the high-backed vinyl chair that faced his desk. “I should just hire a private detective.”
“Well, that is an option. Although they don’t come cheap. I think if we’re patient, we’ll find that this whole thing will go away on its own, and everyone will forget about it before we know it.”
“It’s the principle of it, Lance. It bugs the shit out of me that she’s getting away with this.”
