Strings Attached, page 29
Chapter Forty-One
The influx of Saturday afternoon holiday shoppers had DJ’s employees hopping. Drew’s adrenaline was wearing off since she hadn’t slept well the last few nights. It had been harder to adjust to Nikki’s absence than she’d expected, and the more she noticed it, the harder it had been to fall asleep.
Melissa handled herself adeptly at the register as she, Geena, and Jerry managed the sales floor. Drew’s heart swelled at the sparkle in her dad’s eyes as he helped a couple select their child’s first guitar. He shared the story of Drew’s reaction when she’d found hers beneath the Christmas tree when she was six. He told that story to everyone, and she never grew tired of hearing it.
If their revenues equated his enthusiasm, they’d be golden. That wasn’t the reality of business, though. As she checked the sales reading at five, she was pleased that it was higher than usual, but after the holidays, they’d likely be back to squeezing out every dime they could muster.
“Go ahead and take your break, Melissa.”
Melissa blew out a breath and thanked her before scooting off to the break room. Drew straightened out some bills in the till and jumped when a single red rose appeared in her line of sight.
Nikki stood in front of her wearing a huge smile. “I wanna buy a kiss. Will you accept a rose as payment?”
She grinned. “Only if it includes a hug.” She bolted around the counter and threw her arms around Nikki. “God, I missed you.”
Nikki squeezed her tight. “I should have brought more roses.”
“No need. You’re home a day early!”
“I couldn’t stand to be away from you another day.” Nikki gave her a quick kiss. “Or another night.”
She led Nikki by the hand to the office and shut the door behind them. She gave her a long, slow kiss as she slid her hands beneath Nikki’s sweater. Nikki’s flesh responded with goose bumps, and she cursed her confounded retail schedule and the commercialization of Christmas.
“Babe, I’m so sorry, but Melissa’s on her break, and I can’t stay off the floor for long.”
“Yeah, I know.” Nikki’s shoulders slumped and she dropped into a chair. “I’m so fucking glad to be home.”
Drew sat next to her and took her hand. “Something wrong?”
“Yeah. Maybe. I hope not.” Her smile was forced. “I’ll fill you in tonight at home, okay?”
Her heart crumpled. Maybe Nikki couldn’t handle the separation and had changed her mind about having a relationship. She knew this might happen. Yet the sudden mood change was a far cry from her greeting a few minutes ago.
Nikki leaned over and rested her head on Drew’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, Drew. Everything’s gonna be all right.”
“Nikki, what’s going on?”
Nikki sat up. “Nothing I can’t handle.” She smiled again, and this time it reached her eyes. “So, you missed me, huh?”
Okay, she obviously didn’t want to talk about it, so Drew didn’t push. “I’m not sure I dare admit to you how much.” She returned Nikki’s smile and kissed her cheek. “On the one hand, I’m glad you’re back early, but you screwed up my plans for going Christmas shopping tomorrow.”
Nikki suddenly broke into a grin.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“You liar. What are you up to?”
Nikki shook a finger at her. “Didn’t your parents ever tell you not to ask questions at Christmastime?”
She grabbed Nikki’s finger and kissed the tip of it. “What’d ya get me?”
“Nothing.”
“You’re full of shit.”
“I thought you had to get back to work?”
Drew sighed loudly. “Spoilsport.” She yanked open the door. “I’ll call you when I get home.”
Nikki gave her another knee-buckling kiss that reassured her that she had no plans of breaking things off.
“On second thought, meet me at my place.”
“Oh yeah? Does that mean the cats missed me, too?”
“I swear when Fret meows, she sounds like she’s singing one of your songs.”
“She’s one smart pussycat.”
Nikki blew her a kiss just before she left. Drew checked her watch. Only three hours to go until they’d be together again.
If she could barely stand three hours without her, how was she going to handle three-month tours?
She was both relieved and disappointed to see that the crowd had thinned considerably. She began making the rounds, straightening up the store. Geena rushed to her side with an odd look on her face.
“Geena, what’s wrong?”
Geena pursed her lips and tilted her head as if considering whether or not to tell her something.
“What is it? Did someone steal something? Is the till short?”
Geena shook her head. “No, nothing like that. It’s…well, it’s about something Melissa just showed me on her phone.”
“I don’t understand.”
Geena pulled her cell from her back pocket. She held it to her chest. “Now, these might be old, in which case it’s probably not a big deal, but if they’re recent, then I’m gonna kick some ass.”
“Geena, what are you talking about?”
She sighed deeply. “Okay, I’ll show you, but brace yourself. You’re not going to like what you see.”
She rotated the phone outward and showed Drew the screen. It was logged on to a Facebook post displaying photos of Nikki with Jaymi. Two photos were taken in what looked like the doorway of a hotel room. Nikki was holding her in one picture, and in the other, Jaymi was kissing her cheek. Geena scrolled to the third photo.
Acid swept through her stomach and crawled up her throat. Nikki was lying in bed on her side, naked and covered only to her waist with a sheet. Jaymi was in the bed with her, her body blocked by Nikki’s, so that only her head was exposed. She took the phone from Geena and scrolled to the top. It was an unofficial public page created exclusively for Nikki Razer fans.
Her gut feeling had been right. There was something between Nikki and Jaymi. But how long ago? If it was in the past, then Geena was right, it was no big deal. Though she wasn’t happy Nikki hadn’t told her about it. Still, she didn’t think Nikki, Jaymi, or any of the band members would be happy with someone posting these pictures on social media.
Who took them? What if they weren’t old? Were they having an affair? Her heart seized her from the inside out. Was this what Nikki needed to talk to her about? Nikki wouldn’t do this to me, would she? Dear God, poor Shawn. She’ll be crushed. And what about the bad publicity this would bring to the band?
“Drew?” Geena gripped her shoulder. “You all right? Come on, talk to me, boss.”
There was nothing to say. Nothing good could come from this. She handed Geena her phone and walked away. Her dad took one look at her and sent her home without her even having to ask. He could always tell when she wasn’t feeling well. Little did he know it wasn’t her body she was worried about—it was her heart.
She gathered her cats in her arms, curled up on the couch, and waited for Nikki to arrive.
***
“Son of a bitch, she didn’t waste any time, did she?”
Drew held out her phone in front of Nikki’s face. “You told me you and Jaymi were never romantically involved.”
“We weren’t!”
“You weren’t? So, these are recent?”
“Yes. I mean no.”
“Which is it?”
“Shit, Drew.” She ran a hand through her hair and let out an exasperated breath. “Lance and our attorneys are taking care of it.”
“What do they have to do with you and Jaymi having an affair? Does Shawn know?”
“We’re not having an affair!” Nikki took the phone from Drew and pointed to the doctored picture. “This is a fake, Drew.” She needed to calm her down and explain. Even the cats had left the room.
“I don’t understand. Who took these? And why?”
She gave the phone back to Drew and tried to lead her to the couch. Drew didn’t budge.
“They were taken by a woman I slept with—once. A fan. Months ago, in New York, before I met you.” She told Drew about the photo taken that day—of her alone in bed and explained that she must have Photoshopped Jaymi into the picture. “She showed up at my hotel room again this past Friday night. I told her to get lost. The next day, I found the photos shoved under my door with an extortion threat.”
“I take it you didn’t pay up.” Drew’s arms were wrapped around herself as she kept her distance.
“Of course not. The lawyers advised me not to. Can you blame me? It’s not like it would’ve stopped her. Now she doesn’t have any ammunition or anything to sell. She’s got no power.”
“Don’t you see? Either way, this lunatic is screwing with your life. Why? Because you’re famous, and she knows she can fuck with you. This is the same kind of shit I had to be around with my mother. It made my dad crazy. Even if it’s not true, the rumors are going to fly, and just like that, yours and Jaymi’s reputations will be shot to hell. Shawn gets hurt. I get hurt. The band loses the respect of its fans—”
“Hey.” Nikki hardened. “The band will be fine. No one fucks with my band and gets away with it.”
Drew’s shoulders dropped, and she walked into the kitchen. She leaned on the counter and dropped her head. “Of course. The band. It’s always going to come first, isn’t it?”
Nikki stepped toward her. “The band’s my life, Drew. You know that.” She softened her tone and stroked Drew’s arm. “That doesn’t mean you’re any less important.”
Drew’s lip quivered. “I feel like I have to get in line to be a priority for you, Nikki. You stop by DJ’s, and fans swarm to you. You can’t turn them away any more than you can deny your bandmates anything. I see how you are with them. Jaymi calls or stops by, and you drop everything for her. Shawn or Kay or Brian need you, and boom. You’re there.”
“Drew, they’re my family. I love them. You knew this about me going in. I thought you admired that about me?”
“I do.”
“Have you forgotten that I rushed to your side when you were injured? I stayed with you and took care of you for days. Doesn’t that count for anything?”
Drew turned and looked at her, the pain and longing clear in her eyes. “Of course it does. But—”
“But what?”
Drew stood motionless. “There will be times when you can’t be here for me. I know that’s nobody’s fault. It’s just the reality of your job.”
She shook her head in frustration. “What do you want from me?”
“I don’t know. Nothing. Everything.” Drew’s voice was tight with emotion. “I want things I have no right to ask for.”
“You haven’t asked.”
“I don’t need to, Nikki. I already know the answer.”
Nikki reached for her only to have her step away. The physical distance was nothing compared to the emotional gulf that she feared was about to grow larger. Quietly, she said, “Ask me.”
“I want to be number one for a change,” Drew said bitterly. “For once, I want to be the most important person in someone’s life, the one who comes first. I want someone who will love me above everyone and everything else. I know that sounds selfish, but I deserve that. I think everyone deserves to be loved that much.”
“You do, and you’re right.” She knew she was treading on thin ice, but she had to challenge Drew’s anger. “But I think you’re confusing me with someone else.” If Drew wanted to question her loyalty to their relationship, then she had a right to put a mirror in front of Drew’s face, too. “I’m not your mother who wouldn’t give you the time of day when you were growing up. I’m not your father who won’t loosen his purse strings so you can achieve your dreams. But I can give you the love you deserve and the resources you need for your ambitions—if you’ll let me.”
Drew let out a long sigh and pulled her gaze away. “You don’t understand.” She shoved past her and went into the living room.
Nikki gave her a minute before following. She found her in front of the window, looking out into the night.
“I do understand, and that’s what you can’t handle.” Nikki’s motivational instincts kicked in, and she gambled her remaining chips with one more challenge. “You’re afraid.”
Drew spun around, her arms folded in protection mode. “You’re damned right I’m afraid.”
“I’m talking about more than our relationship, Drew. You don’t even realize it, but you’re afraid of success. Yours and everyone else’s, and instead of letting that fear motivate you, you project that fear onto everyone around you.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“You want an example? Melissa.”
Drew screwed up her face. “What?”
“You’re squashing her dreams. If you don’t encourage your best student to go after her dreams, then what kind of teacher are you?”
“How dare you! I’m trying to protect Melissa.”
“From what? Being successful? Being happy?”
“From turning into a puppet who’s sentenced to a life at the mercy of money-hungry music industry executives and obsessed fans who won’t let her have any peace or privacy.”
“Is that how you see my life? I have more control over it than you give me credit for.”
“Oh yes. I see that in the photos of you that were so easily put out there for everyone to see.”
“A small hiccup that will be swiftly taken care of by our attorneys. Melissa’s not as stupid as I have been. And plenty of non-famous people have this happen, too. It happens.”
Drew blew out a breath and shook her head. “How you can be so blasé? My God, you’re arrogant.”
Nikki’s pulse quickened, and heat flooded her neck. “It’s called faith, Drew. I’ve surrounded myself with people I have faith in. They won’t let me down.”
“That may be true, but you’ve let them down. Can’t you see that? They’re all going to get hurt in one way or another by those stupid pictures. The difference between them and me is that they knew the risks of fame when they pursued this career path with you. They did so willingly. I’m not willing to be collateral damage. It was tough enough going through it with my mother. I don’t want to go through it again.”
Was she serious? Drew couldn’t really believe she’d treat her the way her mother had. Hadn’t she already shown Drew how much she cared about her? “Baby, come on. This will all blow over before you know it.”
“Will it?”
“It’s just a stupid Facebook post.”
“What happens if it ends up in the tabloids? How many other fans have you slept with that might jump on the bandwagon? I’ve seen what happens. One person sells a story, and next thing you know, there are a dozen copycats who want to sell theirs.”
Nikki hadn’t considered that and winced internally at the possibility. “Christ, Drew. I’m not that famous.”
Drew bit her lower lip and squeezed her eyes shut for a moment.
“I’m just a singer in a band that’s only put out two albums.” Nikki hoped her response to Drew’s silence would ease her mind.
“You’re more than that, baby. It’s not just the scandal I’m worried about.” Drew’s voice was drastically quieter than it had been a moment ago. “Passion Play’s up for two Grammy awards. That’s huge, Nikki. If you win, you’ll be more famous and in even higher demand. I’ll never see you. I’ll never come first.”
Nikki’s eyes filled with tears. She steeled herself and asked the question she didn’t want Drew to answer. She needed to know. “What are you saying, Drew?”
“I’ve seen you onstage. I know what your career means to you. I’ve seen what the band means to you. No matter how much you care about me, I’m always going to play second fiddle to your career.” Drew’s eyes shone with moisture. “I don’t want to play second fiddle when I know I’m good enough for first violin.”
This couldn’t be happening. Her insides ripped in half. She could handle a fight, but losing Drew was unthinkable. “Baby, you can’t honestly expect me to give up my career?”
Drew stepped toward her. She looked into Nikki’s eyes, and as always, Nikki was lost in the sheer beauty of them. She gasped when Drew tenderly stroked her cheek. One touch and she nearly came undone.
Drew gave her a light kiss. “I told you I had no right to ask.”
Nikki rested her forehead against hers. “Please, baby. We can make this work,” she whispered. “We have to try.”
Drew took a shuddered breath and pulled out of their embrace. Tears betrayed her attempt to look stone cold. “I’m sorry.” She shook her head slightly. “I can’t. I won’t.”
She walked away and closed the door behind her as she disappeared into the bedroom. Nikki couldn’t move, paralyzed by grief over what she’d just lost.
And for the first time in her life, she knew how it felt to have no music in her soul.
Chapter Forty-Two
Drew burrowed her head in her pillow and waited for Nikki to either leave or barge in. She wasn’t sure which she was hoping for, which only made the passing minutes more torturous. She knew this day would come. She should have kept this casual. Why hadn’t she listened to her gut? Or to Geena? This pain was even more wretched than she’d imagined it could be.
She hadn’t expected to fall in love with her. She winced, the truth of the realization hitting her like a mallet striking a gong. She’d lived and worked in this area for years. Of all the women she’d met while working with the public, why in the world couldn’t she have fallen for one of them instead of Nikki? Because no one captured your attention—or your heart—the way Nikki has, that’s why.
A noise at her bedroom door made her heart jump. Scratching, followed by a meow. Fret. Then the distant click of the front door closing. She’s gone.
Careful not to disturb Vinnie, who had curled up next to her, she slid off the bed and let Fret into the room. She hopped onto the bed and began her evening grooming ritual as Drew walked through the empty apartment. The only evidence of Nikki’s earlier presence was the faint remnant of her cologne lingering in the air. She inhaled deeply, longing for one last sensory souvenir of Nikki Razer.
