Strings Attached, page 19
“Shh, don’t tell anyone. My fans think I’m a rough ’n’ tough rocker.”
“Your secret’s safe with me. Along with your phone number.”
“I better be good to you so you don’t sell me out.”
“Never.”
Nikki kissed her forehead. “You’ve got quite a shiner, but the swelling’s gone down a bit.” She snapped her fingers. “Darn. I was looking forward to calling you ‘Lumpy.’ How do you feel?”
“Still lumpy.” She rubbed her head. It felt huge. “I need a hot bath and a big breakfast.”
She gathered clothes, and Nikki walked her to the bathroom and started the water.
“Holler if you need me. I’ll see what I can scrounge up for breakfast.” She turned to leave and stopped. “Oh, and your kids are going to climb my legs and scratch out my eyeballs if I don’t feed them soon.”
She chuckled and explained the wheres and whats and hows to feed the trio. Once she was alone, she inspected her bruise and concluded that Nikki was right. It wasn’t as bad as it had been last night. She sank into the tub. God, this feels good. Not just the way the hot water soothed her body but the way Nikki took charge and took care of her. And my kitties. She really was a softie.
A light knock on the door interrupted her dreamy thoughts. “Hey, you okay? You’ve been in there a while, and you’re awfully quiet.”
“Uh, yeah. I’m getting out now.”
“Good. You stay in much longer, and you’ll prune. Besides, breakfast will be ready in a few minutes.”
When she walked into the kitchen, she couldn’t suppress her smile. Nikki was at the stove scrambling eggs. She was barefoot and looked right at home. Drew’s heart melted just a little, and she did her best to avoid looking at the perfect shape of her braless breasts pressed against her T-shirt.
Nikki turned and rewarded her with a slow smile. “Feel better?”
“In more ways than one.”
“Good.”
Nikki let her off the hook by not asking her to elaborate. Neither said a word as they finished preparing the food and sat down to eat. The domesticity of the simple activity was soothing. They didn’t even have to talk to relax into sharing something as normal as getting up together and having breakfast as if they’d done it a hundred times before. The image of a kiss good-bye at the door as one of them left for work followed.
But if Nikki left for work, how long would she be gone? Just for the day or for months at a stretch? Was Nikki even interested in a serious relationship? There were so many things they’d never talked about. So many things they still didn’t know about each other. They’d spent a month flirting and had gone out a couple times. They hadn’t even had their first kiss until a few days ago. Their conversations had touched on a few personal subjects here and there, but they had yet to go deeper. Why was that?
Because you’ve been so hell-bent on keeping your distance because you’re afraid she’ll abandon you the way Mother did.
She finished her toast. Nikki had her elbow on the table with her chin in her hand. She stared at Drew with an unreadable expression.
“Care to share?” Nikki asked quietly.
“Huh?”
“You’re thinking pretty hard on something. Any chance you’ll let me in on what’s going on in that head of yours?” Nikki held her position and kept her eyes glued to hers. “I’ve got all day. Don’t forget, I’m a musician. I’m a trained professional when it comes to listening.” She smiled.
And just like that, Nikki gave her the opening she needed to open up. So why was she hesitating? Was Nikki’s interest in her thoughts a sign that maybe she was looking for a relationship? If so, would Nikki be as devoted to her as she was to her career?
Nikki narrowed her eyes. “You’re not answering. Are you okay? Is it your head?”
“No, I’m fine. Breakfast was great. Thank you.” The deeper thoughts stayed put.
Nikki sat back and looked relieved. “You’re welcome.” She drained her coffee and began clearing the table. “You’re a thinker, aren’t you?”
“Excuse me?”
“You’re an introvert. Rather than talk out things with other people, you spend time alone processing your thoughts.”
Drew stood and gathered the dishes. “Huh. You’re right. I never really thought about it that way, but yes, that’s exactly what I do.”
“Jaymi’s the same way. She’s an open book when it comes to being there for other people, but if something’s bothering her, I’ve learned to let her be. She’ll talk when she’s ready.” She looked away and smiled. “Whatever she’s mulling over usually shows up in her song lyrics, which makes me laugh. All those private thoughts end up out there in the world for everyone to hear anyway.”
The far-off look on Nikki’s face spoke volumes of her affection for Jaymi. It was a bit unnerving, but again, she reminded herself that Nikki and Jaymi had been friends since college and probably knew each other like the backs of their hands.
“You two are very close, aren’t you?”
Nikki finished loading the dishwasher and wiped her hands on a towel. “She’s my best friend.”
“And what about Shawn? Are you close to her?”
Nikki let out a long breath, but not without a smile. “She’s a pain in my butt.” She shook her head and let out a silent chuckle.
“You two aren’t friends?”
“Let’s just say it’s complicated but getting simpler.”
“I don’t understand.”
Nikki hung the towel on a cabinet door. “Shawn and I have kind of a love-hate relationship. Although it’s been more on the love side lately. She’s like the sister I never had, and I’m probably the same to her.”
“Is she an only child, too?”
“Yeah. The band is her family.” Nikki dropped into her chair and fingered the corner of the place mat. “In fact, I’d say Shawn and I are both closer to the band than we are to our own families.”
She joined her at the table. “And that creates a bond between you.”
“I guess. I see it more than she does. She…hey, how did we end up talking about me again?”
“You started comparing me to Jaymi, that’s how.”
Nikki pursed her lips and rubbed her hand over her eyes. “Take it as a compliment. You’re both amazing people. You know, I could really use a shower.” She stood and pushed in her chair. “Are you okay for about an hour if I run home to clean up and change?”
“Sure. I feel fine. I told you, I don’t need a babysitter.”
“I don’t feel right leaving you alone. Do you…would you like it if I hung out with you for the day? Because I really do want to know what’s on your mind. If you want to share it with me, that is.”
It always floored her when Nikki acted insecure. It made her more human, more endearing.
She had to admit there was nothing she’d rather do than spend the day with Nikki. If she could get her to keep opening up, maybe she could finally calculate the risks of dating her.
And if she was worth the risk.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Nikki pulled on an old pair of jeans and a crewneck sweater. Casual and comfortable. Just like Drew. She loved that they were finally getting to know each other better. The more they talked, the more she liked her. Was Drew feeling the same way? She still seemed hesitant to open up. Would Drew give her a chance? Only one way to find out. She needed to know what Drew was thinking, and she was bound and determined to find out today.
She got back to Drew’s in less than an hour. Drew welcomed her with a smile and a kiss on the cheek. Nikki’s heart skipped a beat once again at the sight of her. Her blond hair was tousled from lounging on the couch. Her sweet caramel eyes danced when Nikki opened a grocery bag full of fixings she’d gathered from home to make them soup and grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch. When Drew carried on a conversation with her cats about the food being for her, not them, Nikki’s heart swelled even more. Drew was cute, beautiful, playful, and sexy all at the same time. Perhaps Drew’s most loveable quality was that she was genuine and didn’t try to impress anyone. She was nothing like anyone she’d ever been with, and the desire to share something deeper grew stronger every time she was in her company.
“I love how you’re always thinking of your next meal,” Drew said as she put the perishables in the fridge.
“It’s the little things in life that make me happy.” She pulled Drew into her arms and kissed her. “Eating. Sleeping. Spending time with people I care about.”
Drew leaned back within the embrace and scrutinized her. “Your career doesn’t make you happy?”
“Of course it does, but that’s a different kind of happy. It’s not the same kind of happy I feel when I’m holding you.” She leaned in for another kiss. God, those lips were dangerous. She pried herself away. “This is a much better kind of happy.” She took Drew’s hand and led her to the couch before she was tempted to take her to the bedroom. “What else do you love, Drew? What makes you happy? I have all day.”
She kicked off her shoes and curled up on one end of the couch facing Drew, who looked at her as if she couldn’t tell if she was serious or not. Either that, or she didn’t know the answers.
“You’ve seen what makes me happy. My dad. Music. My cats. My job. I don’t need much.”
Nikki studied her. How Drew ordered her list didn’t surprise her. The length of it did. “So, what’s missing?”
“Nothing. I have everything I need.”
“Uh-huh.” What about love? Didn’t she need someone to love? I know I do. She didn’t dare bring up the L-word yet, so she took a different approach. “What about what you want?”
A shadow seemed to fall across Drew’s face, and she stared at her lap. “It isn’t realistic to think I’ll ever have everything I want, so there’s no sense talking about it.” She crossed her arms. “I have what I need, and that’s what matters.”
Nikki again got the impression Drew was repeating an argument she’d had before, but it sounded as if she was trying to convince herself, too. “Having what you need is important. But there’s more to life than that.” She jabbed her in the shoulder. “Come on, lighten up. Let’s just say, hypothetically, you could have anything you wanted. What’s the first thing that pops into your head?”
“Nikki, I don’t see the point. To be honest, I’m broke. Even though our profits are going up, I won’t make much more than I’m making now. I don’t want to sound like I’m whining or hinting that I want you to buy me things—because obviously you’re in a much better financial situation than I am.” She raked her fingers through her hair, wincing when she accidently brushed the lump on her forehead. “Damn it, Nikki. I can’t even take you out on a real date because I can’t afford it. Do you know how embarrassing that is?”
“That’s nothing to be embarrassed about, Drew. I understand your situation, so I don’t mind paying when we go out. That’s never mattered to me—”
“But it matters to me. I’m not a freeloader, Nikki. I’ve busted my ass for everything I have, and I’m proud of that. But I don’t feel right letting you pay all the time.”
Nikki reached over and took her hand. “Hey,” she said quietly. “If I thought you were a gold digger, I would’ve burned rubber a long time ago. Why shouldn’t I spend money on you if I have it? I hope you’re not going to let your pride get in the way of what we have going here.”
Drew laced her fingers through Nikki’s. “It’s not just that.” She spoke in a near whisper. Nikki waited patiently for her to continue.
“I’m afraid.”
“Afraid of what?”
Drew sucked in a big breath and let it out slowly. “I’m afraid that I’m not exciting enough for you. Admit it, you’re not gonna settle for someone like me and my boring life in this little town, not with everything you’ve got out there waiting for you—”
“Whoa, back up the train there, missy. First off, after months on the road and waking up in a different city every stinking day, I crave this ‘boring’ little town like a junkie craves his next fix. It’s my town, too, you know.” She slid closer and stroked Drew’s cheek. “Secondly, I’m more excited to see you than I am right before I hit the stage. No one has ever made my heart pound like that before.” She kissed her lightly. “I find you fascinating, Drew McNally.”
Drew’s eyes darkened with desire. Her gaze dropped to Nikki’s lips. Nikki’s pulse accelerated in anticipation.
But Drew didn’t move, and then her eyes closed. Shit. Maybe her injury was worse than they thought. If so, she needed to get her to the hospital. Panic rushed through her, but Drew opened her eyes and sighed.
“What happens when you go back on the road? How does that work?”
Whew. Okay, she’s okay. Nikki’s heart rate quickened again. Afraid you’ll miss me? She tamped down the instinct to crack a joke. Drew was serious, and she deserved a serious answer. She hadn’t given this enough thought. It was inevitable they’d be separated for long stretches while she toured. She’d have to leave Drew behind at home while she spent endless nights alone in hotel rooms and on the bus.
Could she stand going months without seeing her? Without kissing those soft lips? Without enjoying even the simplest things together like going to the Taco Bell drive-thru? Or enjoying lunch breaks together at DJ’s? They hadn’t even made love yet, but just sleeping with Drew in her arms last night had been glorious. Would Drew wait for her? Shit, she hadn’t even thought about that. What if she didn’t? What if Drew met someone else? What if I do? Now that I’m over Jaymi and ready for a relationship…am I putting all my eggs in one basket?
The thought of Drew with another woman coiled her stomach.
Drew got up. “That’s what I thought. Once you get that adrenaline rush of being ‘Nikki the rock star’ again, I’ll be the furthest thing from your mind.”
Nikki stood and held Drew at arm’s length. “No! You’ve got it all wrong.” She looked her in the eye. “Don’t go assuming things about me again. That couldn’t be further from the truth.”
“Then why’s it taking you so long to answer my question?”
“Because I’m afraid, too. I’m afraid I’ll lose you.”
Drew’s eyebrows shot up. “Lose me? I’m just a nobody in a dead-end job in—”
“Will you stop? God, Drew. You aren’t a nobody. Do you have any idea how hard it is to meet someone like you with the job I have?”
Drew looked at the ceiling. “‘Someone like me.’ That’s exactly my point.”
Did Drew really think so little of herself? Or was she just sabotaging a potential relationship by assuming they couldn’t maintain it over the long run?
“Don’t you know how special you are?”
Drew stared her down. “If I’m so special, then explain to me how someone who supposedly loves me chooses a career over me?” She freed herself from Nikki’s hold and stepped back. “Or why they can’t accept me for what I am? I’m a teacher. That’s what feeds my soul. Why do people think I’m wasting my talent just because I don’t want fame and fortune? Does that make my dreams any less important? Why would I think you’re any different?”
The questions she threw hammered Nikki’s heart, and when tears began streaming down Drew’s cheeks, she fought the urge to take Drew into her arms. She didn’t want to disrespect her space.
“Try me.”
Drew rubbed her wet face with the heel of her hand. She set her jaw in a hard line and looked away.
“Drew,” she said softly. “Let me in.” She lifted Drew’s chin. “Tell me who you’re talking about. Please?”
“Why do you care? Why do you want to know so bad?”
“Because if I have any chance with you at all, I want to make sure I don’t make the same mistakes as whoever it was that hurt you this much.”
Drew took in a deep breath. “You can’t. No one can hurt me as much as she has because no one is supposed to love me as much as she’s supposed to.”
She was talking in circles, but Nikki held back the many questions she had. She wanted Drew to continue, so she kept it simple. “Who?” She had a feeling she knew the answer, but they’d promised each other to not make assumptions anymore.
“My mother.” Drew looked relieved that she’d said it.
She’d guessed correctly. “Tell me.”
Drew’s eyes grew dark. “Margo Hollister cares about one thing and one thing only. Her acting career.” She spat out her words. “Not me or my dad or any of her other husbands. She tossed all of us aside like we were inconveniences. If you don’t serve a purpose in her pursuit of fame and fortune, she has no use for you.”
No wonder Drew had been reluctant to go out with her. She wasn’t in the habit of following the Hollywood scene the way she paid attention to the music business, but she’d heard of Margo Hollister. Which meant her mother had achieved the fame she’d so desperately desired. Still, Drew must know by now that she wasn’t like her mother. She looked back on her own career path. She couldn’t say she’d ever “tossed” people aside, as Drew had put it. After one-night stands, maybe, but to advance her career? Never.
“You don’t think I’m the same way, do you?”
“I don’t know you well enough to come to that conclusion.”
“But you’re already assuming I am. You’ve assumed that since we met.”
Drew’s eyes searched hers as if questioning her own instincts. It hurt that Drew wasn’t denying the assumptions. She was either afraid they were right, or she knew they were wrong and was struggling with letting them go and taking a chance.
Nikki was sick of assumptions. She only cared about the truth. Her truth.
“I can only speak for myself. I’ve already made my dreams come true. When I was chasing that dream, I made sacrifices, too—”
“So, you can’t blame me for having doubts, Nikki. I saw firsthand what it did to their marriage and how she hurt my dad. She never gave a shit about his dreams. He was happy doing what he was doing—playing gigs with his band and sitting in as a studio musician. But all she could do was criticize him and treat him as if he was in the way of her own ambitions. And then she did the same thing to me—when she could be bothered to pay attention to me, that is.”
