Cold Turkey, page 4
But it was a laugh. We were drenched in water, dog hair, and suds, but we had a great time doing it. Afterwards, his Dad gave us both five bucks for the job. We went down to the local corner store and got as much candy as our ten dollar riches could buy.
Man, I had forgotten about all these old moments with Ethan. Being here was bringing back so many memories… I forgot how happy I used to be. Even with my shitty parents, I made the best of my childhood.
I pulled out the stool and sat down in front of Ethan’s mom. “Are you sure you don’t want me to help?” I asked her.
“No, sweetheart, you just sit back and relax. And tell me how you’ve been! It’s been so many years! What do you do now? What’s your life like?”
I smiled. It was so nice to talk to a parental figure that actually cared about what had been going on in my life. It was something I never got from my parents.
“Things have been good for me, actually. I’ve got a decent paying IT job in New York. I live in a little studio there, small but in a nice complex. And, well, I guess that about sums up my life.” I laughed. “I just work and then go back to my apartment at night.”
When I put it like that, my life sounded so depressing. I hadn’t ever thought about it like that before.
His mom noticed the disturbance on my face. She must have been thinking the same thing I was, that my life sounded horribly boring and lonely.
“Well, I’m sure you have some hobbies! Or you go out with friends sometimes. Maybe you’re dating someone?”
“Not so much.” I chuckled awkwardly. “I have a couple friends and every now and then I’ll go out with them, but I don’t like it too much. The club scene isn’t really my thing and that’s pretty big in New York with people my age. And I’m definitely not dating someone.”
“Really? But you’re a cute guy who makes good money living in New York City!”
“I’m as shocked as you,” I said sarcastically, laughing. “But I just haven’t met the right person, I guess.”
“Well, you will,” she assured me. “I’m positive of that, it’s a matter of time. You’re a total catch.”
“Thank you.” I laughed. “I hope so.”
“So…. You being in town… You want to talk about it?” she asked, not so slyly. But it was sweet. It was her way of giving me the opportunity to vent without prying too much.
But I did want to vent some, honestly. This was the kind of thing I’d have vented to my mom if I had that kind of mother. Instead, my mom was who I had to vent about.
“I was trying to surprise them,” I confessed to her. “I thought I’d come down and they’d be thrilled to see me. But, of course, I came down and instead they weren’t even here. Two years and they never even bothered to tell me they moved out of state.”
“Oh, sweetheart.” She reached across the counter and put her hand on mine. “I’m so sorry. You’re not wrong to be upset. I can’t even imagine doing that to my kids.”
I sighed. “Right? That’s how I feel. Like, any other parent would be thrilled to have their kids surprise them with a visit, right?”
“Absolutely! I’m not even your mother and I’m thrilled by the surprise of you being here!” she said comfortingly. “What did they say when they found out you were here?”
I sighed. “She said that was unfortunate. And that I should have called. And, icing on the cake, that if I had called she would have let me know it wasn’t convenient for me to come by for Thanksgiving.”
“What?” she gasped. “You mean, even at their new house? They wouldn’t want you over?”
Well, that’s the problem, I guess. Their new house is a small condo and they don’t have room for me.”
She looked absolutely disgusted. “I never bothered to say this when you were a kid because I think it’s inappropriate to criticize a child’s parents. But now that you’re an adult and I can level with you, I must say that your parents have been nothing short of neglectful of you. They always were. You deserved so much better and I’m horrified that even in adulthood, they have not grown up.”
The vitriol in her voice surprised me. I always knew that she was aware of how shitty my parents were, but she never made it obvious to me how much she disliked them.
“You hid your feelings really well,” I told her.
“I know how kids are to their parents. Even shitty parents, a child wants to defend and love them to the ends of the Earth. I never wanted you to feel conflicted between me and them.”
She was right. I would have felt weird if I knew Ethan’s parents hated my parents. As bad as they were to me, I always craved their approval. I always wanted to believe the best of them.
Even now, I guess I wanted their approval. That was what made this whole damn thing so hard. I wanted a great relationship, and I wanted them to love me as much as I loved them.
“Thank you for that,” I told her.
“Of course, dear.” She smiled as she started putting green beans in a casserole pan.
“Seriously, though,” I began to tell her. “You were really great to me growing up. I don’t know how I would have survived my childhood if I wasn’t able to hang out here all the time. I would have gone crazy.”
She smiled. “I’m so glad to hear that. John and I always tried to help you out in any way we could. In a lot of ways, you were like just another child to us. I’ve always felt a little protective of you. Even now that I haven’t seen you in years and you’re all grown up, I still feel protective and furious that your parents would behave like this.”
She was so damn sweet.
“You know, any holiday you want to come into town and be with family, you come to us, dear. We would love to have you. I know Ethan is especially happy you’re back.”
“Really?” I said, trying not to blush or make it obvious that I had an incredible crush on her son.
“Absolutely! Trust me, I know my son, and he could not be happier right now.”
Again, I had to stifle my embarrassment. The last thing I wanted was for his mom to know that I liked him.
Not just liked him, but used to be deeply in love with him. Hell, maybe I still was, I didn’t know. But I did know that I had incredibly strong feelings for him after all this time.
I couldn’t help but feel that his Mom wouldn’t approve of this. Not that she was homophobic or anything, not at all. She and Ethan’s dad were always incredibly supportive of me after I came out.
But would they feel that way if their actual son was gay? Was that why I was worried about either of them knowing how I felt about him?
No, that couldn’t be right; they undoubtedly would support Ethan through anything. I didn’t think him being gay would bother them in the slightest.
I guess that was the issue. He wasn’t gay, so if they knew I liked him despite him being straight I was going to look like a creepy fucking stalker. I didn’t want them to think I was a weirdo who couldn’t respect someone’s sexual orientation.
Which I totally did, and would continue to. No matter how strong my feelings might be for him, I wasn’t going to say a word about it to Ethan. It’d only make things awkward. And I wanted this weekend to go well.
Maybe if it did, I could actually take her up on the offer to spend holidays here. After this whole fiasco with my parents, I was already thinking about how shitty it would be to spend Christmas alone. Now that I knew they didn’t want me for Thanksgiving, I could be sure they wouldn’t want me for Christmas, either.
It was weird how much it bothered me now, spending holidays alone. It never used to. I guess the loneliness from feeling distant from my family was compounded by the loneliness I felt from being single for so long. One way or another, I wanted a fucking family. I hated this shit.
My phone started buzzing in my jeans, pulling me out of my reverie.
“Is that your phone or mine?” Ethan’s mom asked me.
“It’s mine, though I don’t know who would be texting me…” I said as I pulled it out of my pocket.
“Maybe it’s Ethan? Maybe he wants to know if you need anything from the store?”
I looked down to see the name of someone I hadn’t heard from in years.
“No, actually, it’s Maya,” I told her, subtle surprise in my voice.
“Oh, Maya! She was such a sweet girl! I had no idea you kept in touch; she and Ethan had fallen out of contact, I think.”
“We don’t keep in touch at all, actually,” I told her. “I hadn’t heard from her in years.”
I opened the text.
‘I hear you’re in town! A bunch of us are going to Rodey’s tonight. Meet us at 8?’
“She heard I was in town, apparently,” I told his mom.
“Oh! I bet she ran into Ethan or something!”
That must have been it, because I hadn’t told a soul I was coming here. Nobody but my parents and the Taylor family knew I was here.
“She wants me to meet her at the bar tonight,” I said, unsure of what my answer should be.
“That’s something they do during the holidays,” Ethan’s mom informed me. “A bunch of the kids in your graduating class all meet up, just to catch up and grab some drinks.”
It was funny that she was informing me of this. It was probably a tradition I should have learned on my own. But I’d kept my distance.
Normally, I had very little interest in meeting a bunch of people at a bar. But this was going to be an opportunity to see people I hadn’t seen since high school! I was really curious to see where some people had ended up. I had to take her up on the offer.
‘That sounds great! I’ll be there!’
‘Yay! I’m so excited to see you!’
I really was. Maya and I had always been incredibly close. It never came close to the intimacy I felt with Ethan, but she was a close second. Ethan was close to her too. We were all pretty good friends.
“Are you going to go?” Ethan’s mom asked.
“Yeah, I think I am,” I told her. “It’ll be nice to see everyone.”
“You’ll have a great time! Ethan always does. Me and my friends used to do something similar over the holidays when we were young. Until we all grew up and settled down. Not that you haven’t grown up, of course!” she said, as if I might be offended.
“Trust me, I don't feel like I've grown up even a little bit.”
We continued to chat as she finished up a green bean casserole for tomorrow. She stacked it in the fridge, among many other side dishes she had prepped for the day. Just the food she had prepped in the kitchen was more than my family ever had at Thanksgiving.
But then again, my mother only had to feed me and my father at Thanksgiving. We didn’t have any extended family. At least none that we were in contact with. I knew my mom’s parents were alive, but I’d met them only once or twice in my life.
Maybe that was where she got the cold, distant thing from, now that I thought about it.
But it was quite a different Thanksgiving experience than Ethan’s family’s. His parents had to host a lot of extended family. He was close to his cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents; he even had one great grandparent when we were growing up.
I had met most of his family too. Though I never spent Thanksgiving day with his family before (since I always spent it with my own family), I would pop in on Thanksgiving weekend to play. And a lot of his family either was staying at their house for Thanksgiving or would visit in the days afterward.
Same thing about Christmas. I would actually only spend Christmas morning with my parents. They opened presents with me and then they kind of went and did their own thing, leaving me to my devices. So I’d always run over to the Taylors’ house to play with Ethan and see what kind of presents he got.
Then we’d proceed to play with all our new toys for the rest of day. Some of my best memories were of us on Christmas day.
Looking back, though, it must have seemed a little weird to his extended family. That a neighbor kid would spend an actual holiday at their house rather than his own. It probably looked like a more neglectful situation than it was. It wasn’t like my parents left me alone on Christmas or anything, it was just more fun at Ethan’s.
It wasn’t just playing with the new toys either, though that was great. I also loved the way his whole house felt. His mom went all out for decorating, and their house was a winter wonderland every Christmas.
Not to mention, she went all out with food and desserts. My mom didn’t do a Christmas dinner thing. It was just a normal meal for us. But Christmas for Ethan’s family was like a second Thanksgiving. Except with a lot more chocolate for dessert instead of pumpkin.
I always found myself wishing for a big extended family like his. Even as a child, I hoped I could fall in love and marry someone with a big family. So I could feel part of one.
But at this point, I could give a shit less how big the family of my future spouse was. At this rate, I’d be lucky to get married at all.
After Ethan’s mom finished with the casserole, she moved on to a pumpkin pie. This one I insisted I help with. Not that she needed it; of course she didn’t. It was a simple enough pie.
I actually wanted to be involved for selfish reasons. Baking with her brought back memories of me and Ethan helping her as kids. Licking the spoon of chocolate chip cookie dough and impatiently waiting a half an hour for cupcakes to rise. His mom did a lot of baking, and she was always eager to have us as helpers. Even though I know we weren’t much help at all. If anything, we slowed her down.
Now as an adult, of course, that wouldn’t be an issue. I started mixing ingredients for her home made pie crust when Ethan walked in through the kitchen.
“Hey, sweetheart, want to help us bake a pie?” his mother said jokingly.
He looked over at me and smiled softly. I knew what he was thinking. I could see it in his eyes; he was reflecting on old times the same way I was.
“That sounds great,” he said, dropping the grocery bag on the counter top.
“How was the store?” his mom asked as he sat down on the same bar stool I was sitting at moment ago. He didn’t bother to wash his hands or anything; he knew he wouldn’t actually be helping with the pie. It wasn’t necessary, he’d just keep us company.
“It was crowded, of course.”
“You were able to get everything, right?” she asked in a slightly panicky voice.
“Yeah, of course. They had everything. Though I’m guessing by tonight, they won’t. I’ve never seen so many people in a store at once.”
“Speaking of so many people, did you run into Maya?” his mom asked suddenly.
“Yeah, actually, I did, how did you know?”
“She texted me, actually,” I answered for her.
“Right!” He nodded, sounding a little nervous. “She said she’d do that. Something about going to a bar tonight? But I mean, don’t feel pressured to go at all. I told her I didn’t really think it’d be your scene.”
“Normally it isn’t. But I don’t feel pressured at all. I actually think it’d be really fun to see everyone again.”
He nodded, a smile plastered on his face. “Of course, yeah, should be fun. So… We’ll go tonight, then.”
“Great.” I smiled as I finished whisking all the dough ingredients together.
He was smiling, but it felt really forced. I don’t know, maybe I was imagining it. I hadn’t seen him in many years, after all. But something in his voice just seemed off.
Maybe he didn’t actually want to go tonight. But that didn’t seem right. Not only was Ethan super outgoing and always willing to immerse himself in a crowd, I’d seen on social media that he very much was still into the bar scene.
He might have really been worried about making me feel pressured. But I wasn't at all. On the contrary, I was pretty excited to go.
I just had a feeling it was going to be a really good night.
4
Ethan
Though I enjoyed hanging out with Daniel and my family, after my grocery store trip I spent the rest of the night pretty, uh, tense.
I couldn’t stop obsessing about things going badly tonight. I knew at the store I had convinced
myself there was no harm in telling Daniel about my feelings for him, but now that the possibility was actually in my face it seemed like the worst thing that could happen.
When seven o'clock approached, me and Daniel both excused ourselves to get ready to go to the bar. We both wanted to change and do something with our hair, as we’d spent most of the evening in the kitchen helping my mom with various Thanksgiving things.
As I walked up the stairs, Daniel trailing behind me, it hit me that both of our suitcases were sitting in the guest room.
This shouldn’t have been an issue. We’d changed in front of each other plenty of times growing up. But I felt intensely awkward now that I was so attracted to him and he’d gotten to be so good looking.
If one of my friends didn’t spill my secret for me, the raging boner sticking out of my boxers definitely would.
“Is something wrong?” Daniel asked as we walked into the guest room.
“What? No, of course not, why do you ask?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know, something just seems a little off about you right now. It might be in my head.”
“I’m just tired,” I lied. “It’s been a long day. I only arrived this morning so you know, with travelling all night and everything…”
“Right, yeah, makes sense. The flight took a lot of energy out of me, too. Honestly, I’m a little worried that I’m not going to be able to keep up tonight. Hopefully I don’t knock out by 8:30."
“Oh, do you not want to go, then?” I said quickly. “If you need to sleep, we can totally just chill here.”
He smiled. “You’re so sweet to worry about me, Ethan. But seriously, I’ll be fine. I really am excited about tonight!”
“Oh, good, it should be great,” I said, trying to sound as genuine as possible.
But I wasn’t worried for him! I was selfishly worried about myself and my secret.
