Escaping Parker, page 18
Grabbing my phone, I dial my parent’s phone number, listening to it ring, hoping they answer knowing how late it is. “Hello.” My mom answers groggy.
“Mom, it’s me.” It’s all I can manage to get out before my sobs make it unable to talk.
I fall asleep on the chair in the waiting room, and when I wake up it’s already past 7am. Footfalls echo on the linoleum floor and I look up, thinking the nurse or doctor is finally there with an update. But it’s Andrew and Mary, sadness plastered all over their faces.
“I’m so sorry, Andrew. I wanted to get away, but everything happened so fast. I didn’t even know Rig was in town.” I feel completely responsible for this situation.
“Parker, this is in no way, shape or form your fault. I thought we knew where he was. I didn’t know he knew where you were. I promised to take care of you, and I feel I have let you down.” He takes a seat next to me, placing his hand on mine. “Have you spoken with your parents yet?”
Getting all choked up, finding it hard to swallow past the lump forming in my throat, I try to get the words out. “Yes, I have, they are on their way. They were so surprised to hear from me. I still haven’t told them much. I’m nervous to expose them to the hell I was living in.” Shame coats my words.
“That’s good. I know that was the hardest part for you. I’m glad this nightmare is over for you, and you can go back to living your life without hiding from everything.”
“Did you talk to the doctors yet? I haven’t heard from them, and I just want to see Rig already,” I ask, feeling completely stressed out about not being able to see him, or not hearing an update.
“I have. He’s in recovery, and as soon as they can move him into a room, he’ll be allowed to have visitors. Can I ask you something, and I hope I’m not overstepping my boundaries here?”
“Of course. You probably know more than I do, but ask away.”
“What’s going on between you two? Obviously I can figure out that there is something, but he was apprehensive about telling me the whole story before he left. He has been so closed off about his personal life, his whole life. I don’t know anything.”
I think about his question before I answer it, because I don’t want to say the wrong thing. I don’t want him to think I’m not good for his son or anything like that.
“Well, from the second I met him, I knew he was something special. We didn’t get off on the right foot, but really, anybody in my situation would be hesitant about letting people in. Your son is cranky and likes things done a certain way, but he accepts me for me.” I start to get a little bit uncomfortable. Talking about my feelings is hard, especially when I haven’t resolved things with Rig himself yet.
“Do you love him?” Andrew asks flat-out.
I look from Mary to Andrew, watching their faces, studying how they’re absorbing all of this information.
“Yes, I do love him. When I started this journey, I never had the thought about finding someone who I could be with. I only had freedom on my radar, so it was unexpected. But I just can’t sit around and watch something so important walk away.”
His dad goes to say something else, but he stops when the doctor enters.
“Mr. and Mrs. Wilson, I’m Dr. Baker. I operated on your son. Do you mind talking here, or would you like to go somewhere with some privacy?” he asks.
“No, here is fine. This is Parker, she was with him when he was shot. Please tell us how he is doing.”
“Ryan is resting now. We just got him into recovery. We were able to repair the arteries and stop the bleeding, but we weren’t able to remove the bullet. His body was already so weak, and we didn’t want to keep him open any longer than necessary. We would like to remove the bullet, but right now he needs to recover, build some strength. We can discuss those options in a couple of days when he’s awake and more alert.
“When can we see him?” I ask, getting antsy.
“I would say you can see him now, just one at a time. He’s still sedated, probably drifting in and out. He might not be up when you go in there, and it’s important to make sure you don’t excite him. We need to keep him as calm as we can,” he explains.
“Of course,” Andrew says.
We follow the doctor down the long, sterile corridor. I’m kind of nervous because I still haven’t heard Mary say anything. She has remained quiet, and I’m sure she is dealing with this in her own way. She must be terrified he isn’t going to make it.
Andrew goes in first, followed by Mary. They each spend about ten minutes, trying not to wear him out. Mary walks over to me when she’s done.
“He looks good,” Mary says, her face pale. “He was sleeping while I was in there, but maybe he’ll wake up for you. If he does, let him know we are out here. I’m so glad you were with him, Parker. Thank you for what you did,” she says then walks over to where Andrew is sitting and takes a seat next to him.
I’m so scared to see Rig right now. I have no clue why he came back, and when he did, he almost got killed. The glass doors are open when I approach.
Walking in the room, seeing him, tears fill my eyes. I’m emotionally spent, and everything still hasn’t had time to settle in. I’m still just surviving at this point.
I sit next to his bed and gently take his hand. He looks good, other than a bruise on his face, most likely from the initial scuffle. A sheet is pulled over his chest. Continuing to stay quiet, I hope he can sense that I’m right here. I lay my head next to his arms and close my eyes, thankful that he is here.
I don’t know how much time goes by, but I startle when I feel his hand grip mine tighter. I lift my head to see him staring at me.
“Parker.” He groans and instantly tears blur my eyes.
“Rig, I’m here. I’m so sorry this happened. It’s all my fault.”
“Stop it. This is not your fault,” he says, all groggy. “Are you ok? Were you hurt?” Just like Rig to be concerned about me while he’s not doing alright himself.
Touching my sore chin, I scowl at the pain. “I’m ok, just this little bruise here. Nothing to be worried about.”
“I’m not talking about the bruise.”
“I’m ok,” I promise. “I did what I had to do for me, and . . . for you. I should’ve never told you to leave. It’s not what I wanted. I just couldn’t handle everything, and I was scared, not of you, but of what we had. I didn’t think I would ever be ready to love again. I was so wrong.” I shake my head at my stupidity. “Nothing is the same without you.”
“Stop taking the blame for everything that doesn’t go right the first time around. Like you, I’m a work in progress. I’m still trying to figure out who I am and not let the past define who I am today.” He adjusts in the bed, groaning with every move.
I move his pillow, helping him get more comfortable.
“So where do we go from here?” I ask. “I know you didn’t sign up for all the bullshit that follows me, but it’s a part of me, and hopefully this is the end. I never want to relive that. Now I’ll start a life I am deserving of.”
“Well, I did kind of sign up for it, but I think the worst is over now. We can just focus on us and continue building what we were before I left. That is if you’ll still have me.”
I can’t help but smile at his words. “Rig, I don’t how this happened with us, but I don’t ever want to go another day without you in my life. I now know why you were sent to me to show me who I was, and to make me stronger.”
“I love you, Parker. I promise to always protect you, and love you like you deserved to be loved.”
Once the words leave his lips, I bend down and crash my lips to his, something I have missed so much. I never thought I would trust again, but Rig has made it so effortlessly possible.
“Now, let’s figure out what needs to be done so I can get out of this place and finally come home,” he grunts.
I rise from the chair and gently set his hand down. “I’ll get the doctor to come talk to you in a bit, but first, your parents want to see you. They’re here and my parents should be here soon, too.”
The going home thing will have to wait.
It’s been a couple of intense days since almost losing Rig, with many visits from detective and police officers all wanting to get to the bottom of this whole situation. Things have finally started to set in, and reality is coming at me full force.
I’m still in quite a bit of shock and haven’t had the proper amount of time to process the fact that Steven is dead. Because of me. I’m not filled with regret or remorse. I always knew if we ever met again it would be a life or death situation, but I wasn’t fully aware of how it will feel deep down inside.
Steven was a bad man, and the choice I made wasn’t just my own. I couldn’t allow this to continue and happen to another person. I felt a huge responsibility to make the choice that I did, and it happened in a split second.
As I sit here thinking about everything that has taken place, there’s a knock on the door. I get up quickly, hoping whoever is here doesn’t wake Rig, who is finally napping after a long two days.
When I reach the door, my mom is standing there. I have avoided this conversation for long enough, and she wants answers.
“Hey, Mom,” I say as she wraps her arms around me, but I stop her from moving forward into the room.
“How’s Rig doing?” she asks, peeking in as he sleeps.
“He’s resting. Each day is getting better. Let’s go get some coffee from that cart out front.” Brushing past her, I lead the way out of the room.
“Sounds good.” Once we get to the elevator, she turns to me and says, “I’m not a horrible mother am I?” Sadness plasters all over her face.
“Why would you even ask that? Of course you aren’t,” I answer honestly.
The elevator finally opens, and we get in, glad to be the only ones on it.
“I didn’t protect you, and I didn’t pick up the signs. When I think about it now, I feel so ashamed.” She starts to get choked up, reaching out and grabbing my hand.
“It’s ok. There really wasn’t anything I did to make it known. I hid behind my work. I just didn’t want to feel like a disappointment. I always felt like I wasn’t good enough, and letting this secret out would have proven how incapable of making my own decisions I really was,” I finally admit everything I have felt growing up, and I’m so embarrassed I can’t even look at my mom.
The elevator opens, giving me a moment to breathe before this conversation keeps going.
My mother stops me before moving on, placing both hands on either side of my cheeks, making me look her into tear-filled eyes. “Don’t think for one second you weren’t good enough for us. I’m so sorry if you have felt like that, but you have made me and your father prouder than any parents could ever be. You have always been so independent, never needing much from us, and flourishing on your own. You graduated early, put yourself through school. You’re everything we imagined and more. I don’t understand why you didn’t think about telling us, so we could help you. That’s what we are there for; you’re never too old to need your parents.”
“I don’t think you could understand why I did what I did, other than the fact that I would’ve put you guys in danger. He threatened the safety of my family. I couldn’t let my bad choices become your problems, so I tried to figure it out on my own. I thought I was finally free, not knowing he was watching me the whole time.”
“All we care about is that you are here safe. I can’t even tell you how scared we were.” She swipes away her tears. “We thought we lost you. We went months thinking you were dead. We actually got this phone call one day: nobody was on the phone, it was just silence, and I prayed it was you. That’s when it hit me that you were really gone.”
“Mom that was me. I’m the one that called, but Rig saw and ended the call. It was a stupid thing for me to do. I knew I wasn’t supposed to do it, but I just needed to hear your voice.”
“Oh God, I prayed it was you. So, tell me more about Rig. He seems like a really nice guy, and I’m so grateful for him. He kept you safe? Where have you been this whole time?” she asks as we walk up to the little cart to order our coffee. Then we sit in the waiting area.
“Let’s see . . . where I have been? I’ve been around this whole damn country keeping invisible. We’ve been down South, a bunch of places I can’t even say because I’m not really sure. I gave up on knowing because it wouldn’t have made a difference, and as long as I had Rig navigating, there wasn’t any reason to know. It seems as though the more I knew, the more I was upset.”
“Sounds like it’s been a long six months for you. So what do you think about coming back home with me? Take some time to deal with everything that has happened and then we can figure out what or where you go from there? I really don’t want to be away from you right now, and I think it would do a world of good to be with us for a little while.” She sips her coffee.
“You know, Mom, I’m going to stay out here. I like it out here, and since there is no longer any danger, I think it’s best I get a head start on figuring this all out, especially with Rig. He came back for me. I didn’t think he was going to do that, and I need to stay with him and take care of him until he gets back on his feet.”
“I wish you would consider it, but I understand. If you change your mind, you can always come home. You know that, right?”
“Yeah, I know that. I’ll be ok, Mom. I’ve gotten this far with everything. I think I can handle whatever else life wants to throw at me.”
“Do you love him?” she asks.
“I do, I know it’s crazy and fast. I just have never felt like this before. We’ve spent so much time together over the last six months, and when I told him to leave, those days alone were the worst. I didn’t know how to go on without him. He saved my life even before Steven showed up. I wouldn’t be where I am if it wasn’t for Rig and his family. I know I don’t want to live without him, ever,” I admit.
“And he feels the same?” she asks, and I don’t know how to answer that.
Rig and I haven’t really spoken about what we’re going to do, even though I know he came back. While he’s recovering, I don’t want to get into any of that. I want his main focus to be getting his strength up, and figuring out where we go from here. I’ll be there every step of the way supporting him.
“I think, I mean he came back, right? That’s a good sign. We need to spend some time together and see where it takes us, not put too much pressure on anything other than getting back to the good place we were in before everything went wrong.” I finish my coffee and sit back, still trying to get my bearings.
My mom pats me on the thigh. “Why don’t you head home for a bit, take a shower, rest and come back? I would love to see your house, and see where you are living. That’ll give Rig some time with his parents, and you can come back all rested. You won’t do much good here if you don’t take care of yourself. I also think you should look into finding someone to talk to,” she pushes.
“I don’t need to talk to anybody. I’m ok, I just need some time to process everything.”
“You don’t need to make any decisions now, but it would be good to have someone help you make sense of everything. Clarissa, you’re in a bit of shock still. When this all wears off and things settle down, you’ll be left with a lot of unanswered questions.” She squeezes my hand.
“Ok, I’ll find someone to talk to. Let’s go see what Rig is up to for the day, then we’ll head back to my house and you can get settled in there. How long are you staying?”
“I’ll stay as long as you need me. I’m not going anywhere. You’re going to have to force me out of here.” She gives me a smile.
We get up and head back up to Rig’s room, where Andrew and Mary are sitting around his bed.
“Hi, so I’m going to head back to the house for a little while, take a shower and get my mom settled. Do you need anything before I leave?” I ask Rig, who is sitting up in bed.
“No, I’ll be here, can’t go anywhere. You coming back soon?” he asks.
“Of course, there isn’t anywhere else I’d rather be. I just got to get some rest, and clean up before you come back home,” I say, hoping he intends to stay with me.
Entering my house after my marathon hospital stay, I am not ready to see the mess left behind. Pools of blood stain the carpet, chairs lying on their side, a lamp teetering on the table. It’s a total disaster.
My mom’s hand goes to her mouth and her eyes fill with tears. “What can I do?”
“I don’t know, just help get things back in order.” I shake my head. “Obviously, I’m going to need to replace the carpet.”
“Look, why don’t you take a shower and rest? I’ll work on this. You don’t need to worry about it.” She scoots me out of the living room, and I’m glad, because it’s starting to freak me out in there.
“Ok,” I say and slip into the bathroom.
I lock the door behind me, start the shower, giving myself one long look in the mirror, all I see is that I’m starting to resemble who I was before this all happened. My green eyes, complemented by my red hair, start to stand out, looking vibrant and full of life, even with how tired I’m feeling.
This whole time Rig has never seen my real hair. I’ve never wanted to upset him by taking off the wig, knowing how important it was to stay in disguise. I’m not sure how he will truly like the real me, but I hope I’ve shown him enough of me inside that he likes everything that now comes along with being free.
I shower until the water runs cold, spending time by myself without anybody in my ear. And as hard as this has all been, I’m truly happy that this is where I’m at. I’m finally one hundred percent free to be me, flaws and all.
My mom spends the afternoon cleaning the place while I nap. Then we go back to the hospital to visit Rig. His parents aren’t here, and this gives us time to talk.
“The house is all ready for you to come home once you’re released. You are coming back with me, right?” I ask, making sure I’m not getting ahead of myself.
