Escaping Parker, page 14
“You’re never going to believe it: I got a job!” I’m practically bouncing on my tiptoes. “I start tomorrow. It seems like a really cool place.”
“Congrats! Tell me about it.” He hops up on the counter.
“Well, it’s nothing big, but I got hired to clean this office building, Monday through Friday. Plus, there’s room for growth, and they hire within the company. So who knows, I might just be doing something else next year, if I can prove to them I can do more.”
“That’s really great, Parker. I’m sure in no time you’ll be running the company. You have a way with getting where you want to be, and you’ve proven it time and time again. I’m so happy for you. Let’s celebrate with a nice dinner, made by yours truly,” he says, wiggling his eyebrow at me.
He hops off the counter and wraps his arms around me, sending an electrical rush wildly down my body. Who knew that just a hug could bring up so many feelings?
This is how I always want to feel. Sadly, we have fallen in to a pattern, not a horrible one, but a comfortable one, like an old married couple that is on auto-pilot. We are both avoiding feelings, acting like they don’t exist, as if it’s wrong to be heavily attracted to one another.
I miss the surprise of not knowing what is going to happen. Being forced into this arrangement is, at times, hard to deal with. I love the fact that I’m comfortable with him, but hate the fact that it’s so comfortable that the spark is dimmed.
I search his face. His eye glints, telling me he still feels the same way. Pushing my hands under his shirt, I let the warmth of his skin envelope me, while I run my hands up and down his back. He lifts me onto the counter, his body between my legs. He lowers his head, pressing his lips to mine while his fingers fumble with the buttons on my shirt. He tosses the shirt to the floor, his lips making their way down my neck, pausing once he reaches my breasts. He unclasps my bra and pulls the straps down my arms. My bra falls to the floor, leaving me bare. I lean my head back and rest it on the cabinet above. My eyes close, just taking in how amazing it feels to be caressed. Each touch and kiss intensifies, building slowly like the pressure in a volcano.
He gently palms both breasts and presses his hard body between my thighs. That only helps to fuel the want coursing through my body. I snatch the hem of his shirt, lifting it over his head. I start to undo the button on his pants, until he grabs my hand, stopping me without a word. He lifts me over his shoulder and heads to his room. He kicks the door open, and lays me down on the bed, dropping his pants to the floor. I kick off my pants, and before I know it, he climbs on top of me, pinning my hands above my head.
I start to wiggle them, twisting, trying to get free. Being held down brings up memories I don’t care to revisit.
“Do you trust me?” he asks softly.
“Yes, I just don’t like to be held down.”
“I would never force you to do anything you don’t want to do. Trust that anything I do will be for your pleasure. I won’t hurt you. If you don’t like it, just tell me to stop, and I will,” he says breathlessly.
“Ok.”
He crashes his lips to mine, then drags his tongue down my neck, making his way to my chest. He releases my hands, kissing a trail to my most sensitive parts. He takes his time, making sure every need is met, until I can’t take it any longer. I’m about to explode. Tiny moans escape my lips, and he stops, kissing me all the way back to my collarbone.
Sitting up on his knees, he lowers himself to me, teasing me around my entrance. He slowly starts pushing himself into me. Each thrust is harder than the one before, and his little hushed grunts get louder. Every push I get closer and closer to my own climax, breathing heavy. Rig rubs circles with his thumb on my clit, and that’s all it takes to send me over the edge. A soft “oh my god” comes out, and he knows I have finished. He places a soft kiss on my forehead, before rolling off me to the side, and holding me.
We lie there quietly, catching our breath, never letting go of each other. I wish we could stay like this forever, but I know that can’t happen.
The vacuum roars as I drag it across the thin office carpet. Everyone has left for the day, and I get a little sad. Sometimes I get so in my own head, I do things the way I used to when I was with Steven. Wishing this was just something I could turn off, I know it will take some time for me to realize that I don’t have to be perfect anymore. I can be me.
Mindy, the receptionist, had caught me talking myself out of my funks several times. We have spent some time together in the office, and it feels nice to have someone to talk freely with, never worrying if Steven is watching over my shoulder. A friend, something I really missed having.
My gray trashcan rolls behind me as I empty the small wastebaskets into it. Each finished task gets me closer to going home. Never did I think how terribly I would miss spending so much time with Rig. It’s another big change after spending months on end with him. We are figuring out life as it comes our way, adjusting to the new reality.
As I’m cleaning up a spill on someone’s desk, I glance at a picture frame that I’ve never noticed before. Picking it up to get a closer look, I’m terrified when I realize it’s someone from my past.
It’s not the woman who sits at this desk, but the man pictured next to her. He used to work with Steven at the real estate company. Panic takes over as I wonder if I’m being set up to be watched. Searching the desk, I look for the woman’s full name to take to Rig so he can figure out what’s going on.
“Parker,” Mindy calls. I jump thinking she already went home for the day, and shuffle backwards. “Hey. Sorry, I was just cleaning and got some papers wet here. Did you forget something?”
“Yeah, I forgot my phone in my desk. So some of us are going out for drinks later tonight, want to come with us?” she asks as I continue to pretend to clean up the desk.
“Thanks, but Rig is waiting for me to come home. Maybe next time.”
“Rig can come also if you’d like. If not, then next time,” she says, and I nod as I get back to cleaning.
She peers at my face. “Hey, is everything ok? You look a little pale.”
“Yep, everything is ok, nothing wrong at all. Have a good time tonight. See you tomorrow.”
Once Mindy leaves I search the desk for anything that says her full name on it. Finding a fax cover sheet, I jot it down on a Post-it note and put it in my pocket for later.
Gathering my things to head out, I make sure the paper still is in my pocket, and start my walk home. Rig didn’t want me to walk and offered to pick me up at night, but I reassured him that this is what I had to do, and that it would be fine this way. But now after my latest discovery, I’m checking behind me every five seconds.
Rig is on the phone in his room when I arrive, but I burst in anyway.
“I’ll have to call you back,” he tells whoever is on the other end of the phone, and tosses it on the bed. “What’s up?”
I told out the paper with her name on it. “That’s what’s going on.”
“I don’t understand.” He squints at it and his brows knit. “Who is Melissa Jensen?”
“I don’t know, but I saw a picture on her desk today. The guy she was standing with, I know him,” I blurt, feeling paranoid.
“How do you know him?” He takes the paper and types a message on his phone.
“He used to work with Steven, but at the real estate office, not the other thing, to my knowledge.”
“Well, I’m checking it out. Until I know more, you aren’t walking to work anymore, and I need you to check in with me throughout the day,” he insists.
As much as I would love to argue, protest how this is not helping in my journey to independence, I would feel a lot more comfortable.
“Ok. That will work,” I agree.
“Where is the argument? This isn’t like you,” he says, confusion written all over his face.
I’m too scared to admit how freaked out I really am, how I can’t tell him how much I really need him. Afraid it’ll make it easier for him to leave when the time comes, I tread lightly, constantly thinking of ways to get him to stay with me. Mostly, how much I need him, this, us, how complete I feel when I’m with him. It’s like I’m scared to be the little bit of me that I have rediscovered, not wanting to be needy or overbearing.
“No argument, just want to know why this is happening, especially right now since everything was falling into place. Do you think it’s a sign?” I ask.
“Honestly, it could all just be a huge coincidence. Let’s not get all worked up until we know everything. I’ll get an answer to this all later tonight. Anyway, how was work today?” he asks, patting the spot next him on the bed.
“It was good, nothing new, nothing exciting. It’s actually nice feeling normal for once. Mindy invited me out, but I passed.”
“You know, you can go out. You’re building this new life here, and she seems really nice, from what you’ve told me.”
“I know.” I sigh. “I just was tired, and I’m still adjusting to everything. No biggie, I told her I would next time.”
“Well, I hope you take her up on that offer sometime. How about dinner?” he asks.
“You know what . . . let me cook you dinner tonight. You always do, let me,” I offer.
“I won’t argue with that. Let me know if I can help.”
I search the fridge. Rig usually does the shopping while I’m at work to lighten the load for me. I assemble my ingredients, take out a pot, and flick on the old radio tucked back on the counter. My hips swing to the beat while I chop veggies.
This place is starting to feel like home, not completely, but it’s a work in progress like I am. I get in the cooking zone, having fun doing something so many people dread and take for granted.
As things cook on the stove, I clean up with my back towards the entrance of the kitchen. Still dancing away, not paying much attention to anything but the food and the music, when hands lightly grab my hips. I glance over my shoulder and Rig flashes me a sexy smile.
“This is the happiest I have seen you in a long time, if ever. This smile,” he says, dragging his finger across my lip, “it brightens your eyes. Your shoulders.” He massages them lightly. “You stand with incredible confidence now. I always knew you would find peace within yourself. You’re beautiful, just perfect. I didn’t think I would ever feel like this, but you have shown me a side to myself I didn’t think could ever exist again.”
These words, ones I have been longing to hear, I never thought I would ever have those directed at me again in my life. They affect me down to the core, and I’m trying not to let my eyes tear up. I’m not a horrible person, and I am capable of choosing good things for my life. Every decision I make won’t always end up being wrong.
I swipe at my moist eyes, afraid to let him see the emotions and kill this moment. He reaches around me and turns off the water, taking the dish and sponge out of my hands and making me face him.
“Why does that make you sad?” he asks.
“I’m not sad, I’m happy. Being here with you, this new life, it’s overwhelming at times. But you always know just the right words to say. I don’t know if I say this enough, but thank you.”
“You don’t need to thank me, you know this. That smile is all I need. I do have some good news, though.”
“Yeah, what kind of good news?”
“Well, that guy in the picture you told me about? Complete coincidence. Before I came in here, I got an email about him. He moved out here, still does real estate, and Melissa is married to him. They have been out here for three years now. It’s safe to say that you are perfectly fine. There’s nothing tying back to California. This is your life, and I’m very confident that you will be happy here.” He squeezes my hands supportively.
“That’s great news! Thank you for looking into that. I guess I’m always going to be skeptical, and thinking the worst,” I explain.
“No, it’s called being vigilant. You’re paying attention to your surroundings, and keeping your eyes on everything. It’s not a bad thing. You know when something seems off, so that’s a good thing. It means you aren’t careless.”
Through all this happiness and revelations, there are still two things that irk me: I want to be divorced and have that chapter completely closed in my life, which I know won’t happen. And I want to escape Parker, and be Clarissa again, Clarissa before Steven. I want to be able to be to fully be free, and I’m scared if these things aren’t ever rectified, I will never come full circle.
I walk around him to check the chicken on the stove.
“Can I help you?” Rig asks, still standing there.
“Yes, can you set the table, and I’ll bring the food out in just a moment. It’s almost done. Oh, can you grab the wine in the fridge?”
“Sure. I’ll meet you out there.”
When I finally get out with the food, we sit down, Rig pours the wine, and we’re ready to eat.
“It looks really good. I can’t believe I’ve been cooking this whole time and you’ve been hiding your cooking skills.”
“I wouldn’t speak before you have even taken a bite,” I joke, knowing it’s good.
“Funny.” He takes a bite and pretends to cough like it’s the grossest thing ever. “I’m kidding, it’s good.”
“Funny guy you are tonight.” I sip my wine.
While Rig clears the kitchen, I take the blanket off the back of the couch, wrap it around me, and finish my wine. I wait for Rig to hang out a bit before I head off to bed.
Starting to doze off on the couch, I try and keep my eyes open as long as I can, but it’s not working. Rig comes in, sits next to me, and sees how tired I am.
“Come on, let’s get you into bed. You look exhausted,” he says, grabbing me off the couch and carrying me to bed.
Once he gets me all tucked in, he climbs in beside me, holding me tight like I might get away.
It’s the day before Thanksgiving and Rig and I are cooking a small, first holiday meal in this house. I’m thankful for so many things this year, so spending this holiday with one of the people I’m most thankful for seems close to perfect to me. Prepping everything for tomorrow is on our agenda since I have today and the rest of the week off. Working side by side in the kitchen, we sort through bags of food.
“Hey, what’s this for?” Rig asks, holding up a can.
“Oh, that’s mine. I wanted to make something that I made back at home with my family. You know, since I can’t be with them I want to at least have something that reminds me of them.” I snag the can from his hand.
“Ok, so what are you making?”
“Just a green bean casserole. I know, we bought another veggie, but my sister and I always made this together since it was easy enough for us to do when we were younger. It just became a tradition.”
“Sounds good.” He glances at all the food scattered on the counters. “I think we may have gone a little overboard. We have enough food here to feed a small army.” He laughs.
“Well, then we’ve got lunch for the rest of the week.” The dread creeps in a little, not knowing how long he is actually going to be around.
I refuse to bring it up since I don’t want to hear an answer I’m not ready to hear. I don’t want to be counting down the days waiting for him to leave, till I’m alone again. This thing between us has taken over my life like a tornado, causing a beautiful chaos around me, and I’m just not sure I’m ready to see what is left when the storm settles.
“Hey, you there?” he says, pulling me out of my own thoughts.
“Yeah, sorry, I was just thinking about stuff. So where should we start?” I immediately change the subject.
“I’m going to get the turkey ready so we can just throw it in the oven tomorrow. It’s not that big, so it won’t take long to cook. I guess we can just start getting everything ready in the foil tins to cook.”
“Sounds like a plan. So, do you have anything that sticks out in your head about Thanksgiving, like things you and your family used to do?” I ask, trying to learn more about him, something he doesn’t seem to ever talk about.
“Pretty much the basic stuff. Family over, the girls in the kitchen cooking, while the guys watched football. It’s funny how the cooking took two days, but once the food was ready, it was demolished in about ten minutes.” He chuckles.
“Sounds like a fun memory.”
“It is, it was. After my sister, things never went completely back to normal. It took a little while for my family to accept it, and realize that they still had a young son who still needed those kinds of memories. By the time they started to come around, we were already bringing other families into the house, and I had to share all those family things with strangers. I’m not complaining: these people needed the help, and their kids needed to still try and be normal kids. I just got lost in that shuffle,” he says with a hint of sadness in his voice.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say.”
“Say nothing, because that was a long time ago, and it doesn’t really matter. Let’s finish up so we can rest and not be dragging tomorrow.” He quickly recluses back into the unknown Rig, who doesn’t want anybody to know that things affect him.
I’m just trying to figure out how to explain to him that he is human. He’s allowed to be open, and not look like he isn’t as tough as he is on the outside.
“It’s ok to have these feelings. It doesn’t make you any less than you are. It makes you who you are. Maybe if this didn’t happen, you wouldn’t be helping out so many people that need you.”
“Like I said, it was a long time ago, and it really doesn’t matter anymore. I’ve dealt with a lot more than just the death of my sister. It only makes what I do more important. How about we just stop talk about this right now? It’s Thanksgiving, and this whole talk about my past sure knows how to kill the festive mood. Let’s just get this stuff done, and get ready for tomorrow.” He shuts down the talk for the night.
I guess this is a good lesson on when to push or not, so I let it go, not wanting to make him angry or ruin my first holiday free.
