Escaping Parker, page 10
“Punch buggy!” I punch Rig softly in the arm, and he pretends it hurt him.
“I’m pretty sure I said it was punch bug, not this girly punch buggy you just yelled out.” He chuckles, which only makes me laugh at myself.
It feels good to laugh with him, knowing that lately I’ve been so hard on myself, always overthinking things. Sometimes I forget to be thankful and appreciative of the situation I’m currently in. It’s hard to take a step back when the most random things trigger visions of how horrid my life was, how close to the end I was. Who knows how much longer I would have stayed alive. Would he have followed through, or would I eventually just have given up and let the misery cloud my judgment?
“Alright, punch bug. I’ll get it right next time.” I grin.
“If there is one. I’m not going to let you get another one on me. You might as well just write winner under my name and save yourself a lot of time there,” he says, patting himself on the back.
“Who needs to save time? As of right now, that’s all we have till we get to the next place.” I point out.
“True.” Rig nods. “I’m starting to get a little hungry, what about you?”
“Just a little, maybe in a while. How long will this drive be?”
“It’s going to be a while, but nothing like our last one. We should be arriving at the new place tomorrow night, so just enjoy the drive,” he says, and I wonder why he loves always being on the go.
I can’t stand this distance I have had to deal with since being with Steven, hardly ever seeing my parents. I don’t understand how they put up with it, and how they haven’t felt anything was wrong. Even though they live out of state, we talked all the time while I was in college, never went too many days without hearing from them. What they are thinking? Did they think I was mentally unstable to just disappear, or did they even have a clue as to what could have possibly been going on? I’m not too keen on that whole mother’s intuition, but I always hoped that they would come save me.
“Do you think I’ll ever see my parents again, or talk to them? Or did I just silently say goodbye to them?” I ask, wanting to know how this will all play out in the end.
“Honestly? It really depends on a lot of things. Most people don’t ever get a chance to see their family again. Most don’t talk to them in fear of the abuser going after them. They try to stay away and keep their family safe.”
“Oh,” I say, sadly.
“You could get lucky later on. You never know, so it’s something I wouldn’t stew on. All that matters is everyone’s safety. You wouldn’t want to go through all of this, and later on think things are good, only ruin months and years of hiding, right?”
“I guess so.” I leave it at that, but the subject never leaves my mind. I know it’s something I’m going to have to get used to.
We are in the country, but not like Alice and James’s place. A rich man’s land, with amazing properties filled with crops and different types of animals spreads out for miles. Where we’re staying is a breath of fresh air. We have this nice guest house to ourselves, but a family occupies the main house. The family couldn’t be any nicer—two parents and their adult children—and I often watch them out on the property working. We haven’t interacted much since they’re always so busy doing work. I imagine they don’t have time for small talk with all the maintenance they have to do.
Just off the guest house a short walk down, a small lake sits surrounded by tall, swaying grass. With trees all around, giving shade in this humid August heat, it makes a great place to sit back and read a book. I haven’t actually gone in the water yet, even though it’s clear as the day’s sky. Rig mentioned it’s a great place to take a dip and cool off when the heat becomes too much, but I don’t have a bathing suit, and I’m not going to ask him to go buy me one.
I have been spending most of my time outside, just breathing in all this amazingness that surrounds us. Rig comes out and checks on me from time to time.
Since we left the last cabin, there hasn’t been any mention of Steven regarding my disappearance. Rig seems to think that’s a really god sign, and we might be closer to finding a place for me to finally settle in. I’m not entirely convinced, but I try to believe it. I always imagine this is like the calm before the storm, but we’ve been all over the place. I guess it’s really hard to track someone who is, as Rig has explained, zigzagging across the country. Personally, I don’t want to know where I am. It doesn’t make me feel safer. The less I know the better, and if that means being oblivious to what’s going on around me, then so be it. Plus, it keeps me from lashing out about things I don’t agree with. However, I figure we are somewhere in the South with the amount of humidity in the thick air.
“Parker!” Rig yells.
I wave my hand above my head so he sees me through the grass. “Over here.”
He makes his way to where I’m sitting, lying back with his hands behind his head and gazing at the sky. “What have you been doing?”
“Nothing much, just reading a book I found in the house. Was just about to come in since it’s getting hot out here.” I fan myself with the book and adjust my wig. Damn thing makes my head helmet-hot.
Rig shakes his head. “I don’t know why you won’t go in the lake.”
“I don’t have a swimsuit, and it just feels weird. I don’t want these people to think I’m acting like I’m on vacation, having a grand ole time here while they’re working.”
“They don’t think that, and if they needed help, I’m sure they would’ve asked. Besides, they have employees for that. They know why we are here. They even told you it’s ok to use the grounds.”
I shrug. “I know, I just feel awkward.”
“You’re sweating, I can see it glistening on your nose. Get up, we’re going in!” he demands.
All I can do is protest, putting my foot down even though I’m sure it would feel great to cool off. “Nope, not happening. I’m just going to finish my book here.” I pretend to be interested in what I’m reading, when I’m not really into it at all.
He grabs the book out of my hands and tosses it to the ground. He hoists me over his shoulder, all while I’m kicking and telling him no. He doesn’t seem to care. He walks fast to the pond, wading further in with me still on his shoulder.
“Rig! No, I’m in my clothes! Stop!” My protests mingle with laughter.
Once the bottom half of him is in the water, he just tosses me in like no big deal. With a huge splash, I’m completely submerged, water filling my nose. I kick my way to the top, coughing and spitting. Rig just stands there laughing.
“That was so unfair. I can’t believe you did that. My hair,” I exclaim, still coughing and wondering if my wig is messed up.
“Well, you look cooled off now, and your hair is just fine. Don’t worry about it.” He takes off his shirt and tosses it up on the bank. He swims over to me, grabbing my ankle and making me slip under water again.
I quickly resurface. “You just started a war, you know that?” But I’m no match for him.
“You sure you want to start something you can’t finish?”
I give him the stink eye and jump on his back, trying my hardest to dunk him under, but it’s like trying to move a cement wall. He doesn’t even budge. He falls back with me still clinging on. Clearly, I’m not winning at this one here, so I swim away from him, hoping it will keep him from dunking me again.
“You sure there isn’t anything in here that’s going to bite or attack me?” I ask.
“I’m not really sure about anything. I mean we are down south. So it could be a gator or something, but I can guarantee you it’s not a piranha. Those I believe are in the Amazon.” He laughs.
Gators? “Are you kidding me? You’re supposed to make me feel safe, not scare the shit out of me.”
“Yes, I’m kidding. Do you think they would’ve told us to jump in here whenever we wanted if there was something that would kill us?” he scoffs.
I take his word for it, because it’s awfully cool in here, and I didn’t realize how hot I really was sitting under that tree. I float on my back for a little while, just watching the sky and some random birds. I tune everything out, and just relax.
“I know I’m a little difficult sometimes, but thank you for making me come in. It’s nice in here.” I admit to him that he actually had a good idea, something I probably don’t do enough.
“You, difficult? Never.” He jokes.
“Ha ha ha. Seriously, though. This is nice.”
“Well, I figured after this we could get some dinner,” he says.
“Sure. Sounds good.”
I swim around some more, loving that I’m seeing Rig completely carefree for the first time. It’s a welcome change from his normal demeanor.
After our swim, I take a shower to rinse off. Rig is waiting in the small common area to take one as well, and then we’ll make our dinner together.
“Bathroom is all yours.” I let him know.
“Cool, I’ll be out in a second. Then we’ll eat.”
While Rig is in the shower, I decide to set the table and pick up some stuff that’s around the small living room. A bottle of wine sits on the counter with some glasses, which is a little strange since he clearly doesn’t drink when he works. I fiddle around with the silverware on the table while I wait. Then he walks past me and starts messing around with something in the oven.
“Whatever you’re making smells good,” I say.
“Thanks, it’s really nothing at all. I bought some wine for you to drink, too. It’s not the vodka from the hotel, but I thought maybe you would like it.” He gives me a crass smile.
“Well, you know, I’m a lush and all. Thanks, I guess I’ll make do with it,” I say with a sassy tone.
“Like I said, it’s nothing fancy or anything, just some chicken and rice casserole. It’s all made with stuff from the farm here, except the rice.” He spoons the food onto my plate.
“I’m not used to this.”
“To what?”
“Being cooked for, the thoughtfulness. Thank you. You don’t know what it really means to me.”
“It’s nothing.” Rig waves dismissively. “After everything you’ve been through, you should be showed how you deserve to be treated.”
He pours me a glass of wine and I take sip. Not what I would’ve chosen for myself, but I still drink it.
“So, I was talking to Andrew, and he’s looking at a couple places he thinks would be a good place for you to start over. It wouldn’t be confirmed for two more weeks at the most. It’s a start, though.” He smiles.
“Oh,” I say dryly.
The second he brings this up, I see Rig leaving. The thought of not having him around terrifies me. As much as I want to get on with life and start over, I’ve become dependent on Rig. I’d be a liar to say I didn’t have feelings for him, and how not being around him scares the shit out of me. I’m empty inside, like I’m missing out on someone who could potentially have what I need to make my life feel worth living. I just don’t know how I could ever tell him this after he’s made it very clear that he only lives to work. I wish I could be that person to him, show him what his life is missing. Even without me in it, there is more to life than saving people. Maybe he’s the one who needs to be saved, and he doesn’t even know it.
“Whatcha thinking about?” Rig asks.
“Me? I’m not ready to be on my own yet. I don’t think the threat is low enough to be thinking of long-term stay.” I fib a little, not telling him everything.
“You won’t be on your own for a while. It’s going to take some time. I’ll still be around until I know with certainty that y you’re no longer visible to them.” He puts his fork down, making himself very clear.
“I know that. You just don’t know if they’re making it appear as though they aren’t looking to get you all to back off. How do we know they aren’t watching us?”
Rig narrows his eyes. “I can guarantee that if he knows where you are, he would’ve been here already. This isn’t anything new to me. I know what I’m doing.”
“I’m not saying you don’t. It’s just me: I question things, needing to know that no matter what the different outcomes can be, that the choice I’m making is the right one. I’ve always been like that,” I admit.
I push my food around my plate, not really wanting to talk or think about this any further. I finish the remainder of the wine and tip my glass to Rig, signaling him I need a refill. He fills it up no questions asked.
After dinner, I take my wine and go out on the back patio, sitting in one of the lawn chairs. Rig comes out, surprisingly with his own glass of wine, and takes a seat next to me.
“What is that?” I point to his glass.
“A glass of wine. I decided I could break my rule once. It really looked good.”
“Well, I hope you brought the rest of the bottle out with you. I’m just about empty.”
“I did, but there isn’t much left. Here.” He pours the rest into my glass, topping it off.
We sit in silence, enjoying the sunset, not having to say anything to one another. Just each other’s company is enough.
When it starts to get dark, Rig rises from his chair. “I’m going to bed. I’m really tired tonight, see you in the morning.” He places a sweet kiss on the top of my head. I’m frozen in place. This is the first time he has ever done anything remotely close to this. I think he scares himself as well, because he shakes his head and walks away without another word.
His gesture seals an already good night, and I think he is finally wearing down with me. Some of those tightly constructed walls are starting to crumble, and it feels really good to know I’m the one breaking them down.
Waking up this morning feels off for some reason. I can’t pinpoint what is different, but it’s looming over me. I get up and go searching for Rig, hoping he can make some sense of my mood. Walking across the hall to Rig’s room, I knock on his door.
“Come in.” He sounds groggy.
Obviously I’ve woken him up. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.” I take a seat on the edge of his bed.
His rubs his eyes with his fist and props himself up on his elbows. “Not a problem. What’s going on?”
“I feel like I’m missing something today. I don’t know. I woke up with this nagging feeling.”
I lie back, cover my face with my hands, and suddenly everything comes crashing down on me. Rig has distracted me from all the panic and anxiety that usually ripples through my life. This time, though, there isn’t anything he can do to stop this. It comes on fast, and I’m shaking, unable to control my breathing. I’m so mortified by my own display of panic that I get up and run back into my room, sheltering him from the storm that is truly Clarissa.
I will always be her and carry around the baggage that comes with her living deep inside me. Pacing the floor, trying to get this under control, Rig comes barging through the door. He stops abruptly, his jaw open.
What a fool I am to think these days were over, and that I’m no longer crippled by the fear that still holds me hostage.
“What can I do?” Rig asks.
I hear him, but I don’t really listen to his words because so much is running through my already foggy mind. “Nothing, there isn’t anything you can do. I have to wait for it to pass,” I say with a shaky voice, embarrassed that he’s witnessing this.
I carefully retrace my steps to find the trigger, the cause of what set me off this morning. But my thoughts are jumbled and spin in my head. “What day is it? I’m so confused that I don’t even know what day it is anymore.”
“It’s Thursday. August twentieth,” he says, still standing in the doorway.
Sadness plagues me. It’s my mom’s birthday, and it pains me that she has to be spending this day without a phone call from me, or without the comfort of knowing I’m ok. I’m normally pretty tough and can handle more than most people, but when it comes to my family, their pain is my mine.
“It’s my mom’s birthday today.” I let out a long, slow exhale.
Rig runs his palm through his hair. “Shit. I wish there was something you could do to let her know you’re thinking of her, but—”
“I know. I’m fully aware I can’t call her, or wish her a birthday.” The panic starts to slowly leave my body, but it’s still not fully gone.
“Parker, you have to believe me when I say you’re stronger than you think. You are going to make it, and live a life that you deserve to live. I’m going to give you a moment to yourself. When you’re ready, come on out and we’ll get your mind off of this.”
I take some deep breaths. My heart feels like it’s going to beat through my chest and land on the floor. I’m more alone in this moment than I have been in my whole entire life, and even though I have Rig to lean on, it still isn’t giving me what I’m missing.
I go out and find Rig. “Let’s go, I got to get out of here for a bit. Want to go take a walk or something before I crawl out of my own skin?” I ask, putting on my shoes.
“Sure. Lead the way.”
We walk around the property, exploring everything that they have here on the farm. Their crops are all planted in neat rows, covering acres of rolling land.
“What do you think this one is?” he asks, crouching down to look at a plant.
“I bet it’s a bell pepper.” I smell the leaf.
We continue the tour of the property. We even go by the lake and check out the trees around it. The stables are full of horses, goats, pretty much any farm animal I can think of. In one of the stalls, a lamb lets out a tiny squeal. My heart melts with its cuteness. Bending down and getting on its level so I don’t frighten it, I put my hand through the fence, begging for it to come close enough for me to pet. Just as the lamb starts coming close, a stable worker comes over, scares it, and it runs to the back of its pen.
“I was just getting ready to feed her. Would you like to?” he asks me.
“Ummm, I have never done that before. I don’t want to mess up.”
“It’s really simple. I’ll show you.” He opens the gate and I follow him in the pen.
