Never Stopped Loving You, page 9
“I don’t care. Start talking,” Kate ordered, her tone leaving little room for denying her.
“We were quoting the movie back and forth to each other.” Elizabeth stopped talking, hoping that her vague explanation would be enough.
“Keep going.” Kate sensed that there was more to the story.
“You know that line where she asks him to kiss her like it’s the last time?” Elizabeth knew that Kate would know what she meant. They had watched the film together dozens of times.
“Oh, Liz.”
“I didn’t even think. It just felt so right.” Elizabeth stared in the distance, a weak smile forming on her lips.
“You wanted him to kiss you?”
“I don’t know what I wanted. I’ve been so exhausted and it’s all such a blur,” Elizabeth explained, trying to find the truth for herself.
“Did you like it?”
“I don’t know how to answer that.”
“Did you like it?” Kate pushed, determined to understand her sister’s true feelings.
“At first, it felt so right. Honestly, it felt like my heart truly beat for the first time in years. My whole body was electric. I loved him so much then. How does that go away?”
“Oh, honey.” Kate gently stroked her sister’s arm.
“I let myself just feel and it was perfect,” Elizabeth whispered, tears welling in her eyes again.
“Then why are you crying?”
“Because it wasn’t real.”
“What?” Kate asked in confusion.
“I was letting myself fall back into the old ways.”
“And?”
“But it wasn’t even real then. I was a fool to think he could love me more than his work and I let him rip my heart out then. How can I let him do it again? I’m not an idiot.”
“So what did you do?”
“I ran away,” Elizabeth said, blushing with embarrassment.
“Ran away?”
“I ran into the house and told him I can’t.”
“Good!” Kate nodded.
“I wouldn’t survive if he did it again.”
“Do you love him?”
“More than ever.” Tears rolled down her cheeks as she faced the truth.
After this confession, the sisters were silent for a few long moments.
“It’s just because he’s being so good to mom,” Kate said.
Elizabeth hoped it was true. “Maybe.”
“It’ll fade once she’s back on her feet and you don’t have to see him every day.”
“I really hope so.”
“It’s gonna be okay. I’m going to take care of you this time,” Kate assured her as Elizabeth rested her head on her sister’s shoulder and sighed.
Chapter 17
Nathan sat in his office, lost in thought. He couldn’t help but think about Elizabeth. Kissing her again had been like coming home. It was the first moment in years that he had felt truly alive. Watching her run away from him, though, had been like a slap in the face. He knew that he deserved it for all the hurt that he had caused her, but that didn’t make it any less painful.
“You look a mess.” William leaned against the door frame, staring at his friend.
“Well, I feel just dandy,” Nathan replied, not in the mood to talk about it with William. After the peace they had come to only days before, he really didn’t want to fight with him, though.
“Sarcasm? This early in the morning?” William brushed it off with a laugh.
“I’m not in the mood.”
“I thought we were good.”
“We are,” Nathan assured him. No matter how frustrated he was, it wasn’t fair to take it out on William again.
“Then what’s going on with Liz that has you all tied in knots?”
“What makes you think it’s Liz?” Nathan hated that William knew him so well.
“Because I’m not blind.” William sighed and rolled his eyes.
“It’s nothing.”
“It’s clearly not nothing.”
“Are you sure you’re okay listening to this?” Since he now knew that William cared for Elizabeth too, talking about their awkward encounter the night before seemed insensitive.
“I care about you both.” William just crossed his arms and waited.
“Fine, I kissed her.”
“And?” William knew there must be something more to the story just by the pain in Nathan’s eyes.
“And then she ran away.”
“Wow,” William said with a smirk.
“What do you mean by that?” Nathan demanded.
“I’d think an expert physician would know the mechanics of a good kiss,” William joked.
“I do, thank you very much,” Nathan snapped in frustration. That was the last thing he wanted to talk to William about.
“Clearly not if you kiss a woman and she runs away from you. I could give you a few tips if you want,” William continued, clearly enjoying himself.
“Shut up, Bill.”
“Did you go over to the house to check on her?”
“No, I took her to a movie.”
“She went with you to a movie?”
“I didn’t give her much choice.” Nathan wished he had never mentioned it.
“She doesn’t do much she doesn’t want to.”
“I was worried that she wasn’t doing anything to take care of herself.” He had watched her wear herself down for weeks, taking care of her mother and her sister.
“She hasn’t been,” William agreed. He had been worried about her in recent days too.
“I just wanted her to get out of that house.”
“And she did. That’s a good thing.”
“Yes,” Nathan said, his mind drifting to how relaxed she had looked sitting in that movie theater.
“Where did you take her?”
“Cedar Lee.”
William knew the importance of that place to both Nathan and Elizabeth. “Have you been back there since she left?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“No reason to go.” Nathan shrugged.
“It might have helped to face the truth.”
“It hurt too much.” Nathan had tried to go once, months after Elizabeth had left town. He hadn’t even been able to make it in the door. The thought of being there without her had cut him deeply.
“Because it was your place.” William nodded, understanding the depth of his pain.
“Our place,” Nathan echoed his friend’s words as he looked out the window.
“So did you take her there for her or for you?”
“Both,” Nathan muttered, admitting to himself for the first time that it was true.
“Right.”
“It felt so good to be there with her again. It felt like things did before I wrecked it all.”
William listened to his friend carefully.
“Sitting there, watching the movie beside her felt so right. I know it sounds like an ordinary moment, but I swear it was magic.” It had been. Nathan had allowed himself to forget just how it felt to be with her like that. There, in the dark, there was only them and the chemistry that had always bound them to each other and he was overwhelmed by the feelings that had been building up inside him since her return.
“I’m sure it felt like that.” William had watched the two of them together for years. He knew intimately what their connection meant to both of them.
“What did I do?” Nathan shook his head.
“You made a bad choice years ago and you’re still paying for that.”
“I’ll be paying for it for the rest of my life,” Nathan growled in pain, slamming his fist on the desk. He wasn’t a man given to anger and frustration. In that moment, though, he was drowning in both. He was so angry at himself and so frustrated that he had no idea how to fix what he had done. But kissing Elizabeth had shown him what he truly wanted. He wanted her back. He just wasn’t sure it was still possible.
“Maybe.” William wished that he could do more to comfort his friend.
“It was so natural to be with her. I should have known not to kiss her. It broke the moment.” She had been so willing and open to him when their lips first touched. Then, for some reason, she had tensed.
“It wasn’t good?”
“It was perfect.” He thought of how sweet her cherry lips had tasted. There was something so uniquely Elizabeth that he couldn’t for the life of him understand why he had ever thought he could be with another woman.
“So what was the problem?”
“I wish I could have read her mind because I have no idea what happened. She kissed me back. I know she did.”
William had been pretty sure that, if Nathan made a move, Elizabeth would open her heart back up to him. It genuinely surprised him that she had run from him like that.
“A switch flipped and her eyes filled with so much pain. I don’t think I realized until last night just how much I hurt her,” Nathan admitted.
“You did do a number on her.”
“Did she tell you that?”
“She didn’t have to. Who loved love more than Liz?”
“Nobody. She was always such a romantic.” Nathan smiled sadly, remembering the romantic gestures they had made for each other throughout their relationship.
“But she hasn’t been in love since you.”
Nathan was relieved to hear that no other man had existed in Elizabeth’s life. He felt guilty and ashamed at the thought that he had dated a few women, and even got engaged, in her absence. His heart had always belonged to her and he should have known that all along. He hated to even consider that he had stolen her passion for romance from her. “She travels all the time.”
“To jungles and deserts where she’s surrounded by doctors and clinic workers willing to put their lives on the back burner to serve those in need. The very thing, if you recall, that she wanted you to do. I bet there was a handsome guy or two among them.”
“I don’t want to think about that,” Nathan snapped.
“Maybe you should,” William said before turning and leaving Nathan alone with his thoughts once again.
Chapter 18
The next day, Nathan found himself in much of the same position that William had left him in the day before. He had gone through the motions, seeing his patients and taking his usual meetings. Elizabeth was never far from his mind, though. It had been less than 48 hours since he last saw her, but he found that he missed her terribly.
He was rarely startled but he jumped when his assistant Mary knocked on his door.
“You have a visitor who doesn’t have an appointment.” Mary looked annoyed at the fact that she had been forced to interrupt him.
“Can you reschedule them for next week?” Going through with his usual meetings was all he could manage. He wasn’t prepared for something new to pop up.
“She’s very insistent.” Mary sighed as though she knew whoever was waiting for him wasn’t going to take no for an answer.
“Who is it?” he asked, his curiosity peaking. He hoped it was Elizabeth. But Mary didn’t get a chance to answer him. In the blink of an eye, a woman shoved past her and stood before Nathan, eyes full of anger.
“Kate!” He gasped, looking at the last person he expected to pay him a visit.
“Miss, you have to wait,” Mary snapped at her as she tried to usher her from the office.
“It’s fine, Mary,” Nathan said.
“Yes, Mary, it’s fine,” Kate repeated, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
“I’ll be right outside if you need me.” Mary glared, making no effort to leave the office.
“Oh, I’m not going to attack him.”
“If you say so.” Mary raised her eyebrows suspiciously.
“We’ll be fine, Mary.” Nathan nodded, finally convincing the woman to leave them alone.
“Are you okay?” He suddenly realized that something must be very wrong for Kate to willingly come to see him.
He gestured for her to take a seat but she didn’t move.
“No, I’m not okay.” She inhaled deeply as though she were too angry to speak.
“Is it your mom?” Alarm bells started to go off in his head.
“She’s all right. She’s as good as she can be.”
“Is it Elizabeth? Is she okay?” he demanded, worried that something was wrong with her. Maybe that was why she had darted off.
“No, she’s not okay and I think you know that.” The moment he heard the words, his heart stopped. Thinking even for a moment that something could be wrong with Elizabeth had him short of breath.
“Is she hurt?” he asked, unable to think straight.
“Physically, no.” Kate was steaming mad. She had come to his office to set him straight and tell him to leave her sister alone. She had told herself that she would be calm and cool about it. Standing there in front of him, though, her temper was getting the best of her. “But emotionally, she’s a wreck.”
“I don’t know what to say to you.” Nathan sensed why she was really there.
“Then maybe you should just listen!” Kate was unwilling to let him off the hook without listening to the speech she had prepared.
“Okay.”
“My sister is the strongest person I know. She always has been,” she began. That was what bothered her the most about what Nathan had done to Elizabeth. He had made her strong sister feel weak and vulnerable.
“I know.” He did know it. It was one of the things that he loved most about her.
“It’s not your turn to talk.” She finally took a seat across from him before she continued.
Nathan was one of the most respected doctors in the country and he wasn’t used to people talking to him in that tone. But he remained silent because he knew that he had deserved Kate’s harshness.
“Nobody’s stronger than her. Years ago, you broke her apart. She’d hate that I’m telling you this because she doesn’t want anyone to know just how much you wounded her, especially you. But I think you need to know that. You need to understand that her heart bleeds every time she sees you.”
“I’m so sorry.” He lowered his gaze.
“You should be!”
“I don’t know how to fix it.”
“Leave her alone. It’s bad enough that she has to see you every time we come to one of mom’s appointments. She doesn’t need you popping by the house, taking her to places where you went when you were in love.” Kate knew that they needed him to take care of their mother. What they didn’t need was him trying to become a part of their life again.
“I just wanted to support her.”
“I know what you wanted. You wanted to feel her love again. You wanted to pretend that she’s still yours.”
“Kate, I didn’t mean to…”
“You can’t do it.” She cut him off. “You can’t erase what you did. You can’t erase the pain you caused.”
“I hate myself,” he whispered, giving himself over to the pain in his soul.
“Good. You should.” Kate strained to hold off the tears that were welling in her eyes.
“Do you really hate me that much?”
“I don’t hate you.” Kate sighed. She hadn’t come to talk about her own feelings, but it seemed unavoidable now.
“I think you do.”
“You hurt me. You were like a brother to me.”
“I’m sorry.” He felt weakness in his knees.
“I don’t want your apology. I want you to stay away from my sister!” Kate was done talking about herself. She had come to convince him to leave Elizabeth alone and that was what she planned to do. “Can’t you see how much you’re still hurting her?”
“I love her!” Nathan finally admitted both to Kate and to himself. Kissing Elizabeth again just confirmed what he had known all along, that he had never stopped loving her. He hoped that Kate would understand why he couldn’t stay away from her sister. She had already been gone from his life for too long.
“I don’t care!”
“I miss her every day. Her love is the greatest loss of my life.”
“You didn’t lose it. You stomped on it and still, for some reason, she can’t break away from what she thinks she feels for you.” Kate wished that she could hate him for all that he had done.
“What do you mean?” He desperately needed to understand her last words.
“You wouldn’t have the power to hurt her like you do if she didn’t still love you.” Kate hated to let him know how much power he still held over her sister, but he needed to understand why he could never just be her friend.
“She loves me?” he asked, shocked by the possibility.
“And you don’t deserve it,” Kate was quick to point out.
“I’ve loved her my whole life.” He felt his heart beating wildly in his chest.
“If that was true, you would never have left her.”
“I’ve regretted it every day since,” he continued. He needed her to understand that he had suffered during the separation too.
“Liar!”
“Kate…”
“Tell it to your fiancé!” Kate recalled how furious she had been when she had learned that he was planning to marry someone other than her sister.
“I don’t have a fiancé anymore.”
“But you did. You moved on and Liz has spent years aching because of you.”
“I never wanted to hurt her.”
“What you wanted doesn’t matter. Do you think that I don’t know that you thought she’d stay here and wait for you like an obedient little lap dog?”
“It wasn’t like that,” he countered, though he knew there was partial truth to it. When he had called off the wedding, he had never considered that he would lose her. What he had expected was that she would accept his decision and wait until he decided he was ready for a wife. Her walking out on him was the last thing he had imagined happening.
“You thought she would wait, though, right?” she said as if she sensed his thoughts.
“You’re right.” Looking back, he couldn’t believe that he had been so self-centered and arrogant. He should have put her first, before anything.
“That makes it worse. You never thought about what she wanted or what you promised her. You thought she would wait on the back burner until you were ready for her.”
