Never Stopped Loving You, page 8
“He’s been lost without you. I just don’t think he realized it until you came crashing back into his life.” Diane needed her daughter to know the truth because she didn’t want her to live a life without love when it was so close to her.
“You’re overexciting yourself. It isn’t good for you. You need to rest.” Elizabeth took her mother by the arm and tried to lead her to the bedroom.
“I know love when I see it.” Diane shook off her daughter’s hand. “They’re both good men, you know,” she pointed out as she took a seat in a nearby rocking chair, suddenly overcome with weariness.
“They are,” Elizabeth agreed. She had always known that. It was why they had meant so much to her.
“And they care deeply for you,” Diane continued, needing to get the words out before exhaustion overtook her.
“They’re both my friends, mom.”
“Even Nathan?”
“He wants to try to be anyway.”
“And what do you want?” Diane asked, urging her daughter to look inside her heart and find the truth.
“I want to finally put the pain behind me. If we can really be friends then I can finally let it go.” Elizabeth looked out the window again to see that both men had gone.
“And what happens when you let it go?”
“I get to move on from all the pain,” Elizabeth answered, her tone hopeful. Perhaps it was naive, but she really thought that, if she could find peace in her relationship with Nathan, she could move past the pain that had defined her life for years, no matter how much she had tried to deny it.
“With William?” Her mother watched her intently as she waited for her to answer.
“No. He’s my friend. It’s nothing more than that and never will be,” Elizabeth assured her, unable to imagine that William really might have romantic feelings for her. It was true that she had only ever imagined a romantic future with Nathan. When they were young, she had been so sure of it that she had never even considered that anyone, especially William, might feel that way about her.
“Just promise me you’ll listen to what I’m about to say.” Diane took her daughter’s hand and held it as she waited for her to make her vow.
“I promise.” Elizabeth’s mind was swirling.
“They’re both good men who love you.” Diane stood from her chair.
“Is that it?” Elizabeth was surprised that her mother was willing to end the conversation so abruptly.
“No. You know your sister hates Nathan, right?”
“It’s pretty obvious.” Elizabeth wasn’t sure what had brought on this topic.
“It’s equally obvious, I hope, that I don’t hate him. Do you know why?”
“Because you could never hate anyone.” Elizabeth couldn’t imagine her loving mother angry enough to hate anyone, especially a man who had been like a son to her.
“No, dear, that’s not it.” Diane took her daughter’s arm for support.
“Then why?”
“Because, even though he hurt you deeply, I know it isn’t too late. It’s never too late for true love.”
“True love,” Elizabeth whispered, remembering when she had been so sure that it was real and true.
“Yes, dear,” her mother said, tears shimmering in her eyes. “William is a good man. We all love him, but he isn’t Nathan.”
“I’m not in love with either of them.”
“If you say so.”
Elizabeth knew that her mother had much more to say on the matter, but she seemed too tired to fight any longer.
“Let’s get you to bed. You look exhausted.”
“That may be a good idea. Fixing my children’s lives is a little exhausting,” the older woman confessed with a smirk.
“I love you so much.” Elizabeth looked into her mother’s gentle eyes, fighting the urge to cry.
“And I love you. That’s why I want you to be happy.” Diane went up on her tiptoes to kiss her daughter on the cheek.
“Thank you, mom.”
“It’s a mother’s job.”
“And you do it better than anyone.” Elizabeth wrapped her mother in a tight embrace before helping her back to bed.
Chapter 15
It was just after dinner the next day when there was a knock on the door. When Elizabeth opened it to see Nathan there again, she wasn’t sure what to think. There had been a time when she had assumed it was him every time she heard a knock on her door. After so many years, though, it was still strange to be seeing so much of him. She tried to remember if she had ever had a friend show up at her front door so much, but decided against teasing him about it because he looked excited.
“Three days in a row,” she couldn’t resist teasing him just a tiny bit after all.
“And hello to you too.” He chuckled, not at all bothered by her gentle ribbing.
“Sorry, come on in.” She hoped that he had come to explain what he and William had been doing outside the house the night before.
“Actually, I don’t have time. Neither do you,” he said with the same wicked smile he had always worn when he had come up with a particularly romantic surprise for her when they were dating. Something about it made her heart ache.
“What are you talking about?” She forced herself to keep the old feelings at bay. She was the one who had said that they should not let the past define their friendship.
“Kate’s home, right?”
“Yes, she is. Why?”
“You and I have someplace to be.”
“I can’t leave. Mom needs me. You know that.” She shook her head. After all the overexertion the night before, Diane had spent all day in bed.
“Kate’s staying with her. You haven’t left her side since she was released from the hospital. You check her vitals more than we did in the hospital,” he pointed out, unwilling to let her use her mother as an excuse.
“That’s why I came home.”
“And we all admire you for it but it’s not healthy for you.” His tone shifted from friend to physician.
“I’m fine,” she assured him, though the dark circles under her eyes made it hard to believe.
“You’ve barely slept,” he continued and she hated that he could still read her so well after all their years apart.
“You don’t know that.”
“I know you well enough to see it on your face.”
“Okay, maybe I’ve had trouble sleeping.” Usually, it was worry over her mother that kept her from getting any rest. After her talk with Diane the day before, though, it had been thoughts of Nathan and William that kept her up last night.
“Because you’re so wrapped up in taking care of your mom that you aren’t taking care of yourself!”
“I’m not the one with cancer,” she grumbled although she knew that Nathan was right. She wasn’t taking care of herself and it was bound to catch up with her.
“Go grab a sweater. I’m not taking no for an answer,” he said with feigned harshness. Then he added, “Doctor’s orders!”
“I can’t,” she repeated, no matter how appealing the thought of getting some fresh air sounded.
“You need to get out of this house.”
“It’s not the right time.” She took a step away from him. It was too hard to fight with him when he was so close and smelled so good.
“Yes, it is.” He closed the distance between them by stepping closer to her.
“I know what’s best for my mom.”
“We’re friends, right?” he asked, changing tactics.
“Yes.”
“It’s a friend’s job to look out for you when you’re too focused on other people to take care of yourself.”
“You might be right.”
“Tell them not to wait up and let’s go,” he urged, flashing a triumphant smile.
“Where?”
“It’s a surprise.”
“I don’t know how I feel about that.”
“You’ll like it,” he promised. “I’ll wait for you outside.”
“Okay, I trust you.”
Nathan walked out as Elizabeth dashed to the living room where her sister was watching television.
“I’m going out. You and mom are going to be fine, right?”
Kate stared at her, surprised. “Was that Nathan’s voice?”
“Yes,” Elizabeth replied, biting her lower lip.
Kate shook her head in disbelief. But after their last conversation about Nathan, she had decided not to make things even harder for her sister. “Are you sure you’re doing the right thing?”
“We’re just friends, Kate.”
“You already know how I feel about this, but okay, you decide.” Kate turned her head toward the TV and added, “Be careful.”
Elizabeth understood her sister’s reservations and she couldn’t blame her. She wasn’t even sure herself what she was getting into. Still, she felt that she had no other option but to give this friendship a chance.
They rode in silence as he zigged and zagged out of traffic. It felt so nice to relax and just take in the sights around her that she didn’t even try to guess where he was taking her. It wasn’t until he parked the car and helped her out that she realized they were on a very familiar street.
“Cedar Lee!” she squealed as he led her toward her favorite spot in town. She had gone to see revivals of old movies there with her mom when she was a kid, and she and Nathan had made it their own tradition once they started dating.
“That’s not all,” he said with a grin as he pointed up to the marquee.
“Casablanca, really?”
“When I saw in the Tribune that they were playing it today, I couldn’t resist.”
“I haven’t seen a movie in a theater in years.”
“Not many movie theaters in the rain forest?” he teased before paying for the tickets.
“No, not really.” She tried not to think about the fact that they had been on a date the last time they sat in that theater watching Casablanca.
“You want to grab us seats and I’ll go get snacks?”
“Sure. Don’t forget Snow Caps.”
“Have I ever forgotten to get you Snow Caps?” he called after her.
She sat alone in the dark, taking in the sounds and smells of the movie going experience until he appeared by her side minutes later, arms full of all her favorite snacks.
“Thank you for all of this.”
“Here’s looking at you, kid,” he said with a wink.
The famous quote from Casablanca brought a smile to her lips as he relaxed in the seat beside her.
“I love this movie.” She glanced at him, fighting the urge to hold his hand.
“How could I forget?” he whispered.
As the film played on, they both watched closely, though they couldn’t help but look at each other from time to time. Years before, they would have been sneaking kisses and holding each other close as they watched the great star-crossed lovers on the screen. There, close together in the darkness, it was easier to pretend that the pain of their past didn’t exist.
Once the movie ended, neither of them wanted to break the magic of the moment. They remained silent on the drive home, listening to Frank Sinatra.
After Nathan parked the car and walked her to the porch, Elizabeth finally said, “That was the best night I’ve had since I found out mom was sick.”
“I’m glad.” He studied her as if he weren’t at all sure that she was really there. The entire night seemed like a dream to him.
“Ingrid Bergman and Humphrey Bogart… you really can’t go wrong with that combination. Such chemistry.” Her heart ached for a time when she had felt such a deep connection to someone. In truth, the only person she’d ever experienced that with was standing in front of her.
“True.”
“And the dialogue,” she added, trying to distract herself. “There’s no more quotable movie.”
“I’m shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here!” he said with a laugh.
“I like to think you killed a man. It’s the romantic in me,” she replied, enjoying how easy conversation could be between the two of them.
“We’ll always have Paris. We didn’t have, we, we lost it until you came to Casablanca. We got it back last night.” All humor was gone from his tone as he quoted the famous line.
“I remember every detail. The Germans wore gray, you wore blue.” She wished she could read his thoughts. His eyes suddenly looked so troubled.
“Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine.” He took a step closer to her, staring deeply into her eyes.
“Play it once, Sam, for old times’ sake.”
“If she can stand it, so can I. Play it!”
“Kiss me. Kiss me as if it were the last time,” she whispered as Ingrid Bergman’s famous words echoed the feelings within her own heart.
He did just that. He leaned down and gently pressed his lips to hers, before reaching his hands up to her face and pulling her closer as he deepened the kiss. Elizabeth held on to him as if she might die if she stopped touching him, her fingers running through his hair as she returned his kiss. It was the first time in years that she had felt whole. She finally pulled away, gasping for breath.
“We shouldn’t have done that.”
“You’re wrong. That’s the first thing that had felt right in my life in eight years,” he admitted, pulling her closer.
“What are you saying to me right now?” She stared into his eyes as though the truth might be written there.
He kissed her forehead. “You know. Haven’t you always known?”
“Nate…” She moaned as she struggled to pull herself away from the man who had always owned her heart.
“Please, don’t run from this,” he begged, seeing the hesitation in her eyes.
“I have to go.” She pulled open the door, escaping inside without another word.
“Ellie,” he called after her, resting his hand on the doorknob as though he could still feel her through it.
Chapter 16
Elizabeth lay in her bed the next morning, exhausted. She had not gotten a wink of sleep, tossing and turning all night as she replayed what had happened between her and Nathan. It had felt so good to kiss him again, so right. It was as though her heart had come alive for the first time since he had called off their wedding. She wanted nothing more in that moment than to give in and feel the bliss of being in love with Nathan again.
It was that feeling of joy that had shaken her back into reality. The feeling of tumbling back into the euphoria of love had brought with it the real threat of the same pain that had once broken her heart. She knew from experience that joy didn’t last. It only fooled you into opening your heart enough to be hurt.
As she lay there, a rapid knock came at her bedroom door. She sighed, knowing exactly who was there. She was usually up and about by 6 a.m. and it was now well after 8. She knew Kate would be worried.
“Come in,” she called.
“Are you okay?” Kate looked at her with an expression full of concern.
Elizabeth sat up in bed, brushing the loose hair from her face. “I’m fine.”
“That’s a lie. You’ve been crying.”
“It’s nothing.” Elizabeth tried once more to end the conversation about Nathan before it began.
“You’ve been crying. It’s not nothing.”
“Fine, I went to the movies with Nathan last night. That’s all there is.”
“No, it isn’t.”
“Kate…”
“Liz!”
“I’m gonna be okay,” Elizabeth promised her sister, hoping that it was true.
“What did he do to you?” Kate asked, sparks of rage in her eyes.
“I don’t know how to explain it.”
She thought back to the feeling right before Nathan had kissed her. The worst part was that she had wanted him to do it. After years of denying that she felt anything at all, facing her feelings for him was supposed to help her get past them, not make her vulnerable again.
“Find a way!” Kate snapped as she sat on her sister’s bed.
“It’s not a big deal.”
“Fine. Then I’ll just assume the worst. He’s an insensitive idiot anyway.”
“I wish he’d been an idiot,” Elizabeth muttered under her breath.
“You have to give me something. I’m freaking out here.”
“It was nice.”
“Nice nights don’t lead to mornings spent in bed crying.”
“It was so easy to fall into old habits with him.”
“Old habits?” Kate repeated, a sudden sick feeling in her stomach as she worried about what it was that had her strong sister hiding in her bed.
“Yes.”
“Explain!”
“We went to see Casablanca at Cedar Lee.” Elizabeth looked out the window as she said it. Kate would know just what that meant to her.
“That’s playing dirty.” Kate fumed, her temper flaring.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that he knows that you love that movie and that place.”
“Sure.” Elizabeth was not sure how taking her to her favorite movie was an underhanded thing to do.
“And he knows that you have a lot of nice memories of going there and watching that movie with him.”
Elizabeth defended him instinctively. “It was thoughtful.”
“You don’t think it’s a little convenient?”
“It was a really nice night.”
“So nice you’ve been crying tears of joy?”
Elizabeth could understand her sister’s point of view. It was a very sentimental place for her and Nathan knew it. Still, she couldn’t imagine that he had done it to hurt her.
“He kissed me,” she admitted, tired of trying to hold in the truth.
“I can’t believe it!” Kate growled.
“Kate, don’t get upset.”
“No, he has no right to act like he didn’t tear your heart out. How dare he kiss you?”
“I practically asked him to,” Elizabeth groaned, so embarrassed by the fact that it was true.
“You did what?”
“It’s hard to explain.” Elizabeth didn’t want to go further into the moment that it had happened.
