Jaded: (Beautiful Biker MC Romance Series), page 35
“Maybe he oughta give up the liquor, too. Though again, nothin’ to do with me.”
“Anyway, despite his slip ups, he’s a good father, good provider. And I might be a sucker for him, but we’ve got a lotta history, so that’s between me and him.”
“Then why are you here tellin’ me?”
“Gianna is bad news. And she’s got it bad for my husband. She hasn’t stopped tryin’ to get his attention since they met a few years ago.”
“If that was true, which I doubt, I’m thinkin’ she’s over him.”
“And I wanted to warn you. Because she gave my man an STD.”
I showed no reaction.
Though Gigi told me about being burnt, she didn’t say it was Skip. And I was finding that odd since she told me about what amounted to date rape. This was the card Sara was holding in order to stick it to my girl?
“When was this?”
“Last few weeks.”
“What was it?”
“Trich. This is the second time he’s brought it to me. Thankfully, it wasn’t something incurable. We got treated and it’s gone. But if she stinks like a fish market or you get any burning when you pee, you’ll-”
“My girl smells ‘n tastes like candy. Your man stepped out on you with someone else.”
“Well…” she shrugged, “Don’t say I didn’t warn you. That girl has slept with at least half the club.”
“Not quite,” I sneered. “You sayin’ half the club has VD?”
She shrugged. “Again, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
She strutted off.
“Sara,” I called out.
She turned to face me.
“You spread this rumor when you have no proof it was my girl that gave this to your old man, we’re gonna have problems.”
She looked me over, taking her time doing it, then said, “I’ll keep my mouth shut unless she gives me any reason not to.”
“You pull bullshit or make her life harder when you’ve got no proof, we will have problems, lady.”
“Aren’t you sweet? Steppin’ up for her when she’s been tryin’ to elevate her status for years and finally snagged the attention of a newbie.”
I smiled wide.
She looked pissed off that she didn’t score a mark with that jab.
“Listen, lady, my girl told me about her history with the club, including what her deal was with your old man. And let’s just say, there hasn’t been anything with them in a long time. As soon as she found out he was married, she backed off. Or she tried to, anyway.”
“Meaning?”
“I’ll let you read between those lines.”
“I’m not okay with her being shoved in my face after everything.”
“They had a thing years ago. If he’s still steppin’ out on you, it isn’t with her.”
“A thing she keeps trying to rekindle.”
“Not true.”
“So she says. Maybe she’s trying to play good girl and be seen as old lady material now that she’s got your attention but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
She turned and left.
Obviously, she wanted to cause a problem, get rid of my girl. But what the point of her coming in here dressed to kill was, I had no idea.
***
I stepped into the roadhouse and Bick waved. He was at a booth in the corner with Scott.
“Brother,” I greeted Bick who was chowing down on some wings.
“Jesse,” he returned.
“Chili good tonight?” I asked Scott, who hadn’t even looked up from his bowl.
We ate here most nights. Sometimes the chili was damn good; sometimes it came from a tin can.
“Yeah,” he muttered belatedly. “House made tonight.”
“Sounds good,” I said and gestured to the waitress, who was bussing a table nearby.
Pudge joined us and the four of us shot the shit while eating and having a beer.
Scott wasn’t contributing much. Scott was miserable.
I asked him to come for a ride with me when we were done, telling him I needed to run an errand.
“I’ll go with ya,” Bick offered, “If he’s busy. Or I can run the errand for you.”
I shot Bick a look and though I didn’t know him well, thankfully he picked up on it immediately and amended with, “Wait. Shit. I forgot I had something to do for Justice.”
“Yeah man, I guess I can come,” Scott muttered. “Had a few beers, you better drive.”
***
I pulled into the coffee house parking lot a couple blocks from the Valentine block.
“How you copin’?” I asked.
Scott turned and met my gaze. “With?”
“The Nico thing. What do you think I’m talking about?”
Scott looked me over like he didn’t know me.
“You’re not yourself lately, brother. You wanna get shit off your chest?”
“Who the fuck are you and what’ve you done with my brother Jesse?” Finally, he cracked a smile.
And relief swam through my veins. “Brother, good to see you crack a smile. But you’ve been off since that night and I’m sure I’m not the only brother who’s noticed. The ring didn’t help?”
“The ring helped a fuck-ton,” he said, body relaxing.
“Yeah?” I asked.
“Definitely. Can’t… can’t share about that night. Not me to talk about that.”
“I wouldn’t be able to do it either,” I said.
“But yeah,” Scott went on, “it helped to know most of the Jackals were gone. Didn’t help thinkin’ some of them could be part of our crew, but when I saw Nico’s face that night...” He blew out a long breath. “It all flooded back. Every fuckin’ detail of that night. I saw him once before and I wasn’t sure, but that was during the day in the hair salon. Seein’ him at night outside in the shadows took me right back. Knew it’d fuck with me, thought I’d have to walk away, give up the club. The ring helped. Shit he said helped, too. I get it. He was like Fork, stuck wading through shit. And that guy isn’t in my face constantly, but he’s makin’ it clear he wants to be brothers.”
“That doable?”
“Dunno, if I’m completely honest. Don’t expect every single guy in the club is gonna be someone I’m tight with. Most of the guys, I’m definitely close to. I’ll be there for them all like we’re supposed to do. But some feel like guys you gotta work with that you can tolerate but that’s all. I’d have all of their backs, of course, but you know what I mean.”
“For sure.”
“It’s early days, man. Hopin’ it’ll pass. I mean, I can’t ever forget what happened, but it’s not like he put his hands on me in…” His expression soured, “that way. But he was there, front-row seat to the worst thing that happened in my life. But… we’ll see.”
“So, then what? What else? Cuz you seem like you’ve got yer head on straight about the Nico situation, brother, but you’re not you. So…”
“Deanna slept with her ex.”
I straightened up.
He blew out a long breath. “Her older boy’s father decided to finally step up. She ran into her ex’s sister who’s with a brother from the falls.”
“Tracy. Victor Edwards’ woman.”
“Yeah. And they got talkin’. Next thing, her ex is calling, wanting to see his kid. Never took an interest before so guess his sister got up in his grill. Then he’s buying toys for his son. Took him out once. Wanted to see him again the next day. The kid was stoked so she agreed. Kid asked her to come with them. I figured it was good for Timmy. You know? Doing a thing with his mom and his dad. So Caden stayed with me. We hung out, had a boys’ night, fell asleep. Woke at five thirty in the morning and Deanna and Timmy weren’t back yet. Didn’t answer her phone. I was freaked. Finally, she came back at seven in the morning. Took one look at me and spilled it right away. Guilt was eating her alive. Blurted it before she even got her coat off and told me it was a mistake. Nostalgia. Said it wouldn’t happen again. Then got all… you know… complaining I’ve been distant. The Nico shit was fuckin’ with me, brother. I didn’t talk to her about it. Fuckin’ couldn’t. Between us, haven’t had any sex drive because all that was fuckin’ with my head. So, what… she has to go without my dick for a little while, so she falls on her ex’s dick to punish me?”
“Shit, brother.”
“Fuckin’ him in the bathroom while Timmy was crashed on the couch. Yeah. So, not only am I copin’ with reliving the worst night of my life, feeling like PTSD or some shit, waking me up at night in cold sweats. Nightmares. Making it so my dick won’t stay hard when I’m with my girlfriend. And she fuckin’ cheats on me with the guy that broke her heart and abandoned her and her boy?”
“Sorry, brother. That fuckin’ bites.”
He growled. “Yeah. It bites.”
“You through with her?”
He shrugged. “She wants forgiveness.”
“Yeah?”
“Begging, cryin’. Treating me like a king to say she’s sorry.”
“Is it enough?” I asked.
He blew out a breath. “Love those two kids like they’re mine, Jesse. Serious. Those boys started calling me Daddy. Now Timothy’s calling me Scotty like he did before.”
“Fuck. That’s rough.”
“Yeah. I don’t know. She swears it won’t happen again.”
“I’m here for ya, man. All right?”
“I don’t talk this shit out, you know?”
“I hear you.”
“How’s it goin’ with you and Gia?”
“I don’t share either, brother, not about personal shit. It ain’t me. But it’s goin’ well. She’s… having a rough time feeling like she won’t fit in. Like the other girls hate her because she’s been with a few of the brothers.”
“How are you coping with knowing that some of them have…”
“You can say it. It’s the reality.”
“ – slept with her.”
I sighed. “It’s the past. In some of those cases the pretty distant past. She gave me the full rundown and when she laid it out, it didn’t seem extreme. Some of it was just Friday night clubhouse orgy shit. You know how it gets down at the mother charter sometimes. Some of it was dawgs being dawgs and leading her down the garden path, thinkin’ she’d be their ‘ol lady. Bottom line: don’t feel like I have the right to judge. Shouldn’t have double standards about her not being a virgin when I met her. I like what I see, what I’m getting to know. Way more to that girl than meets the eye and I’ve decided I want it all, especially the shit she’s hinting at but trying to hide because she’s been burnt so bad. None of those guys got deep with her or maybe they’d have gone off the market for her, too.”
“Good point. Heard nothing but good things about her from the other brothers. Nothin’ like that stepsister bitch.”
“She didn’t wanna be a sweet butt. She got labeled early on because Skippy’s a fuckin’ dipshit asshole.”
“Not a fan?” He laughed.
“No. I don’t want to get into the nitty gritty but really not a fuckin’ fan.”
“I’m here for you too, brother. Thanks for taking the time to do this tonight,” Scott clapped my shoulder.
“Any time. Or, I mean… I’d rather not braid one another’s fuckin’ hair but I’m here for ya, Scott.”
“Thanks,” he said around laughter. “I’ll ask Deanna to be extra sweet to Gia next time there’s a family thing.”
“That’d be appreciated.”
“If I can find my way past this shit,” he added.
“I hear ya. Sounds like you’re leaning toward tryin’.”
“Yeah. I am. Does that make me a pussy? Probably. But, we’ll see. I fucked up once by cheating on a girl I really cared about. Lost her. If she’d have given me a second chance, I would never have strayed again. That’s what I’m stuck on with Deanna.”
“Makes sense.”
“We’ll see. I’m gonna go in and grab some donuts to bring back for Timmy and Caden. You want anything?”
“Yeah. Coffee, man. Thanks.”
18
It’s been weeks. I was never the long-distance relationship type, but it felt like that was the deal here. And the Francie thing was giving her the perfect reason to stay away.
I was tired of this shit. Tired of subsisting on phone calls where she was mostly whispering. Where she didn’t sound happy. Tired of feeling like things hadn’t gotten deeper with us.
She was sweet and affectionate when I managed to get up there for a few hours or for a night. But the mask was still on her face unless we were connecting physically. When our eyes were locked and she came, it slid off and I got to see underneath. Same thing first thing in the morning, almost always waking up to her eyes on me. Otherwise, something fundamental was missing. Most of all: progress.
I’m not about superficial bullshit, never have been.
But distance made it so we couldn’t get there. I knew she was keeping me at arm’s length, whether she realized it or not. Whether it was lingering grief from the murder of her stepsister, the toll her aunt’s health was taking, fear from being burnt in the past, all of it – I suspected it was all of it… enough was enough.
When shit feels wrong, broken, or fucked up you’re supposed to fix it. I’m not a guy to wallow in my problems. I fix shit. Having my hands tied like this gave me the urge to shake it all off.
When I went down to the mother charter for a club party for Delia’s birthday, she couldn’t make it, spent most of the evening in the hospital with her aunt who was dangerously dehydrated. She didn’t get back until nearly midnight and then when I called and told her that I’d had a chat with Jojo who was very willing to take her back with the other girlfriends and wives, she burst into emotional tears. When I got to the aunt’s place a few hours later, she was crashed. Didn’t even budge when I climbed in beside her and pulled her close. The prospect on duty had let me in after telling me the aunt was a wretched bitch and that he thought my girl was a saint.
The next morning, I woke up with Gigi staring at me, and before she got a chance to clear the trouble in her eyes, I read it. She played it off as nothing.
Despite that making me pissed, I wanted to fuck, wanted to see under that mask, but she bashfully told me she just got her period. She offered to blow me. The sound of her aunt hacking her brains out meant I nixed that idea. I asked her to come for breakfast, to go for a ride so we could spend time together without whispering before Tracy’s surprise bridal shower at the clubhouse, but she suddenly came down with bad cramps, so I went out and bought her a heating pad, dropped it off and kissed her goodbye.
Before I’d left, we briefly talked about the fact Vic’s woman was pregnant so about to leave to get hitched, inviting whoever wanted to come to their Caribbean destination wedding to show up. I said that though we couldn’t get away for obvious reasons, we should think about a vacation when things settled. I asked where she’d want to go and she was distant with me, non-committal about it, and that pissed me off some more.
“What’s the status on this nurse thing?” was one of my last questions before I left.
She said applications had been filled out and sent in. They were waiting for word.
“When it’s sorted, I’m done with this long-distance shit. I want you home.”
I didn’t like the doe-eyed, sad look she gave me as a reply.
On my way out, her aunt was in the kitchen pouring herself a glass of pop. I’d noted she had a little more weight in her face, though no less of a scowl, and she had on the wig made of my girl’s hair which grinded my fuckin’ gears.
“Oh, you’re here again,” she’d muttered, still in bitch mode.
I said nothing to her on my way out the door.
My phone rang ten minutes after I filled my gas tank.
“G,” I greeted.
“Jesse, there’s five hundred dollars here under my pillow.”
“Left that for you. Use it for whatever you need. And if you haven’t gotten your holiday pay by the next time I’m there, I’m paying a visit to your old boss.”
“I’m not gonna spend this. You already gave a bunch of money to Delia for the groceries she’s been buying for here.”
“Stop arguing with me, woman. I’m not leaving you without any cash when you have no way of making money since you’re there looking after your aunt. Not havin’ you go without. Rest, get rid of that bellyache. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?”
“Yeah,” I muttered.
“Not tonight.”
I rubbed my forehead. “I can call you tonight,” I muttered.
“It’s okay if you’re busy,” she said sadly, “Please just text me when you’re home so I know you’re safe. Bye.”
She hung up when I didn’t reply. I didn’t reply because I was pissed off. But I didn’t call her back.
When I got back, I needed to work off some of my frustration, so I went to the gym and beat the snot out of the heavy bag. Fork was at the gym, too, and he seemed to be in the same mood as I was.
These last few weeks, shit with the club had been busy. Between the garage and the moves being made around the resurgence of the Jackals, I hadn’t seen much of her. And I’d probably see even less over the next few weeks unless she got her ass back here where she belonged.
Word was that the remaining Jackals were trying to finagle a deal, shopping around for firepower from clubs that had reputations for mowing down other clubs that tried to get in their way.
One club we knew they were talking to was the Freebooters. But Brady’s father Torque was now cellmates with an OG Freebooter who was fifteen years into a twenty-five-year sentence. That booter was gonna talk to his people on Torque’s behalf, warn that the Jackals were what their name suggested. We’d see what happened there. Freebooters were not men we wanted as enemies.
Fork was working his angle with Larsen in the Jackals, complaining most of us were pussies and not willing to step outside the confines of the law to earn, that he needed more action and had caught wind of upper echelon shit that Deke was hiding from the club. He was playing the guy, knowing he was being played right back. He dangled the carrot saying Deke and his sons were keeping money from the rest of the brothers with a big drug deal disguised as a Harley shipment. He told Larsen that whoever intercepted it would be half a mill richer. Fork told Larsen he was looking for someone he could trust to help him intercept it. And Larsen bit saying when they got the money time would be ripe to destroy the brotherhood, because when word flew that Deke and his sons were keeping action from the rest of the club, living dirty instead of clean, it’d be the beginning of the end of the Dominion Brotherhood.
“Anyway, despite his slip ups, he’s a good father, good provider. And I might be a sucker for him, but we’ve got a lotta history, so that’s between me and him.”
“Then why are you here tellin’ me?”
“Gianna is bad news. And she’s got it bad for my husband. She hasn’t stopped tryin’ to get his attention since they met a few years ago.”
“If that was true, which I doubt, I’m thinkin’ she’s over him.”
“And I wanted to warn you. Because she gave my man an STD.”
I showed no reaction.
Though Gigi told me about being burnt, she didn’t say it was Skip. And I was finding that odd since she told me about what amounted to date rape. This was the card Sara was holding in order to stick it to my girl?
“When was this?”
“Last few weeks.”
“What was it?”
“Trich. This is the second time he’s brought it to me. Thankfully, it wasn’t something incurable. We got treated and it’s gone. But if she stinks like a fish market or you get any burning when you pee, you’ll-”
“My girl smells ‘n tastes like candy. Your man stepped out on you with someone else.”
“Well…” she shrugged, “Don’t say I didn’t warn you. That girl has slept with at least half the club.”
“Not quite,” I sneered. “You sayin’ half the club has VD?”
She shrugged. “Again, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
She strutted off.
“Sara,” I called out.
She turned to face me.
“You spread this rumor when you have no proof it was my girl that gave this to your old man, we’re gonna have problems.”
She looked me over, taking her time doing it, then said, “I’ll keep my mouth shut unless she gives me any reason not to.”
“You pull bullshit or make her life harder when you’ve got no proof, we will have problems, lady.”
“Aren’t you sweet? Steppin’ up for her when she’s been tryin’ to elevate her status for years and finally snagged the attention of a newbie.”
I smiled wide.
She looked pissed off that she didn’t score a mark with that jab.
“Listen, lady, my girl told me about her history with the club, including what her deal was with your old man. And let’s just say, there hasn’t been anything with them in a long time. As soon as she found out he was married, she backed off. Or she tried to, anyway.”
“Meaning?”
“I’ll let you read between those lines.”
“I’m not okay with her being shoved in my face after everything.”
“They had a thing years ago. If he’s still steppin’ out on you, it isn’t with her.”
“A thing she keeps trying to rekindle.”
“Not true.”
“So she says. Maybe she’s trying to play good girl and be seen as old lady material now that she’s got your attention but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
She turned and left.
Obviously, she wanted to cause a problem, get rid of my girl. But what the point of her coming in here dressed to kill was, I had no idea.
***
I stepped into the roadhouse and Bick waved. He was at a booth in the corner with Scott.
“Brother,” I greeted Bick who was chowing down on some wings.
“Jesse,” he returned.
“Chili good tonight?” I asked Scott, who hadn’t even looked up from his bowl.
We ate here most nights. Sometimes the chili was damn good; sometimes it came from a tin can.
“Yeah,” he muttered belatedly. “House made tonight.”
“Sounds good,” I said and gestured to the waitress, who was bussing a table nearby.
Pudge joined us and the four of us shot the shit while eating and having a beer.
Scott wasn’t contributing much. Scott was miserable.
I asked him to come for a ride with me when we were done, telling him I needed to run an errand.
“I’ll go with ya,” Bick offered, “If he’s busy. Or I can run the errand for you.”
I shot Bick a look and though I didn’t know him well, thankfully he picked up on it immediately and amended with, “Wait. Shit. I forgot I had something to do for Justice.”
“Yeah man, I guess I can come,” Scott muttered. “Had a few beers, you better drive.”
***
I pulled into the coffee house parking lot a couple blocks from the Valentine block.
“How you copin’?” I asked.
Scott turned and met my gaze. “With?”
“The Nico thing. What do you think I’m talking about?”
Scott looked me over like he didn’t know me.
“You’re not yourself lately, brother. You wanna get shit off your chest?”
“Who the fuck are you and what’ve you done with my brother Jesse?” Finally, he cracked a smile.
And relief swam through my veins. “Brother, good to see you crack a smile. But you’ve been off since that night and I’m sure I’m not the only brother who’s noticed. The ring didn’t help?”
“The ring helped a fuck-ton,” he said, body relaxing.
“Yeah?” I asked.
“Definitely. Can’t… can’t share about that night. Not me to talk about that.”
“I wouldn’t be able to do it either,” I said.
“But yeah,” Scott went on, “it helped to know most of the Jackals were gone. Didn’t help thinkin’ some of them could be part of our crew, but when I saw Nico’s face that night...” He blew out a long breath. “It all flooded back. Every fuckin’ detail of that night. I saw him once before and I wasn’t sure, but that was during the day in the hair salon. Seein’ him at night outside in the shadows took me right back. Knew it’d fuck with me, thought I’d have to walk away, give up the club. The ring helped. Shit he said helped, too. I get it. He was like Fork, stuck wading through shit. And that guy isn’t in my face constantly, but he’s makin’ it clear he wants to be brothers.”
“That doable?”
“Dunno, if I’m completely honest. Don’t expect every single guy in the club is gonna be someone I’m tight with. Most of the guys, I’m definitely close to. I’ll be there for them all like we’re supposed to do. But some feel like guys you gotta work with that you can tolerate but that’s all. I’d have all of their backs, of course, but you know what I mean.”
“For sure.”
“It’s early days, man. Hopin’ it’ll pass. I mean, I can’t ever forget what happened, but it’s not like he put his hands on me in…” His expression soured, “that way. But he was there, front-row seat to the worst thing that happened in my life. But… we’ll see.”
“So, then what? What else? Cuz you seem like you’ve got yer head on straight about the Nico situation, brother, but you’re not you. So…”
“Deanna slept with her ex.”
I straightened up.
He blew out a long breath. “Her older boy’s father decided to finally step up. She ran into her ex’s sister who’s with a brother from the falls.”
“Tracy. Victor Edwards’ woman.”
“Yeah. And they got talkin’. Next thing, her ex is calling, wanting to see his kid. Never took an interest before so guess his sister got up in his grill. Then he’s buying toys for his son. Took him out once. Wanted to see him again the next day. The kid was stoked so she agreed. Kid asked her to come with them. I figured it was good for Timmy. You know? Doing a thing with his mom and his dad. So Caden stayed with me. We hung out, had a boys’ night, fell asleep. Woke at five thirty in the morning and Deanna and Timmy weren’t back yet. Didn’t answer her phone. I was freaked. Finally, she came back at seven in the morning. Took one look at me and spilled it right away. Guilt was eating her alive. Blurted it before she even got her coat off and told me it was a mistake. Nostalgia. Said it wouldn’t happen again. Then got all… you know… complaining I’ve been distant. The Nico shit was fuckin’ with me, brother. I didn’t talk to her about it. Fuckin’ couldn’t. Between us, haven’t had any sex drive because all that was fuckin’ with my head. So, what… she has to go without my dick for a little while, so she falls on her ex’s dick to punish me?”
“Shit, brother.”
“Fuckin’ him in the bathroom while Timmy was crashed on the couch. Yeah. So, not only am I copin’ with reliving the worst night of my life, feeling like PTSD or some shit, waking me up at night in cold sweats. Nightmares. Making it so my dick won’t stay hard when I’m with my girlfriend. And she fuckin’ cheats on me with the guy that broke her heart and abandoned her and her boy?”
“Sorry, brother. That fuckin’ bites.”
He growled. “Yeah. It bites.”
“You through with her?”
He shrugged. “She wants forgiveness.”
“Yeah?”
“Begging, cryin’. Treating me like a king to say she’s sorry.”
“Is it enough?” I asked.
He blew out a breath. “Love those two kids like they’re mine, Jesse. Serious. Those boys started calling me Daddy. Now Timothy’s calling me Scotty like he did before.”
“Fuck. That’s rough.”
“Yeah. I don’t know. She swears it won’t happen again.”
“I’m here for ya, man. All right?”
“I don’t talk this shit out, you know?”
“I hear you.”
“How’s it goin’ with you and Gia?”
“I don’t share either, brother, not about personal shit. It ain’t me. But it’s goin’ well. She’s… having a rough time feeling like she won’t fit in. Like the other girls hate her because she’s been with a few of the brothers.”
“How are you coping with knowing that some of them have…”
“You can say it. It’s the reality.”
“ – slept with her.”
I sighed. “It’s the past. In some of those cases the pretty distant past. She gave me the full rundown and when she laid it out, it didn’t seem extreme. Some of it was just Friday night clubhouse orgy shit. You know how it gets down at the mother charter sometimes. Some of it was dawgs being dawgs and leading her down the garden path, thinkin’ she’d be their ‘ol lady. Bottom line: don’t feel like I have the right to judge. Shouldn’t have double standards about her not being a virgin when I met her. I like what I see, what I’m getting to know. Way more to that girl than meets the eye and I’ve decided I want it all, especially the shit she’s hinting at but trying to hide because she’s been burnt so bad. None of those guys got deep with her or maybe they’d have gone off the market for her, too.”
“Good point. Heard nothing but good things about her from the other brothers. Nothin’ like that stepsister bitch.”
“She didn’t wanna be a sweet butt. She got labeled early on because Skippy’s a fuckin’ dipshit asshole.”
“Not a fan?” He laughed.
“No. I don’t want to get into the nitty gritty but really not a fuckin’ fan.”
“I’m here for you too, brother. Thanks for taking the time to do this tonight,” Scott clapped my shoulder.
“Any time. Or, I mean… I’d rather not braid one another’s fuckin’ hair but I’m here for ya, Scott.”
“Thanks,” he said around laughter. “I’ll ask Deanna to be extra sweet to Gia next time there’s a family thing.”
“That’d be appreciated.”
“If I can find my way past this shit,” he added.
“I hear ya. Sounds like you’re leaning toward tryin’.”
“Yeah. I am. Does that make me a pussy? Probably. But, we’ll see. I fucked up once by cheating on a girl I really cared about. Lost her. If she’d have given me a second chance, I would never have strayed again. That’s what I’m stuck on with Deanna.”
“Makes sense.”
“We’ll see. I’m gonna go in and grab some donuts to bring back for Timmy and Caden. You want anything?”
“Yeah. Coffee, man. Thanks.”
18
It’s been weeks. I was never the long-distance relationship type, but it felt like that was the deal here. And the Francie thing was giving her the perfect reason to stay away.
I was tired of this shit. Tired of subsisting on phone calls where she was mostly whispering. Where she didn’t sound happy. Tired of feeling like things hadn’t gotten deeper with us.
She was sweet and affectionate when I managed to get up there for a few hours or for a night. But the mask was still on her face unless we were connecting physically. When our eyes were locked and she came, it slid off and I got to see underneath. Same thing first thing in the morning, almost always waking up to her eyes on me. Otherwise, something fundamental was missing. Most of all: progress.
I’m not about superficial bullshit, never have been.
But distance made it so we couldn’t get there. I knew she was keeping me at arm’s length, whether she realized it or not. Whether it was lingering grief from the murder of her stepsister, the toll her aunt’s health was taking, fear from being burnt in the past, all of it – I suspected it was all of it… enough was enough.
When shit feels wrong, broken, or fucked up you’re supposed to fix it. I’m not a guy to wallow in my problems. I fix shit. Having my hands tied like this gave me the urge to shake it all off.
When I went down to the mother charter for a club party for Delia’s birthday, she couldn’t make it, spent most of the evening in the hospital with her aunt who was dangerously dehydrated. She didn’t get back until nearly midnight and then when I called and told her that I’d had a chat with Jojo who was very willing to take her back with the other girlfriends and wives, she burst into emotional tears. When I got to the aunt’s place a few hours later, she was crashed. Didn’t even budge when I climbed in beside her and pulled her close. The prospect on duty had let me in after telling me the aunt was a wretched bitch and that he thought my girl was a saint.
The next morning, I woke up with Gigi staring at me, and before she got a chance to clear the trouble in her eyes, I read it. She played it off as nothing.
Despite that making me pissed, I wanted to fuck, wanted to see under that mask, but she bashfully told me she just got her period. She offered to blow me. The sound of her aunt hacking her brains out meant I nixed that idea. I asked her to come for breakfast, to go for a ride so we could spend time together without whispering before Tracy’s surprise bridal shower at the clubhouse, but she suddenly came down with bad cramps, so I went out and bought her a heating pad, dropped it off and kissed her goodbye.
Before I’d left, we briefly talked about the fact Vic’s woman was pregnant so about to leave to get hitched, inviting whoever wanted to come to their Caribbean destination wedding to show up. I said that though we couldn’t get away for obvious reasons, we should think about a vacation when things settled. I asked where she’d want to go and she was distant with me, non-committal about it, and that pissed me off some more.
“What’s the status on this nurse thing?” was one of my last questions before I left.
She said applications had been filled out and sent in. They were waiting for word.
“When it’s sorted, I’m done with this long-distance shit. I want you home.”
I didn’t like the doe-eyed, sad look she gave me as a reply.
On my way out, her aunt was in the kitchen pouring herself a glass of pop. I’d noted she had a little more weight in her face, though no less of a scowl, and she had on the wig made of my girl’s hair which grinded my fuckin’ gears.
“Oh, you’re here again,” she’d muttered, still in bitch mode.
I said nothing to her on my way out the door.
My phone rang ten minutes after I filled my gas tank.
“G,” I greeted.
“Jesse, there’s five hundred dollars here under my pillow.”
“Left that for you. Use it for whatever you need. And if you haven’t gotten your holiday pay by the next time I’m there, I’m paying a visit to your old boss.”
“I’m not gonna spend this. You already gave a bunch of money to Delia for the groceries she’s been buying for here.”
“Stop arguing with me, woman. I’m not leaving you without any cash when you have no way of making money since you’re there looking after your aunt. Not havin’ you go without. Rest, get rid of that bellyache. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?”
“Yeah,” I muttered.
“Not tonight.”
I rubbed my forehead. “I can call you tonight,” I muttered.
“It’s okay if you’re busy,” she said sadly, “Please just text me when you’re home so I know you’re safe. Bye.”
She hung up when I didn’t reply. I didn’t reply because I was pissed off. But I didn’t call her back.
When I got back, I needed to work off some of my frustration, so I went to the gym and beat the snot out of the heavy bag. Fork was at the gym, too, and he seemed to be in the same mood as I was.
These last few weeks, shit with the club had been busy. Between the garage and the moves being made around the resurgence of the Jackals, I hadn’t seen much of her. And I’d probably see even less over the next few weeks unless she got her ass back here where she belonged.
Word was that the remaining Jackals were trying to finagle a deal, shopping around for firepower from clubs that had reputations for mowing down other clubs that tried to get in their way.
One club we knew they were talking to was the Freebooters. But Brady’s father Torque was now cellmates with an OG Freebooter who was fifteen years into a twenty-five-year sentence. That booter was gonna talk to his people on Torque’s behalf, warn that the Jackals were what their name suggested. We’d see what happened there. Freebooters were not men we wanted as enemies.
Fork was working his angle with Larsen in the Jackals, complaining most of us were pussies and not willing to step outside the confines of the law to earn, that he needed more action and had caught wind of upper echelon shit that Deke was hiding from the club. He was playing the guy, knowing he was being played right back. He dangled the carrot saying Deke and his sons were keeping money from the rest of the brothers with a big drug deal disguised as a Harley shipment. He told Larsen that whoever intercepted it would be half a mill richer. Fork told Larsen he was looking for someone he could trust to help him intercept it. And Larsen bit saying when they got the money time would be ripe to destroy the brotherhood, because when word flew that Deke and his sons were keeping action from the rest of the club, living dirty instead of clean, it’d be the beginning of the end of the Dominion Brotherhood.
