Jaded: (Beautiful Biker MC Romance Series), page 18
“Gatorade.”
“Can I have some of your JD?”
“Sure can,” I kissed her jaw and went out to get her a drink.
When I was back, the lamp was on and she was sitting up, wiping her puffy eyes. I passed her the glass, and she downed the double I poured her.
And then she burst into fresh tears.
“Sorry,” she said.
“Let it out. Lay it on me. Get it out. Do not apologize.”
She stared for a long moment, then blew out a slow stuttered breath while dabbing at her eyes with a Kleenex.
“First time I got drunk was with Kailey on JD. Tailgate party. I was thirteen.”
I sat down and opened my arms. She fell into me before I got them all the way stretched.
“I know you guys aren’t a fan of hers but…”
“Say what’s on your mind. I didn’t know her, but I’ll listen. Might help to get it out.” I kissed the top of her head.
“She was a terrible influence. A total fuck up. She… she wasn’t always nice to me. Sometimes really not nice. But she also saved my ass a time or two. And then she pinned her hopes on me. Get her out of messes. Forgive her whenever she fucks up, which is often. Was often.” She took a shuddering breath. “Wanted me to become a famous singer and make sure she had no money worries. This shit… it should never have happened. But she wouldn’t listen.” She glanced up at my face and her chin wobbled.
I stroked her hair. “Can’t make people do what they don’t wanna do, G. Even if they fake it for a while, while they try ‘n be what they think they should be, they’re still gonna be who they are. Livin’ a lie because they’ve got blinders on or ruled by their vices, you know?”
She sniffled. “I can’t even come out of hiding for her funeral or I’m dead, too.” She scoffed. “What am I sayin’? She’s not gonna get a funeral. Her daddy’s probably still in jail, or if he’s out I don’t know where he is, and he probably wouldn’t come. We got him put in jail for what he did to her and what he tried to do to me. Her momma died. All she had was me. And her momma was there for me when I had nobody but Daddy, which was worse than havin’ nobody. I couldn’t abandon her. Not for Rhonda. Not for her, either.”
“You can give her a funeral when all this is over. We’re gonna make sure it’s over, Gigi.”
“And who’s gonna come? Me, that’s who. Nobody else’ll come. Because she pulled the kind of extreme nonsense she pulled with the club all the time. Screwing people over. Lying, stealing, shit like that. She never learned. So nobody will wanna come pay respects.”
“I’ll go. Be right beside you,” I said, tucking her hair behind her ear.
She stared a minute and then tore her gaze away with what looked like difficulty, growling, “Why the fuck did she not listen to me when I told her to get outta there?”
“Dunno, baby.”
“I know. She knew she couldn’t come to you guys, and you were the only ones who could’ve kept her safe from them. She knew nobody’d forgive her because she was part of what got Lick killed and Jojo hurt. But that wasn’t all her fault. They used her. She said they didn’t tell her why they wanted it filmed, never told me what they gave her in exchange for doin’ it, but she was rollin’ in dough for a few weeks after that. And of course I never heard from her until the money ran out. She had to know it wasn’t gonna go good for her, but she never thought it through, didn’t realize how bad it’d go. I warned her, told her to go hide after she ran out of whatever money they gave her, said she was scared of running into the Doms. Begged me to help. Said I’d try to figure it out like I always try to do, but she wouldn’t listen. They use her like that, a dirty sex tape that she knows is getting circulated and used to hurt people and she still doesn’t wise up? Lets herself get deeper with that shit even after Edge’s girl’s murder? She knew. She knew it was them even if no one admitted it around her. We all knew. I don’t know what the fuck she was thinking. Why she wouldn’t listen. She is so goddamn stubborn. Was. She’s gone.” She choked on a sob, then cried out, “I can’t believe she’s actually gone.”
“People can be like that. We can’t always help ‘em. You tried.”
She sniffled, and wiped her nose. “I should’ve tried harder. I think she was doin’ drugs. I think she was doing a lot of drugs and they were supplying them. That’s what I think.”
“Based on what the boys said was the description of her, sounds like that’s the case.”
Her face crumpled. “I’m not surprised. She looked terrible the last time I saw her. Shoulda got her in rehab, got her away from them.”
I took her face into my hands. “Don’t take that on. It won’t help her, and it certainly won’t fuckin’ help you. Okay?”
“She thought I’d be famous someday, tried to be my manager. Told me she’d wait until I had fat stacks to splash out on a fancy rehab for her so she could get addicted to caviar instead.” She laughed sardonically, wiping her eyes. “Screwed around with this rich married guy who had a studio in his house specifically so she could get me in the space to make a demo tape. Talked me into it even though I told her I didn’t wanna be a famous singer. And then the guy’s pregnant wife chased us out with a baseball bat and the lady tripped and fell right on her belly. Kai laughed in her face. Laughed her ass off about that even though there was a baby involved. God, sometimes she was so h-horrible. But sometimes, like the night she saved me from her daddy who tried to molest me while playing hide ‘n seek with us in the dark. Kai showed her good, you know?”
“Jesus.”
“Though she talked me into giving my virginity away another night when she was in a jam. Getting her out of that jam.”
I felt my lip curl. “Fuck sakes.”
“I’m babbling again. I’ll stop.”
“You don’t have to stop.”
“I know it’s hard to imagine why I’d love her, but I did. Can I have some more JD?”
“I’ll bring in the bottle. Unless you wanna go sit and have some by the fire.”
“I just wanna close my eyes and wake up and have her not be dead.”
“I know, baby. I’m sorry.” I ran my thumbs up and down her cheekbones.
She leaned in for a second, then pulled back.
“Yeah…” She sniffled and raked her hands through her hair. “Life’s a bitch, then you die.”
“You want me to run you a bath? Make you some food? My ma always runs a hot bath when she’s upset. Don’t know if it’d help you, suspect nothin’ but time’ll help dull pain like this. But if you want, I’ll run you one.”
“Okay to the bath. No thanks to the food. But some more JD too would be good.”
“You got it.”
I brought her a triple shot, leaving the bottle in the bedroom and then ran a bath with bubble bath I found on the shelf before I poked my head into the bedroom again. “It’s ready.”
“Thanks,” she muttered, wiping her eyes.
I put the fire out before going back in and locking up.
After I started up a new fire in the fireplace, I made my way down the hall. I could hear water moving in the bathroom and knew she was still in the tub. I opened the door.
She jolted in surprise, eyes bloodshot, looking timid.
“You need anything?”
She shook her head, sending suds airborne.
“I’ll be on the couch watchin’ a movie if you need anything or you want company.”
“Okay,” she whispered.
“Started a fire. It’s cozy out there.”
“Okay.”
I closed the door and immediately heard the metal-on-metal sound of the shower curtain being dragged over.
She wanted privacy, space; I’d give her that.
I put away the baked potatoes and made a sandwich, throwing a movie on.
A while later, I got off the couch and walked down the hall. I found her sleeping in a track suit, bundled up, the bottle of JD on its side behind her. I moved it to the dresser, undressed, and climbed in. She rolled into me and started crying into my throat again.
“Thank you for b-bein’ so s-sweet,” she slurred, then her body bucked, and I held on tight.
“I’m here for you, baby. Okay?”
She nodded, sniffled, and held me tighter. I stroked her hair, her back, and kept doing it until her crying stopped. She cried herself to sleep.
I adjusted the pillow and found one of my t-shirts under it. I tossed it to the floor and kissed her head.
8
After the Sioux Falls clubhouse compound gates were closed behind me, I pulled up to the large warehouse, seeing that Edge was moving in my direction, chucking his cigarette after his eyes hit mine then cut to Gigi. He hauled open the passenger door and reached over to undo her seatbelt, then pulled her out of the passenger seat into an embrace.
She bawled into his chest, arms going around his middle.
We needed to come to town for her to talk to people in her family, to talk to the cops, and Deke wanted me to have escorts while in town with her. While we were at it, I’d attend the joint chapter church in person here, so figured we’d stay the night.
“So fuckin’ sorry, sweetheart,” Edge said into her hair. “You know it wasn’t me. You know it, right?”
“Of course I know it,” she whimpered. “Nobody’d think that. Nobody.”
He stroked her hair and squeezed her tighter. “So sorry, sweets. I had no use for her, you know it after all the bullshit, but you don’t deserve this pain. I know this pain. God knows I fuckin’ know it too well.”
“Nobody’s gonna think it was you,” she muttered, burying her face into his chest.
“Okay, babe,” he said and dropped a kiss on her mouth, then looked into her eyes. I saw the demons dancing in Edge’s eyes, could only imagine the depths of the brother’s pain, and I was sure my estimation was nowhere near how bad it really was. But I also couldn’t help but grind my molars at his putting his mouth on her, at her wrapping herself so tight around him.
“I’m really fuckin’ sorry the way I left you hangin’. I wasn’t in the right space, I…”
“It’s okay,” she whispered, putting her hand to his cheek. “I get it. I got it then, too.”
I got out of my truck, rounded the hood and as I was heading for them, I held his gaze. His expression changed. He read me. His eyes flashed, then he jerked his chin up and extended his right hand to me. I clasped it with mine and he pulled me into the hug. I slapped his back and put my mouth to her temple. He nodded, turning her toward me, stepping back, illustrating his understanding.
As I wrapped my other arm around her, she looked up at me and went a little stiff.
I kissed her temple again and looked to Edge, not letting go of her. “Glad you’re out, brother,” I said.
“Yeah. Me too. Believe you fuckin’ me. Had to get permission from the cops to head to Aberdeen. Told ‘em I was already planning’ to relocate. Decided that on the fly, ‘cuz I need to be nearer to that active Jackal situation, which is much more active in Aberdeen than here, what happened yesterday not withstandin’. Not a shock since those fuckers would obviously target a chapter with fewer members for their comeback.”
“So you’re not still a suspect?” Gigi asked.
“They just want access to me in case they need more questions answered.” He shrugged. “Pretty sure they know the score, but they’ve gotta follow protocol. They know. Everyone does. It’s just a matter of time before this gets over the old-fashioned way.”
“What’s that mean?” she asked.
“As soon as I find him, I make him pay. For Jet. For all their bullshit. For Kailey, too on your behalf. He’s payin’ for all of it.”
“She-” Gigi started.
“I know, babe.” He laid a hand on her shoulder. “You don’t gotta explain it to me. This is me you’re talkin’ to. Remember?”
She pulled her lips tight and gave him a little nod.
He looked at me. “We go back a couple years, me ‘n Gia. Lotta time bendin’ one another’s ears. Gave one another a sort of… therapy.”
“Cool,” was my reply.
Gigi’s eyes bounced between us with her brows furrowed. She appeared to physically shake it off as the mother charter prez Rudy and his wife Delia approached.
Delia physically took Gigi from me, pulling her into a hug.
“Oh baby girl,” she cooed before ushering her inside with her arm around her.
The way Delia looks after everybody reminds me of my own ma.
Another girl surfaced in the doorway to merge with them, a redhead I’d seen around a few of the parties here and I’d seen her with a few different brothers so surmised she was a sweet butt. That girl also put her arm around Gigi who was then out of my sight as Rudy closed in for a huddle with me and Edge.
“You goin’ home tonight, brother?” Rudy asked. “If so, you and Edge can convoy with a coupla brothers. Or, if you’re headin’ back to Deke’s cabin, we can see you there.”
“If it’s cool, we’ll stay here tonight and head back to Deke’s cabin tomorrow.”
“Whatever you need, Jesse. I’ll ask Cordelia to sort rooms.”
“One room,” I corrected.
“You got it. I’ll tell her,” Rudy replied with a smile.
I’d spoken to Deke when I got up and he gave me the rundown of the situation, including asking me to keep her with me at the cabin for a while longer since they were now putting family members under curfew.
He explained that emotions were running high, so flames didn’t need to be fanned with her presence in case any of the women connected her with the curfew. This pissed me off; Deke was talking about Sara. I was already sick of Skip’s woman’s attitude about Gigi and muttered that maybe the flames should be fanned, and everyone told that Gigi’s tip to us probably saved some lives.
Deke’s reaction was to mutter, “So, Deacon said you and Gia have gotten tight?”
My reply was, “Yeah.”
“She’s a sweet girl,” he replied. “And what she did, comin’ to us was appreciated, brother. If not for that… shudder to think. She has my gratitude. I’ll look out for her.”
“Her safety is a priority for me, Prez. It already was when you gave me the assignment, but now? Even more.”
“I get you,” he stated.
And I figured he had an opinion. I also sensed he wasn’t about to share without knowing more information, but he didn’t press, which was good. Because this thing was new, and I was in a strange position of looking after her safety while navigating the fact she was dealing with grief.
It was too soon for a declaration I was claiming her, but with the circumstances, it felt like it’d be happening anyway. I felt protective. I needed to know her better, get deeper to see if it would be something that’d stick. After the shit show of my last serious relationship and how that put me in a headspace where I wasn’t sure what it’d take for me to get deep with somebody again, I was surprised to find myself in this position. I only knew that waking up this morning finding she wasn’t beside me didn’t feel right. The curtains were again closed and for a change, it wasn’t that that didn’t feel right – it was that I was alone.
And when I found her sitting on the deck drinking coffee, staring into space with a can of bear mace at her side, I wanted to carry her back to bed, whisper words of comfort into her skin while I made her feel good. But when I greeted her with a kiss, I got a watery smile as her chin wobbled and her pain felt like it seeped into me and became mine, too.
So, I lifted her out of her seat, sat down and put her back on my lap. As she leaned into me, it felt right. The feel of her. The smell of her. A not-nice sensation I got from looking into her sad eyes. Eyes that’d taken on a whole lot more pain, even more than I’d even seen when I’d nearly been knocked over by it during our first eye lock.
And then a shroud came down and she was no longer leaning into me. No, she was shielding herself from me, and I didn’t fuckin’ like it.
I sat with that a minute before telling her I had to check in with Deke and then I’d know more about next steps. She moved to the chair beside me and asked if she could make some calls, then before I answered she amended it to wanting to see her aunt in person if it was possible. She explained this was the aunt who had taken her and Kailey in when Kailey’s mother died. I told her I’d make it happen and keep her safe. Her gratitude was clear as we sat a few more minutes before she announced she needed to shower. That was when I called Deke.
After I talked to him, deciding to spend tonight in the falls, I left her with my phone while I took a shower, hoping I was making my point that I trusted her.
The vibes I was getting from her left me unsettled. I knew she was grieving, I got it, and I wasn’t suspicious about her motives whatsoever. But something wasn’t gelling with us. She was behind a wall, and I wanted past it. I didn’t know if there was more for her to level with me about or not, but there was a distance between us that I couldn’t name; I only knew I didn’t like it.
It felt like we were on different levels about this thing between us. Was I not making my stance clear enough? Didn’t exactly feel like I wanted to spit it out when she’s less than twenty-four hours from getting the news her stepsister was brutally murdered. Beyond that, she’s undoubtedly thinking on the fact that she’s likely got a target on her back, too.
But there was something there beyond physical and the physical aspect alone was more than enough to make me want to explore things with her.
We packed a backpack with enough for both of us for one night as I proposed a plan to stay at the Sioux Falls clubhouse tonight and get back to the cabin tomorrow. She acted strange when I told her there was room in my backpack for a change of clothes and whatever essentials she needed for twenty-four hours, and as she quietly added stuff to the bag I caught sight of her fingers trembling, so I took over and zipped the bag up.
“I’ll need to bring my caboodle.”
“That’s fine. We’re in the truck, there’s room, just figured we’d pack light since it’s just a night.”
I felt the tension rolling off her and knew I wasn’t about to add to it, so when we got into the truck and I saw her with the blindfold bandana in her lap, being fidgeted with, I declared, “You can leave that off.”
