The First Step, page 7
“You think all that means I’m gay?” Justin fought the rising panic in his gut.
“Like I said,” Reed replied evenly, “that’s not what I’m writing about. So why don’t we cut the bullshit?”
Justin went to take a sip of his drink and realized the can was empty. He sighed and walked back to the fridge. He needed a moment to process what Reed had said and figure out what he thought about it. “Another beer?” he asked as he pulled one out for himself.
“What?” Reed looked uncomfortable, as if he hadn’t expected Justin to take the conversation in stride.
“Another beer?”
Reed shook his head. “I’m good, thanks.”
He rejoined Reed. “So where were we?”
Chapter Eleven
REED SWALLOWED hard. This wasn’t going at all the way he’d planned. He hadn’t meant to bring up Justin’s sexual orientation. What the hell am I thinking? That was a surefire way of shutting Justin up. He’d come over here to thank Justin for saving his ass and to develop Justin’s trust so he could ask him about the pilot who’d been injured earlier in the year, not to poke into areas of his life he kept secret.
At least Justin hadn’t kicked him out. Yet.
“We were talking about your private life.” Reed leaned back on the couch and crossed his legs in an effort to cover his discomfort. He’d made his stand, and now he had to live with the consequences.
“Okay.” Justin sat across from him. “How about this? You tell me about your private life and I might consider sharing some of mine.”
“Fair enough.” Not that his private life was particularly interesting, but Reed didn’t mind. “I’m single. I lived with a guy a few years back. He got a job in LA and we said we’d try to keep things going, but he met someone else.” He brushed away the flutter of hurt that thinking about Steve always stirred up.
“Sorry to hear it.”
Reed shrugged and sipped his beer. “Sometimes it goes like that.” He’d wanted to fall in love with Steve, but when he’d left, Reed knew that would be the end of things. He’d made a mistake thinking he had the time for a relationship, let alone the stomach for it.
“I guess so.”
“Must be tough down here.” Reed met Justin’s gaze and held it.
“Always fishing,” Justin parried.
Reed smiled.
“Tell you what,” Justin said. “Why don’t I show you what I do in my free time?”
That was progress. “Sure.”
Justin set down his beer, and Reed followed him through the kitchen to the back door. Justin opened it and they stepped onto a wooden deck that looked over the backyard. “All this is mine.” He waved at the garage and the small pine trees to the side.
“Is this what you wanted to show me?” Reed gestured to the wooden boat propped up on two sawhorses. She looked to be about nineteen or twenty feet long. Simple lines. Entirely made of wood, which appeared to be rotted through in spots.
“Yep. I found her at a yard sale outside Southport last May, and she looked lonely. I’m planning on moving her into the garage so I can work on her this winter.”
“What kind of boat is that?” Reed followed Justin off the deck and onto the grass.
“She’s a Simmons Sea Skiff. Twenty footer. I did a little research, and I think she was made in the 1950s. Local builder.” He sighed, then added, “She’d been sitting out in the woman’s backyard for decades. Belonged to her grandfather.” He pressed on the railing of the boat and the wood crumbled beneath his fingers. “They used her as a planter, best I can tell.” He rubbed his thumb against the side and showed Reed what looked like potting soil. “I’m not sure she’s salvageable, but she looked so sorry I had to take her home.”
“Fishing boat?”
“Yep. Pretty common where I grew up, although I’ve never seen one exactly like her.” Justin looked lovingly at the skiff.
Reed smiled and walked to the front of the boat. “You don’t talk much about your family.”
“Nope.” Justin visibly tensed. “From what you told me at dinner the other night, it sounds like you’ve got things you’re not real comfortable talking about either.”
“Yeah.” Reed didn’t regret the little he’d told Justin about his own past, but it wasn’t something he shared often. He had no need for nostalgia—looking back at the person you were years before didn’t solve problems.
“I’m thinking of modifying her to take an engine,” Justin said.
Reed pressed his lips together and smiled. “Sometimes it’s good to try something new.”
“Is that what you did, moving from the mountains to New York?”
“Sort of.” Reed put his hand on the point of the bow. “It’s hard to talk about.”
“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”
“I know.” He walked back over to Justin, running his fingers over the rough wood. “But sometimes it’s better to take a chance.”
Justin nodded, but he didn’t press the issue.
Reed took a long breath. “My mom was Jewish. My dad wasn’t. Bad enough I was queer. That gave the kids at school two reasons to beat the shit out of me on a regular basis. After my dad died, I got into trouble. Ended up in juvenile detention a few times. I left North Carolina for college and never looked back.”
“Sounds rough.”
Reed shrugged. He’d learned to protect himself. “Gave me tough skin. At least for most things.”
“Not so much with the guy you punched?”
Reed made a fist. He’d let the little shit get to him, and he’d paid dearly for it. “Sometimes I’m right back there again. It’s like that tough skin is peeled away and the angry little kid resurfaces. Or maybe people like them know how to find a weak spot and force their way in. Either way, I’m not proud of it. I shouldn’t have hauled off and punched the bastard.” It was easy to make light of getting into a fight, to pretend it was somehow cool, even justified, but Reed regretted what he did.
“So how did you end up being a reporter?”
“Someone took a chance on me even though I probably didn’t deserve it.” Reed ran a hand through his hair in an effort to dispel the tightness that gripped his chest every time he thought about Rob. “He taught me life was about more than being angry that things were hard.”
“The notepad… the one you carry with you… was that his?”
Reed nodded. “Rob got cancer the same year I got my first professional job. His wife gave it to me after he died. She said he wanted me to have it.” He clenched his jaw and pretended losing Rob didn’t hurt now as much as it did then.
“I’m sorry.” Justin looked as though he was about to put his hand on Reed’s shoulder when Leila bounded through the doggie door and out into the yard, barking and chasing circles around them. “Someone’s hungry.”
Reed glanced at his watch. It was nearly six thirty. “That makes two of us.”
“Three.” Justin pointed to the gas grill on the deck. “I was going to cook up some burgers. Care to join me?”
“Sure.” Reed hadn’t expected the invitation.
“I’ve surprised you.”
Reed nodded. “Not the first time. I guess I should be used to that by now.” There were many more layers to Justin than he’d guessed.
Chapter Twelve
“STAY PUT,” Justin ordered when Reed tried to help clear the table after dinner. “I’ll get it.” Probably for the best, since he’d helped Justin polish off an entire bottle of wine, not to mention the two beers he’d had earlier in the day.
If Justin was affected by the alcohol, it didn’t show. He juggled the plates and dirty silverware with the grace you’d expect of someone who made a living jumping from one ship to another.
Reed had expected Justin to shoo him away when he’d shown up without warning. Even when Justin let him inside, he’d expected Justin would tell him to leave after a few minutes. He’d also expected Justin to kick him out after the tour of the house. But Justin had done the unexpected each time. Not to mention dinner had been delicious—grilled corn, perfectly seasoned burgers, and a salad with blackberries they’d picked in Justin’s backyard.
Reed got up and teetered into the kitchen, garnering a half grin, half glare from Justin. “I can at least help dry the dishes.” Reed made his best pouty face, which seemed to do the trick.
“Towel’s hanging on the oven.”
Reed took one of the plates and began to dry it. “Thanks for dinner.” He felt giddy and a little awkward. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt anything but in charge with another man. He’d told himself he’d stopped by because he had a story to write and he knew Justin’s trust was something he needed. But really he’d wanted to thank Justin for saving his ass. In the end, though, he’d stayed because he genuinely liked the guy.
What’s not to like? Sure, Justin wasn’t exactly talkative, but he also wasn’t difficult to talk to. And attractive? With his tanned skin and curly blond hair, Justin was the perfect cross between boy-next-door and surfer dude. Even if he doesn’t surf.
“What’s so funny?” Justin’s crooked smile made him look like a big goofy kid.
“Nothing. I was just thinking that you’d be perfect if you knew how to surf.”
Justin laughed. “Is that all it takes? Shit, I’ll have to try it again.”
Reed set down the plate and began to dry another.
Justin set the sponge down for a moment and seemed to be thinking about something.
“You okay?” Reed asked.
Justin nodded. “You were right about me,” he finally said. “Staying in the closet makes things easier at work.”
“I get that.” Reed had sensed it all along, but now he was sure. Justin was lonely.
Lonely knows lonely. Shit. Where the hell had that come from?
“Kerry knows, but she’s the only one.” Justin sighed and looked briefly away.
“That has to be difficult for you. Keeping your distance, I mean.”
“They’re good people,” Justin said. “It’s just….”
“You’re afraid they’ll see you differently.”
“I guess.” Justin began to wash one of the bowls, but his gaze seemed focused somewhere else. “I’m not sure what I’m afraid of.”
A bubble floated up and landed on Justin’s nose. Instinctively, Reed reached for it just as Justin did. Justin grabbed Reed’s hand, and for a moment they stood there without speaking.
Justin stroked the top of Reed’s hand with his thumb. “This is a really bad idea.”
“You’re probably right.” Reporter 101. Get your subject to trust you, but don’t get too close.
Justin released Reed’s hand and went back to working on the dishes. He laughed as though the entire thing had been just a joke, but his shoulders looked tense.
“This isn’t about the story.” Reed’s head spun, although he wasn’t as sure the alcohol was to blame. “I mean, whatever you don’t want them to know….”
Justin closed his eyes and tilted his head back as if trying to regain control.
“I meant it when I said this story isn’t about outing you. It isn’t about your personal—”
Justin dropped the sponge into the water, and the next thing Reed knew, they were kissing and Justin had backed him up against the counter. And holy hell, Justin felt even better pressed against him than Reed had imagined. Justin’s tongue pushed past Reed’s lips, sweeping over Reed’s teeth and finding his willing tongue. Justin ran his fingers through Reed’s hair, causing him to moan into Justin’s mouth. Justin tasted like beer and burgers. Who knew that could be hotter than fuck?
The kiss broke and they both pulled away at the same time, breathing heavily. Justin looked at him as if waiting for something. Permission, maybe?
“This is unprofessional,” Reed said without conviction.
“This isn’t about your piece.” Justin’s hands dripped all over the floor. “This is about…. Hell, I don’t give a shit what it’s about. Tell me you don’t want this, and we forget it ever happened.”
Reed answered by kissing Justin again and working his T-shirt free of his jeans. Justin’s smooth skin over hard muscle was the hottest thing he could imagine, except maybe what that skin would taste like if he gave it his mouth’s full attention. He wanted to see Justin without the shirt, without the pants, and, oh shit, the wine he’d drunk with dinner and the feel of Justin’s body beneath his fingers was just too much.
“Justin.” Reed pulled away. He couldn’t think clearly, and he didn’t want to do something they’d both regret. “We shouldn’t do this.” The last thing he wanted was for Justin to think he was seducing him to get him to open up. This was too fast, too heavy. It wasn’t the same as the one-night stands he sometimes sought out in Manhattan.
Justin’s heavy breaths echoed in the kitchen. He stared at Reed, but there was no anger in his eyes. Just hunger.
“Shit, Justin. Don’t get me wrong. I want this. I really do, but….” He was babbling now. Just perfect.
“You’re right.”
Reed exhaled and wished his head would stop spinning. “I’m sorry. I really am.”
“Don’t be.” Justin’s smile seemed honest enough. He looked more disappointed than anything. Reed couldn’t blame him. He felt the same way, even though he was the one who put the brakes on things.
Reed rubbed the back of his neck and the sunburn there stung. He must have made a face, because Justin smiled knowingly. “Who knew even waterproof sunblock doesn’t last long when you’re floating out to sea.” Reed didn’t care that he sounded like a complete idiot—talking about something as mundane as sunburn was a hell of a lot easier than talking about what had nearly happened between them.
“Stay right there.” Justin disappeared down the hallway and came back a moment later with a bottle of Solarcaine.
The entire situation was surreal. Minutes before, they were about to fuck in the kitchen, and now Justin was taking care of him… like he actually cares.
“Want me to put some on?” Justin asked tentatively. His lips were still pink from kissing, and his cheeks were flushed.
“As long as it’s a spray. Because if you start rubbing that stuff all over me, I’m going to lose it.”
Justin laughed. “Take your shirt off.”
Reed complied. He needn’t have worried about Justin’s self-control. Thirty seconds later he’d finished spraying Reed’s back and Reed had put his shirt on again.
Justin raised his eyebrows and inclined his head. “You okay?”
“I should be asking you that. I’m fine.”
“I am too.” Justin set the can down on the counter.
“You okay with me coming by here tomorrow? I know you said you didn’t talk shop when you were off duty, but I’ve got to finish this story before I head out on Saturday or my editor’s going to have my head on a platter.” Reed figured he’d better get the fallout over with as soon as possible. If Justin said no, he’d keep working on the story. They got along just fine. Better than.
“About that.” Justin’s smile reminded Reed of a kid who’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “I sort of made that no talking shop off duty thing up.”
Reed chuckled. “So you’ll let me come by tomorrow and ask you a few more questions?”
“I’d like that. I really would. But I’ve got other plans.” Justin didn’t look disappointed. In fact, he looked quite pleased.
What did you expect? “Oh. Sure. No problem.” Yep. He’d entirely fucked things up. Even now, he wanted Justin so bad that he was itching to kiss him again.
“So about those plans, there’s this guy. He’s coming on a day sail with me.” Justin grinned and nibbled his lower lip. “He’s probably going to ask me a bunch of idiotic questions while we’re on the water.”
Through the haze of alcohol and lust, Reed finally understood. “The guy is definitely going sailing with you.” He shook his head and laughed. “You totally had me there, you know. I’m not usually so dense.”
“You’re welcome. I think.”
“Where’s your boat slipped?” Reed asked.
“Usually not too far from here, but right now it’s still in Southport.”
“Oh.” Reed had forgotten Justin had been forced to leave the boat. “I really am sorry about that.”
“We’re past that. We both agree it was a stupid-ass thing to do and it could have gotten you killed.”
“Thanks.” If Justin could let it go, Reed could too.
“So about tomorrow…. You could crash in the guest bedroom and we could—”
“Probably not a good idea.” Reed wanted to stay, though. “I’ll take an Uber. Neither of us needs me to stay, and neither of us needs to be driving.”
“I’ve got a few errands to run first thing in the morning,” Justin said. “How about I stop by your hotel around ten and we’ll head back to Southport in my truck? I’ll hold your rental hostage until after the sail.”
“Worried I won’t show?” Reed teased.
“Added insurance.”
When the driver showed up a few minutes later, Reed was regretting not taking Justin up on the overnight. But as the car headed back toward Wilmington, he was sure he’d done the right thing. Later, when they’d spent some time together, things might be different. Whatever happened, Reed wanted to earn Justin’s trust. And not just for the article.
Chapter Thirteen
THE NEXT morning Justin pulled up to Reed’s hotel just as Reed walked through the doorway. Leila, who’d been sitting in the back of the cab, jumped into the front seat and stuck her head out.
“Hey, girl.” Reed rubbed her head. “I think she remembers me.”
“I think she does.” Justin wasn’t sure why it mattered that Leila liked Reed, but the warm feeling in his chest at the knowledge felt good. “Go on, girl.” He pointed to the back seat. “Reed needs a place to sit.” She hopped into the back and put her front paws on the console between them, watching Reed hopefully.
