The First Step, page 11
“Standing by on 16.” Greg handed the radio back to Ed and dialed 9-1-1.
“He?” Reed asked Ed.
“Justin.” Ed rubbed the back of his neck.
Reed felt suddenly cold. “What happened?”
“Rough seas. Bow of the pilot boat tapped the side of the ship. He was jumpin’ onto the foredeck and the force of it knocked him off-balance. He didn’t fall in the water, but he must’ve hit his head hard.”
Shit. Reed’s throat constricted. Justin was unconscious?
He must have looked as panicked as he felt, because Greg said, “He’s tough. He’ll pull through.”
Reed nodded, but his stomach churned and he rubbed his hands on his jeans to warm his icy fingers.
“I’m going to meet them at the docks. You’re welcome to come, Reed.”
Reed nodded and grabbed his jacket, leaving everything but his phone behind. They hopped into Greg’s SUV and drove the minute or two to the docks. Already EMS were pulling in. Greg went to speak to them as Reed looked out at the river, where the pilot boat made its way quickly through the inlet.
The fifteen minutes it took the boat to arrive felt like an hour. Greg hopped onto the deck even before Ed and the others had cleated off the ropes.
“You’ll need to stay back here, sir,” one of the cops who’d arrived with the EMS team told Reed.
In the flurry of activity, Reed couldn’t see into the pilot boat. A few minutes passed, then a few more. At long last, the EMS techs brought a stretcher onto the boat.
Reed realized he was clutching his phone so tightly in his fist his elbow hurt. He tried to breathe through the panic that zinged through his neck and shoulders, but with little to show for it. Finally one of the EMS techs climbed back onto the dock and the people on the boat passed the stretcher over.
Even from ten yards away, Justin’s face was deathly pale. The only thing that kept Reed from forcing his way through was the calm of the first responders. If Justin’s condition was critical, they’d have been much more hurried in their efforts to load him onto the ambulance.
“Kerry’s going to ride with them,” Greg said from over Reed’s shoulder. “You’re welcome to ride with me to the hospital once I’m sure the boat’s secure.”
The ambulance took off down the road, lights flashing and siren screaming.
“How is he?”
Greg shrugged. “Seems okay. Even cracked a joke when they were strapping him on the gurney, but then he passed out again.”
“Where’re they transporting him?” Reed followed Greg to the boat.
“Dosher Memorial. It’s just a few minutes away.” Greg climbed aboard. “You know something about boats, right?”
“Sure.”
“Take this and run it to midship cleat.” He tossed Reed a line and Reed cleated it off.
“This one goes to that cleat just forward of the bow.”
Reed caught the second rope and cleated it off. Ed closed the hatch and locked the door before jumping onto the dock again. He walked to the front of the boat and grabbed another line, running it down the side of the boat and creating a spring line to keep the boat from moving side to side in the slip.
“Good enough. Kerry’ll probably want to check it later, especially if this wind keeps up, but it’ll do for now.” Greg motioned Reed toward the SUV. “Thanks for the help.”
“No problem.”
“You’re worried about him, aren’t you?” Greg asked as they buckled up.
“Shouldn’t I be?”
“He’ll probably be fine. He was lucky he didn’t end up in the water.” Greg’s words didn’t reassure Reed. He’d feel a hell of a lot better once he saw Justin awake and smiling.
Greg glanced at him, then started the engine. For an instant Reed wondered if he knew how close he and Justin had become over the past week. He brushed the thought away. Even if Greg did have an inkling, it wasn’t important. Not now, at least.
Chapter Nineteen
JUSTIN FLOATED on a gentle wave. He tried to move his arms, but his body felt like a dead weight. From time to time, voices in soft whispers broke through the silence like ripples on the water. He imagined he was fast asleep on one of the cockpit benches on The First Step with a soft breeze that cradled his body in warmth. Reed was asleep next to him. He couldn’t recall if they’d made love, but everything felt amazingly good.
“…nothing on the CT.” The voice sounded far away, as though he was watching a movie of a dream, or maybe listening in on a ham radio conversation where, every so often, static would drown out the words. “We’ll… waiting for… to fully… conscious.”
He reached for the voices, but they disappeared. Once he thought he heard Reed’s voice mixed in with the others. But Reed was probably packing now. And tomorrow he’d be back home in New York. He’d forget soon… maybe they both would. Justin wasn’t sure he wanted to, though. Having Reed around felt good. Comfortable and exciting all at once.
“…stay here? I can drive… back if you’d like.”
“I’ll stay.” This last voice was Reed’s, at least it sounded like him in Justin’s mind. He didn’t care that he imagined this. He wanted to stay here, floating on the water with the sun on his cheeks, knowing Reed was there.
He must have slept for a while, because everything vanished, then reappeared. He tried to keep his eyes open, but they closed despite his efforts.
“…coming around.” The same unfamiliar voice as before. “Won’t be long now… spoke with… neurologist… Wilmington… reviewed the scans. He wasn’t concerned.”
Justin struggled to remember, and things slowly became clearer. The rocking of the boat in the waves, climbing down the ladder, someone shouting, and the sudden impact of a wave. Metal meeting metal. His foot slipped and he tried to catch himself from falling. Then darkness.
“…some coffee. I’ll stay. I’ll call… when he wakes… promise.” Reed again. Then a woman thanking him. Was that Kerry?
Wake up. Wake up. Wake up!
Justin dreamed he was running along the beach. Leila chased after him, and Reed laughed as he splashed in the surf. Reed’s voice resonated with pleasure as he reached out a hand and pulled Justin close. Just like that. It’s perfect that way.
“…did exactly that.” Reed suddenly wasn’t talking to him anymore. His voice was slightly muffled, like he was talking while balancing his phone between his cheek and shoulder. “I’ll get the story. Yes, I know what’s riding on this…. Of course I’m not going to hold back…. Do whatever it takes…. Yes, I promise I’ll get all the stuff you’re looking for…. Yes, Cal. I know, make it personal.”
Personal? But you promised you’d keep it between us. Justin blinked a few times and the room began to solidify.
“Justin?” Kerry’s face loomed large in his vision. “Justin, wake up. Please, sweetie, you need to wake up because otherwise I’m gonna to lose it.”
Justin forced his eyes open again. “Pain. In. The.” He grinned and added, “Butt.”
Kerry laughed.
“He’s awake?” Reed asked.
“Seems to be back to his usual self.” She waggled a finger at Justin. “All the snark, all the time.”
“Only ’cause… you deserve… it.” His mouth seemed to be filled with something that made it hard to speak. “Cotton?”
“What?”
“Mouth full… cotton?”
She laughed. “There’s times I wish I could shove it full of cotton. But no, there’s nothin’ in your mouth.”
“Oh.”
Reed smiled down at him. “You gave us a hell of a scare.”
“You’re welcome.” Justin laughed, then coughed, then laughed again. He tried to sit up, but Kerry said, “Whoa, buddy. You stay put. You clocked that noggin o’ yours hard.”
That’s right. He remembered it now. He stepped onto the deck of the pilot boat at the same time a wave knocked them into the side of the tanker. Shit. “Sorry.” He blinked again. Why was the light in the room so bright?
“Sorry?” Kerry shook her head. “I’m the one who’s sorry. If I’d seen that wave comin’, you wouldn’t’ve hit your head.”
“That’s bull… crap.” His mouth felt like the Sahara.
Someone new came into the room. Everything still looked kind of fuzzy, but since the person was dressed in white and shone something into his eyes, Justin guessed this was the doctor.
“Mr. Vance?” the doctor said.
“Yep.”
“I’m Dr. Haines. I’ve been taking care of you.”
“Thanks, I think.”
“How do you feel?”
“Not sure yet. You tell me.” He squinted and the doctor’s face came into focus.
“You’re doing just fine,” the doctor replied. “Apart from a bad headache and a little dizziness, you should be good in the morning.”
“Works for me.” Justin yawned.
“Rest for now,” the doctor said. “We’ll get you something to eat and drink when you wake up, okay?”
“Sure.” Dinner sounded good, but he was more tired than hungry at the moment.
Chapter Twenty
JUSTIN ROLLED over in bed and nearly got a mouthful of fur. It took him a minute to realize he was home. Last night still seemed blurry. He remembered having dinner at the hospital and someone driving him home.
“Reed?”
The blanket-covered lump in the chair by the bed jumped. “Shit. Sorry. I fell asleep.” Reed looked like warmed-over dog crap, with dark circles under his eyes, his curly hair sticking out at all angles, and a darkening shadow of a beard on his cheeks.
“What time is it?” Justin asked.
Reed rubbed his eyes and looked at his watch. “It’s 11:20 in the morning.” He got to his feet and folded the blanket he’d been sleeping under. “How are you feeling?”
“Fine.” Justin tried to sit up. His head hurt like a beast.
“Here, let me help you.” Reed put a hand between his shoulder blades and put a few pillows behind him.
Justin’s eyes throbbed with each heartbeat. “Holy shit.”
“Doc says you’ll have a headache today, but it should be gone tomorrow. Let me get you the medicine they sent home with you.” Reed disappeared and returned a few minutes later with a glass of water and a couple of pills.
Justin swallowed the pills and finished the water. His mouth still felt dry. “Aren’t you supposed to be gone?” He wasn’t sure why, but something about Reed rubbed him the wrong way even though he knew he should be grateful.
“Change of plans.” Reed gestured to the glass. “Want some more?”
Justin nodded and Reed refilled the glass. “Thanks.”
“No problem. I’m just glad you’re doing better.” Reed looked as though he wanted to say more, but his phone buzzed. He glanced at it, then said, “Excuse me.”
As soon as Reed picked up the phone, his words from the night before came crashing back in Justin’s mind. “I’ll get the story. Yes, I know what’s riding on this…. Of course I’m not going to hold back…. Do whatever it takes…. Yes, I promise I’ll get all the stuff you’re looking for…. Yes, Cal. I know, make it personal.”
Justin breathed through a wave of emotion, but it didn’t immediately subside. He clenched his jaw when he recalled how much he’d shared with Reed—things he’d never considered sharing with anyone else.
Reed tapped the phone and shoved it in his pocket. “Sorry about that,” he said. “Cal’s been on my case even more than usual.”
“He has?”
Reed shook his head. “I was just about to start packing when he told me to stay put.”
“He did?” Justin imagined what the rest of the conversation was about. Juicy tidbits where Reed would toss him to the wolves. Wrap it all up in a bow and call it “reporting.” Pathetic childhood. Overcoming adversity. Gay man pretending he’s straight so he doesn’t lose his job.
“He’s the boss.” Reed chuckled. “When he says ‘jump’ I’m supposed to be on a fucking rocket to the moon.”
“Funny.” Of course Reed was in this for the story. Why else would he have stuck around?
Reed, who’d been straightening the covers, looked at Justin and frowned. “Something up?”
“Why would you say that?” Justin clenched his jaw—shit, that made his head hurt!—and reminded himself this was entirely his own fault for letting Reed in. With few exceptions, people did things for you because they wanted something in return. Why else would someone as charming and attractive as Reed give someone like him the time of day?
“Nothing.” Reed shrugged and finished with the bed. “How about I make you some breakfast? The soup they fed you in the hospital last night didn’t look very substantial.”
“What are you hoping to get out of this?” Justin said, unable to contain his anger any longer.
“What?” Reed looked genuinely surprised.
“This.” Justin waved around the room. “You going to write this into your story too? Or isn’t this personal enough?”
“I told you, the personal stuff stays between us.” Reed looked really tired, and for a moment Justin caught himself wondering why he was coming down so hard on him. The guy had just spent the night making sure he was okay, hadn’t he? But the words tumbled out on a wave of self-loathing Justin couldn’t stop. He was far angrier with himself than Reed.
“That’s not what I heard you telling your boss.”
“I don’t know what you’re—”
“Let me see if I can refresh your memory. You said you’d do whatever it takes. That you’d give him all the stuff he wanted. You’d make it personal. Sound about right?”
Reed stared at him. “You heard that?”
“I heard plenty.”
Reed said nothing. The corners of his mouth turned downward, and he blinked. Justin swallowed hard. Had he said all that? And why shouldn’t you? It’s not like he’s denying anything either. But if he’d said it because he thought it would make him feel better, it hadn’t. He felt terrible.
The silence stretched for a minute or so. Reed seemed to collect himself, because he forced a smile and said, “I’ll go make some breakfast. You’ll feel better once you’ve got some food in you.”
Justin didn’t respond but watched Reed leave and close the door behind him. Justin stared at the door as if willing Reed to return so he could what? Apologize?
His head vibrated with each beat of his pounding heart. He rubbed his chest. He wanted to call Reed, to take back what he’d said, but the little voice at the back of his brain kept telling him that he was right, that Reed was only here because of the story. And when Reed was done and he’d shared his story with the whole world, Reed would go home and he’d never see the guy again.
Chapter Twenty-One
REED STARED at the carton of eggs. On the stove, the butter had already started to burn. “Shit.” He turned the burner off and moved the frying pan. Smoke rose from the pan and climbed upward to the ceiling. He hunted around on the stove until he found the button to start the fan.
Leila, who’d followed him downstairs, sat and watched him. “I know,” he told her. “At this rate, I’m going to burn the house down.” She wagged her tail in response but thankfully didn’t comment.
The doctor had mentioned that one of the possible side effects of a concussion was intense emotion, but Reed hadn’t counted on being the focus of that emotion. For nearly ten days he’d tried to crack the shell Justin had spent decades hardening, and he finally opened up. Reed knew he should be happy. Instead….
It hurts. The realization took his breath away. He’d spent his entire career convincing himself that he didn’t give a fuck what anyone thought of him. He did his job knowing people hated him for uncovering the truth they hid to protect their power or money or any of the other things people held above all else. So why the hell did it hurt when a guy he shouldn’t give a shit about thought he was a lying asshole?
Reed let out a long breath and steadied himself against the counter. For someone who prided himself on seeing through the bullshit to the truth, the answer was completely obvious. And it scared the hell out of him.
This is way too complicated. He needed to focus his energy on his job and the rest would fall into place. Of course it would. It always did, didn’t it?
He closed his eyes and took a few more deep breaths. His gut ached. His chest ached. His fucking arms hurt.
Not even two weeks, and I’m falling for him.
“THANKS FOR watching out for him.” Kerry looked as tired as Reed felt.
“No problem.” He did his best to sound upbeat. “He’s been sleeping for the past hour. I made him breakfast around eleven. He’ll probably be hungry for lunch when he wakes up.”
“Got it.”
“I’ll see you later.” Reed shoved his phone and keys into his pocket and grabbed his jacket off the back of one of the kitchen chairs. The only thing Reed wanted was to go back to his hotel room and crash. “Let me know if there’s anything else I can help with.”
“He’s lucky to have someone like you looking out for him.” She smiled.
“Yep.” He knew it sounded bad, but he was too tired and too distracted to pretend.
“Reed?”
“Yes?”
She hesitated before saying, “Nothin’. Get some rest.”
“Thanks.” Reed forced a smile and headed for his car.
“SLEEPING BEAUTY in the flesh.” Kerry grinned at Justin.
“Reed’s gone?”
“A few hours ago.” She set a glass of water on the bedside table and sat in the corner chair.
“Oh.” He wished he didn’t remember every word he’d said to Reed before breakfast. It wouldn’t have been difficult for Reed to come clean about what he’d told his editor. Why hadn’t Reed defended himself? Because it’s easier for him to leave North Carolina if things stay the way they are between us.
“What’s up with you two?” Kerry asked.
