The First Step, page 12
“Us?”
“Don’t give me the bullshit. I’ve seen how you look at him, and if you’d seen his face when they carried you off the boat….” She sighed.
“Greg said you were upset,” Justin replied.
“Why wouldn’t I be? If I’d been able to keep ’er steady, you wouldn’t have fallen.” She pressed her lips together and gazed down at her hands.
“Sounds like bullshit to me.” He smiled. “It wasn’t your fault, Kerry. Sometimes things just happen.”
She sighed. “I know. But I appreciate your sayin’ so.”
Justin leaned back against the pillows and stared at the ceiling.
“You gonna come clean instead of avoidin’ the topic?”
“I would have told you eventually.”
“More bullshit.” She got to her feet and stalked over to the bed. “You’d have kept this to yourself like everythin’ else.”
“Probably.”
“You like this guy, don’t you?” she pressed.
“You’re merciless. Can’t you see I’m totally defenseless?”
“Even laid up, you’re hardly defenseless.” She smiled and brushed a lock of hair from his face. “But I don’t put up with crap from any of my boys.”
“Yes. I like him. A lot.”
“So why’d he look like he couldn’t get outta here fast enough?”
“Reed did?” He shook his head.
“Did you say somethin’ to him?”
“I might have overhead something at the hospital. About the story and making it personal. That’s my life we’re talking about, Kerry.”
“Fair enough. You think he’ll give away all your secrets?” She raised her eyebrows in challenge. “He doesn’t seem like the type to use somebody like that. He obviously cares about you too.”
“That’s what he told me.”
“So what’s the problem here?”
He ignored her.
“Do you trust him?” she asked. When he didn’t immediately respond, she said, “It’s not that hard a question.”
“I thought I did.” He knew he sounded like a petulant child, but for some things, his skin wasn’t so tough.
“What’s changed? Other than what you overheard.”
“Nothing. Nothing’s changed.” In fact, Reed had been more caring than he’d expected. He’d been there at the hospital. He was supposed to have gone home, but he was still here. He’d even spent the night babysitting.
“So let me ask the question again. Do you trust ’im?” She could be a pain in the ass when she wanted. But it all came back to what he’d felt—what he’d known—twenty-four hours before.
“Yes,” he said finally. “I do.”
“Doc said you might be a little ornery after hittin’ your head.”
“I might’ve been.” More than that. He’d been an ass. He hadn’t thought it through. He’d been that kid again, trying not to cry after his father decided to use him as a punching bag. Wanting his father to apologize. Wanting his father to care because that’s what fathers did, right?
“Yep.” She grinned. “But you’ll make it right.”
“Yes, ma’am. That I will.”
He tried to sit up and she gave him the evil eye. “Not now, you idiot! Lie back down.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
She frowned and pointed a finger at him. “And while you’re at it, how about spendin’ some time with the other pilots? Might be nice if you’d join us for drinks once in a while.” He was just about to give her an excuse when she added, “I know, I know. You’re worried what they might think if they find out you’re gay.” She shook her head. “You might start by givin’ ’em a chance. You should’ve seen the looks on their faces when they heard what happened the other day.” She pointed to a vase filled with flowers he hadn’t noticed before. “Ed took up a collection. They were really worried about you. Maybe this’ll help you get it through your thick head that they care about you and they want you around.”
“I… ah….” He had no clue how to respond to all that. “I’ll think about it,” he finally said, hoping it would satisfy her.
“Good enough.” She flashed him a triumphant smile. “I’ll make you some dinner. You stay put.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Justin sighed and glanced at the flowers again. He’d make it right with Reed. He wasn’t sure about the other pilots. But he said he’d think about it, and he would.
Chapter Twenty-Two
THAT NIGHT Reed sat on his bed, computer on his lap. The TV, volume turned down so low it was barely audible, flashed pictures of yet another tropical storm. This one, like the others, ran the risk of hitting the Carolinas. So far, the storms kept coming, but Wilmington kept dodging. Eventually Cal would get tired of waiting and he’d call Reed back to New York. Maybe it was for the best. Hanging out here, with things unresolved between him and Justin, wasn’t getting him anywhere. More than a day had passed since he’d left Justin’s place. The only thing he’d heard was a short text from Kerry saying Justin was doing fine and would see the doctor today.
He’d never had such a hard time focusing.
He’d spent the afternoon at the paper. Kerry texted him at midday to let him know Justin was doing a lot better and that she’d walked with him on the beach for nearly an hour. Reed was glad, but the news was unsettling. He was the one who wanted to be on that beach with Justin instead of sitting around here eating crappy room service and rewriting the same paragraph for the sixth time.
Around nine, someone knocked on his door. He set his computer on the desk and padded over, barefoot, to open it. He’d expected someone from the hotel was there to pick up the remnants of his dinner. The last person he expected to see was Justin, supremely uncomfortable, dressed in a wrinkled T-shirt and ratty pair of jeans.
“Can I come in?” Justin shifted from one flip-flop-clad foot to the other. The shadow of a beard clung to his pale cheeks. His entire demeanor seemed off, as if the man Reed knew had been replaced by an awkward, insecure kid.
“Of course.” Easy words to say when you really wanted to ask what the hell was going on but were afraid of the answer. He fought the urge to give Justin a big hug—he sure as hell looked like he needed one. But touching Justin was fraught. Reed didn’t want to dive deeper into whatever he was feeling about the man. Keeping his distance seemed safer.
Reed gestured to the couch and Justin sat. He really looked like shit, and Reed doubted the concussion was completely to blame.
“Thanks.” Justin ran his fingers through his hair.
“Something to drink?”
“Sure. Thanks. Whatever you’ve got is fine.” Justin glanced around the room, his gaze settling anywhere but on Reed.
Reed pulled two cans of Diet Coke out of the small fridge and set one on the table between them, then popped the top of the other and took a long sip. “Feeling better?”
“Yep.” Justin opened his soda and drank at bit, then set the can down again. “Headache’s gone, and the dizziness too.”
“Glad to hear it.”
“Thanks for helping me out the other day.” Justin met his gaze briefly, then looked away.
“You’re welcome.” Reed fought the urge to squirm. He couldn’t recall the last time he felt so uncomfortable, but it had probably been with Justin too.
Justin remained silent.
“So what brings you here?” The words felt stilted, but they insulated him from what he guessed was coming. Justin would end things and they’d both move on. Probably for the best. So why didn’t he believe that?
“I’m sorry.” Justin stared at the Coke can. “I said some terrible things.”
“You were feeling like shit.”
“No. I mean, yes, I was, but that doesn’t excuse it.” Justin popped up from the couch so quickly Reed thought he was about to bolt from the room. Instead, though, he walked over to the window and gazed at the river. “Nice view,” he said after a long moment.
“It is.” Reed rubbed the back of his neck where the tension built with every word.
“Kerry read me the riot act.”
“Oh.” Reed had no idea what to say to that, although he could easily imagine it.
“She said I was an ungrateful idiot.” He shook his head. “Those weren’t her exact words.”
Reed had no problem guessing what words she’d chosen. In spite of himself, he smiled. “There’s no need to apologize.”
“I need to.” Justin didn’t turn around, but his shoulders fell. “You’ve been kind to me. I… I know what I said, but I do trust you.”
This conversation wasn’t at all going the way Reed expected. “Justin, you don’t need—”
“I do.” Justin turned around. “I heard you tell your editor you’d make it personal, and I didn’t think. I just assumed.”
Reed nodded, at a loss for words.
“I should have asked. No, I should have trusted you.” Justin finally looked Reed directly in the eyes. “When you said you’d make it personal, you weren’t talking about my story, were you?”
“No. We were talking about the hurricane and how he wanted me to stay put so I could report on it from my point of view.” He’d wanted Justin to come to the conclusion himself. He’d needed that.
Justin nodded, but he didn’t move from the window. “Shit. So you were in Southport to tell me you weren’t leaving?”
“Yeah.”
“I really am sorry.”
Reed stood and walked over to him, then pulled him close, his fear warring with his need. Justin wrapped his arms around Reed. His hands shook. Reed imagined Justin standing on a precipice, looking across at something he wanted but unable to keep himself from looking down at the abyss.
Reed gently pulled Justin onto the bed and they at, side by side, thighs touching. “Talk to me?” Reed put his hand on Justin’s arm. “Tell me what I can do.”
Justin inhaled sharply and nodded. “When I woke up and you were there, I… I was really happy.”
“When Cal told me to stay, I was happy too.” He smiled. “I was glad for the excuse.”
“I didn’t want you to leave.” Justin spoke the words so quickly, it took Reed a moment to realize what he’d said.
“I didn’t want to leave.” Why did admitting that make him feel like he was standing in the middle of a busy intersection shouting, “Run me over! Please!”?
“Oh.” Justin stared at his hands.
Reed chuckled.
“What’s so funny?” Justin asked.
“I’m laughing at myself. Right now I feel like I’m fifteen years old and I’m talking to my crush and I have no freaking idea of what to say.”
Justin laughed. “I’m glad one of us can put things like that into words.”
“You’re doing pretty well, you know.” They’d come a long way since Justin’s one-word responses.
“I didn’t say what I meant to say when I thought you were leaving.” Justin met his gaze this time, but fear shone in his eyes.
He’s afraid of how I’ll respond. “What was that?” He wouldn’t shy away from this conversation, whatever the outcome. For once he’d face his fear, and if he got hurt, he’d deal with the fallout. Somehow.
“Shit. You’re going to make me say it?” Justin’s gentle smile belied his words.
“I’d like to hear it. If you’re willing. But if we’re playing truth-and-tell, I could go first if it’d help.”
“No.” Justin stood straighter. “I’m a thirty-four-year-old man. I can deal with my own shit.”
“Okay.” Reed took Justin’s hand. “I’m listening.”
“I don’t care if it’s crazy. Maybe I am crazy, I mean. But I wanted to tell you to stay. Even if it’s just for a little longer.”
“Thanks.” Relief washed over Reed. He’d hoped Justin would say something like that. He wasn’t sure what it might mean for them or even if there was a future where they were together, but it felt damn good.
“For what?”
“For letting me know I’m not the only one.” Reed hesitated to say more.
Justin’s face lit in a broad smile. In the dim light of the hotel room, his eyes reminded Reed of the ocean. “You seem quieter than usual tonight.”
“I’m not as good at talking about some things,” Reed admitted. It was easy to keep your emotional distance if you never talked about things that really mattered to you. He’d gotten good at that over the years.
“I get that.”
Reed sighed. “When I was a kid, I got beaten up pretty regularly, at least until I figured out how to fight back. Could’ve been because my mom was Jewish. Could’ve been because I didn’t pretend I liked things other guys did. Or because I was a nerd. Or because they knew I liked boys better than girls. I got good at bullshitting. Pretending I didn’t give a fuck what other people thought about me. If I didn’t care, it didn’t hurt.”
“Sounds lonely.”
Whoa. That was exactly how it felt. “Yeah.” Tears pricked the corners of his eyes. “Not worrying about what people think makes things easier.”
“Does it?”
Once again, in just two words, Justin cut through the bullshit. He seemed different tonight. Or is it that I never noticed? “No.”
Justin squeezed his hand. Reed had gone into this conversation wanting Justin to come clean, but suddenly he was the one who felt compelled to speak.
“You’re a good man,” Reed began tentatively. Why was it so fucking hard to say what he wanted to say?
“You don’t have to pull your punches,” Justin replied. His face was set in a neutral expression as if he was steeling himself.
He thinks I’m blowing him off! That was the last thing Reed wanted. “Shit. No. That’s not what I….” Say it. Just say it! “I like you. When you thought I’d lied to you, that I’d betrayed your trust, I felt so….” Shit. “It hurt. It really hurt. I realized it was more than that. More than just like. I really cared about you. And I….” He couldn’t say the words. The little voice in his mind said this was ridiculous. You didn’t fall in love with someone this quickly, even if you had spent as much time together as they had.
Justin kissed him. For once Reed didn’t listen to his doubts. He kissed Justin back and didn’t try to justify anything. He kissed Justin because it felt good. Because Justin made him feel good. Wanted. Accepted. And even though it scared him to death, somehow when Justin kissed him, he could forget about that.
“This okay?” Reed pulled off Justin’s shirt and inhaled sharply, unable to hide his reaction to Justin’s body, with its sculpted abdomen and smooth, tanned skin. Reed wanted to run his fingers all over, remind himself of how the muscles beneath felt when they tensed and relaxed.
“Yeah.” Justin chuckled. “Doc says I’m cleared to go back to work tomorrow. He said until then, I shouldn’t do anything that’s too athletic.”
“Too athletic?” Reed bit his lower lip.
“Well, I didn’t really ask if it was okay to… you know.” Justin waggled his eyebrows.
Reed laughed and shook his head. “Knowing you, you avoided the topic of sex.”
“Me?”
“You are so full of it, you know.”
Justin made a pouty face that had Reed cracking up. “If you’re thinking that will get you off the hook here, you’re out of luck.”
“He didn’t say I couldn’t do anything. Just that I shouldn’t overexert myself.”
“Then we’ll just have to do something where you don’t have to work.” Reed smirked. There were plenty of things he wanted to do to Justin that didn’t involve strenuous exercise. “Take off the rest of your clothes.”
Justin grinned and kicked off his sandals before unbuttoning his jeans, pulling them over his hips, and stepping free of them. The outline of his hard cock was visible beneath the fitted fabric of his boxer briefs.
“Nice, but it’d be better if you took everything off.”
“Would it?” Justin slowly—very slowly—worked his underwear down.
“Tease.” Reed’s pants were now uncomfortably tight. Later. For now, he wanted to focus entirely on Justin. “Now turn around.”
Justin complied. That body…. Reed loved how Justin’s body was muscular, but not muscle-bound. The peaks and valleys of Justin’s body were naturally beautiful. Unassuming, like Justin himself.
For the first time, Reed noticed the large bruise on Justin’s left shoulder where he’d hit the boat railing. “Stay there.” Reed walked over to Justin and traced his fingertips over the colors that had begun to bloom like a rainbow over Justin’s skin.
Justin sighed as Reed leaned in to carefully kiss his way over the spot. This close, several other bruises were visible as well as the knot on the back of Justin’s head. “Tell me if I’m hurting you,” Reed whispered.
“Feels really good.” Justin looked over his shoulder and offered Reed a soft smile. His eyes had that glazed-over, sensual look Reed had seen when they’d made love before. His chest warmed with the knowledge that he was the one responsible for that expression.
“Lie down.” Reed kissed beneath Justin’s ear and reveled in the gasp he received in reply.
Justin shivered, then walked over to the bed and lay facedown. Reed brushed away his hesitation at the realization that in a few days—weeks, perhaps, if the storm actually hit—he’d never see Justin again. This isn’t the time. He wanted to remember Justin this way—vulnerable, beautiful, and relaxed. He sat on the edge of the bed and leaned in, running a single finger down Justin’s spine to the place where back met ass.
He straddled Justin’s legs and began to kiss him, starting at his waist and working his way over his asscheeks with butterfly touches. Justin sighed and relaxed beneath Reed’s hands.
“You taste good.” Reed nipped at Justin’s hip, then licked the spot. Justin hissed as Reed bit, then soothed the sting with his mouth.
“What are you going to—?”
“Hush,” Reed ordered. “Doc said no strenuous activity.” He leaned down and nipped Justin’s ear, garnering a sharp gasp. “Which just means you’re going to let me do all the heavy lifting.”
“Sounds pretty good.” Justin propped his head on one of the pillows and glanced back at Reed.
“Don’t give me the bullshit. I’ve seen how you look at him, and if you’d seen his face when they carried you off the boat….” She sighed.
“Greg said you were upset,” Justin replied.
“Why wouldn’t I be? If I’d been able to keep ’er steady, you wouldn’t have fallen.” She pressed her lips together and gazed down at her hands.
“Sounds like bullshit to me.” He smiled. “It wasn’t your fault, Kerry. Sometimes things just happen.”
She sighed. “I know. But I appreciate your sayin’ so.”
Justin leaned back against the pillows and stared at the ceiling.
“You gonna come clean instead of avoidin’ the topic?”
“I would have told you eventually.”
“More bullshit.” She got to her feet and stalked over to the bed. “You’d have kept this to yourself like everythin’ else.”
“Probably.”
“You like this guy, don’t you?” she pressed.
“You’re merciless. Can’t you see I’m totally defenseless?”
“Even laid up, you’re hardly defenseless.” She smiled and brushed a lock of hair from his face. “But I don’t put up with crap from any of my boys.”
“Yes. I like him. A lot.”
“So why’d he look like he couldn’t get outta here fast enough?”
“Reed did?” He shook his head.
“Did you say somethin’ to him?”
“I might have overhead something at the hospital. About the story and making it personal. That’s my life we’re talking about, Kerry.”
“Fair enough. You think he’ll give away all your secrets?” She raised her eyebrows in challenge. “He doesn’t seem like the type to use somebody like that. He obviously cares about you too.”
“That’s what he told me.”
“So what’s the problem here?”
He ignored her.
“Do you trust him?” she asked. When he didn’t immediately respond, she said, “It’s not that hard a question.”
“I thought I did.” He knew he sounded like a petulant child, but for some things, his skin wasn’t so tough.
“What’s changed? Other than what you overheard.”
“Nothing. Nothing’s changed.” In fact, Reed had been more caring than he’d expected. He’d been there at the hospital. He was supposed to have gone home, but he was still here. He’d even spent the night babysitting.
“So let me ask the question again. Do you trust ’im?” She could be a pain in the ass when she wanted. But it all came back to what he’d felt—what he’d known—twenty-four hours before.
“Yes,” he said finally. “I do.”
“Doc said you might be a little ornery after hittin’ your head.”
“I might’ve been.” More than that. He’d been an ass. He hadn’t thought it through. He’d been that kid again, trying not to cry after his father decided to use him as a punching bag. Wanting his father to apologize. Wanting his father to care because that’s what fathers did, right?
“Yep.” She grinned. “But you’ll make it right.”
“Yes, ma’am. That I will.”
He tried to sit up and she gave him the evil eye. “Not now, you idiot! Lie back down.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
She frowned and pointed a finger at him. “And while you’re at it, how about spendin’ some time with the other pilots? Might be nice if you’d join us for drinks once in a while.” He was just about to give her an excuse when she added, “I know, I know. You’re worried what they might think if they find out you’re gay.” She shook her head. “You might start by givin’ ’em a chance. You should’ve seen the looks on their faces when they heard what happened the other day.” She pointed to a vase filled with flowers he hadn’t noticed before. “Ed took up a collection. They were really worried about you. Maybe this’ll help you get it through your thick head that they care about you and they want you around.”
“I… ah….” He had no clue how to respond to all that. “I’ll think about it,” he finally said, hoping it would satisfy her.
“Good enough.” She flashed him a triumphant smile. “I’ll make you some dinner. You stay put.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Justin sighed and glanced at the flowers again. He’d make it right with Reed. He wasn’t sure about the other pilots. But he said he’d think about it, and he would.
Chapter Twenty-Two
THAT NIGHT Reed sat on his bed, computer on his lap. The TV, volume turned down so low it was barely audible, flashed pictures of yet another tropical storm. This one, like the others, ran the risk of hitting the Carolinas. So far, the storms kept coming, but Wilmington kept dodging. Eventually Cal would get tired of waiting and he’d call Reed back to New York. Maybe it was for the best. Hanging out here, with things unresolved between him and Justin, wasn’t getting him anywhere. More than a day had passed since he’d left Justin’s place. The only thing he’d heard was a short text from Kerry saying Justin was doing fine and would see the doctor today.
He’d never had such a hard time focusing.
He’d spent the afternoon at the paper. Kerry texted him at midday to let him know Justin was doing a lot better and that she’d walked with him on the beach for nearly an hour. Reed was glad, but the news was unsettling. He was the one who wanted to be on that beach with Justin instead of sitting around here eating crappy room service and rewriting the same paragraph for the sixth time.
Around nine, someone knocked on his door. He set his computer on the desk and padded over, barefoot, to open it. He’d expected someone from the hotel was there to pick up the remnants of his dinner. The last person he expected to see was Justin, supremely uncomfortable, dressed in a wrinkled T-shirt and ratty pair of jeans.
“Can I come in?” Justin shifted from one flip-flop-clad foot to the other. The shadow of a beard clung to his pale cheeks. His entire demeanor seemed off, as if the man Reed knew had been replaced by an awkward, insecure kid.
“Of course.” Easy words to say when you really wanted to ask what the hell was going on but were afraid of the answer. He fought the urge to give Justin a big hug—he sure as hell looked like he needed one. But touching Justin was fraught. Reed didn’t want to dive deeper into whatever he was feeling about the man. Keeping his distance seemed safer.
Reed gestured to the couch and Justin sat. He really looked like shit, and Reed doubted the concussion was completely to blame.
“Thanks.” Justin ran his fingers through his hair.
“Something to drink?”
“Sure. Thanks. Whatever you’ve got is fine.” Justin glanced around the room, his gaze settling anywhere but on Reed.
Reed pulled two cans of Diet Coke out of the small fridge and set one on the table between them, then popped the top of the other and took a long sip. “Feeling better?”
“Yep.” Justin opened his soda and drank at bit, then set the can down again. “Headache’s gone, and the dizziness too.”
“Glad to hear it.”
“Thanks for helping me out the other day.” Justin met his gaze briefly, then looked away.
“You’re welcome.” Reed fought the urge to squirm. He couldn’t recall the last time he felt so uncomfortable, but it had probably been with Justin too.
Justin remained silent.
“So what brings you here?” The words felt stilted, but they insulated him from what he guessed was coming. Justin would end things and they’d both move on. Probably for the best. So why didn’t he believe that?
“I’m sorry.” Justin stared at the Coke can. “I said some terrible things.”
“You were feeling like shit.”
“No. I mean, yes, I was, but that doesn’t excuse it.” Justin popped up from the couch so quickly Reed thought he was about to bolt from the room. Instead, though, he walked over to the window and gazed at the river. “Nice view,” he said after a long moment.
“It is.” Reed rubbed the back of his neck where the tension built with every word.
“Kerry read me the riot act.”
“Oh.” Reed had no idea what to say to that, although he could easily imagine it.
“She said I was an ungrateful idiot.” He shook his head. “Those weren’t her exact words.”
Reed had no problem guessing what words she’d chosen. In spite of himself, he smiled. “There’s no need to apologize.”
“I need to.” Justin didn’t turn around, but his shoulders fell. “You’ve been kind to me. I… I know what I said, but I do trust you.”
This conversation wasn’t at all going the way Reed expected. “Justin, you don’t need—”
“I do.” Justin turned around. “I heard you tell your editor you’d make it personal, and I didn’t think. I just assumed.”
Reed nodded, at a loss for words.
“I should have asked. No, I should have trusted you.” Justin finally looked Reed directly in the eyes. “When you said you’d make it personal, you weren’t talking about my story, were you?”
“No. We were talking about the hurricane and how he wanted me to stay put so I could report on it from my point of view.” He’d wanted Justin to come to the conclusion himself. He’d needed that.
Justin nodded, but he didn’t move from the window. “Shit. So you were in Southport to tell me you weren’t leaving?”
“Yeah.”
“I really am sorry.”
Reed stood and walked over to him, then pulled him close, his fear warring with his need. Justin wrapped his arms around Reed. His hands shook. Reed imagined Justin standing on a precipice, looking across at something he wanted but unable to keep himself from looking down at the abyss.
Reed gently pulled Justin onto the bed and they at, side by side, thighs touching. “Talk to me?” Reed put his hand on Justin’s arm. “Tell me what I can do.”
Justin inhaled sharply and nodded. “When I woke up and you were there, I… I was really happy.”
“When Cal told me to stay, I was happy too.” He smiled. “I was glad for the excuse.”
“I didn’t want you to leave.” Justin spoke the words so quickly, it took Reed a moment to realize what he’d said.
“I didn’t want to leave.” Why did admitting that make him feel like he was standing in the middle of a busy intersection shouting, “Run me over! Please!”?
“Oh.” Justin stared at his hands.
Reed chuckled.
“What’s so funny?” Justin asked.
“I’m laughing at myself. Right now I feel like I’m fifteen years old and I’m talking to my crush and I have no freaking idea of what to say.”
Justin laughed. “I’m glad one of us can put things like that into words.”
“You’re doing pretty well, you know.” They’d come a long way since Justin’s one-word responses.
“I didn’t say what I meant to say when I thought you were leaving.” Justin met his gaze this time, but fear shone in his eyes.
He’s afraid of how I’ll respond. “What was that?” He wouldn’t shy away from this conversation, whatever the outcome. For once he’d face his fear, and if he got hurt, he’d deal with the fallout. Somehow.
“Shit. You’re going to make me say it?” Justin’s gentle smile belied his words.
“I’d like to hear it. If you’re willing. But if we’re playing truth-and-tell, I could go first if it’d help.”
“No.” Justin stood straighter. “I’m a thirty-four-year-old man. I can deal with my own shit.”
“Okay.” Reed took Justin’s hand. “I’m listening.”
“I don’t care if it’s crazy. Maybe I am crazy, I mean. But I wanted to tell you to stay. Even if it’s just for a little longer.”
“Thanks.” Relief washed over Reed. He’d hoped Justin would say something like that. He wasn’t sure what it might mean for them or even if there was a future where they were together, but it felt damn good.
“For what?”
“For letting me know I’m not the only one.” Reed hesitated to say more.
Justin’s face lit in a broad smile. In the dim light of the hotel room, his eyes reminded Reed of the ocean. “You seem quieter than usual tonight.”
“I’m not as good at talking about some things,” Reed admitted. It was easy to keep your emotional distance if you never talked about things that really mattered to you. He’d gotten good at that over the years.
“I get that.”
Reed sighed. “When I was a kid, I got beaten up pretty regularly, at least until I figured out how to fight back. Could’ve been because my mom was Jewish. Could’ve been because I didn’t pretend I liked things other guys did. Or because I was a nerd. Or because they knew I liked boys better than girls. I got good at bullshitting. Pretending I didn’t give a fuck what other people thought about me. If I didn’t care, it didn’t hurt.”
“Sounds lonely.”
Whoa. That was exactly how it felt. “Yeah.” Tears pricked the corners of his eyes. “Not worrying about what people think makes things easier.”
“Does it?”
Once again, in just two words, Justin cut through the bullshit. He seemed different tonight. Or is it that I never noticed? “No.”
Justin squeezed his hand. Reed had gone into this conversation wanting Justin to come clean, but suddenly he was the one who felt compelled to speak.
“You’re a good man,” Reed began tentatively. Why was it so fucking hard to say what he wanted to say?
“You don’t have to pull your punches,” Justin replied. His face was set in a neutral expression as if he was steeling himself.
He thinks I’m blowing him off! That was the last thing Reed wanted. “Shit. No. That’s not what I….” Say it. Just say it! “I like you. When you thought I’d lied to you, that I’d betrayed your trust, I felt so….” Shit. “It hurt. It really hurt. I realized it was more than that. More than just like. I really cared about you. And I….” He couldn’t say the words. The little voice in his mind said this was ridiculous. You didn’t fall in love with someone this quickly, even if you had spent as much time together as they had.
Justin kissed him. For once Reed didn’t listen to his doubts. He kissed Justin back and didn’t try to justify anything. He kissed Justin because it felt good. Because Justin made him feel good. Wanted. Accepted. And even though it scared him to death, somehow when Justin kissed him, he could forget about that.
“This okay?” Reed pulled off Justin’s shirt and inhaled sharply, unable to hide his reaction to Justin’s body, with its sculpted abdomen and smooth, tanned skin. Reed wanted to run his fingers all over, remind himself of how the muscles beneath felt when they tensed and relaxed.
“Yeah.” Justin chuckled. “Doc says I’m cleared to go back to work tomorrow. He said until then, I shouldn’t do anything that’s too athletic.”
“Too athletic?” Reed bit his lower lip.
“Well, I didn’t really ask if it was okay to… you know.” Justin waggled his eyebrows.
Reed laughed and shook his head. “Knowing you, you avoided the topic of sex.”
“Me?”
“You are so full of it, you know.”
Justin made a pouty face that had Reed cracking up. “If you’re thinking that will get you off the hook here, you’re out of luck.”
“He didn’t say I couldn’t do anything. Just that I shouldn’t overexert myself.”
“Then we’ll just have to do something where you don’t have to work.” Reed smirked. There were plenty of things he wanted to do to Justin that didn’t involve strenuous exercise. “Take off the rest of your clothes.”
Justin grinned and kicked off his sandals before unbuttoning his jeans, pulling them over his hips, and stepping free of them. The outline of his hard cock was visible beneath the fitted fabric of his boxer briefs.
“Nice, but it’d be better if you took everything off.”
“Would it?” Justin slowly—very slowly—worked his underwear down.
“Tease.” Reed’s pants were now uncomfortably tight. Later. For now, he wanted to focus entirely on Justin. “Now turn around.”
Justin complied. That body…. Reed loved how Justin’s body was muscular, but not muscle-bound. The peaks and valleys of Justin’s body were naturally beautiful. Unassuming, like Justin himself.
For the first time, Reed noticed the large bruise on Justin’s left shoulder where he’d hit the boat railing. “Stay there.” Reed walked over to Justin and traced his fingertips over the colors that had begun to bloom like a rainbow over Justin’s skin.
Justin sighed as Reed leaned in to carefully kiss his way over the spot. This close, several other bruises were visible as well as the knot on the back of Justin’s head. “Tell me if I’m hurting you,” Reed whispered.
“Feels really good.” Justin looked over his shoulder and offered Reed a soft smile. His eyes had that glazed-over, sensual look Reed had seen when they’d made love before. His chest warmed with the knowledge that he was the one responsible for that expression.
“Lie down.” Reed kissed beneath Justin’s ear and reveled in the gasp he received in reply.
Justin shivered, then walked over to the bed and lay facedown. Reed brushed away his hesitation at the realization that in a few days—weeks, perhaps, if the storm actually hit—he’d never see Justin again. This isn’t the time. He wanted to remember Justin this way—vulnerable, beautiful, and relaxed. He sat on the edge of the bed and leaned in, running a single finger down Justin’s spine to the place where back met ass.
He straddled Justin’s legs and began to kiss him, starting at his waist and working his way over his asscheeks with butterfly touches. Justin sighed and relaxed beneath Reed’s hands.
“You taste good.” Reed nipped at Justin’s hip, then licked the spot. Justin hissed as Reed bit, then soothed the sting with his mouth.
“What are you going to—?”
“Hush,” Reed ordered. “Doc said no strenuous activity.” He leaned down and nipped Justin’s ear, garnering a sharp gasp. “Which just means you’re going to let me do all the heavy lifting.”
“Sounds pretty good.” Justin propped his head on one of the pillows and glanced back at Reed.
