Dragonoak: Gall and Wormwood, page 40
“It's the law now. The pane can eat and drink wherever humans can,” I said, as if rules would stop the situation from meeting its inevitable climax.
“The Queen had the fucking sense burnt out of her,” the woman snarled, one eye fixed on Reis' hand as they fiddled with the pistol. “Heard she's taken a necromancer to her bed.”
There was a round of appalled agreement from the crowd. Two men took hold of the pane's arms in a clear refusal to let them leave, no matter how they claimed they wanted him to see himself out.
“That's me,” I said, not thinking it through.
“What?” The woman asked.
“That's me. I'm the necromancer.”
“Sure you are,” she said, snorting a laugh. “Don't waste my time. Only wanted a drink with my lunch, but apparently the entire Kingdom's gone to shit. Now—”
Rolling her sleeves up to her elbows, she turned towards the restrained pane. His mouth pulled back in fear, making his tusks uselessly sharp. I didn't know what the woman intended to do, whether she truly wanted to hurt him or just put fear in his hearts, and I never found out.
Reis grabbed the woman by her collar, pulled her close and pressed the pistol to her forehead.
“I said to leave 'em alone,” Reis said, pushing the barrel between the woman's eyes.
“The fuck is that?” she asked, eyes locked on Reis'.
She knew enough not to make any sudden movements. The rest of the tavern stilled.
Reis didn't reply. Not with words, anyway. They pulled the pistol from the woman's forehead and before she could relax, Reis pointed the barrel at the floor and shot a hole clean into the boards.
Everyone jumped. Those hoping to see a lunchtime brawl suddenly regretted getting involved, and Reis pointed their gun at anyone who tried to edge towards the door.
“Easy now,” they said. “So. We getting this lad a drink or what?”
The pane was allowed to sit at a table, uncomfortable and grateful and scared, and the barkeeper poured a drink in stiff, forced motions. Everyone in the tavern held their breath as the pane took deep, messy gulps from his stein. I slid onto the bench next to him, hoping to offer some company. As soon as he could see the bottom of the glass, I nudged his arm and had him follow me.
The four of us made our way onto the street. Reis holstered their pistol and watched the doors swing shut behind them.
“That's, um. Not really how we do things in Felheim,” I said, and managed a strangled laugh.
“Maybe it should be,” Reis said. “You alright, aye?”
“I'm...” The pane was too stunned to string a sentence together. “Yes. I. Thank you. You didn't have to...”
“Someone did,” Reis said, shrugging. “Morons, all of 'em. You ever have any trouble again, go up to the castle and ask for Reis. I'll sort it for you.”
The pane stuttered his thanks and darted off in what wasn't the direction he'd intended to head in.
“We should probably...” Eden said, gesturing to the castle on the hill.
Her usual spark was gone. She was no longer overflowing with excitement at the prospect of showing a Canthian around Thule; there was no reason to cut the day short, but she looked as though she couldn't get back to the castle quickly enough.
We headed back in stiff, stifling silence. I divided my time between staring at the ground and pretending to look out for Haru-Taiki. Since Kondo-Kana's return, he hadn't been back to the castle. No matter how I craned my neck, I couldn't catch a glimpse of him. Wherever he was, he was fine. He had to be. He was old enough to know how to take care of himself, no matter how upset he was.
More likely than not he was off sulking somewhere with Oak.
Once we were back within the relative safety of the castle, Reis made their excuses and left with a sharp nod. Eden trailed behind me as I headed nowhere in particular, and though the way she dragged her feet made it obvious she was deep in thought and wanted to talk, I didn't push the matter. I waited until she caught my arm and drew close to me.
“You know Reis well, do you not?” she asked.
“I lived with them for nearly two years,” I said, nodding.
“Do you think they really would have... that is, had it come down to it...”
“They would've shot her, if they had to,” I said. I didn't like it in the least, but I wasn't going to lie. “Things are different in Canth. People listen to Reis or they end up in the ocean. It's just... they're a pirate. It's kind of what they do and how they are.”
“I know, I know,” Eden said, clearing her throat. “It's just that when one thinks of piracy, it's easy to romanticise it. To think of the ships sailing against the horizon, drifting away from the setting sun. I am naïve, I admit it, but it was all adventure and glinting gold in my mind.”
“It's nothing like that,” I said, nudging her playfully. “Reis actually spends most of their time doing accounts for the town.”
“Is that so...” Eden said, failing to force a smile.
“Look,” I said, knowing she wasn't convinced. “It's not going to change the fact that they would've hurt someone and have a bunch of times before, but they really looked after me. When I first got to Canth, they took me in, and they never asked for anything. They look after their people. They're like... the way they treat Mahon is like the way Claire treats Felheim. They just have their own ways of going about it. And when... when something bad happened to me, when I didn't think I'd ever be okay again, Reis was there for me. They believed me. They made sure nothing more could happen. So don't judge them just because of today, okay? They only wanted to stand up for the pane.”
Eden mulled over my words and said, “Yes, yes. I suppose it would be wrong to cast my final verdict so rashly. We are from different worlds, after all.”
She excused herself shortly after, leaving me with little to do until dinner time. There was a diplomatic meal of sorts, and we were all desperately hoping it would go better than Kondo-Kana's encounter with Haru-Taiki.
Aren had been invited, but refused to leave her chambers. Perhaps she wanted us to believe that they weren't a prison she was desperate to escape.
I spent the afternoon watching for movement along the horizon and listening for whisperings of war in the corridors, but the nobles had yet to catch wind of what was happening. We had a few hours of peace left, at most, before every hint of a rumour was blown out of proportion and scattered throughout the city.
Taking the last of my things to Claire's chambers – my chambers – our chambers – didn't take long at all, but instead of finding myself some wardrobe or chest of drawers, I stood in the centre of the room, unable to comprehend that I lived there now. In a castle. With a Queen. With the woman I loved.
I was the only one in the room, but the thought alone was enough to turn my face bright red.
After spending far too long with my face buried in a cushion, I tracked Alex down and had him help me pick out a suitable outfit for the evening. Unlike Aren, he hadn't turned down Claire's invitation, and was going to great lengths to ensure everything was perfect, even though only Queen Nasrin and Kondo-Kana would be dining with us. The idea was for us all to be able to relax in an informal setting and think of something other than politics for five minutes, but I'd met both Queen Nasrin and Claire before.
I arrived with Alex. He'd spent the last hour fretting about everything and anything, from Haru-Taiki to his mother's stubborn imprisonment, and he only did so to avoid thinking about the impending battles that were going to take place between his sister and brother. Yin Zhou's promised armies came to mind, along with the victory that would effortlessly be ours, had I only been more willing to give away insignificant scraps of myself. I thought I might feel too guilty to eat.
Food had yet to be served. Claire rose from her seat when we arrived and greeted me with a kiss on the cheek, and Queen Nasrin briefly stood, nodded, and returned to her chair. Kondo-Kana sprawled out comfortably next to her and greeted me with nothing but the warmth that radiated from her.
There wasn't a single reminder of the ruts that had been raked into her. I hadn't expected there to be, but I couldn't get the image of her with her face splayed open, blood running free, out of my mind. Even as she sat there, languidly sinking into a seat she treated as though it had been carved for her and her alone, I knew there was something simmering beneath the surface. She had not forgotten the shock so easily; if anything, she remembered far more than she had short days ago.
“I'm glad you could make it,” Claire said, waiting until Alex and I were seated to reclaim her chair.
Varn and Atalanta were off to the side, in the shadows. There was an ease in the way they stood to attention, as though all in the room were aware that they were there for show, rather than a necessary protective measure. Varn kept fidgeting with the long-sleeved shirt she'd been given, but Atalanta wore her own identical, if not larger, shirt as though she knew Felheimish fashion better than anyone in the castle.
“The timing couldn't be worse,” Claire said as the first course was brought in on silver trays draped in delicate filigree. “You are, of course, welcome to leave Felheim before Rylan's armies arrive. In fact, I would encourage you to do so.”
Queen Nasrin glanced at the range of forks set out and said, “I do not think you understand how little of this is up to me. Yin Zhou wishes for us to form a great alliance, one that will benefit Canth and Felheim alike, without affecting trade across the rest of the world, and so I shall remain until such matters are sorted. War or not.”
Kondo-Kana pushed away the food offered to her with a single finger and held my gaze as she brought a gold and green goblet to her lips. She drank from it as though inhaling fire. Whatever Claire and Queen Nasrin were saying fell away. There was music in Kondo-Kana's eyes, a deep, burning desire that clawed behind my ribs. She wanted something from me.
She wanted the Bloodless Lands and I had promised them to her.
She wanted the Bloodless Lands and I wanted to return them to her.
I looked away. I fumbled with my cutlery, cut up my gravy-laden meat with a scrape of metal against porcelain, and forgot how to chew comfortably. I swallowed down what remained and when I finally found the nerve to look back up, Kondo-Kana was still looking at me.
I wanted to say something. Anything. I wanted to tell her about Halla all over again, and I wanted her to tell me that it was alright; that she would go to Agados with me and together, we would help Halla realise that there was so much more for her. That she could have her own life, no matter what she'd already been through.
But I said nothing because the pounding in my ears ensured I would've been deaf to my own words, and Kondo-Kana and I were not alone.
“Are you feeling better?” Claire asked, drawing Kondo-Kana's attention from me.
“Oh, yes,” she said, elbows dug into the arms of her chair. “So much better. I only worry for my dear friend, Haru. He always did have a short temper.”
Varn fidgeted behind her, staring enviously at our meals.
“Is this a traditional Felheimish dish?” Queen Nasrin asked, supposing she'd better feign some interest in conversation.
Before Claire could finish what she was chewing to answer, Kondo-Kana said, “Excuse her. She does not understand small talk. She has spent her life lost in the books that were denied to her, and understands all the grit that does not make it into the ink that scrawls life into stories. She is not interested in your food. She is interested in you; in a Queen forged by fire; she is interested in the way you have felled dragons and then stood beside them; she is interested in so many things, but dinner is not one of them.”
Claire slowed her cutting as Kondo-Kana spoke, until her knife and fork stopped completely.
“I am perfectly capable of asking my own questions in my own time, Kana,” Queen Nasrin said, batting her away when she tried to lean close.
“I know you are,” Kondo-Kana said and sat with her chin in her palm. She stared adoringly at Queen Nasrin, as though she had seen nothing so magnificent over fifteen hundred years as a woman putting delicate cuts of meat in her mouth.
Claire, Alex and Queen Nasrin spoke without Kondo-Kana propping up the conversation. They discussed customs for more than the sake of speaking, and though it was supposed to be a relaxed environment, they shared ideas of what they could do for each other’s countries. I felt privileged not only to sit in a room with such carefully selected guests, but to hear the faint glimmer of hope in Queen Nasrin’s voice as she mused over what increased bitterwillow imports would do for Canth’s agriculture.
I watched Kondo-Kana as the evening drew on. I did all I could to tell myself that I shouldn’t take her to the Bloodless Lands, and that nothing good could come of it; she had destroyed everything north of the mountains and did not deserve to return to it. She was the reason no one would ever accept me. Claire had rewritten the laws to allow pane to go where they pleased, and it changed nothing in people’s minds. If they could not begin to understand what the pane were, there wasn’t a chance they’d accept a necromancer. I would forever be on the outskirts.
But I couldn’t align the past with the present. I didn’t know what had been done to her, what had pushed her to drain the life from half a continent, and I couldn’t bring myself to believe she was the monster I wanted her to be.
I wanted to know what she'd done, how the Bloodless Lands had sprung from her, down to my marrow.
I'd made my decision long ago. All that remained was to fight off the guilt.
Dinner came to a close too early, though no one else shared the sentiment. Claire and Queen Nasrin had discussed political matters without promising anything to one another, any unintentional offence had been tiptoed around, and there were enough pleasant feelings to make tomorrow's more formal proceedings run smoothly.
Varn sighed in relief as the last of the plates were taken away and leant over Kondo-Kana's shoulder to snatch up her uneaten food. Atalanta raised an eyebrow in disapproval but took a piece of the fresh bread Varn offered her. Having to endure the sight and smell of a three-course meal fit not just for a Queen but two was one of the unique forms of torture royal bodyguards were tasked with handling.
Queen Nasrin thanked Claire for the meal, Alex handled all the usual pleasantries, and I rocked on the balls of my feet, waiting for the exact moment when rushing off was no longer considered rude. Kondo-Kana hung lazily off Queen Nasrin's arm, but I was aware of her eyes in the same way a traveller moving in the dead of night is aware of the full moon overhead.
It was a strange sensation. I wanted to run from what I never wanted to leave behind. I muttered my goodbyes, turned, and headed down the corridor with hooks planted in my spine, caught on springs stretched out until they were barely coiled.
“Aejin,” Kondo-Kana called.
There was no demand behind it. No presumption. There was only a soft sort of apology to be heard, as though she had no choice in what she was about to do.
I stopped. My mind screamed for me to panic, but every muscle in my body relaxed. I had brought her there on an unspoken promise and she'd had to cross her grave to get there. I couldn't deny her the damage she'd already done.
She murmured something in Queen Nasrin's ear and drifted away from her. I wondered if I would move like that, in a thousand years. If I would seem like a leaf that had chosen to break away from its branch in the midst of summer.
“You want to go, don't you?” I asked as she placed her hands on my face.
“Very much so,” she whispered, swiping her thumbs in gentle crescents across my cheeks. “If want is the word. In fifteen hundred years and a dozen languages, I have not found a word that means all I feel.”
“Yeah,” I said, putting a hand on her wrist. “We'll go.”
Claire watched from the end of the corridor, concern taking her, but Varn was the one who made a move.
Jogging towards us, she looked at Kondo-Kana and said, “You want me to come? I'm Her Majesty's guard, yeah, but there's probably some rule about me protecting her wife too.”
The offer was made all the more meaningful by Varn's apparent hunger, and I wished I could've taken her up on it.
“It's kind of a... necromancer thing,” I told her. “If you came, you'd have to keep your eyes closed the entire time.”
“Don't mind being paid to nap,” Varn joked, but she lingered long enough to let me know I could change my mind.
Claire shot me another worried look. I forced a smile and nodded as though I knew what I was doing.
Kondo-Kana would go with or without me and Oak. It didn't matter what excuses I came up with, or how I tried to delay it. Both of us understood that. She offered me her arm and together, we moved wordlessly through the castle, through the forest, and towards Oak.
Autumn had staked its claim on Felheim before summer could truly come to a close. It was colder north than I ever recalled it being in my village, but it wasn't yet entirely dark. The sky was inked an earthy red and the only clouds were almost out of sight, silver-gold along the horizon.
They pointed us towards the Bloodless Lands.
Kondo-Kana embraced Oak before climbing onto his back. She did so with a certain solemnity, as if it was the last time she would ever do such a thing. There was a clarity to her that was more unnerving than any cryptic remark she had ever made.
“Do you want to go to Phos?” I asked. It was the only city I knew, but in spite of all Kondo-Kana had forgotten, I had no doubt a map of Myros was locked within her. “Are you from there?”
“Phos was my home, as many places have been,” she said, face buried against the back of my neck. “But Phos was the first.”
We flew over the Bloodless Lands and she didn't flinch. She didn't tense, didn't wrap her arms tightly around me. I glanced over my shoulder and found her drifting close to sleep, white eyes closed. The Bloodless Lands below meant nothing to her. The ground had been stained white by her hand yet it was as though only open fields spread out below, each one less interesting than the last.
