The Women of Mulberry Lane, page 10
‘Lucky you to have the choice,’ Peggy said. ‘I’ll have Maggie if you like…’
‘Ryan says his uncle’s housekeeper will look after her,’ Janet replied. ‘I’ll take her with me, Mum. You’ve got enough to do here with Fay as she is… and you know those two don’t get on too well.’
‘Fay isn’t much different than she’s always been,’ Peggy said. ‘We all thought she had a temper, but she may always have had a problem with hearing. I just need to make her look at me and give her that much more time to make herself understood.’
Janet put her arms around her. ‘I do love you, Mum, and I admire you. Whatever life throws at you, you just get on with it.’
‘You’ve had enough trouble yourself,’ Peggy said and hugged her. ‘I want you to be happy, Janet. I want all my children to be happy – Fay, Freddie, you and Pip…’
‘Well, I am,’ Janet said. ‘Ryan is just what I need and I do love him – it’s just different from the way I loved Mike.’
Peggy nodded her approval. ‘There are many ways to love, Jan. I’m glad you discovered that before it was too late…’
*
Janet had made up her mind that she would sleep with Ryan that weekend. It would have to come from her, she knew that, because Ryan wouldn’t push her. Once, he’d wanted her, needed her, so much that she’d almost given herself to him, but she was still Mike’s wife then. It had taken her a long time to be ready to give herself to another man but now she was… and she would tell Ryan that they could bring the wedding forward to February rather than the end of March. Once they had their furniture in place there was nothing to stop them moving in.
Janet had everything she wanted to say to Ryan in her head, waiting only for when they were alone that evening with Maggie safely tucked up in bed, but when she first saw Ryan’s uncle’s house it all went out of her mind and she could only stare at the warm rose brick walls and the diamond-paned windows that sparkled in the light of his car’s headlights, the low hanging thatched roof charming and somehow magical in its timelessness. She thought it had permanence, as if it had stood the test of time, and that felt good in a world that had been fraught with danger for so long. It was a rambling sort of house, not huge but with a country-cottage look that appealed; the roses that would be such a blaze of colour in the summer scrambling over the porch and along a low wall at the front. She could just imagine their perfume and the hum of bees on a warm hazy day.
Inside, it was lit by Tiffany lamps and the smell of lavender polish and pot pourri was everywhere. The worn wood floors gleamed and the carpets were old and valuable, richly coloured in blues, red and cream patterns in Persian designs; the furniture had the gloss of ages and was beautiful beyond her expectations, fine and delicate with exquisite style. Janet had never seen anything like it and it took her breath.
‘Oh, Ryan,’ she gasped. ‘It’s lovely. I’ve never seen such a beautiful house – and it feels so welcoming…’
‘Yes, that’s how I felt about it,’ Ryan said and put his arms about her. ‘I was in two minds whether to sell it – but I thought you wouldn’t want to live this far from London and your mother…’
‘She won’t need me,’ Janet said and laughed as he looked surprised. ‘She is going to offer Pip and Sheila the pub and live with them until she makes up her mind what to do next.’
‘You mean you would live here in the country?’ He looked at her uncertainly. ‘Are you sure?’
‘Why not?’ Janet looked round. ‘I could be happy here – unless you need to be in town?’
‘I only need a small apartment there. I haven’t signed the Hampstead contract yet, Jan, and this one is promised to an agent but not contracted. I can change my mind on both if I wish. There were a few hiccups with the Hampstead place… and I needed to sort a builder out to fix a problem with the roof, but this house is sound. I can change my mind on the sale of this and buy a flat for when we visit London. You can go up and visit your mother when you wish and stay in the flat…’
‘Is there a good school for Maggie nearby?’
‘Yes, a private school. She can go daily or be a weekly boarder, whichever you wanted…’ Ryan looked down at her. ‘But you haven’t seen half of the house yet – are you certain you won’t feel isolated down here?’
‘I’ve wanted a place of my own for months, but it was difficult to leave Mum,’ Janet told him. ‘Now she’s told me to get married as soon as I like – and if we came here it could be early next month. I liked the house in Hampstead, but it was big and imposing, a little bit empty – this is homely and I love it.’ She reached up and kissed him. ‘I can make friends here and you’ll be home as much as you can… After all, an hour and a half to two hours on the train and I can be in London.’
‘I’ll be here most of the time. I’ll have my office here, Jan. It suits me perfectly – and if you’re happy…?’
‘I’ll be happy anywhere with you, but I love this house,’ Janet said and smiled. ‘Now show me the rest of the rooms please.’
‘First I’ll introduce you to Mrs Bean, and then we’ll go upstairs and look at the bedrooms. Tomorrow, we’ll go for a drive round the area and you can make up your mind.’
‘I knew it was home the moment I walked in,’ Janet said. She liked the house more than her friend Rosemary’s and could imagine it filled with the voices of her children – Maggie and those to come – and their friends. Ryan had friends and Janet would make friends of her own. She would join the kind of clubs that Rosemary had introduced her to when she was first married and living in Portsmouth. She’d had to cope alone there, because Mike was at sea, but here Ryan would be with her much of the time. She could visit her mother and there would be plenty of room for her family to visit.
Mrs Bean was a pleasant woman with grey hair and faded blue eyes that smiled warmly at Maggie and she made an immediate fuss of the child. She took her off to the kitchen for home-made lemonade and Maggie chattered happily, content to go with her.
‘If you wanted to find a little job in the community or for the war effort, Mrs Bean would come in once or twice a week I’m sure. You don’t need to clean this big house on your own, Jan.’
Janet smiled and nodded. She would decide once they were married and settled, but she could see herself filling the large pantry shelves with summer fruits bottled in the big kitchen, meeting friends for tea and coffee and helping with the local fetes, baking cakes and sharing them. It would be a different life but one she’d enjoyed in Portsmouth until her cottage was destroyed by a German plane crashing on to it.
One of the bedrooms was furnished in shades of green and rose with hints of gold. It was faded and would need some refurbishment but she thought it would be just right for it had a lovely view over the garden and an orchard at the back.
‘This would be gorgeous in the summer…’
‘And you’re gorgeous all the year,’ Ryan said and put his arms about her waist, holding her tight against his body so she felt the heat and the urgency of his need. She turned in his arms, looking up into his face, and then she kissed him.
‘Make love to me here,’ she whispered. ‘It’s right, here and now …I feel it, Ryan, and I want you so much.’
‘As I want you,’ he said and bent to scoop her up and carry her to the bed. The sheets had been freshly washed and made and smelled of roses.
Janet put her arms around his neck, pulling his head closer to her as they lay side by side and kissed. Gradually, they undressed each other, taking pleasure in each new revelation and the heightened desire of naked flesh against naked flesh. ‘I love you so much, my darling, and I always have…’
*
Janet opened her eyes and knew that she had slept. The bed beside her was empty and she sat up, wondering why Ryan had left her – and then the door opened and he entered carrying a tray of tea.
‘Maggie is in bed and asleep and Mrs Bean has gone home. She is delighted that we may be going to move in rather than sell the place.’
‘There’s no maybe about it,’ Janet said, smiling at him. She stretched and yawned a little, conscious that she felt wonderful. ‘I liked the house in Hampstead, Ryan – but it was grander and this one is comfortable, welcoming. I love it…’
‘I should have brought you here before,’ he said and gave her a wicked smile as he perched on the edge of the bed and then handed her a cup of tea. ‘If I’d known what it would do to you…’
Janet tapped him playfully on the arm. ‘I love this house, but I’m not marrying you for the house, Ryan.’
‘Sure?’ he teased and then bent and kissed her softly. ‘I’m so glad you love it, darling. It will be your house. Then if I ever get grumpy and miserable you can throw me out…’
‘Idiot,’ she said and kissed him. ‘I want you here with me, Ryan, and all our children. I want to hear the sound of laughter as they play in that garden. I’ve had enough of grimy streets and children dying of nasty illnesses. I want mine to grow up here in the clean air of the country…’
Ryan smiled and kissed her. ‘A woman after my own heart,’ he said softly. ‘I couldn’t ask for anything more.’
8
Peggy nodded as Janet told her of her new plans. Once she would have been disappointed not to have her daughter living near to her, but now she was just pleased that Janet seemed really happy.
‘It sounds wonderful and I hope to come and stay one day – if I’m invited?’
‘Of course you are, Mum!’ Janet kissed her cheek. ‘I like living in the country. I enjoyed it when I stayed with Rosemary and it will be even better with my own home. Ryan says there’s a good school for Maggie and I’m going to grow food to cook and bottle – my own jams and pickles. I’d like some of your special recipes – the things you used to make before the war.’
Peggy nodded and made a mental note to give Janet a little book of recipes to take with her. Janet had clearly thought it all through and knew what she wanted from the future. Peggy’s daughter was moving on with her life and that was the best thing that could happen.
‘You’ll miss her being down there in Sussex, Peggy,’ Nellie said, looking at her sharply when they were alone in the kitchen a little later. ‘I thought she was going to settle for the posh bit of London?’
‘Apparently, the country house won her heart,’ Peggy told her. ‘It belonged to Ryan’s uncle. It’s not as big as the one Ryan was buying and Janet likes it better.’
Nellie sniffed; she obviously didn’t think much of the idea, but Peggy knew Janet could never settle near her. The East End of London held too many painful memories and it was best that she went right away, where she could bring her children up to a different life.
Peggy wasn’t sure how she would feel if she had the chance to move. London and the people of the lanes were a part of her and she would miss the bustle of pub life – and yet if Able walked in… A smile touched her mouth because she had a good feeling. It had come over her gradually, for no reason; just a feeling inside that things would get better. No letters had come from America for her, but recently she’d felt Able close to her, in her mind and her heart, and she had far more hope that he would come back to her than she had when she’d seen his card so many months ago.
*
Peggy attended the funeral of Maureen’s son Robin. She sat on one side of her friend, with Gordon, Gran and Shirley on the other. Alice had offered to look after little Gordon rather than come to church and Maureen had accepted the offer gratefully. Maureen’s son would be safe with Alice and Gordy didn’t need to be subjected to the chill of a church service on a day as cold as this one.
Maureen had clearly been crying that morning and her eyes were red. Peggy thought she looked thinner – and not in a good way. It worried her, because she felt that Maureen was fretting inside, even though Shirley said she was looking after things again and had made her a new winter skirt for school.
Maureen didn’t cry during the service. She was tense and pale and Peggy put a hand on her arm, feeling her tremble as the vicar spoke about God’s purpose and why he had taken such young children. Peggy thought it made Maureen angry and perhaps that was a good thing, because otherwise she might fall into a decline.
‘He’s tryin’ to make sense of it,’ Peggy whispered. ‘No one can, but it’s his way and he doesn’t mean to offend…’
Maureen nodded, but she was pale and tense and Peggy knew that she was holding herself on a tight rein. She’d refused Peggy’s offer of a small reception at the pub and invited those who waited in the churchyard afterwards back to the house.
Several people went along. Peggy went too. She thought Maureen was at breaking point and needed support.
Gordon looked at her when Maureen went into the kitchen to start boiling kettles. ‘I don’t know what to do with her, Peggy. She’s never been like this – it’s as if the rest of us don’t count. Robin has gone and she no longer cares about us.’
‘Of course she does,’ Peggy said. ‘She loves you and little Gordon and Shirley and Gran. Maureen will come out of it in time and then she’ll be able to talk to you. At the moment she can’t trust herself. She’s facing a big empty pit and she’s clinging on by her fingertips, stopping herself from sliding all the way down.’
Gordon nodded and relaxed a little. He’d obviously needed to talk, to be reassured. Maureen had forgotten that other people loved Robin too. She was immersed in her grief and couldn’t see past it for the moment.
Peggy knew there was no point in trying to talk to her friend yet. Janet had been just the same when Mike died in her bed. She’d sealed herself in, walling everyone out so that she felt only her grief. In time, she’d come back to them and Maureen would do the same. It was just a case of waiting patiently for her to realise that she wasn’t being fair to her husband and her children.
*
Shirley watched as her mother went upstairs to feed little Gordon. She was up to her elbows in hot soapy water, cleansing the cups and plates the mourners had used, when it hit her. Suddenly, she dropped a cup and started sobbing as if her heart had broken.
‘It’s only a cup,’ Gran said. ‘No need to take on so, my love…’
‘It’s your best one,’ Shirley said. ‘Mum will hate me….’
‘No, she won’t,’ her father said. ‘Come here, my love.’
Shirley ran to him and he held her close, stroking her hair as she sobbed into his chest. He was crying silently, tears trickling down his cheeks, his own pain mingling with hers.
‘It’s all right, Shirley,’ he said. ‘I know you’re heartbroken over your brother, but your mum doesn’t hate you. She still loves you. I promise she does… it’s just that she hurts so much.’
‘I hurt too…’ Shirley said and Gordon frowned as Maureen entered the room. ‘I didn’t mean to give him the chickenpox…’
‘Shirley…’ Maureen rushed across the room and took the girl into her arms, hugging her as though she would never let her go. ‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry, my love,’ she said and she was looking into her husband’s eyes. ‘I don’t blame you, Shirley, and I do love you. It was just so hard – but you mustn’t cry like this and you certainly aren’t to blame.’ She kissed the top of the child’s head. ‘I love you so much, Shirley. You mustn’t be upset like this. I couldn’t bear to lose you.’ Tears were pouring down her cheeks and she touched Shirley’s cheek as she looked up. ‘I can’t stop grieving for him, darling, but I know how much you loved him, and I love you too. We’ve all got to try to help each other…’
‘Thank you,’ Gordon said and smiled at her.
Maureen nodded and led Shirley off.
‘I want you to look after little Gordon for me,’ she said to the girl as they went upstairs. ‘He doesn’t want to settle – can you sing to him and play with him for me please?’
Shirley looked at her. ‘Are you sure, Mum?’
‘Yes – how could I manage without you? Gran gets tired easily now. I’m going to need you to help me more…’
‘Oh, Mum,’ Shirley buried her head against her. ‘I thought you would hate me.’
‘Never! I could never do that, my love.’ She took Shirley into the room that had been Robin’s. ‘I think you can have Gran’s old room to yourself. We’ll buy some paint and wallpaper if we can see a nice pattern and make it look pretty for you…’
Shirley went over to her brother’s cot. He was kicking his legs and waving his fists, his eyes blue and wide with curiosity, clearly not ready to sleep. Shirley bent over it and touched his soft cheek, then she began to sing a nursery rhyme to him and he gurgled with pleasure.
Maureen stood and watched for a moment. She smiled as Shirley turned to look at her and then walked out of the room, leaving her to care for her brother.
Gordon was in their bedroom when Maureen entered. She wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand and then looked at him.
‘I’m sorry. I know that was my fault. I’ve been acting as though Robin’s death didn’t affect anyone else, but I know it did.’ She gave him an awkward smile. ‘Can you forgive me?’
‘Nothing to forgive,’ he said and moved to take her into his arms. ‘Just don’t shut us all out, please.’
‘I’ll try to be more thoughtful,’ she said. ‘I can’t promise it will all be all right straight away…’
‘I wouldn’t expect you to stop grieving – but remember we have feelings too. I can accept that you feel the way you do – but she can’t…’
‘No, I know. I’ve hurt Shirley and I never meant to,’ Maureen said. ‘It was selfish of me. I’ll do better, I promise.’
‘We all love you,’ Gordon replied. ‘We’ll try to be patient, love – but it isn’t always easy. The only person who seemed to reach you was Peggy.’
‘Because, I couldn’t bear your grief as well as my own,’ Maureen said and sat down on the bed. He sat beside her, his arm about her shoulder. Maureen turned her face to him and rested her head against him. ‘He was such a darling little boy. His smile…’
