Hayden, page 4
There were a few others that came by, but they never stayed long. It was hard when they stopped in to visit. It was a quick in, look me in the face for a minute, then leave because they couldn’t handle it. It might have been a pity thing, but I think it reminded them that it could have been them lying in that bed with half their face in bandages and with gashes running the length of their bodies.
It took a while to get anyone to tell me what happened that day or for them to let me look in a mirror. The first glance was pure horror, but now that the swelling had gone down some, it wasn’t as bad. Most of it would be tucked up in my hairline and what wasn’t, I could hide with scarves if I wanted to. The mark zigzagged down the top left of my head and stopped above my eyebrow.
It was the scarring I would have on my back and down my left side that I wasn’t sure I would get past. I was shy before and that wasn’t going to help me in a relationship at all.
They said the impact of the tree falling on me and hitting my spine would mean I would have to build up my strength to walk again. It would take several months of physical therapy before I would get back to as normal as I could. I didn’t mind the work I would have, but the pain of it being bumped or rubbed on a piece of clothing was excruciating.
The nerves connecting again was what caused the extra pain. It meant I was healing, and I should have been happy it hurt. I knew they didn’t understand how the constant pain and them expecting me to be happy weighed on me from the second I woke up to the moment I was left alone at the end of the day. Most nights, I cried myself to sleep.
“Knock, knock,” Adam said peeking into my room. “You awake and decent?”
He said the same thing every time he came to see me. I smiled at him because he had seen me in all my glory already. Not like I had anything he wanted before the accident.
“Yes, Adam.”
“Good. I brought someone to see you. I had to pull a few strings, but well, I always get my way.”
I wasn’t up to seeing anyone else today, but I couldn’t tell him that. So, I swallowed the words and put on my brave face to meet with another person who would give me the look and count the seconds before they could run from the room.
“Here he is,” Adam said and moved to the side.
A black and white border collie came flying into the room and jumped on the bed. His tail was going so fast, the breeze hit my face before his tongue did.
“He misses you so much, he just sits there and cries all the time. I had to get him in here for both of you.”
“He looks like the dog in my dreams,” I said but refused to take my eyes off the beautiful creature now nestled against me.
“Because it was the only way he could see you,” Adam said. His eyes teared over and I didn’t understand why.
“What’s his name?”
“You don’t remember him?”
“Should I?”
“Yes. He is your dog. Oscar saved your life that day.”
“Oscar?”
“Yep. You named him. You were supposed to take him home three weeks after the accident. You are the only one he trusts. Jack and I are trying, but it isn’t you. He hasn’t been this happy in forever.”
“Oscar is the name of the dog I keep dreaming about. He is real?”
Oscar leaned his head back and looked at me with his deep brown eyes. It felt like he was looking into my soul and letting me look into his. I felt connected to him, and for the first time since I woke up, I felt alive.
“That dog loves you, Hayden. He needs you to get better and take him home.”
“Who is this?” a man asked walking into my room.
“Oscar,” I said but it sounded more like a question.
“He is handsome. I had one like him when I was a kid. Smart dogs. Loyal too.”
“Yeah,” was all he got from me in return.
“My name is Jake Bale. I am from the rehab center and they sent me over to do an evaluation on you to see if we can’t get you moved over there and back on your feet.”
“I thought that was what the PT here was for?” Adam asked.
“It helps, but the transition center would meet her needs better than they can here in the hospital. It is only a few blocks away and she can still have visitors like she does here.”
“What about Oscar?” I asked before I even realized I had.
“Sure. He can come visit too. I’m a firm believer in the power animals have with us.”
I liked him already. He understood more than the others had and he didn’t give me the soft baby talk or the looks of “poor you” they had. He looked at me like I was a normal person, not some disfigured freak.
He wasn’t hard on the eyes either. His dirty blond hair fit with his light brown skin, and his brown eyes drew me in. There was a playfulness about him that made you want to be around him. He didn’t have dimples, but a laugh line formed on his right cheek when he really smiled. Jake was as tall as Adam but more muscular. His face was kind and even with that, I knew he would push me hard to get back to where I had been before the accident.
“Think we can take Oscar for a small walk to the other side of the room?” Jake asked.
I was terrified. The only other time they tried to get me to do that, I almost fell. I wasn’t ready to walk again yet.
“Come on. I can be on one side and Adam can be on the other. We won’t let you fall. Oscar would never forgive us if we did.”
On cue, Oscar put his front paw on my hand and stared at me begging me to try.
“Fine. You win,” I said and threw my hands up in surrender.
“Alright. Let’s do this,” Jake said.
Adam got on my right side and Jake took my left. I wished they would have switched, but I couldn’t tell either of them why I didn’t want this stranger touching my deformities.
I was so worried about that and the fact Oscar was walking backwards, barking softly in front of me, that I didn’t realize we made it to the other wall until Adam started to cheer.
CHAPTER NINE
“See. I knew you could do this,” Adam said and did a small hop at my side.
“That was great Hayden. Way more than I expected from you,” Jake said.
“I’m really tired, can I lay down again please?” I begged.
I felt myself wobble and their grip on each side tighten around me. I felt nothing when Adam grabbed me, but a small shock hit when Jake wrapped his arms firmly around my waist. The room began to spin and black surrounded me.
“Hey you. That wasn’t fair for you to faint on us after you did such an amazing job,” Adam said. His face was scrunched up and the worry wrinkles plagued his forehead. I was used to seeing them; they were there daily.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. That was a lot for your body. This won’t be fast, and you have to go at your own pace. If it feels like too much, tell me and we will slow down. I’m not here to make things worse.” Jake moved to a standing position when he saw I was coming back to normal.
“I think I need to rest for now.”
“I agree. I will put in the notes that I think you are a few days from transfer, but by the end of the week, we should have you moved.”
“Thanks, Jake,” Adam said for me.
I watched him as he left the room almost as quickly as he walked in. I felt something wet touch my hand and looked down to be greeted by a black nose.
“I’m fine, buddy,” I managed to say before my eyes closed. I felt him climb up the rest of the way on the bed and lay as close as he could next to me. The comfort of him being there was stronger than any of my friends that stopped by. I wanted to keep him there with me the whole time but knew that I couldn’t.
“Do you want us to leave?” Adam asked.
“No. Please stay. I just need to lay down.”
“Okay. Mind if I turn on the TV? That dancing celeb show I like is on.”
“Go for it,” I said. I didn’t want the noise, but I didn’t want to be alone yet either.
Having them there made everything a little easier. I still hadn’t figured out our relationships completely, but we must have been close the way they are always with me. It is rare when I am alone, even at night. Jack was the quieter of the group, but he seemed to know what I needed without having to say it. Adam was the outgoing, loveable clown and Tracy, she was the big sister of us. She hovered and tried to do all she could, and I saw it starting to drain her. When she wasn’t with me, I prayed she was off doing something for her.
“Hey girl,” I heard just as I started to drift off. “I see your friend found you.”
“Yes.”
“He helped her walk across the room today,” Adam chimed in.
“Nice,” Tracy said.
“It was exhausting.”
“I bet. But you will get back to normal.” She was always the cheerleader.
“Someday. I wish it didn’t hurt so bad though.”
I didn’t want to complain to them, but sometimes it was too much and I needed someone to hear me and understand.
“Where does it hurt the most? What do they have you on for it?” Tracy fired off as she moved to where the computer was like it would show her what she wanted to know.
“I’m not sure what it is, but it doesn’t touch it most of the time.”
“The doctor said it would hurt because the nerves are healing. Not much will help with that kind of pain, Hayden,” Adam said. His face lost the happy from earlier and now gloom clung to it.
“I know.”
“It will get better, hon. It takes time. You went through so much.” Tracy moved closer to my bed. The worry on her face made her eyebrows almost touch in the middle.
“That’s what they keep telling me.” It was snarky and I knew it. I shouldn’t have talked to them the way I was, but I was sick of hearing how it was all part of the process and I was healing. I wanted to remember things. I wanted to get out of that bed and be able to get myself to the bathroom without having a stranger help me. I wanted to put on normal clothes instead of that hospital gown, and I wanted people to stop looking at me like I was as broken as I felt. I wanted to be me again, whoever that was. I needed to know what my life used to be like, and I couldn’t even remember what I had for breakfast a few hours ago.
“I know,” Tracy said. Her head hung and she wasn’t making eye contact with me anymore. I knew I hurt her feelings with the harshness of what I said.
“I’m sorry.” I wasn’t sorry for what I said, but I was sorry for how I made her feel. Nothing I did lately seemed to be right. I hoped it was the meds making me feel so mean and that it wasn’t who I really was. I wouldn’t know that though because I couldn’t remember how I was or who I was. All I had to go on was what they told me about me.
“Don’t be. You have been through a lot and we get that. You are allowed to feel the way you do sometimes. This won’t be forever though. You will get better and things will go back to how they were.”
“We don’t know that for sure. They don’t even know what will happen to me the rest of this week.”
“No,” Adam said before Tracy could talk. “We don’t, but we have to be positive. You can have your moments of this, anyone would. But you have to keep your eye on the progress you have already made and work to get a little better each day.”
“I’m trying.”
Tears began to puddle in my eyes, and I fought to keep them from falling. I felt weak and defeated already, and I was sick of crying in front of people.
“Hayden, I know this has to be almost impossible for you to understand, but the you that we knew? She was strong. A fighter and she wouldn’t let anything get to her. I need you to find that and stick with it. You aren’t alone in this and we will be right here with and for you.”
Oscar was still at my side pressing harder into me when Tracy made her way to my other side during her pep talk. She sat and took my hand in hers.
“We will get you through this and when it is all done and you are in your home with Oscar, we will look back on this and know it was when we moved from friends to family.”
“What she said,” Adam said.
I looked up at him and saw his tears matching mine. It was odd to feel so close to the ones who were strangers to me. It was like my soul knew what my mind didn’t. I had to put my trust in that because it was all I had to go on. What I knew was the bond with them felt strong even if I couldn’t remember them from before. I felt like I could trust them, that they would do what they said, and they would help get me through that nightmare.
“Okay. I will try harder to get better.”
“Good. That is all we can ask for. Are you hungry?” Adam asked me and looked around the room like food would appear if he mentioned it.
“No, not really. I am pretty tired though.”
“We should let you rest. We will go grab something to eat and be back in a few hours,” Tracy said.
“Okay.”
“Come on, Oscar,” Adam called out.
“No,” I shouted. “Can’t he stay? If you will be back soon, can’t he stay here with me?”
“I will double check, but I can leave him here,” Tracy said. She was out of the room and looking for a nurse in no time.
I turned onto my right side and curled around the warm ball of fur. He was the only thing making any of this alright for me. I needed him to stay with me.
“Normally that isn’t allowed,” she started when she walked back into the room a minute later. “But they said as long as you kept your door closed, he could stay with you. We have to be back in one hour though, Adam, so let’s let her rest.”
“See you two in an hour,” he said and made his way to where Tracy was standing in the doorway.
“Thank you,” was the last thing I remembered saying before sleep took me away.
CHAPTER TEN
I slept hard and was surprised to wake up and see Oscar was still cuddled into me. We weren’t alone in the room anymore though. Jack had joined Adam, and both were sitting on the small couch in my room reading. Jack was looking at the paper and Adam was nose deep in what looked like a romance novel. The giant hopeless romantic that he was, it must have been a good one because I saw him wipe away a stray tear.
“Hey beautiful,” Jack sang when he saw my eyes were open.
“Hi,” I mumbled as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes before reaching for Oscar again.
“I haven’t seen you sleep like that since you woke up from the coma.”
“What time is it?” I asked Adam.
“Almost 7pm.”
“I slept for three hours?”
“You did and he never left your side.” Adam reached down and gave Oscar’s ear a good scratch. He pushed his head into Adam’s hand and let out a low moan.
“I guess I was more tired than I thought I was.”
“Or you felt comfortable because of him,” Jack said and pointed to Oscar.
I had to agree with him. I think having him there made a huge difference. I wanted him to stay with me forever, but I knew that was a wish I wouldn’t get.
“Yeah. Probably.”
“We can bring him with us more often of you want,” Adam said.
“Please,” I answered before he finished talking.
“Okay,” he said and laughed.
I didn’t care. He could laugh all he wanted to; I needed that dog to be by my side as much as possible. I felt safer with him than I did with anyone else.
“I know he feels the same. I will do what I can to get him here every day with you.”
“Thank you.”
At least he understood and didn’t give me a hard time about it. He must have been an animal person too.
“Hey,” Jack said coming up behind Adam and putting his hand on his waist. “We get it. Animals are everything.”
“Yeah,” I said, but it was more of a question than an answer. I didn’t think I had pets before but maybe I did. If I did, where were they now and who was watching out for them.
“What’s wrong?” Adam asked.
“Do I have any pets?” I asked.
“Just this guy if you still want him.”
“Yes, I do.”
I looked down as Oscar looked up and we locked eyes. It was like he knew I was talking about him and he wanted to hear all that was said.
“Can you keep him for me for now?” I asked.
“Of course. Besides, he is having a blast with our small zoo,” Jack replied.
“I knew it,” I said laughing.
“Knew what, honey?” Adam asked.
“I knew you were pet people.”
“Yes, we are, and you tried to stop me from hoarding my last dog from the shelter.”
“Shelter?”
“Yes. We work together at the humane society.”
“Oh.”
“It will all come back. You don’t need to know it all at once. But we met over critters.”
Squinting at him, I tried to remember anything about where I worked. Closing my eyes, I sighed and absentmindedly started to stroke Oscar’s fur. No matter how hard I tried though, nothing came back.
I reached around with my right arm to scratch at my left side. Instantly pain shot through me and I jumped high enough that Oscar flew from the bed.
“Careful. That is healing and if you hit it hard enough, it will start to bleed again,” the nurse said walking into the room.
“What happened to me?” I asked then looked from face to face waiting for one of them to say something. I was met with the same reactions as always; they looked at each other, then the floor.
“Well, you had a tree fall on you. You are lucky to even be here,” the nurse finally answered.
“A tree? But how? Why and what is wrong with me? Why does everything on this side hurt and why can’t I remember anything?”
I threw the questions at them like I was in a competition to say the most words in under a minute. I didn’t care. I was sick of them all tiptoeing around me. There were three of them in the room and one would talk.
