Horns and Halos, page 33
I laughed. Uncontrollable tears spilled down my cheeks in warm, unrelenting streams. “Ivy!” was all I could say.
She half-laughed and half-cried as she quickly shuffled her feet in my direction. “SIA. You’re alive. Oh, thank God you are alive.”
We collided and I whimpered softly. Frantically, I pulled back enough to see that she had a few cuts and bruises and was a little dirty, but she was alive. She was here and she was alive. “I thought I’d never see you again.”
Her trembling hands patted up my arms until she softly cradled my face. “Are you all right?”
The weight of the world was in that question. For the first time—as I stared into her milky eyes that couldn’t see my streaming tears or my heart breaking—I answered her honestly. “No.” I sniffled and my chest racked with a silent cry. “I can’t remember the last time I felt all right, Ivy.” Admitting it made me fall apart.
She nodded and drew me in for another hug. “I’m here. I’ll help you fight this. You’re not alone, Sia. You never have been.” Her arms protectively and lovingly embraced me.
I cried. I let go of things that I thought I had released when I cried back in the cave with Elijah. I let my soul weep for everything I had been through, for all that I was going through, and for the things I knew I was about to endure. I mourned for all those people that had died because of me. It all happened because I had struggled and strived to make it to the faith city.
It’s all my fault.
“I’m so sorry. I never meant for any of that to happen!” I wailed into her shoulder.
Her hand rubbed my back, soothing me. “I know. You don’t have to be sorry.” She squeezed me after a short pause to catch her breath. Her voice trembled with her next reply. “I don’t need to be able to see in order to tell that there was something terribly wrong with that place. I was so wrong for ignoring it and denying it for as long as I had. I’m the one that is sorry.”
“I feel like it’s all my fault.”
“Hush now. You couldn’t control what happened any more than you could have controlled how people will act. They made their choices long before you showed up. What happened to them wasn’t your fault.”
Though it was nice to hear her say those words, I couldn’t eliminate the feeling that if I had never come to Saint Augustine, those people would still be alive, and the city wouldn’t have fallen into ruin.
Elijah was nearby, patient and quiet, waiting for the two of us to finish having our moment. When there was a long stretch of silence, he slowly stepped forward saying, “Got any room in there for one more?”
Ivy outstretched her arm to one side and I mirrored her. There wasn’t any hesitation in his steps. He rushed in and embraced us without a drop of shame.
“Good to see you again, Ivy,” he said, softly.
“Oh, it is my greatest blessing to be with you two again,” she whispered and nuzzled into our chests.
After gathering ourselves and finding a few things to lift the heaviness that the past couple of days had laid upon us, we headed into the village. Along the way, Ivy told us about how they managed to make it to us without being attacked by the locusts, Abaddon, or the countless wandering demons. She said that a voice had directed her on which way they should travel, and James had dreams of landmarks. All the while, they prayed, sang psalms, and kept each other in good spirits. They had applied the practice of the Hours of Whispered Prayers along their journey and it had kept them safe. Which confirmed a thought that I had while I resided in the city, and now it gave me an idea.
After we showed everyone around and let them get settled in a large building near the city center, we told them we would get them something to eat. My eyes scanned the crowd, and I went still when I saw Micah, Dara, and Francis heading my way. Part of me wanted to pretend that I didn’t see them, rush off, and ignore them, but I found the courage to face them.
Micah was rubbing his arm with the ball of his wrist. “H-hey, Sia,” he said sheepishly.
“We’re glad to see you well,” Dara added as she gently laid a hand on the young man’s shoulder.
Francis looked around. Her eyes were glued to the floor as she cleared her throat. “I’m ... I’m really sorry—”
“Don’t,” I said.
They all three looked at me with wide eyes. I shook my head. “Don’t be sorry. I’m glad that you escorted me. Lord knows what would have happened to me if you didn’t come, Francis.” I smiled then. “I’m glad to see you guys alive and well. I want you to know that this can be home for all of us. What happened in the past, I don’t blame you for it. Let’s start a new chapter, okay?”
“I’d like that,” Francis admitted with a weak smile.
“We all would,” Dara said.
Micah nodded.
“Here,” I said, handing them a small pile of blankets. “Hand a few of these out, and I will get something made for everyone to eat. You all had a long journey.”
A few people around me asked, “What are we going to do now?” Soft murmurs rose as everyone voiced their thoughts and concerns.
“I am going to help you all figure it out.”
“We trust you,” Micah announced confidently.
I looked stunned and said, “I’ll understand if you all don’t trust me. After everything that happened, I would even understand you blaming me for everything that’s happened.”
Dara shook her head. “Sia, honey, we don’t blame you.”
“But—”
“No but’s,” Francis interjected. “Ivy believes in you, so we all believe in you.”
A little baffled, I left reminding them that we would make them all something to eat, and Ivy, Elijah, and I all went to our place to talk business while we cooked. Spread out in the kitchen, we all sighed for what felt like the hundredth time.
Enough silence had gone on.
“I think we should try to rebuild the faith city,” I blurted out.
“Wow, cut to the chase why don’t you?” Elijah joked.
Ivy sat at the table and took a sip of water before she replied. “I’m with you. But I don’t want it to be like it was in Saint Augustine.”
Elijah looked baffled. “Are you really suggesting this? Didn’t you two learn the first time?’
“Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.” Ivy sighed and shook her head. “It wasn’t the faith city that was the problem. It was the people that were professing things in the name of God, yet knowing nothing of Him. They had no love and, therefore, could not be a true follower.”
“Exactly,” I said. “The problem wasn’t faith, the church, or anything dealing with God. It was people. It was people that went uncorrected and they slowly corrupted what was good. For starters, the leader of the church should never have been the leader of the city.”
“A separation of them?” Elijah asked.
“A council, even. Ways to ensure that the corruption is caught sooner. The church needs to focus on the things like the protection of the city, teaching, and helping others.”
Elijah gasped. “What if we applied the prayer practice to moving wagons and we gathered stragglers and wanderers from out in the Wastes?”
“You read my mind, Elijah,” I said with a grin.
“Yes!” Ivy cried out happily. She clapped her hands excitedly and smiled as she asked, “Where do we start?”
Several hours went by. Plans were made between cooking, serving food, and trying to get everyone settled in comfortably. Well into the night, we all jotted down ideas, rules, and mapped out a smooth system for the city to run on. We designed it in a way that would ensure the village lasted long after the three of us were gone. I waited until the right time to tell them that I wanted Ivy and Elijah to be the leaders of each respective role. Ivy was to be the head of the church, while Elijah was to be the head of the village. They asked me why I wouldn’t be a leader as well, and I told them that I would be on the council with a few other trusted members of our group. They were happy with that and didn’t bring it up again. I was glad they didn’t. I had other things to worry about aside from building our city.
Excusing myself for the night, I yawned, stretched, and expressed how tired I was. Elijah and Ivy stated that they would continue with a few more points and stepped outside after bidding me goodnight.
As soon as I closed my bedroom door, I knew that he was there. “I haven’t forgotten about you, Draki,” I muttered with a hint of annoyance.
“Hmmm ... I was starting to wonder.”
“Let’s get this over with.”
“Someone’s moody.”
“I’m tired,” I expressed with a look that matched my groggy tone.
“Very well.” He motioned for a chair in the corner of the room next to a small table under the window. I didn’t fight him. I didn’t have the energy to. I simply went over and sat down. “When can I expect you to pay up?”
“As soon as you free my family from the devil of my old village.”
He sat up straight and smiled. “Then I shall be on my w—”
“Wait!”
His eyes narrowed at me. “Don’t try to test the waters with me. I’ve given you ample time to fulfill your end of the bargain. If you are attempting to deceive me, you’ll be disappointed, and I’ll make sure I do more than make you cry. I’ll break you in ways you didn’t know you could be broken.”
“The first warning that you ever gave me was more than enough,” I said with my hand raised to try and stop his anger from rising. “I don’t plan to trick you ... it’s more the other way around.”
To that, his lips twitched and curled. “Oh?”
I nodded my head. “Yes. I want to make sure that I can get them all here safely. You said that you would break the hold that the devil has over the village. You didn’t say anything about keeping them safe.”
He laughed. “Hmmm. You’re not wrong.” Sighing, he stood and asked, “So, what do you have planned?”
“Give me a few days to build caravans. Ivy said that she and a few others will go out in them and retrieve everyone from my village.”
“Why Ivy? Why not you?”
“I didn’t think you’d let me go or put myself in harm’s way. She offered to help while I stayed here to handle other affairs. I figured it was a win-win.”
For a long moment, he stared at me as if he were picking me apart. I didn’t like being under the weight of his gaze while he stood looming—unmoving—over me. If it wasn’t for the rise and fall of his chest and the slow sweep of his vision inching all over my body, I would have thought he was an angry statue in the middle of the room.
“Very well. You may have your few days.”
“Took you long enough. I was starting to think that you had trust issues.”
“Hahaha. You would, wouldn’t you?” He paused and then spoke again. “When will the construction of the caravans begin?”
“If everything goes according to plan, tomorrow.”
“Are you missing anything?”
“Not that I’m aware of. I didn’t think you’d be so thorough with the creation of this place. We have livestock, farms, food, and everything from the basic needs to medical supplies. It was more than I asked for.”
“Trust me, I’ll ask for something that will be equal in price,” he warned in a tone that made my blood run cold. A threat was woven in that promise.
“Yes. We can talk about that later.”
“No.”
“What?”
“What will you give me in exchange?”
“Can’t we deal with one debt being paid at a time?”
He drew in a slow, calming breath. “I suppose I can wait. I’ll even do you one even better. Since my request will be quite hefty, I’ll even give you time to grieve after I’ve collected my first payment.”
I gave a mock grin. “How kind.”
He was in front of me before I could blink and leaning in too close. “Oh, Sia, you’ve seen nothing. I can be kind ...” he flashed me a pearly white smile, “... for a price,” he finished, and then laughed in a way that sent shivers racing down my spine.
Chapter 32:
Soul Collector
I wanted to build a place that everyone could find refuge in. I knew all too well the dangers that lurked out in the Wastes. I knew how unforgiving and cruel they could be. I didn’t want anyone to feel like hope had been taken from them because the faith city had been met with ruin. I wanted to be more than a marker on the map. I wanted to help people find their way. We were all willing to take the risks to bring people to a place—a home—where they could feel at peace and like they could build a life. Everywhere I had been had a price that you needed to pay, and the cost was often higher than any positive emotion that was offered in return. I didn’t want people to feel like they had to compromise for a life free of constant fear.
The next morning, Elijah, Ivy, and I went to tell the others what we were planning to do. After a few days of discussions, I went to work on writing out the rules and handled the mapping out of everything onto paper. Even if I wasn’t going to be here anymore, I wanted them to be able to continue on without me. That was all that I could do. I could prepare them for a world that I wouldn’t be a part of anymore, but (hopefully) the message that I left behind would live on.
We had four caravans constructed within three days. I was in the library with the others marking out the path that I had taken to get to the faith city. With the help of Draki the night before, I had the new city’s location pinpointed on the map. Using it, I was able to show everyone how to get to my old village. Ivy and the others departed in the morning before the sun rose, and I had never been so scared to see someone off.
As the days crept by, I felt my nerves start to fray and unravel. It was one thing to reserve yourself to a specific fate and it was another thing to prepare your heart, body, and mind to follow through with the act. It was a lot of convincing, a lot of breaking down, and a lot of putting on a mask to try and fool everyone around me. And maybe–if I was lucky—I could convince myself while I was at it.
There wasn’t much to talk about. The caravans left and I knew it would be almost four days before I’d see them again. I thought about how I could wrap my arms around my dad, taste momma’s cooking, and feel meemaw’s fingers running through my curls as she braided my hair. Elijah had tried to help me maintain them, God bless him, but he couldn’t compare with the skill those old hands possessed.
For two days, sleep eluded me, and not even Elijah trying to keep me company could stop me from pacing randomly or staring out the window for long hours while I was lost in thought. It was the evening of the second day since the caravans left, and I had a blanket around my shoulders as I stood out on the porch looking up at the sky.
“Sia,” Elijah called softly to me, and I could tell by the sound of his voice that it wasn’t the first time that he had said my name.
Blinking, I turned away from the vision of the rising moon and twinkling stars in the distance and hugged myself. “Hmmm?”
“Are you really that worried about your family coming here? You know that the prayers work. You know that the caravans, your family, and Ivy will all arrive safely. Let go of that worry. Fear is not your portion ... remember?”
I smiled at his words, but my heart broke. He had no idea of what was about to happen, and I didn’t have it in me to tell him. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re right,” I said softly.
He took a step toward me, and I took a step back without thinking. “Really? Back to this song and dance?” he asked with pain swimming in his hazel hues.
I frowned and opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. Looking away, I sighed. “I’m sorry. I’ve just been inside my own head lately,” I admitted.
“You aren’t mad at me, are you?”
Snapping my vision back to him, I looked baffled. “Why would you even ask that?”
“I mean, you’ve been pretty distant lately, Sia. Why wouldn’t I ask that?”
“It’s not you, Elijah. I care for you, I do ... I just feel like something is coming our way that we won’t be able to escape, and I don’t want to hurt you more than I’m going to.”
“You plan on hurting me?”
“I’m tied to a devil, Elijah. I’m bound to hurt everyone around me one day.”
“Is that what’s been on your mind? You think your family is going to find out?”
Honestly, the thought never crossed my mind. Now I had a new thing to tack onto my list. Great. “Yeah,” I said. At least it wasn’t a complete lie.
Before I could notice or stop him, Elijah had his arms around me, and he was drawing me in for a hug. “Stop carrying all of this on your own. You have me. You have Ivy. If you won’t talk to us, you know that you can always take it to God.”
I doubted that God would want me anymore. In the end, I could at least make up for all my mistakes by what I was going to do in the days to come. At least I had a few more days with Elijah in blissful silence and living a life that felt normal despite the impending doom that loomed on the horizon. At least I could see my family one more time.
“I’ll be okay. I already feel better,” I whispered and wrapped my arms around him and squeezed. The tighter that I held him, the more I found myself unwilling to let go. I feared that if I didn’t say everything that was left in me, I wouldn’t have the chance to later on.
I said the words that I had been afraid to speak for so long. “I love you, Elijah.”
Suddenly, I felt him hold his breath and go very still. Panic rose in me and I went to look him in the face, but he stopped me and rested his head on my shoulder.
“I love you, Sia. God, I love you. I’ll do everything I can to make you happy.”
The sting of hot tears burned my eyes. “You already have,” I squeaked out.
We pulled back enough to kiss, and I let it be both deep and meaningful but also short and sweet. He took my hint and didn’t fight for more. He let me pull away. A soft laugh escaped him. “It’s getting pretty late,” he said breathily.
