White Lies: A gripping psychological thriller with an absolutely brilliant twist, page 21
‘What, killing him?’ I shrugged. ‘I’d do it and get caught if today’s performance is anything to go by. I think my behaviour over the last few weeks has firmly established you’re the brains in this relationship, but I’ll have a go if you like?’
She snorted. ‘Thanks.’
‘Or I’ll just cover for you. Bonnie and Clyde.’
‘They robbed banks; they weren’t assassins.’
‘You see?’ I squeezed her hand, dropped it and stood up. ‘Like I said, you’re the brains of this outfit.’ I looked down at her and felt a sudden rush of love. ‘We will get through this, Al. I promise you. We’ll do whatever it takes to defend your reputation, and our girls WILL know that they have the most amazing mother in the world.’ I meant every single word.
She started to tear up again. ‘I’m just so frightened that this has become the perfect storm now, what with all of the other stuff that’s appearing in the news. What if no one believes me and this never goes away?’
‘It will. I promise.’
She nodded but it was obvious she was just agreeing to stop me talking. She’d had enough. ‘I’ll come down in a minute and sit with them before you take them to your mum’s, once I’ve sorted myself out a bit.’
‘Sure,’ I said, reaching the door. ‘But only if you feel up to it. They know you’re not going anywhere, Al. Don’t worry. They’re fine. Just fine.’
‘DADDY!’ yelled Maisie up the stairs. ‘That Paw Patrol has finished. Can you come and put another one on, or can we have a PJ Masks?’
‘Coming!’ I shouted back. ‘See?’ I looked at Al in what I hoped was a reassuring way. ‘They’re happy as anything. Really, they are.’
She nodded, whispered ‘thank you’ and closed her eyes again, but her brow remained furrowed like she was still in pain.
I watched her for a moment more, quietly left the room and gently closed the door behind me.
* * *
When I arrived back from Mum and Dad’s the house was dark and still.
Maisie and Tilly had understandably been a bit unsettled and overexcited, so I’d stayed to read their stories. I texted Alex to let her know I’d have a cup of tea with my parents and hit the road at eight. I wanted to get straight back to her, but I couldn’t leave without a quick catch up at least.
‘Alex isn’t coping any better then?’ Mum asked, sipping at her cup delicately in their immaculate sitting room. Everything was ordered and comfortingly just where it had always been. I could smell they’d had a casserole or something for dinner, although the evidence had been washed-up, dried up and the draining board forensically wiped down, to return the kitchen to the gleaming showroom cleanliness it had proudly shone with when we’d arrived. I wanted to lie on the sofa myself, watch some mindless telly, then stagger up to my old room and go to sleep. I knew Mum would be only too delighted if I asked. I imagined her getting some of Dad’s clean, ironed and folded pyjamas out of the airing cupboard for me to borrow and sighed wistfully.
‘She’s not doing great, to be honest, Mum.’ I took a mouthful of my tea. ‘Actually, that’s not true. Given the circumstances she’s coping brilliantly. She’s been publicly accused of something heinous, she’s suspended from the work she loves and has no idea yet when all of this is going to be over. I’d be in pieces if I were her, and that’s before you consider she’s doing all of this on top of chronic insomnia. She’s still getting up every morning to see the girls off, and getting up every evening when they get home, so it all feels normal for them, but I really, really hope she’ll get some rest tonight.’ I didn’t mention the pills. I knew Alex wouldn’t want me to. She’d see it as an invasion of privacy and God knows she’d had enough of that already.
‘Fingers crossed,’ Mum agreed. ‘I’ll say a prayer for her.’
‘Righto,’ I said doubtfully, and Mum frowned.
‘Robert!’
‘I’m not criticising.’ I held a hand up. ‘I’ll take whatever positivity we can get right now. Seriously though, thanks so much for having Maisie and Tilly. This way Al gets the best crack at a whole, undisturbed night, and that might be all she needs to break this messed-up sleep pattern she’s got herself into.’
‘We can keep the girls as long as you like tomorrow?’ Mum offered. ‘Another night even, if you want? They’re such good, dear little things.’
‘They are. Thank you for making a fuss of them. That’s just what they need.’
‘We’re going to make an apple pie tomorrow!’ Mum revealed. ‘We’ll save you some.’
‘Sounds lovely.’ I drained my tea and, catching sight of the carriage clock, got up. ‘Ten past already – I better go, sorry.’
Dad looked at his watch. ‘Well, you’ve missed the worst of the Friday night rush now in any case. It should only take you forty minutes, you’ll be back by nine. Although there are works at the crossroads. I’d go via the Tesco’s roundabout instead if I were you. I can shave as much as five minutes off, usually, by doing that.’ He stood up stiffly, and I hugged him, almost overcome with sudden affection for them both. It had been an emotional day. ‘Thanks, Dad. I’ll try that.’ I planted a kiss on his cheek.
‘Well done, son,’ he said, hugging me back and giving me a kiss. ‘Very well done. This too shall pass, just remember that.’
I whispered it to myself in the car over and over again as I drove back home.
This too shall pass.
This will all become a distant memory. We will reach a point where we no longer think about this even most of the time, never mind all of the time. It felt impossible to believe, somehow.
* * *
I felt a little strange as I let myself back into the house, switched the hall light on and quietly shut the front door behind me. It occurred to me that I hadn’t eaten a thing since lunchtime, and that was probably why. I wondered if it was too late to get a takeaway after all?
I crept over to the stairs and padded softly up to check if Al was awake and wanted one too – but when I reached our bedroom the door was closed, with a note sellotaped to it:
Taken pill. Hopefully will sleep till morning. OK for you to sleep in spare room? Love you x
That answered that about the curry then. I tiptoed back downstairs, wandered into the sitting room and sat down on the sofa in the dark for a moment.
‘Do you know how I recognise you when we’ve never met? From the photos in your sitting room, which Alex and I had sex in when you went to stay with your parents that weekend…’ I heard his mocking tone from earlier, closed my eyes and forced him away. Jonathan Day was not going to bother me any more tonight. I wanted him silent.
Impulsively, I got up and went to get a curry after all. It wasn’t until I arrived back at home clutching the plastic bag containing the two foil containers, a paper bag with the rest of the poppadums I’d managed not to eat on the way back, and a larger bag containing a garlic naan, that I noticed the BMW was missing. For a moment I panicked. Where had Alex gone? She’d said she’d taken a pill! I was about to rush into the house, go upstairs and open the door, when I remembered just in time that I had actually put the BMW in the garage myself earlier, intending to give it a hoover in the morning because it was filthy inside. I felt ill at how close I’d come to barging in on her and ruining it all. I had to sit back in the car for a moment and try to gather myself. Funny the things your mind decides are important when you are completely overwhelmed with stress. I simply couldn’t believe I had forgotten I’d done it. Even then, I had to check I was right, I doubted my own sanity that much. To my relief, it was there, where it was supposed to be.
I went to retrieve my food, found a beer and plonked in front of a Gerard Butler movie, watching him liberate the entire White House single-handedly from a terrorist attack. I dozed on the sofa then crawled off to bed in the spare room at about half eleven, falling instantly and deeply asleep.
* * *
When I woke up, I was slightly confused to find it light and that it was already quarter past seven. The luxury of a lie-in. No small voices shouting ‘my clock is yellow!’ No trying to grab another five minutes while they watched the iPad at full volume sandwiched between Alex and me in our bed. I turned over with a happy sigh to go back to sleep, but then wondered if perhaps I ought to go and check on Alex, see if she’d woken up yet.
But when I reached the door, it was still closed with the note on it. I decided I’d take her some breakfast at eight and glanced back at the spare room, considering getting some more rest myself, only I couldn’t somehow bring myself to do it now that I was up. I decided to go for a run instead – and, brightening at the thought of some fresh air and five minutes to myself, I went off happily to find my running gear, leaving Alex to sleep a little longer.
17
Cherry
When Jonny came back into class just before the last bell, something was badly wrong. I tried to get his attention, mouthing ‘what was that about?’, but he totally ignored me, keeping his eyes straight to the front.
When we were finally dismissed, I was all ‘Hey! Hello?’ as everyone started packing up, and he was forced to look at me, but he didn’t say anything.
‘Where did you go, halfway through?’ I got to my feet and walked over to his table.
He was shoving his stuff into his rucksack. ‘Some bloke turned up pretending that he’d come to collect my car, that Dad had asked him to.’
‘But I picked you up this morning? Your car isn’t here.’
‘Yes, I know that,’ Jonny snapped.
‘All right.’ I frowned. ‘So who was he really then, this man?’
‘A journalist.’
‘Oooh.’ I brightened. ‘From where?’
‘I don’t want to talk about it. I’m going to message Mum to come and get me. See you later.’
He put his bag on his back and I think he was just going to walk away. It was super awkward for a moment, but I cooled it down.
‘Jonny, you don’t need to do that. I said I’d take you back.’
He sighed, closed his eyes for a moment, then suddenly opened them again. ‘Fine, but I want to leave now.’ He started walking out of the room before I had time to answer. I grabbed my own stuff and went after him. He didn’t say a word as we walked down to the car, even though some of the others said: ‘Bye, JDay’ and ‘See you later?’ He just nodded, not smiling, and they gave me a wtf? look. I just had to shrug, and mouth ‘Sorry’, practically having to frickin’ trot behind him to try and keep up as he marched off, getting ever further in front of me with his crazy spider legs.
‘Jonny, can you slow down?’ I called behind him. ‘My skirt is actually too tight to walk this fast?’
He stopped, and waited pointedly for me to catch up, but then instantly strode off again the second I was alongside him. I watched him bomb towards the car and began to feel pissed off. I flicked a V sign at his back and paused to decide how I was going to play this.
He was waiting on Bertie’s passenger side when I arrived, having deliberately slowed down to take my time. I was prepared to help and listen. What I was not going to do was be a mug. He could NOT walk all over me. I blipped Bertie open and watched Jonny sling his bag on the back seat, and fold himself in. He wasn’t designed for small three-door cars. I got in myself and started Bertie up, checking my phone last of all. Alice had sent me a GIF. It was hilarious, and I tried to send one back, but my stupid phone kept crashing.
‘This heap of shit!’ I pressed the screen repeatedly. ‘Time for an UPGRADE!’ I sang, finally getting it to work, as Jonny exploded next to me.
‘Will you just drive the car, please?’
I turned to him in astonishment, my phone still in hand. ‘Literally, what is wrong with you? Are you getting hypo? Do you need a snack?’
‘No, I am not “getting hypo”. What’s wrong with you? You’ve started the car. So why are you sat here on your PHONE sending some pointless message to Alice?’
‘OK, Dad,’ I said – and at that, he suddenly flung the door open and started climbing out.
‘Where are you going now?’ I sighed. He could be such a little bitch.
‘I’m going to walk home. I need some peace.’
I wrinkled my nose. ‘Walk? Are you crazy? It’ll take ages and—’ I checked my phone again, ‘it’s like four already? We’re meant to be at Alice’s around eight?’
‘Yeah, and I’m going to flake tonight, so it doesn’t matter.’ He tried to yank his bag back through the small gap between the side of the passenger seat headrest and the door, but it got stuck. ‘Fuck – this – shit!’ he exclaimed as he tussled with it, then really pulled when it still wouldn’t give.
‘Hey! Be careful!’ I exclaimed. ‘You’ll hurt Bertie!’
He turned to me and gave me one of his ice stares. ‘It’s a car.’
‘No, she’s not. Alberta is my baby.’ I stroked the steering wheel.
He let the bag go, and it thudded back onto the seat as he put his hands on his head and looked at me wide-eyed. ‘I just can’t do this any more.’
‘OK – unnecessary drama.’ I raised an eyebrow. ‘I’ll just flip the seat forward if you get out of the way?’
‘No – I mean I can’t do this any more. I want us to split up. I’m sorry, Cherry.’
I froze. ‘You’re finishing with me? For real?’
‘Yeah. I am. I should have done this ages ago.’
Tears sprung to my eyes. ‘Because of me, or because of her?’
‘Because of everything!’ he shouted, making me jump. ‘Everyone wants a piece of me, everyone is looking, everyone has something to say. Everywhere I go this whole thing is following me. I can’t escape!’
‘Don’t shout at me!’ I yelled back. ‘And I thought that’s what you wanted anyway, to get attention to all of this, and you.’
He sighed and then collapsed back down on the seat awkwardly, facing backwards this time with his legs stretching out of the open door beside him. ‘I’m not dealing with things well. You know that. Everyone knows it. I just need some space at the moment. I’m feeling very overwhelmed.’
I started to shiver; the door was open but I felt cold from inside as I tried to process what he’d just said. He was ending it. This was actually happening, and it was tragic. ‘But I want to help you and support you through this. I love you.’ Just like always, he didn’t say it back. He’d only ever said it to me once, when he’d not had anything to eat, got completely off his face at Ol’s and I was truly out of my mind with terror that he was actually going to die because none of us could find his pen.
‘I know you love me,’ he said, suddenly miserable, ‘but you shouldn’t. I’m not worth it.’
‘That’s not true. What she did to you…’ I trailed off for a moment as I tried to find the right words. It was really hard knowing what to say. Instead I reached out very slowly, took his hand and just held it. But that was kind of stressy too, not knowing if he wanted to be touched, or if I would make him feel all invaded – but like, if I didn’t touch him, would he think I didn’t want to because he was in some way dirty? Which wasn’t true at all. It was really confusing. He looked so sad though. I wished I’d let him call his mum.
I’d known for a while, obviously, that he had something to tell me. At Ol’s party, when he turned up really late – his sister was having some kind of crisis and he’d needed to be there for her – he was actually totally wired. He wouldn’t tell me what was wrong with Ruby, only that it was personal to her. I didn’t say anything to him, but I saw Ruby in town the next morning coming out of Costa as I was going into Fenwick, and she didn’t exactly look like she’d been having a meltdown the night before. In fact, she was with a new bloke; holding his hand and laughing. Where ever he had been, it wasn’t with his sister. Dr Bitch said she was in her house alone all night and that Jonny drove to her house to watch her from outside like some sad perv. While that might have explained why he was ‘excited’, that’s not exactly Jonny’s style. Just look at him. He doesn’t exactly need to window lick. That’s pretty obvious.
Anyway, after I got back from holiday we had a really great three weeks; some beautiful moments. We drove Bertie to Brighton, we talked about when we were going to launch our YouTube channel – Jonny said he was investigating ways to give our profiles a real upswing, fast. Everything was really, really good. It was so hot one day, we just lay on my bed in each other’s arms next to the open window and listened to the birds singing, and when he kissed me, I was completely happy. I took a selfie – no filters – just lying there together, holding each other. It’s my favourite picture of us.
But then he came back from Ibiza. I had planned everything for when he walked into my room. I was wearing this really cute little dungaree playsuit I’d found in this vintage store – it was so retro but really hot, not actual denim, but dyed really deep blue, and just straps going up over my tits. Once Mum and Dad were out at the pub, I took my top off underneath it and wore it like that. It just about covered my nipples. I heard him let himself in and when he appeared holding some Marc Jacobs he’d bought me, I knew instantly he’d slept with someone else. I don’t know how, I just did. I’m very gifted with awareness. He was smiling, and his body language was all the same as usual, but there was nothing in his eyes. I went up to him straight away and kissed him, put his arms around my waist, and he hesitated.
‘It’s good to see you!’ I’d smiled. ‘I missed you!’
‘I missed you too.’
‘Still love me?’ I teased.
‘What can I say?’ he said, playing our usual game and, inside, I screamed, for the millionth time.
‘You can say “I love you”,’ I replied.
‘You know I do.’
But that’s not actually saying it. School was DOA after that. He was just vacant. Everyone noticed and was asking me what was wrong with him – it was quite a lot of pressure actually, because I had no idea what to say. I didn’t know anything more than they did, which hurt. It actually makes me sick now to think that the Thursday when we went to his house and SHE was there having some kind of scene with his parents it was Jonny that she was sleeping with, and not his dad, like Jonny tried to make out. When she pushed past me, I was just surprised. Now I wish I’d shoved the slag back.
