White Lies: A gripping psychological thriller with an absolutely brilliant twist, page 19
She stared at the screen. ‘How does he live with himself, exploiting other people’s genuine suffering? Knowing everything he says, he’s made up? I hate him so much.’ She darted down and inspected the screen. ‘Twenty thousand views? Are you fucking kidding me?’
‘It’s all going to die down,’ I reassured her. ‘The spotlight will move off him now. You’ve just got to hang on in there.’
‘I wish he’d die.’
She said it so vehemently I glanced up at her in surprise. There was a moment of silence and then I cleared my throat and said: ‘I’ve arranged for an agency girl to come over to meet Maisie and Tilly after school, just to have a chat with me about helping us out next week, I hope that’s OK?’
But Alex didn’t seem to hear what I’d said. She was fixated on Jonathan Day’s face, paused, with the play button under him. She reached out and clicked it so he sprang back into life.
‘If you’re not sure you’ve been the victim of inappropriate behaviour, ask yourself how you’d feel if it had happened to someone you love – your sister or brother maybe – instead of you. If the answer is you’d be unhappy, or angry, it was inappropriate and it shouldn’t have happened. It’s OK to speak out.’
‘Argh!’ Alex shrieked. Before I realised what was happening, she reached out and grabbed my mug of tea and hurled it at the screen as hard as she could. It shattered instantly as the whole lid almost rebounded with the impact. The hot tea arced up and splashed over the table into the keyboard and began to drip on the floor as the mug rolled off the edge and fell to the ground, smashing instantly.
‘Alex!’ I said incredulously. ‘Stop!’
But she didn’t. She reached out and shoved the laptop sideways off the table, and as the whole thing somehow landed on the floor right side up, she started kicking the screen with the side of her bare foot, as she stepped in among the shards of broken china on the other one.
‘What are you doing?’ I shouted. ‘You’ll hurt yourself. It’s glass, Alex!’
I reached out and tried to pull her off, but she half shook free and, still screaming, tried to bend down, reaching out her fingers, attempting to pick up the screen. Terrified she was going to manage it and then throw it through the kitchen window, or hurl it at the wall, I grabbed her round the waist and with all my strength lifted her completely off the ground, away from it all. I was shocked to realise how comparatively easy it was – how light she’d become, how thin her frame felt beneath her baggy T-shirt, jumper and pyjama bottoms.
She kicked and thrashed about wildly, hammering her fists on my clasped hands, but just as quickly as it had started, she ran out of energy; her screams turned into desperate wracking sobs, and she leant back first against my shoulder, turning her face into my neck, and went completely limp. I half staggered over to the kid’s sofa in the playroom part of the room, more or less completely carrying her, and we collapsed down as I held her tightly.
‘This is so unfair!’ she cried. ‘I didn’t do it! I got drunk, I had a one-night stand. That’s all, and I’ve lost everything!’
‘No, you haven’t. It just feels like that.’
‘Everyone’s acting like I’m a dangerous, obsessive sex-offender.’
‘No, no they’re not.’ I stroked her hair, and rocked her like I would Maisie or Tilly.
‘Then where are all of my friends? Who has come to see me, or called me, apart from Rachel and David? They’ve sent me emojis or texts and that’s it. They’ve ticked the box without actually having to talk to me. Who has offered me actual support? They all looked and whispered at school or ignored me completely. I have told the truth about everything. I KNOW the injury he first came to see me with was made slightly more unusual given he’s type 1 diabetic and perhaps I should have been able to remember him on first sight in the club, but I just didn’t! I was hammered. I wouldn’t have noticed him as being good-looking when he came to see me about his leg. He was a schoolboy! Even if George Clooney had walked in for an appointment I wouldn’t have taken any notice, because I’m too fucking tired! I see someone pretty much every ten minutes of every working day I’m there. Yes, that’s a lot of people with a lot of very ordinary problems, but it’s also a lot of really weird ones too, kids with bizarre things they’ve shoved up their noses and in their ears, hideous inflammations or cysts people have been too embarrassed to come and get checked out, lumps they’ve tried to cut out of themselves. A kid with an AstroTurf burn just isn’t that memorable. That probably offends his precious little mummy’s boy ego, but it’s true. I didn’t notice him. Maybe that’s even part of what’s pissed him off so much. He’s evil. He doesn’t care about ruining us, what this will do to the girls or you, never mind me. You didn’t see him in the car park when he threatened me unless I slept with him again – he was totally comfortable saying it, like it was no big deal at all. And now all of this other stuff is in the news and such a hot topic he’ll use that and feed off it. In this climate, no one will dare suggest he might be lying, and the GMC will be desperate to show how well they handle sex allegations, and they’ll make an example of me. I’ll get struck off and it’s so, so unfair. I’ve done nothing wrong.’
She began to weep, finally burnt out after her lengthy tirade, and as she fell silent, I carried on stroking her hair and making calm soothing shhhh-ing noises, while trying to hide my fear, because I just hadn’t realised the relentless extent to which she was chasing every dark detail round and round in her mind, like tracking a flock of ever-circling birds. It was making her ill – really ill. I could see that now.
‘Sweetheart, let’s take you up to bed. You’re exhausted. Would you mind if I called David to come and have a look at you? I know you won’t want to go and see anyone formally, but I’m sure he’d be happy to pop round as a friend. Maybe we could ask him about the sleep issues you’ve been having?’
‘You really wouldn’t mind?’ she asked, so quickly that I wondered instantly if that’s what she’d been hoping I’d say. ‘I know you don’t like him, but he’s offered to help when I need it – and I do.’
‘Of course I don’t,’ I said. The truth was, I wasn’t happy about it. While he’s never been anything but respectful to me, I’m not stupid and I know how he feels about my wife. You just do when someone fancies your other half, it’s instinctive. But, I wanted Alex to get some proper help and feel like there was someone else on her side other than me, far more than I cared about my own feelings. ‘You go up and I’ll call him now, if you give me your phone?’
‘It’s OK. Surgery won’t be finishing for another five minutes. I’ll do it then.’ She sighed and leant her forehead on the side of my temple for a moment. ‘Thank you.’
‘You don’t have to thank me for anything,’ I said quietly as she got to her feet stiffly and looked at the screen on the floor by the table.
‘I’m so sorry I did that.’
‘It’s fine,’ I said quickly, ‘I’ll sort it. At least it wasn’t my work one; I was just messing around on mine over lunch. Go on, you go up and I’ll bring you a sandwich in a bit.’
She nodded and left the room. I waited until I heard the creak on the top stair, then the click of our bedroom door and finally the groan of the ceiling as above my head she walked over to the bed and climbed back in. I exhaled heavily, got to my feet and walked the few steps over to the table, staring down at the mess. I have never, in all the time I’ve known her, seen her lose control like that. Her rage was extraordinary and terrifying. I didn’t recognise her as my usually calm and controlled wife.
I looked at the now white screen with what looked like a massive black ink spot pooling beneath a gunshot in the glass. Jonathan Day had been successfully silenced and was gone.
16
Rob
I saw the outline of David’s body through the obscure glass side panels of the front door as I came out of the downstairs loo, and waited for him to ring the bell, but he didn’t. What was he doing? I crossed my arms suspiciously. Still nothing. I frowned, walked down the hall and flung it open. He smiled warmly, completely unperturbed by my attempt at the element of surprise.
‘Hello, Rob. I expect Alex has mentioned she called and asked me to pop over?’
My confusion that perhaps he had rung the bell and I just hadn’t heard it was instantly replaced by irritation. Of course she’d mentioned it. I tried to swallow down the implication that he and Alex had decided something without me, and he was kindly letting me in on the grown-ups’ plans. This was about Alex, and I had to set aside my personal feelings. Although he was still a smarmy git. I stepped to one side and gestured for him to come in.
‘Hi, David, thanks so much for this. We’re very grateful.’
‘Not at all,’ he said in surprise. ‘I’m glad to help. Dreadful old day, isn’t it? Feels rather like autumn has properly arrived with all this rain and the sudden drop in temperature.’ He shivered.
‘Can I get you a cup of tea?’ I couldn’t not offer him one, it would have been downright rude otherwise; although I didn’t want to, because it would mean missing out on whatever they were going to start discussing while I was stuck in the kitchen making it. I moved towards the stairs to discourage him from saying yes, but he hesitated and said: ‘Do you know, I’d actually love one. Thanks, Rob, that’s decent of you. Do you have decaf?’
‘We certainly do!’
‘Excellent!’ he said, equally as heartily. ‘As it comes, no sugar. Thank you.’ He took off his wet wax jacket, stepped past me and hung it on the end of the bannisters, adjusted the belt on his suit trousers then smiled and pointed to the first floor. ‘OK to go on up and find her?’
‘Of course.’
He took the stairs two at a time with his lanky legs, holding his doctor’s bag, and I listened to him call out: ‘Alex? You decent?’
Our bedroom door opened, and I craned to hear the low voices, but couldn’t catch what was being said.
I quickly strode into the kitchen. Thankfully, the kettle had recently boiled, so I grabbed a cup, the teabag, and threw it in. I was about to pour the water on when I realised I’d used a caffeinated one. I hesitated but poured the hot water anyway. He’d manage, and I didn’t much care if he didn’t. When I got as far as the kitchen door I began to feel a bit pathetic for taking such a cheap shot. I stopped, swore under my breath, took it back and made a decaf after all – before hastening upstairs with it and walking in to find David sat on the end of our bed, Alex propped up on several pillows.
‘Ah, excellent! Thanks so much, Rob.’ He reached out to take it as I looked in surprise at Al. She’d showered, put on clean clothes and was even wearing a bit of make-up in his honour. On the one hand that was obviously encouraging, but as I glanced back at David, I wished fervently I’d kept the caff cup after all. He might actually be allergic to it. Or at the very least get the shits.
‘Rob?’ He raised his eyebrows. ‘Shall I take it?’
I realised I was just standing there blankly like a twat and passed it over. ‘Sorry. I’m a bit tired.’
‘Of course you are,’ he said sympathetically. ‘It’s a shocking time for you both. Off the record, of course, but I was just saying to Al that we’ve all been stunned by the media attention that Patient A – as we are required to call him, despite him outing himself publicly – has been receiving. I really no longer know what to make of this world. Anyway, Alex, this sleep situation – or rather lack of it – that we discussed on the phone earlier…’ He put his tea down on our chest of drawers, unlocked his bag, reached in and pulled out a tiny envelope that he flicked over to Al, before picking up his mug again. ‘Some Zopiclone for you.’
She picked it up, peered in it and said tiredly: ‘oh thank you – that’s great, but how did you sort this?’ Her eyes widened. ‘I don’t want to get you into trouble? You didn’t self-prescribe, did you?’
He looked embarrassed. ‘No, I didn’t. They’re my mother’s. She won’t notice.’
I suppressed a smirk. Not such the big shot doctor now, handing out his elderly mum’s medication.
‘It’s only enough for four nights and, to be honest, I’d do one tonight, one the night after and see how you feel after that. It might be all you need just to reset the clock.’ He moved on quickly. ‘Obviously you won’t take it at all if you know a good reason that I don’t, why you shouldn’t, but I trust you.’ He smiled at her. ‘Can I also make a small suggestion? I don’t know how feasible it would be, but if you had any chance of the little ones staying with granny, or a friend, tonight, it might be advisable, because these will help you get to sleep but, as you know, they won’t keep you asleep. Really you want as clear a run at an uninterrupted rest as possible. But obviously that’s for you to decide.’ His smile slowly faded, to be replaced by an expression of doctorly concern as he took a mouthful of tea. ‘Anything else been troublesome, or just mostly the sleep?’
I waited for Al to mention her earlier outburst of rage, her reluctance to leave the house, how she was barely eating, but she didn’t. In fact, she didn’t say anything, just looked worriedly between us.
‘Oh, I’m sorry,’ I said, the penny finally dropping. ‘Did you want me to step out of the room?’
‘Would you mind?’ she said quietly. I minded very much, but I turned to leave anyway. As I got to the door, though, she suddenly blurted: ‘Actually, it’s OK, Rob. You don’t have to.’ She swallowed and admitted: ‘I had a major panic attack when I went out the other day. I was in the car, driving, and suddenly I couldn’t breathe. It was textbook really: sweating, nausea, my chest was hurting, then I felt like I was choking. I honestly thought I was going to die and I wasn’t going to be able to pull over in time. It was horrendous—’
David frowned in sympathy.
‘Hang on,’ I interrupted, ‘you were in the car? Where were you going? And where was I? You’ve not left the house apart from that one time with me to go to school?’
‘Please don’t be angry with me,’ she pleaded. ‘I was driving over to the Days’ house.’
My mouth fell open in horror, and I saw David sit up a little straighter.
‘I know, I know,’ Al said wearily. ‘This is exactly why I didn’t say anything earlier. And I didn’t actually go there. I was just so desperate.’ She adjusted the pillow behind her. ‘It’s become very obvious to me as a result of everything that has happened, that society needs some way of treating people fairly and to find a system that makes sure everyone is protected, but that also doesn’t ever put people who have been accused – as I have – in a position where they don’t feel they have any chance at all of fighting their cause. I feel like I’ve been found guilty before I’ve had any opportunity to defend myself. The media has already made up their mind, along with all the people who have put all of those horrendous “comments” under each and every article I’ve seen. It’s made me feel so powerless. All I wanted to do was to ask Jonathan to reconsider everything he’s said. To beg him, basically, to tell the truth. I didn’t see any other way of clearing my name.’
‘When you say you’ve felt “desperate”,’ David said, ‘do you mean suicidal?’
I caught my breath. The thought of Alex hurting herself made me feel physically sick.
‘I couldn’t do that to Maisie and Tilly… and Rob,’ she said quickly. ‘I suppose I’m only really flagging up this panic attack because, while I don’t want to take any anti-anxiety drugs at the moment when I’m just about coping, that might change, and I don’t want it to apparently come out nowhere if it turns out I do need to take something at a later stage.’
She blew me away. How on earth did she manage to keep putting one foot in front of the other like this? And stay so dignified with it?
David obviously thought so too, because he looked down at the duvet thoughtfully for a minute and said: ‘I think you’re very wise.’
‘How long does it typically take the GMC to resolve complaints like this, David? Do you know?’ I turned to him.
‘OK, so answering as a friend hypothetically, rather than on a specific case, which I couldn’t comment on,’ he said, with a touch of self-importance, ‘it depends how far through the process a case progresses. After a complaint is made, is goes to an investigating officer. If they decide it needs to go further, they have to gather statements from everyone, show the doctor concerned the complaint, and give the doctor a chance to respond, then collate all of the information.’
‘That’s where we are now,’ Alex said to me.
‘Then, a case goes to two examiners within the GMC, one medical, one not. They might then decide to close the case with no further action, issue a warning to the doctor, impose sanctions such as the doctor has to agree to some sort of retraining, or refer the case to the Medical Practitioners Tribunal Service. At that point they can also request an interim tribunal to suspend the doctor while the investigation continues—’
‘That bit won’t happen because I’m already suspended on full pay,’ Alex interrupted, still explaining to me.
‘Then the final stage is the medical practitioners hearing where they decide if the doctor’s “fitness to practise” is impaired, and if so, what action to take.’
‘Strike them off, you mean?’ I said.
‘Yes, or suspend the doctor. Or decide they don’t need to take any action and dismiss the case.’
He turned back to Alex. ‘I meant to say, I really hope you’re using the Doctor’s Support Service at the moment. Just speaking to another person who is a doctor themselves would be really helpful, I think.’
‘You honestly thought Day might just withdraw his complaint completely if you asked him to?’ I looked at Alex again, too, who gave a small nod. I thought suddenly about his vlog, how he’d encouraged people to address abuse of positions of power. The hypocrisy was breathtaking. He had all of the power, all of the control. And he knew it. I was suddenly so hotly consumed with anger and frustration, I could see exactly why Alex had shoved the computer off the table earlier. Had Day been stood right in front of me, I dread to think what I might have done in the heat of the moment. I understood my wife’s feeling completely.
