Every Love, page 6
“I see,” he says to himself, taking methodical notes while we talk. “Have you been practicing your breathing exercises?”
“Yeah.”
“Good. Why do you think you hold on to that moment with Arion so much?”
“I don’t know, probably because I feel responsible. It’s the same with my mom. Since I’ve been working so much, I wasn’t home to take care of her. Maybe, if I was there all day, I could have noticed the signs of her body declining.”
“You need to know that what happened with your mom is not your fault. You don’t have a crystal ball. You make the best decisions you can in each moment with the information you have right then, and you can’t be angry with your past self for not knowing what the future would hold.”
I adjust myself in my seat and nod my head, doing my best to process his words.
“Nathaniel, you’re a fixer. You take on everyone else’s problems to try and make them better. It helps you give the illusion of control and makes you feel safer, but it’s not really control. While in the process, you’re only neglecting yourself and what makes you happy.”
“It’s how I’ve always been, I put others first…plain and simple.”
“Have you noticed whether you’re more that way since coming home?”
“Maybe. Probably,” I admit.
“Then what about you?”
“I’m fine.”
“Until you’re not, then what?” I shrug my shoulders. “You’ve had to work really hard to get past the aftermath of what happened to you. I’d hate for you to have a setback because you’re too busy worrying about others, opening yourself up for your symptoms to come roaring back.”
“I won’t.” I snap. “I don’t want to relive being treated like an animal, beaten, starved, and tortured, all right? I think I’m doing fine on my own.”
“Nathaniel, please trust me on this.”
“I’m sorry, Roger, I can’t.”
He nods his head and drops the subject – for now – but given a little more time he’ll bring it up again. How is putting others first a fucking crime?
“How’s your sleep been?”
“Good,” I lie. Knowing it’s only from the liquor, and if I’m not drunk, I don’t sleep for shit.
“Are you taking the Ambien Dr. Remington prescribed you?”
“Nah, I haven’t had too for a while now.”
He stops writing and looks at me. Like he’s reading into what I am saying.
“Are you still seeing Andrea?”
“I am.”
“Is she still with her boyfriend?”
I nod my head. Roger doesn’t agree with my decision to be with her, and is the one that called me on my bullshit in the first place, seeing how I was using her. Quite frankly, sometimes I don’t agree with it either. But my dick wants what it wants and I’ll tell you my hand is not enough to satisfy it. Plus, her boyfriend is a goddamn loser. At least this is the shit I tell myself.
“Nathaniel, may I be blunt?”
“By all means,” I egg him on.
“What is the point of your life?”
I stare at him shocked. The old bastard has some fucking nerve.
“That’s what I want you to think about until our next visit. What is Nathaniel Wilcox’s purpose in life?”
That man has some motherfucking balls. Driving to Elania’s office, I’m agitated and could use a drink. His off-the-wall statement just keeps ringing in my head. What is the point of my life? Fuck, if I only knew, I sure as hell wouldn’t be seeing him. Why do I need to tell him anyways? My purpose is my business. I do my best to let it go, but still in the back of my mind, it nags me.
Pulling up to Elania’s office, she is standing outside and looks pissed.
“You’re late,” she barks at me.
“I’m sorry, I had an appointment on the other side of town and I didn’t take traffic into account. I should have called you.”
“Yes, you should have.”
There is a flame in her eye and I like it. “It won’t happen again.”
“Good, you can drive today,” she says walking to the passenger side of my car. She’s in another one of those damn dresses and I’m not sure if I can handle the skin of her legs rubbing all over the leather of my seats. But I can tell she’s not joking, so I unlock the doors and let her in.
“Where to first?” I ask starting the car and looking over at her.
She’s squinting looking through a file of papers on her lap. “I’ve got the whole route plugged into the GPS of my phone. It’ll tell you where to go.” She clicks start and the GPS begins to direct me.
“So this first place is one of the new listings from yesterday. The other one got a contract, so I pulled it from ours today.”
I keep listening to the GPS and her, doing my best to stay focused. My cock is starting to throw me off, but I fight it away.
“I told you, you’re the boss. I’m just along for the ride.”
She smiles and says, “This one is a townhome, three bedrooms, two and a half baths. It’s right by a new shopping development, so the area has some great growth potential.”
“Does it have a garage?”
“Of course.”
She seems to have calmed down and I feel the need to apologize. Clearly I pissed her off, though I didn’t mean to. I don’t want her to think that I’m not taking this seriously, or I don’t value her time, because I do.
“I’m sorry about earlier, it won’t happen again.”
“It’s all right. I’m sorry if I came across wrong. I’ve just had a stressful day.”
“It happens. Wanna talk about it?”
She shakes her head and I can tell that she’s just like me. I’ve been talking for months and months and it hasn’t completely healed me. Instead it’s left me more stumped if anything. Now, I have my psychologist questioning the reason for my existence, or “purpose” as he likes to call it.
“Here we are,” she says as the GPS stops. The area is nice, and the home is definitely newer. We get out of the car and I look up at the beige colored home. I could definitely see myself living here.
“I know what you are thinking – the garage is attached around back.”
“I wasn’t thinking that,” I respond as I follow her up the front steps. I was thinking that I’d like to fuck you. But, that’s normal lately.
I love looking at houses with Elania. The passion that she shows for her clients is something else, clearly this is what she was born to do. And it’s obvious how smart she is, how driven, how much of a perfectionist, and it’s all sexy as hell.
“There’s no maintenance here, everything is taken care of for you by the homeowner’s association,” she says unlocking the front door.
We head inside and I’m a bit taken aback. This place is way over the top, new wood floors, granite countertops, dark cabinets, and the entire floor plan is open. It’s just…perfect. The attention to detail in the craftsmanship is off the charts. Elania shows me everything, somehow already knowing all of the features of the house. I can tell that this is one of the reasons why she’s so good at her job. I really try to listen, but then she begins to walk upstairs and following behind her is just about my undoing.
I almost act without thinking, I just want to touch her. My hands yearn for her body. But somehow…I stop myself knowing that I can’t. It would not only make me look like an absolute creep, but it would definitely freak her out.
But if I could, I mean, if she wanted me, which she very well may…well, there’s a countertop staring right at us, the right height for me to lift her up on. I’d slide her dress up and fuck her ’til she came on my cock.
“Did you hear me?” she asks looking at me as we stand at the top of the stairs.
“Of course I did,” again I lie.
“Good, I’m glad you like it. I knew you would. The other two bedrooms are over here and there’s two full baths.”
We meander through the top level before making our way down to the garage. I really don’t see anything wrong with this place. And it’s only five minutes from my mom. The problem: buying something ends all of this with Elania. It’s crazy to think that way, but it’s the truth.
As we stand outside and take one last look, I try to think with my head and not my dick. “Wanna put an offer on it?” she asks.
“It is pretty damn perfect.”
“It is, but we can look at a few more before deciding.”
We spend the rest of the day following the map she had planned. House after house after house, and to be honest none of them compare to the first one. So I pretty much have no choice but to put an offer on it. I can’t see a way to stretch the house hunting out, since the decision is so fucking obvious. Elania said the sellers have twenty-four hours to respond to my contract, which at least means I have a reason to look forward to tomorrow, knowing I’ll be hearing from her. As I watch her walk back into her office building, it hurts. In such a short period of time, I’ve grown to like her. Maybe it’s just my dick doing the thinking for me, but it feels like so much more than that. Something stopped me, something made me not make a move when I was around her. God knows I wanted to…but I didn’t. And when I’m around her, Arion is the furthest thing from my mind. Which I cannot even believe. Zero comparisons. It’s just all about Elania. Fuck.
“I put an offer on a place,” I tell my mom as we sit and enjoy the pizza I brought for her.
“Oh, honey, that’s great and really fast.”
“I know, and it’s really nice.”
“Where is it?”
“Probably five minutes from here. I actually drove by you twice today while I was out looking.”
She stops eating and looks up at me, “And why didn’t you stop in?”
“Well, I was with my realtor. I didn’t want to barge in here with someone that you didn’t know.”
“Thank you for considering that, but any time you are near, please stop by. I don’t care who you’re with.”
“But—”
She cuts me off. “No, Nate, don’t argue with me. This may be how I am for a while. I want to see you as often as I can, and I love your friends. So if they come, then that’s a bonus too. Speaking of, how’s that cute girl Amanda doing? Are you two still just friends?”
Hah, my silly mom. Does she really think I’d bring my realtor in here? A friend, yeah, but not someone I’m doing business with. “Yes, Ma, just friends.”
She reaches for her water and is a little shaky. I hand it to her and worry that things aren’t getting any better for her here. With all of the physical therapy, I would think that she would be improving faster. Her mood is good, at least, she’s in great spirits every time I see her, but there’s only so long that she can keep up with it if her body doesn’t get any better. The usual panic starts to rise, but I push it down. She just has to get better. She has to.
“Please tell me that you aren’t working late…again.”
I glance at the doorway of my office and roll my eyes at Jacquelle. Like she cares. She’s one of the other realtors in my office, and a totally conniving bitch. “I’m waiting to hear back on an offer for a client.”
“You know you can do that from home?”
“Jacquelle, I have shit to do. I’m up to my knees with work. So unless you have something of importance, please spare me.”
She glares at me, a sliver of the setting sun rolls through my office window, catching her fake gold necklace. I don’t know why she even bothers coming in here. I hate her and she knows exactly why. It’s not rocket science. “Excuse me for trying to be nice,” she says.
“I doubt that’s what you were doing.” She turns on a heel and leaves. I wish her goddamn heel would snap as she stomps down the hallway. I enjoy the image of her flying forward, face-planting, breaking her nose, and covering her face in gnarly rug burn. It’s soothing, really. Christ, I’m messed up.
Since her mom owns the agency, she thinks she has some weight to throw around here, but I couldn’t give two shits because she hit the top of my shit list the day she went after my man. The thieving bitch that she is had been eye fucking him for months. Not that he’s innocent in it all, but now my hate is never gonna change.
As I run comps on a customer’s new listing, my phone rings.
“This is Elania,” I answer.
“Hey, Elania, it’s Dan, I saw you put in an offer on the Highland property. But I wanted to let you know that they received another offer for ten thousand over the asking price. Do you think your client would come up? We need to know within the next ten minutes.”
“Thanks for telling me, Dan. I’m not sure. Let me get a hold of him and I’ll be in touch.”
We hang up and I dial Nate, but he doesn’t answer. Checking the clock I know I have to get ahold of him now. I dial him again, but get voicemail.
I shoot him a text, hoping that I’ll get a response.
Impatiently, I sit and wait. Running a search on new listings wondering if anything comparable pops up. I realize Nate loves this place and it was so close to his mom, so that’d be great. It’s also right down the street from my house. I almost gasp out loud from the thought alone. What is wrong with me?
I stare at the screen, wanting him to text me back, but also not wanting to be overanxious. I can be like that. I decide to keep doing what I was in order to pass the time. Before long, my phone rings again. It’s Dan. Shit. I let it go to voicemail. As I wrap up that last of what I have to do, Nate still hasn’t called me. I decide to pack up and just as I’m leaving, he calls me. I answer it right away, excited to see his number on my phone. “It’s about time.”
“Sorry, I was having dinner with my mom.”
“It’s all right, I’m just giving you a hard time. Did you get my text?”
“I did.”
“What do you think?” I ask him.
He exhales then speaks in his silky smooth tone, almost making me melt from it alone, saying, “You’re the boss, you tell me.”
“I think it comes down to how much you really want this place. I told the other realtor I’d give him an answer in ten minutes, so I’m not sure if we’ll get it at this point.
“I love the place, I really do, El.” He stops and corrects himself. “Sorry, I meant Elania.”
“It’s okay,” I tell him. A delicious shiver had run up my neck when he called me “El.”
“Do whatever you can. I’ll pay the extra ten grand and then some.”
“Ok, I’ll put in a verbal offer for the new amount. If I need you to sign an amendment to the contract I’ll be in touch. Keep your phone on this time, though.”
We hang up and I dial Dan back. This part of the job is always so stressful, but I thrive on it. As soon as he answers, I explain what Nate is willing to give, hoping we made it, adrenaline buzzing.
“Didn’t you get my message, Elania?”
“No.”
“They accepted the other offer, I’m sorry.” Instantly, I feel deflated.
“Jesus, Dan, you couldn’t have given me a little more time?”
“I told you ten minutes. The sellers were literally boarding a plane.”
I get off the phone with him, finding it hard to believe that this deal fell through when it was all so right for Nate. My stomach is queasy. I’ve lost all my motivation tonight. I just need to get in a hot bath with a glass of wine and it’s sure to calm me down. It’s nights like this when I wish I had someone to go home to. It makes me miss Alex more than I realize. Maybe calling Nate, even though I have bad news to give him, will cheer me up. I do love his silky smooth tone.
Walking out, I’m the last one to leave. I flip off all the lights and exit through the back door. Getting in my car, I call Nate through my car’s Bluetooth. This time he answers on the second ring. “Give me two seconds, El.”
“Okay,” I respond, and my ears perk right up. I can clearly hear grunting and am just a little shocked, wondering if he’s actually having sex. That’s both wrong…and a little hot? I’m tempted to hang up, but then I hear a guy counting. “Two more man, push it.”
He’s at the gym. But I’m picturing him naked. Shit.
“Eleven. Twelve.” Then the clank of metal clear as day and I know I was right.
“Give me five,” he says to whomever he is with. Then he’s back on with me. “Sorry about that, I had to finish that last set and you told me to keep my phone on, so I answered.”
“It’s okay, not a big deal. You can call me back.”
“No way, what’s up?”
“Uhhh, not much.” I stall not wanting to give him the news on the house. “Do you work out every day?” I ask him, picturing how well his shirts have fit him every time I’ve seen him.
“Yeah, try to. You really should come by sometime.”
“I wish I had the time to. I’m actually just leaving work.”
“See? And I’m just getting started so if I waited for you, we could work out together.” Is he flirting with me?
“Are you offering me private lessons?” I imagine Nate standing behind me as I work out with him. Jesus, he’s hot. I suppress those thoughts; I can’t go there with him, or anyone. Not after what Alex did to me.
He laughs at my comment. “No, not lessons. But we could do some workout sessions together.”
“Do you do personal training?”
“I don’t.”
“But for me you would.”
“Dammit, El, why are you digging? Do you want to work out with me or not?”
“I do.”
“Then let’s make it happen.” My heart thuds against the walls of my chest.
I’m a bit taken aback by his statement. I didn’t expect for him to put me in my place. People don’t usually do that. His tone is strong. Maybe he’s not flirting, and he genuinely just wants to work out. Suddenly, I second guess everything.
“Okay, now, did I get my house?”
I can barely choke out the words, my mind is spinning from this man, but I have to. “No, we were too late.”
“Damn, okay. When do you wanna look again?”
Someone bounces back quickly, I’m pleasantly surprised. “I’m driving home now, let me look at my calendar and I’ll text you.” He sounds genuinely excited to see me again, even if it’s to look at houses; maybe he is into me. Not that it matters, I’m not ready to move on with anyone.
