Temper: Deliverance: Book Three of the TEMPER Saga, page 14
“I will be at my station, page me if you need anything.”
Rattled, Lana stared at the retreating back of the nurse – or whatever this was right now. What she saw in the corridor made her forget the rest.
14 - A Mother’s Sacrifice
Time slowed down when Honda and Yuki entered the room, Yuki carrying a small bundle in her arms. Lana’s throat constricted, and it took all her remaining energy to not burst in heavy sobs.
Stunned, almost wary, her companions stared at her. Maybe they had resigned themselves to months, or even years, spent going to the hospital every other day, watching helpless as she’d fade away.
A rush of sadness gripped her, and she bit her lip. Streaks of white hair that hadn’t been there before, new harsh lines around his mouth and exhausted eyes: the picture that greeted her when she looked at Honda punched her in the guts. Yuki had lost weight, and her red-rimmed eyes betrayed months of anguish. Her condition and maybe the new challenges of parenting. It was heartbreaking, but at the same time, Lana had rarely experienced such fierce joy. And hope.
Look at us. The four of us!
Lana croaked a smile. “It… It’s so good to see you. I’m so sorry for all this pain…” Her voice was not much more than a whisper.
With a muffled sob, her wife jumped on the bed; she pulled Lana in a bearish embrace that left just enough space for her precious small bundle before giving her a hard kiss full of relief and passion that sent Lana’s heart racing.
“Lana, my love, I have no word, none…” Yuki cried, pressing her brow against her wife’s. “It’s been hell. Nothing else. I thought I’d go mad. But… But you are alive… awake… and look at him, look at this beautiful, adorable boy. Your baby, darling.”
“Isao, piccolo mio,” Lana whispered, amazed.
The boy was fast asleep, face serene, a small smile playing on cherry-colored lips. With trembling, careful hands, Yuki placed him in her wife’s arms. Lana couldn’t help a moan of relief and happiness when his body heat and weight finally registered with her.
With shaky arms, she brought him closer to brush the top of his head with a kiss. Her heart skipped a beat at the soft warmth of his skin and his sweet baby scent. A surge of fierce, encompassing and humbling love coursed through her from head to toes. All her doubts disappeared, replaced by one certainty: she would flatten down whole cities and destroy armies for him.
The mattress shifted on her left. Honda reached out to dry her temples with a shaky finger and swept along the side of her face crisscrossed with the reminder of their hellish ordeal. Maybe his eyes glistened, maybe it was a trick of the light. Closing her eyes, she rested her cheek on his open palm, relishing the contact of their skins and the sense of appeasement that filled her.
“He is like you, a fighter, a true warrior,” he said, voice thick and rough. “The odds were bad, we had many scares, but each time he proved the doctors wrong. And whenever he would open his eyes, we would see yours. Every day we hoped and prayed for this moment to arrive, to be reunited with you… my wife.”
His kiss was softer than Yuki’s, almost tentative, as if he still couldn’t believe it or feared she would turn to ash at his contact. His words, the simple fact that she could feel the warmth and softness of his lips, lifted her heart. It was so tempting to merely enjoy this moment, but she had too many questions.
“Goshujin sama… what happened back at the shrine? That monster, she… I couldn’t defend myself fast enough, and I remember losing Isao...” she whispered the last part.
“Lana san...” His voice broke and turned so low she almost didn’t catch his next words. “For a while there, you were gone. I could not protect you. Neither of you. You slipped away, you tried so hard, you were lying there in the snow, eyes begging me to save him, and there was nothing, nothing I could do. Grief nearly killed me on the spot. I was about to turn my sword on myself…”
He threw Yuki a heavy glance; their wife’s pale face was drawn. Clearly, it wasn’t the first time her spouses discussed this, and Lana shuddered again. They had come so close to complete destruction. Those devils, the onryo in particular, had almost succeeded.
“But then…” Honda hesitated, and Yuki grabbed his free hand. “Sacrifices were made. Blessings were given. Miracles happened. And we were all given a new, fragile chance. A chance that we must all embrace now.”
“Sacrifices?” Lana choked, clenching his fingers. No… no! Who?
Honda lowered his head, his shallow breath turning into heavy rasps.
“Okaa sama…” Yuki said, mournful, but couldn’t go on.
Lana blanched and began to shake, but once again resolute, Honda squeezed her hand back.
“My mother did what her ancestral and sacred duty required of her to destroy her enemy’s plan, but also what her… love for me, and her family, dictated to protect us. This is what she told me, told all of us who witnessed it. This is what we must remember. How we must remember her. I can only be grateful it was not in vain, and that we reached a form of mutual understanding at the end.”
Lana was openly crying now, clutching the sleeping form of Isao against her chest.
“A… a life for a life?”
Honda nodded, somber. “O-Inari sama.” He stared outside at the garden illuminated by the warm, spring sunshine. A vibrant, sharp contrast with the night of ice and snow where their lives had hung by a thread. “They could not save you without another soul to bargain for. It is not in Their power to give back life. You… you died, Lana san. It wasn’t just a matter of healing you at the last second.”
Anxiety and sadness flooded Lana; Yuki rested her face on her nape and caressed her cheek to appease her, but maybe also to find comfort herself.
“But… but it wasn’t just me… What about Isao? He was so small, it was much too soon. Surely, he couldn’t survive– Oh please, no! Don’t tell me that Hiromi san, too–” Lana exclaimed.
She began to hyperventilate, overwhelmed by the scenario, by the gut-wrenching idea of her baby dying and the vision of those two formidable women laying down their lives to save those of nearly perfect strangers, all in the name of duty and love for their son and brother.
“No!” Yuki whispered fiercely. As one, her two spouses engulfed her in a comforting warm embrace, their hands coming to rest on the baby. “No, my love, Isao didn’t die. Nobody else did. Hiromi san is fine. This is the true miracle…”
Terror clutched Lana’s guts; with more strength she thought possible, she cupped Honda’s jaw and forced him to lock eyes with her, searching for clues.
“How? What did you do? What bargain did you strike?”
Yuki’s soft chuckle and the pale smile tugging at Honda’s lips warmed her blood that had turned to ice; he kissed her again, harder this time.
“It scares me that you know me so well… But no. I didn’t have to do anything. Isao’s siblings came to his rescue.”
Lana recoiled with a gasp, other memories flashing.
Yes… yes, the four statues… they were there, they popped out of thin air.
“I saw them, sweetling. Like back in the forest.” Yuki sighed and stared at the garden outside, recollecting her memories of that fateful night. “Dawn had broken. I was outside the shrine, ready to go wake up the entire house. The terrible hunch something had gone wrong was tearing my guts apart, a sort of phantom pain I couldn’t explain. As if… as if someone had ripped my arm out of my socket or plucked out my eyes. Then I spotted your group rushing back. Something was wrong; there were only two of you. Then I saw you in goshujin sama’s arms. Unconscious, covered in blood, face as pale as the snow. I… I never screamed so much.”
Yuki struggled to keep her composure but couldn’t help her tears. “But there was also something else. The four statues were… hovering? I don’t know how to describe it. They hung in mid-air around Hiromi san. She was carrying something. Protecting it. And to my horror and dismay, it was our little baby, so tiny, so frail! But the Jizo had created a warm cocoon around him and… and he was alive. They disappeared when other family members arrived, roused by my screams, but Hiromi san told me they remained by his side until his admission at the hospital.”
Lana gasped and continued crying, this time out of relief and gratitude. Honda nodded and brushed Isao’s hair with a soft gesture.
“Do you remember? They appeared out of thin air, right when he… he was born.” He struggled to keep his composure. “You were right, Lana san. They were here for him. To save him from destruction.”
So much for makeup. Lana took a shaky breath and wiped her face with a tissue. She remained silent for a while, digesting all that she had heard, trying to come to terms with what this meant.
“And yet, amore mio… he is here with us also because of… or rather thanks to those devils, isn’t he?” Honda hung his head low. “We would never have met, we would never have endured, I would never have healed, if not for those monsters.” She shook her head, struggling to articulate her whirlpool of emotions. “I am not grateful, but I have to accept this aspect of reality.”
Collecting himself, Honda straightened up. A crystal-clear image of him sitting in seiza, wearing his aikido gear in their home dojo hit Lana, and she sucked in air between her teeth. She ached for such a familiar place and moment.
I want to go home.
“Death and life come hand in hand,” he said. “Everything could have gone horribly wrong, but the onryo didn’t know the depth of your love and acceptance, Yuki san. And I couldn’t fathom your endless pool of resilience and courage, Lana san.”
“Not to mention her sense of duty,” Yuki chided him gently.
“Not only hers, yours as well, my wife. It humbles me. But beyond what both of you did for me – wretched, old, undeserving me – what each of you found in one another… this was the most remarkable and unexpected.” Both women shared a long look, filled with warmth and promises. “We fought together and survived with the most beautiful gifts as a reward: a blessed union and this little one, alive, against all odds and despite the hatred of our enemies. I only regret… those years of lies, my cowardice,” he added with a bow for his older partner.
Determined, Yuki shook her head. “Lana san said it. Somehow, without those struggles, we wouldn’t be here. All of us. Today is a joyful day, and from now on, we build our future together, those horrors behind us. Oh, look at this!”
Smiles of adoration broke on their faces when Isao yawned and opened his eyes; their son found Honda’s immediately and didn’t look away.
“He’s so intense!” Lana exclaimed under her breath, body shaking with renewed emotion.
“Always. I wouldn’t be surprised to discover that he has an old soul,” Honda whispered. “Isao kun, ohayo. Look at this. Your mother is here.” Lana threw him a glance filled with wonder. Such a kind and soft voice was something new.
“Finally, little pumpkin,” Yuki cooed. “We told you this would happen. Say hello to your Mamma…”
Raising him against her breast, Lana cupped his small face and gently turned it toward her. She fought fresh tears when he glanced up at her, almost expectant.
“Ciao, amore mio. It’s so good to see you at last. Remember my voice? Remember my heartbeat? We did a lot together, didn’t we? Best team ever…”
Her trembling smile turned into a shaky burst of laugh when he made bubbles and blinked. She put her index finger in his palm, and he seized it right away.
“Woah! So strong! Is otoh san already making you do pushups on two fingers?”
The three of them chuckled, basking in the euphoria of this moment they had been waiting on for months.
“That is on next week’s lesson plan. For now, he practices planks.”
“Oh, planks! Don’t tell otoh san,” she went on with a whisper, “but Mamma hates planks. I’d rather do mae ukemi for three hours in a row.”
Honda leaned to his son’s ear. “Well, don’t tell your Mamma, but your father knows it. And this is why she must do twice as many as her fellow comrades, winter or summer. It is an important life lesson, Son: if you hate a type of exercise, do it three times more often to become a master at it.”
Laughing at their easy banter, Yuki kissed the top of Isao’s head.
“Of course, this applies only to budo, sweetheart. Not to other kinds of physical exercise. Only do those you love, with the people you love, as much as you want. I’ll make sure otoh san tells you about this one day.”
Lana laughed along when their husband’s face reddened. He spared them a black glare and puffed with fake indignation.
“Another life lesson: the more disrespectful and headstrong your partners, the bigger the headache. But also, the more delightful your life.”
All of them laughed when Isao made a series of larger bubbles. The next second he scrunched his face, and an impressive wail filled the room. Lana’s eyebrows shot up.
“Ah, his lungs are also powerful!”
“You don’t say,” Yuki made a playful grimace. “He knows what to do to call for attention. He must be hungry… and yes, he could use a change of diaper,” she pointed out, wrinkling her nose.
“I will take care of it,” Honda said, to Lana’s surprise. “If you could give me his bag, please, I will change him in the toilets down the hall and go to the cafeteria to fetch hot water for his bottle.”
“Thank you, goshujin sama,” Yuki said.
Lana handed a hungry and indignant Isao to his father and watched them leave the room, before staring at her wife, speechless. Her companion chuckled.
“Yes, I know. Trust me, he is a changed man.” She sighed and caressed Lana’s arm. “I don’t know what’s the biggest factor. But watching Isao struggle day after day, helpless, and at last being able to bring him home… He has poured his energy into becoming a devoted father and offering our son the reassurance he needs. It’s a form of healing, I guess.”
“It’s wonderful… Almost shocking to imagine him with a diaper in hand, but wonderful.” Lana whispered, voice quivering. A sudden thought pierced her bubble of happiness. “What about the others? What did you tell your father and Gabriella?”
Yuki sighed and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, before staring at her folded hands on her knees.
“We told my father everything. He joined us right away in Nikko. He… was shocked, expressed sincere sorrow about okaa sama and, to my bafflement, compassion. He was so worried for Isao, and you as well of course. But I think seeing our baby in that Neonatal unit, so small, so fragile, hit him hard. I can tell you he loves him fiercely, like all of his other grandchildren. And believe it or not, there is a form of peace between these two now.”
She paused and bit her lip, unable to meet Lana’s eyes. “I am ashamed to say we lied to Gabriella.” Lana hung her head low. “She believes we were attacked by burglars. It was such a mess; the world was crashing on our heads. I… I called her in Italy, she was besides herself with worry, jumped on the first flight… The first weeks were a nightmare. Surgery was a success, but then you didn’t wake up and…”
She couldn’t finish her sentence and this time it was Lana who embraced her wife. After a while, Yuki took a deep breath and dried her tears.
“We didn’t know how to tell her the truth, what she would understand, what she would believe. I was so beside myself with worry… And to be honest, I feared it would open an impossible rift among us, at the worst time. I was weak, I had no energy for yet another fight, another loss... And suddenly I understood goshujin sama so well.”
Lana let out an uneasy breath. “I… I will tell her. It’s my job, not yours. She has to know, at least my side of the story. I owe her that.”
“I understand, but please be careful because in her state, I don’t know if –”
“Cara mia! Oh, Dio mio, it’s–” Startled, Yuki and Lana jumped, heads whipping toward the door where Gabriella stood, cheeks wet. Offering her best friend a shaky smile, Lana opened her arms and engulfed her in a loving hug.
Yuki patted Gabriella’s hair with affection before getting up from the bed. “We’ll be in the cafeteria, sweetling. Take all the time you need.”
The two friends spent long minutes in a wordless, teary embrace, until Gabriella straightened up.
“For God’s sake, Lana. You need to stop almost dying. I’m too old for this kind of shit,” she said, half crying, half laughing.
Lana chuckled and dried her face with new tissues, offering a few to her friend in passing.
“You know me, drama queen of the year. It wouldn’t be a soap opera without me spending months in a hospital every now and then.”
“When Yuki san called me, I swear I…” Gabriella shook her head, wincing. Then Lana noticed how her friend rubbed her stomach. A gesture she knew very well.
“Gabriella! Love! Are you–?”
“Oh my, of course you would see it,” Gabriella smiled, and this time it was full of joy. “Three months pregnant, a little souvenir from Italy. I’m sick every morning and evening, but we’re so excited, and now we can feel truly happy!” The friends laughed and embraced again.
Gabriella sighed and passed her fingers in her hair. “It also means we’ve got to wait until November for the wedding, because there’s no way I’m trashing my beautiful dress for anything else.”
“What! You… you didn’t get married in January?”
Gabriella gaped at her friend. “Are you nuts? Hello! You had just been stabbed and were in a coma on January 15th. Do you think for one second I could go ahead with a frigging wedding?”
Lana blushed, subdued and ashamed. “Ah… it’s always like this, right? My issues, my drama messing up with your life.”
“Shut up now. You’re the one who keeps drawing the wrong straw. Anyway, at least now that you’re up, I get to have my two maids of honor at my side!”
“Aaaand your godson of course.”
“Godson? Cara mia…”
“Yes, of course! Who else? Oh, speaking of Isao, I guess you know what I decided about Yuki sama.”
