Temper: Deliverance: Book Three of the TEMPER Saga, page 13
Fresh tears ran over her temples.
Carina love take his hand take care of him, bring him to safety. Bring him on the other side of the River, make sure he doesn’t get lost. Don’t worry I’ll be with you soon, Mamma will find you my loves even if it takes me all eternity I’ll find you.
Natsuko’s face filled her darkening field of vision. To her surprise, her eyes shone with joy and hope.
“Lana san! O-Jizo sama… O-Jizo sama is helping us! Don’t give up! Fight!”
Lana’s heart fluttered, and she tried to smile, but it was getting harder and harder to think. She licked her lips but couldn’t make one word.
“We are losing her, okaa sama, we are losing both of them, I can’t, I just can’t!” Honda shouted, openly crying but still holding his precious cargo that was now surrounded by a bubble of warm orange light. “O-Inari sama! I beg you, please help her, help my wife! Have mercy on her! This is all my fault! She shouldn’t pay for it!”
Like a blanket, unusual warmth and softness surrounded her body as the ancient god approached their group. He was the only thing left that Lana could see. Him and the four small statues. Her thoughts evaporated, at the same rhythm as her blood was absorbed by the snow under her.
“She is beyond healing,” Inari rumbled. “Her life force has left her, and she barely holds by a thread. Already she is passing through the Veil. But there is still –”
Darkness and silence.
Numb and cold.
Heavy and tired.
The Abyss called.
She heard and slipped.
13 - Awakening
Abyss.
Something brushes me.
Pitch black.
Something tugs at my hair.
Sparkles of light.
Flashes of color.
A soundless cry.
Images swim and swirl.
Scenes fade and blur. Faces morph, blend together.
Paolo. Falls down head crushed. Stands up falls down. Stands up falls down. Stands up falls down. Mouth open. No scream. Eyes bleeding. Stares at the void. Stares at me.
I’m the void. I’m nothing.
Noise. Baby’s cries. On its back. On a bed. Blanket on face. No! Breathe baby breathe! Help!
ISAO ISA-
Mother. Crawls. Laughing. Black eyes. Black mouth. Sharp teeth. Vomits. Black blood. Head rolls on the floor. Keeps laughing.
Die! Monster! Demon! He cut your head! He didn’t miss!
Yuki weeps, prays. Tugs at her hair. Drags nails on her face. Five Jizo statues at her feet.
Five? Why five? Five is wrong. Four. Not five. Isao is alive. Warm. Safe. Strong. Yuki, love! Why do you cry? Let me kiss you. Let me love you. Isao is with me. He’s safe. Why are you alone? Where is he? Where are you beloved?
Naruhito. Arms wide open. Smiles.
Kiss me yes. Your lips. So cold. Can’t feel them. Want to. Want you. What’s that?
Tails! Fangs! Claws!
No! Not you! Stay back! Don’t touch me! I’m theirs! Not yours!
Bottomless blackness.
Sparkles.
Emerald rice paddies and blue-green forests. Blue-grey mountains in the distance.
Gigantic clouds shine bright in the indigo sky, so white it’s hard to look at them. Everything is crystal clear, sharp.
Bare feet sink ankle-deep in the warm mud of an inundated field.
Where am I?
I am warm. Comfortable. Nothing hurts.
How about I stay here and rest for a while…
Movement among the trees ahead of me.
A shadow. A blurry shape.
I step back. Now I don’t feel so warm anymore.
It moves too fast.
I can’t make out its face. I should run but I know what it is, it’s on the tip of my tongue, I need to check it out, it’s waiting for me, it was there all along, Down There in the Black, it’s –
A terrifying noise.
I stop. I crane my neck.
Natsuko.
Taller than ancestral cedars. In white and red robes.
Boulders of rock crumble to dust in her wake. Pine trees snap.
Her feet dig monstrous holes in the soaked fields.
Eyes of melted gold flash. Winds roll out of distended jaws. A tempest flattening forests, razing towns.
A deafening roar rides on the air until the thunder coalesces into words.
“Time to wake up up up up up up time to wake up!”
Can’t! Too tired!
Chest burns. Belly hurts. Cold. Arms so heavy. Fingers. Can’t move.
“Wake up now, wake up now, enough sleep, fight!”
Yes. But.
Ah! So much light! Can’t see!
Ugly grey ceiling. Disinfectant smell. Beeping noise.
Lana groaned, but her jaw didn’t work. She stretched her neck to look at her surroundings but gave up, exhausted.
A hospital room. No other bed. The world swam around her, and her eyes fluttered shut once more. She tried to swallow. A foreign object in her mouth and throat. It clicked.
Intubation.
Inhaling deeply through the nose, she tried to get a feel of her body. It was so weak. Moving one finger was excruciating. But she could wiggle her toes. No pain. Discomfort in her throat. Dry lips. Dry mouth. Nausea. Something itched below her ribs. IV lines plugged into her right arm. Sensors attached to a finger. Skin tugged below her navel. Her belly.
Wait.
Eyes shot open and panic flooded her system. Gargling, heart jumping in her throat, she raised her head again to glance down at her body. She let out a muffled scream, overwhelmed by anguish and sorrow. Monitors by her bedside began to beep in alarm as they registered her heartbeat spiking, but she barely heard them.
She could see her legs and feet. Her stomach was flat. Shapeless memories of pain and terror flashed. It was fuzzy and hard to remember, but one thing was clear: Isao was gone.
She had lost him.
Five Jizo... No!
The void claimed her again. She embraced it.
“Martin san. Martin san, can you hear me?” A voice, afar. “I am your nurse. You are in a hospital. If you hear me, please squeeze my hand.”
What do you want? Let me die already!
“You were in a coma and woke up for a short while this morning. Listen to my voice, try to open your eyes. Yes, like this. Very good. Good afternoon, Martin san.”
Lana groaned and blinked, and the smiling face of a young woman hovering above her turned less blurry.
“I am sorry nobody was in the room with you earlier. It must have been frightening. Do you understand me?” Reluctantly, Lana grunted and pressed the nurse’s fingers. The woman gave her an even larger smile. “You are doing so well. You are disoriented right now, but it will get better, don’t worry. It’s good to see you awake. My name is Ishibashi. The doctor will come to see you now.”
Tears rolled down Lana’s cheeks. Why are you smiling? How can you be happy for me? I lost him! My baby. I failed him...
She didn’t want to feel better. She wanted to sleep again. She wanted to drown.
The nurse wiped her tears with a soft, yet professional gesture. “You are tired and lost. This is perfectly normal. The doctor will tell you all about your condition. Your entourage will be delighted, after all those months of uncertainty.”
Months?
Lana’s eyes widened, and Ishibashi’s smile turned compassionate. “Yes, you were gone for some time. Ah, here comes Tanaka sensei.”
A thin, white-haired man approached Lana’s bed. There was no smile on his lined face, but his brown eyes were warm.
“Martin san, good afternoon. My name is Tanaka, head of our ICU unit. Seeing you awake today is a pleasant surprise. Let me check your vitals.”
Weary and fighting against a wave of nausea, Lana watched as Tanaka checked her monitor, took her pulse and listened to her lungs and heart. She winced when he flashed a light in her eyes. The doctor quirked an eyebrow and took the nurse aside exchanging a few words that Lana couldn’t pick up, before coming back to her bed.
“It is truly remarkable, Martin san. Your condition remained unchanged for almost four months, and you were unresponsive all this time, despite a lack of brain injury. We are going to run a few blood tests, as well as neurological scans, but if you feel strong enough to sit in your bed, it should be possible to remove the intubation tube by tonight. I don’t recommend any visitors before this is done. Nurse Ishibashi will take care of you now.”
To Lana’s despair, Tanaka turned on his heels.
“Hmm!” she groaned, attempting to raise her hand to attract his attention.
“Sensei! Martin san would like to say something…”
“Yes?” Tanaka came back to her bed.
Lana blinked away a couple of fresh tears. Her hand slowly moved to rest on her belly and clutched her bed sheets.
“Oh! Of course. Ishibashi san, do you have her whole file at hand? Martin san, your child left our Neonatal Intensive Care Unit two weeks ago and went home with… his parents?” Tanaka hesitated briefly and did a quick double-check of his file.
Blood rushed to Lana’s head and she gawked at him, unable to believe his words; her monitor came to life again as her pulse started racing.
“He was admitted at Nikko General Hospital where you underwent emergency surgery after your assault. Both of you were transferred here a few weeks after, when your conditions were deemed stable enough. He was a very premature baby, but we have one of the best neonatal intensive care units of the country. I will make sure that Iriguchi sensei, who took care of him, visits you tomorrow.”
“Oh, Martin san, I’m so sorry!” Ishibashi exclaimed, flustered. “The pictures were moved around last night by our cleaning staff, you should have seen them. Here they are… The Honda family insisted they should be by your side. My apologies for this terrible confusion.”
The nurse picked up three frames on a low table near the door. Body shaking and covered with goosebumps, hot and cold waves flushing her, Lana mobilized all her energy to raise her head once more. But she couldn’t help fresh tears rolling at what she saw on the first one.
Her baby boy – so tiny how can he be so small? – wearing a white cap, white diapers, and covered with tubes, some going into his nose, others running from his arms. His red mouth and chestnut eyes were open; he wasn’t looking at the camera, though, but at the person holding him in his arms. He gripped a thumb with so much strength his knuckles were white.
The man carrying him was in a full, green, hospital gown, complete with a mask and a cap, but there was no mistaking Honda for anyone else. Staring at his son, smiling eyes bright with a deep-set joy Lana had seen only once – when they had been freed of their curses. He cradled their child like the precious treasure he was.
Another picture showed Isao wrapped in an adorable light blue and grey blanket, sleeping on a futon. On the third one, he was awake. Lana recognized Yuki’s hands holding him against her chest, while Honda’s fingers adjusted the diminutive collar of a bright yellow onesie covered with little ducklings.
Tanaka’s face broke into an encouraging smile. “Yes, a strong little fellow. What’s his name? Ah yes, Isao. Quite appropriate. Iriguchi sensei and I approved his father’s idea to bring him here on the day he was released. He was placed in your bed for about one hour against you. All right, I will see you later, after we’ve conducted a CT scan and MRI to clear out any neurological complications, as well as full blood tests. I’ll flag this as a high priority, so we should be able to do it within a few hours.”
Tanaka left, and the nurse went back to Lana’s bed. “You have devoted friends. Everyday someone was here to see you. I will call them to tell them to postpone their visit to tomorrow. Are you all right with this?”
Eyes glued to the picture, Lana could only groan, but this time she squeezed Ishibashi’s hand as hard as she could manage. When the nurse was gone, she glanced outside the window, finally taking stock of her surroundings now that her anxiety and grief had lifted. She was on the first floor, and there was a garden outside. Cherry tree buds were starting to open, but none were in full blossom yet.
Spring. Incredible. What happened? We were in Nikko… I argued with his mom… talked to Gabriella... walked in that forest… and then... I was attacked… but… who? Those dreams… something terrible, so scary… blood… pain... why is my mind so fuzzy…
With difficulty, she raised her hand to rub her itching nose, and her eyes fell on pale, rosy and white scar tissue on her left forearm. She frowned and glanced at her other arm. The same thing.
Where did I get those? Looks like cuts… or burns…?
Memories of her ordeal rushed to the front of her mind like a flash flood. Her gasp and whimper of fright were muffled by the tube in her throat, and new tears blurred her vision.
Those monsters! That demon! The onryo… she was there! And she… stabbed me! And… Isao… Isao was born, he was so small, how could he survive? And then…
It took her long minutes before she managed to calm down. Other, better memories resurfaced. Honda, Yuki and her exchanging vows in the shrine. Inari sama saying that their union was blessed.
Married. We are married! The three of us! And Isao is alive, this is a miracle!
Then her eyes caught the timestamp on her monitoring machine. March 15th. She frowned, the date ringing a distant bell.
Amazing! It… It can’t be a coincidence, but how…?
March 15th, Isao’s due date.
With an exasperated sigh, Lana let her hands fall on her sides. Something as trivial as brushing her own hair was above her strength. It was already humiliating that even with Nurse Ishibashi’s help, she couldn’t go to the toilet, even less shower. Still, she had hoped to be able to do something more spectacular than sitting up in her bed or brushing her teeth. If her slouched position could even been called sitting.
“Martin san, be patient,” Ishibashi said gently while adjusting Lana’s pillows behind her back. “Nobody wakes up from a four-month coma and runs a marathon the next day. It’s already a feat that you were cleared for extubation so fast, and that you are not showing signs of extreme confusion.”
“Of course… But just making a ponytail, that should be doable, no?” Lana cleared her throat. She still didn’t recognize her own voice, made rough and gravely after months of intubation. “Not to sound vain or anything, but I’ve seen my face in that pocket mirror of yours. Please help me look less like an exsanguinated vampire. They will be here anytime now. They have worried enough about me.”
“All right, let me see what I can do… Hm… You know what? Let me grab my purse at the nurse station. I bought some new foundation and mascara this morning.”
Lana beamed at the nurse who came back less than five minutes later to apply light makeup on her face.
“Here you go! The Hondas will be amazed at seeing you glowing like that,” Ishibashi said, eyes smiling above her white surgical mask.
Lana liked what she saw in the small mirror, but the makeup couldn’t hide the pale pink scars eating half of her face. She would have to live with them. Then the nurse’s words registered with her.
“Ishibashi san, they are my husband and wife,” she said in a low voice, eyes locked with the younger woman’s. She wouldn’t lie about this, not when this mattered so much, not when it felt so right and filled her with peace.
The young woman couldn’t hide her shock; she took two steps backward before her professional mask slipped back into place.
“Oh, I… I see. I believed you were the surrogate mother of their baby. My apologies, it is not my place to comment.”
Lana gave her a small smile. “That’s fine, it’s… highly unusual anyway, and private. I am not surprised they didn’t disclose it. Too many questions… and no paperwork to support it. Yes, I am their spouse and Yuki sama is my son’s mother. Please be discreet, though. For their sake.”
Ishibashi nodded once, serious. “You can count on it.” She hesitated and threw a cautious glance at the door. “I understand better now. Last week, during my break, I went to the roof garden of the hospital. I saw... your wife praying at the O-Jizo shrine we have there. She was alone and in such terrible distress. She was crying so hard, it broke my heart. I didn’t dare show myself, I was ashamed to have walked in upon such a private moment.”
Wiping treacherous tears, Lana nodded, pain and guilt tearing at her guts. Five Jizo statues… One for me, then. My love… I’m so, so sorry to have hurt you like this.
“It must have been so hard for them. Harder than for me, at the end. And now, look at me, I am so nervous…”
“Don’t be. Focus on one thing: meeting your son. Both of you are survivors.”
“But we were separated for so long and right from the start. How do I build any bond with him?” Lana whispered, daring to express the new fear that had been gnawing at her since she had woken up.
“You don’t have to. It’s there. Forged in the most terrible way. You have the rest of your life to make it stronger and more vibrant.”
Lana blinked and looked up at the nurse. There had been a depth, a finality in her voice that unsettled her. Two heartbeats of silence and Ishibashi’s eyes smiled again. The moment had passed.
