Nixon: An m/m bodyguard romance (Hunter Security), page 15
Nixon pulls me into his arms and holds me. “I can’t do this closet thing anymore. I thought I could, but I can’t,” he whispers, pulling away to look into my eyes. “I want to shout how much I love you from the rooftops. So if you’re certain about coming out and continuing to work on your mental health, then I’m all yours.”
“It’s not always going to be easy for me,” I admit, but the smile he offers me in return settles my nerves.
“Nothing worthwhile is ever easy,” Nixon replies, then leans in and brushes his lips against mine. “But I’m willing to put in the work if you are.”
“I love you,” I tell him before grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him back for a passionate kiss.
“Fuck, I missed this,” he whispers, breaking this kiss for only a moment.
“Take me to bed,” I command, and Nixon chuckles in a deep, sexy tone.
“Gladly.”
“Do you want to be a part of my coming-out story?” I ask Nixon as he drives us to my PR firm’s office.
“Do you want me to be?”
I stare out the window at the passing buildings, thinking about my response. “You said you don’t want to be a dirty secret, but you also didn’t necessarily sign up for all the bullshit that comes with dating a celebrity.”
Nixon keeps his left hand on the steering wheel, places his other on my knee, and squeezes. “Babe, I can handle myself. I know what I’m signing up for. I love you, and I’ll take whatever gets thrown at us. I wish you didn’t have to do this on such a big scale, so if you want to share that with me, I’m here.”
Letting out a contented sigh, I smile at him. “How are you so perfect?”
He chuckles. “I’m far from perfect… but you’re stuck with me.”
I love the idea of being with Nixon for the rest of my life. I never questioned my love for Nixon once it began to feel right. And that confused me because if I was so happy and in love, why didn’t I want to shout it from the rooftops? Instead, I wanted to stay in our happy bubble of solitude. I struggled with that a lot when I first started therapy. Apparently, it boils down to my upbringing. My parents were very much don’t-ask-don’t-tell people about everything. Was it really a sin if someone didn’t know you were sinning?
So, in the comfort of my own home, my life with Nixon was perfect, and I was truly fucking happy. It was telling anyone about it that freaked me the fuck out. Because that’s when it becomes real. That’s when shit hits the fan. That’s when the panic set in, and I pushed Nixon out.
I hate that my parents are the ones who fucked up my head, and at the same time, my father is the one pushing me out of the closet. He’s the reason I’ve lived in it for so long and never wanted to leave. Pretty ironic if you think about it.
Pulling into the parking lot, Nixon gets out and opens the passenger door for me. “I’m here for you in whatever way you need me,” he promises, balling his fists at his sides.
He’s probably itching to touch me but respects me enough not to do it publicly. At least not until I’m comfortable with it, which is not today, although I am craving his warmth and strength. Maybe I should have gotten my team to meet me at my house.
It’s too late for that, so I force my feet to move and head into the building, Nixon directly behind me. I may not be able to touch him in public yet, but thankfully, his closeness brings me a sense of calm.
“Right this way, Mr. Michaelson,” a young blonde at the front desk says with a tilt of her head.
We follow her to a board room, where my team is already set up.
“It’s great to see you, Dante,” Amara, my new manager, says with a bright smile as she shakes my hand.
“I wish this was under better circumstances,” I reply.
“Of course. Why don’t you sit, and we can get to work,” she suggests.
Nixon pulls out my chair for me, and I give him a thankful smile before sitting across from the team.
“So your message this morning was a little ominous, but we are ready for whatever curveball you throw at us.” Amara’s eyes are filled with kindness, and it makes me want to trust her, even though that has never been something I’ve been good at. Another thing I can thank my parents for.
“I thought it would be better if I explained in person, but I want to start by thanking you for meeting with me on such short notice,” I begin, hoping I can get this out easily. “As you know, I was drugged at an event a while ago and could have easily died. Unfortunately, some new information has turned up, and I’m at a crossroad. We know my old manager was partly responsible for the situation. What we recently found out is that she was being blackmailed by my father…”
I pause, taking in the team’s shocked faces.
“I wasn’t entirely honest with you when we signed our contract, and I hope you can forgive me for that… I told you my manager was trying to get me to spill personal information about myself, but I didn’t say what that information was…” I pause again, my throat thickening with nerves, making it hard to swallow.
“That isn’t being dishonest, Dante. Everyone is entitled to keep information to themselves. You don’t owe us anything. We are here to best support you, but if you don’t want to share things with us, that is your right,” Amara assures me.
“Thank you, that means a lot, but I do have to tell you the secret now because it’s about to get leaked,” I inform them. “Last night, my security system was hacked, and intruders made their way onto my property. Nixon and his team were quick to arrive and make sure the situation was handled. Unfortunately, since the system was hacked, we were unaware that there were two intruders, not just one. Thinking the coast was clear, I kissed Nixon, and we are pretty sure the second person took photos. The hacker was someone who knew what he was doing, which screams expensive, making me think my father was connected. Since he now most likely has photo evidence of my sexuality, it won’t be long before the world knows. I want to get ahead of this and tell the world myself. Maybe that way, my father won’t release the images, but I can’t guarantee that either.”
The team is silent after I finish, but Amara has the same warm smile, with only the tiniest bit of sadness behind her eyes.
“I can’t believe your father is doing this,” she says with clear disgust in her voice. “What does he have to gain from you coming out?”
“He’s moved into politics recently. According to Elanor, he thinks it will help his rankings. Honestly, I can see it. He’ll be able to say the reason I’m gay is because I left the church or some bullshit story.”
“I’ve seen things like this before,” Rayleen, my PR rep says. “I hate that you have to go through this, but there are a ton of ways we can get ahead of the story.”
“Can we bring his dad down in the process?” a guy sitting next to Rayleen grumbles.
“We’re working on that,” Nixon says. “So far, we have no way of actually tying him to the events. But if we can nail him, we will.”
“Are you two dating?” Amara asks. “You can tell me to shut up if you want. I just want to have as much information as possible, but I’ll never push you outside of what you’re comfortable with.”
I turn to Nixon, wondering what I should say. We talked briefly before we ended up in bed together, but we didn’t go through what being together actually looks like. Throwing caution to the wind, I turn my attention to my team again. “We are, but I don’t want that out for the public yet,” I tell them.
“We can make that work,” Rayleen assures me with a smile. “You are supposed to be on one of the new live late-night talk shows tonight. Would you like to make the announcement then? I’m sure the host would love to be the one who gets to broadcast that.”
Fuck. I know I said I wanted to do this soon, but tonight is so fast. However, I don’t see my father holding on to his newfound information for too long.
“Okay, is there a way to have him prepared for my announcement without telling him beforehand?” I question, not trusting anyone to not run with this and leak it early.
“Absolutely, we’ll just let the producers know you have something special you want to tell the world. They’ll eat it up, I’m sure,” Amara promises me.
It doesn’t entirely settle my nerves, but at least it’s a plan.
“I’ll have two extra bodyguards with me tonight for after the show in case things get hectic,” Nixon tells the team. “Our job is to make sure Dante stays safe. We intend to do that.”
“Sounds perfect. I’ll make sure to get you all passes,” Amara says with a smile.
“Do you want me to write up a script for you?” Rayleen asks.
I shake my head. “I want it to come from the heart. I think that will go over better with my fans.”
“I agree. I’m sure you are aware that you are going to receive some level of hate,” Amara informs me, and I nod. “But I also think you will receive a lot of love. We won’t let this ruin your career.”
“Thank you all so much,” I tell them and push back my chair. “Fingers crossed tonight goes well.”
Amara stands with me, coming around the table to place her hand on my shoulder. “We’ve got you. I’ll see you tonight. Try not to freak out too much before then.”
“Easier said than done,” I grumble, leaving with Nixon.
“Denver and Bennett are meeting us at your house,” Nixon tells me as soon as we get into the car.
“Are you still planning on working out a rotating schedule?” I ask, hoping that isn’t the plan.
“Do you want someone else with you at night?” he questions with a smirk.
I playfully shove his shoulder. “Of course not. I just wasn’t sure where we stood. I know I told my team we’re dating, but you and I haven’t fully discussed that…” I trail off and run my fingers through my hair.
I’ve been letting it grow out since the ending of the last movie, and I like that I have something to play with.
“I’m yours, Dante,” he states firmly, and now there isn’t a doubt in my mind that he means it.
“Maybe we should figure out a plan on moving you in permanently, then,” I suggest.
Nixon smiles brightly. “I’d love that.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me there for moral support?” Anna asks, biting her lip.
“I want you to stay here and be safe. You’ve already dealt with so much during our fake relationship. Who knows how tonight is going to turn out? Obviously, Nixon and the guys will keep me safe, but I don’t want you involved in this.”
Her pout is almost enough to make me cave.
“I’ll be watching and cheering you on from home.” Anna pulls me in for a hug. “I’m so proud of you,” she whispers into my ear, and I squeeze her a little tighter.
“Come on, Amara, Bennett and Denver are waiting for us,” Nixon says, tilting his head toward the door.
I blow out a breath before following my man to the car. I still can’t believe I’m doing this. My heart is racing, and my chest feels tight, all of which is apparently normal, but I hate it. Thankfully, I had a call with Mel earlier, and she walked me through a few techniques to use tonight if things get too hard.
Everyone keeps telling me they’re so proud of me. It’s weird because I don’t think I ever heard those words growing up. In my parents’ eyes, I could never do anything right. Maybe that makes this a tiny bit easier. I’ll never make them happy, and they will always spin things to suit them. They don’t love me, and that’s okay because I have people in my life who actually give a damn, and they are the ones in my corner tonight.
Arriving at the studio, I take a deep breath. Tonight, everything changes for me. And while I’m terrified, I’m also excited and thankful.
As soon as I step out of the closet, I’ll finally be free. That’s if my fear doesn’t pull me under to drown me before then.
Chapter 23
Nixon
Anxiety radiates off Dante as we make our way to the green room. I wish I could take that away from him. My hands itch to touch him and pull him into my arms, but I can’t do that yet.
“Everything is all set,” Amara informs Dante with a giant smile. “Eric will start the interview talking about the movie and will segue into your important announcement shortly after that.”
Dante nods, wringing his hands in front of him. His face is pale, and he looks like he’s about to throw up.
“You can change your mind,” I remind him, but he shakes his head.
“I… I can do this.”
“You can… but sometimes it’s nice to have people in your corner,” a petite woman with fiery red hair and piercing green eyes says with a grin.
Denver is standing behind her, giving me a nod before walking away, heading back to where he is to be positioned.
“Mel?” Dante squeaks. “What are you doing here?” he asks, rushing to pull her in for a hug.
“Brittany told me you refused to let her and Anna be here. I knew it would be important for you to have a shoulder you could lean on…” she pauses to look at me and winks, “… besides your super handsome boyfriend.”
“You aren’t what I was expecting,” I remark, reaching out my hand.
She shakes it and shrugs. “I’m normally more professional, but Dante and I have grown close. The lines have kind of blurred since he’s so close to my sister, and we’ve hung out a few times outside of the office,” she tells me. Then, to Dante, she says, “Keep taking deep breaths. Remember, it’s okay to pause and focus on yourself during the interview. What you are doing isn’t an easy thing. If the host tries to push you to speak faster than you are ready to, I’ll send your bodyguard boyfriend out to kick his ass.”
Mel teasing Dante makes his lips tip up and brings a little color to his face.
“You’re on in five minutes,” a producer tells Dante, sticking his head into the room.
“Let’s do a quick breathing exercise.” Mel holds his hands.
She coaches him through deep inhales through his nose and long exhales through his mouth. I love that she’s able to calm him like this. I wish I could be more help, though. I feel so useless right now. Dante is my boyfriend. I should be the one who can get him to relax and ease his worries. But right now, I’m one of his triggers. The only thing I can do is be here and do my best to keep the outside world from hurting him.
“Time to go,” Amara states.
We all make our way to the stage and wait for further instructions. It doesn’t take long, and a producer walks Dante closer to the curtain, and within seconds, the host invites him onto the stage as the room erupts with applause.
Dante waves, smiles, and looks at ease, but I can tell it’s a front—one he has mastered over the years. He’s a talented actor, so it’s easy for him to convince people he’s fine when that isn’t always the case.
I keep my eyes on my man the entire time, knowing my team is watching our surroundings.
“Dante, you have killed it again. People are already raving about your newest movie, and it’s not even out yet,” Eric O’Connor says with a charming smile.
“Thanks, Eric. It was a fun movie to film. I know every superhero lover is going to enjoy it once it’s out,” Dante replies with an easy demeanor.
They move on to talk about the filming process and the hardest part about being an action star before Eric reveals a surprise to the audience.
“We actually have a sneak peek trailer for our audience. What do you say… should we share it?” Eric asks Dante.
“Absolutely,” my man agrees and leans back in his chair as the lights dim and large screens slide down before projectors start the movie trailer.
Eric leans into Dante, and I wish I could hear what he’s saying. Thankfully, my man doesn’t tense at the words being spoken. He looks like whatever Eric is telling him is putting him at ease. The smile he gives the host is genuine, and it almost makes me jealous.
I don’t realize how hard I’m grinding my molars until a warm hand touches my arm, and I release.
“How are you doing?” Mel whispers.
“I’m not the one about to make a giant announcement,” I respond.
“True… but this is still something huge for you. I’m sure you have some feelings around all of this.”
“I wish I could be the one who puts him at ease,” I tell her. “You were able to calm his nerves in the green room, and Eric is up there talking to him like they’re best friends. I can’t even touch his back to guide him down a hall without his spine going board stiff. I know the reason… it just sucks.”
“It’s okay to have those feelings,” she assures me.
I don’t respond since we are in public, but I want to shout, Is it, though?
I’m not the one who has all of these emotional roadblocks to conquer.
I’m not the one who has PTSD from his shitty parents.
I’m not the one who is in the public eye about to make a huge announcement about his sexuality.
I shouldn’t be jealous that he’s letting other people calm him. No, I should be grateful he’s letting me be a part of his life.
When the clip is over, the lights return to normal, and Eric beams at the camera. “Isn’t that a great clip?” he asks the audience members, who cheer loudly. “While Dante is here to promote his new movie, he’s also here to make a big announcement. One that you are the first to hear about,” Eric informs everyone, and they applaud again. “The floor’s yours, Dante.”
Dante stares at Eric for a second before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. Everything inside me is screaming to rush out and get him off the stage, to save him from having to do this, but I know I can’t.
