Nixon: An m/m bodyguard romance (Hunter Security), page 14
Is this emptiness ever going to go away?
I fell in love with Dante Michaelson. He might have been the one to break things off, but I’m the only one to blame for this pain. I knew where he stood from day one. He never lied to me.
This was always how things were supposed to go.
It’s been three weeks since I’ve seen Dante, and each day that passes feels the same. It’s like I’m moving through a fog. Nothing I do lifts it. I’m living in a world of gray, and I want the color back.
I text Anna every day, making sure he’s okay, and Denver has been on call for when Dante leaves the house, so I know he’s fine, but it’s not the same.
I miss him so fucking much, but there isn’t anything I can do. The thing is, I get why he pushed me out. He’s scared, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.
Anna told me he’s working on things, but I won’t hold my breath. Hope is a dangerous thing.
Glancing at my phone, I blow out a breath and fight the urge to text Dante. To call him. To have any form of communication with him. I could use work as a guise, but I know the moment I hear his voice, it will be my undoing.
The numbness in my veins is better than the pain I felt that first week. I don’t know if I can survive that a second time.
Needing a distraction, I leave my phone on the desk, grab a bag, and head to the office gym. “I’m heading for a workout if anyone is looking for me,” I tell Margret, our receptionist, as I pass her desk.
“Sounds good,” she says with a smile that lights up her face.
I dip my chin in her direction and walk away, unable to return the cheery look.
My arms burn as I push the bar for my chest press, shaking as I struggle to put it back in place. I know better than to bench this much weight without a spotter, but I wanted to feel something.
“Are you an idiot?” Denver shouts as he rushes over, helping me put the bar on the rack above my head.
My breathing is heavy as I sit up and reach for my water bottle. “I was fine,” I grumble before guzzling the cold liquid.
“You could seriously hurt yourself benching that much without someone here.”
I feel like shit because I know that.
Maybe I was trying to hurt myself.
“What’s going on with you? You haven’t been acting like yourself since you got back from your trip, which you extended… also not like you.”
“It’s nothing,” I lie, my heart still racing from how hard I was pushing my body.
Denver glares at me, gritting his teeth. “I’m surprised your eyes aren’t brown from the bullshit you’re spewing right now.”
“It’s personal,” I respond as honestly as I can.
“And I thought we were friends.” He looks at the floor.
“It’s not just my story to tell, okay?”
He presses his lips together as if wondering how much he should push me, but after a moment of intense eye contact, he only nods. I guess he decided it wasn’t worth the fight today, and I’m thankful for that because I don’t think it would take much for me to crack.
“I’m here if you need to talk,” Denver says after a heavy silence.
“I appreciate the offer, man.” I dip my chin. “What brought you in here, anyway?” I ask as I stand to pack up my shit, my workout officially done.
“I went to your office to ask you about the red-carpet event this weekend for Dante, and Margret told me where to find you.”
Shit, I almost forgot about that event. I’ve been so tied up in everything else that it slipped my mind. “Meet me in my office in thirty, and we’ll go over everything,” I state, then head to the bathroom for a quick shower.
Everything inside me is screaming for me to be at the event with my guys to keep my eyes on Dante and guarantee nothing happens to him, but I’m not sure that is a good idea.
Would he even want me there?
Probably not.
After my shower, I head to my office and find Denver and Bennett already there. “Hey, guys, ready to go over everything?” I ask, and they nod, ready to get to work.
I need to treat this like I would any other client. My guys are more than qualified to keep Dante safe. That will have to be good enough.
The meeting with my guys goes by quickly, and we come up with a solid plan to address any potential concerns and do our best to keep him safe. Yet something in my stomach isn’t sitting right. I want to trust my gut, but it’s hard to when I’m pretty sure my feelings are the ones causing this unease.
Once our talk is over, it’s quitting time. I take the long way to my house, not in any rush to get home. I miss living with Dante. Miss how noisy and obnoxious he could be. Miss the way he would curl into me when we watched a movie or fell asleep. He loved to touch and be touched, and now that I’m living on my own again, my body feels cold. My house is too fucking quiet. I miss having someone to talk to and hold.
Everything is just so bland.
I wish things were different.
At eleven, I finally turn off the television and try to sleep. Something that hasn’t been easy since the breakup. How could such a short amount of time with someone change so much in how I find comfort?
Before Dante, I used to love being by myself. Never had an issue sleeping. I was so content with life. Now I hate the quiet and miss the feel of a body pressed against mine. I miss the man I love.
How long does it take to get over these feelings?
As I pull back the covers, my phone blares, and I rush to it, recognizing the familiar tone I set for Dante’s security system. My heart plummets as I watch the cameras and see a masked man enter the property.
Working on autopilot, I send a mass text to my team, informing them about what is happening. Denver and Bennett agree to meet me at Dante’s house, and Sophy calls the police while keeping an eye on the cameras. I rush to get to my car and drive like a bat out of hell to the house of the most important person in the world to me. He can’t be hurt. I can’t let him down.
I call Dante’s cell, but he doesn’t answer, which doesn’t surprise me. Still, it irritates me. After getting sent to voicemail, I call Anna and pray she is there.
“Hello?” Anna answers in a sleepy voice.
“Are you at Dante’s house?” I question, taking a sharp left turn.
“Yeah… what’s going on?”
“Did you not get a notification that someone is on the property?”
She gasps but doesn’t respond right away. When she comes back, she says, “The system didn’t alert us. What should we do?”
“Get Dante and get to the safe room. I’m on my way, and so are the cops. Don’t come out until you hear my code.”
She doesn’t respond, but she’s talking to someone, probably Brittany, letting her know about the situation. It feels like forever before she talks to me again, letting me know they are all safe.
As soon as I have that confirmation, I end the call, and not long after, I pull into Dante’s driveway. Denver and Bennett show up behind me, so I let us all through the gate.
“Search the property,” I instruct the guys as we exit our vehicles. “I’m heading to make sure everyone in the house is okay.” They nod and head off in opposite directions.
I make my way to the safe room we had installed after the first break-in. Three knocks and a shout of “Pineapple doesn’t belong on pizza” has the door opening, and I’m face to face with three terrified people in pajamas.
My eyes beeline for Dante.
“Are you okay?” I ask everyone, but my eyes don’t leave the handsome actor.
Dante nods before casting a glance at Anna.
“We need to talk,” he says once his eyes are on mine again.
“The property is clear,” Bennett yells.
“Two seconds,” I tell Dante before turning and walking toward Denver and Bennett. “They left?” I question my guys, who nod.
“The cops got here as the person was running away. They went after him, and we did a second sweep of the property just to be certain,” Denver supplies. “I’m not sure what he was planning on doing, but he’s gone.”
A tap on my shoulder has me turning to see hazel eyes that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about. “Can we talk?” Dante asks with a hint of urgency, and I nod and follow him to the living room.
What could he possibly want now? He’s already ripped my heart out.
As soon as we are alone, he crashes into me, squeezing me so tight it’s almost hard to breathe. I return the hug, loving how Dante feels in my arms but also dreading the fact that I’ll eventually have to let go.
“Thank you for coming to my rescue,” he whispers, still clinging to me.
I drop a kiss to the top of his head, letting my lips rest there for a minute. “I promised I would never let anyone hurt you. I’ll never break that vow.”
He pulls away the slightest amount so he can stare up into my eyes. The urge to kiss him is so strong, but I won’t be the one to make the first move here. Pushing up onto his toes, his lips land on mine, and I melt into his mouth.
The kiss is slow and delicate, and I wish it would last forever, but there are so many things we need to talk about first.
“I’ve missed you,” I whisper against his lips, needing to pull away. His lips and mouth are too easy to get lost in, and I need to maintain some clarity. Too many things need to be said, and my heart can’t take any more hurt.
“I’m sorry I pushed you away,” he responds with sad eyes. “I’m also sorry for keeping a secret.”
“Let’s sit.” I guide him to the couch, shoving down any hope that we might get back together.
“Elanor called me about a week after we broke up. It was the day I started therapy,” he explains, and even though I’m pissed that she called, I don’t interrupt. Dante needs to finish his story. “She informed me that my dad was blackmailing her. He wants to out me for his political career. She was just trying to protect herself. I still don’t think I can forgive her, but I get it. Apparently, she wasn’t giving him proof fast enough, so he fired her.”
Movement outside catches my attention, and I see a figure rushing away.
“I thought you said he left,” I yell, gaining Denver and Bennett’s attention as I rush outside.
I run as fast as my legs will carry me, but I’m not fast enough. By the time I reach the edge of the property, the guy is getting into a black Ford Escape with no license plates and making his getaway.
“Fuck,” I scream at the top of my lungs, pulling out my phone and heading back to the house.
“How come I wasn’t aware there was more than one person on the property?” I complain the second Sophy answers.
“I didn’t know,” she shouts in response. “Something is fucked up with the system. As soon as the first guy left the property, the cameras went on a loop, and I didn’t clue in until a few minutes ago. Whoever hacked the system is a fucking expert and left very few footprints. I doubt I’ll be able to trace this to anyone.”
“I have an idea of who hired the person,” I grumble, stepping into the house. “See what you can find. In the meantime, we’ll move Dante to a more secure location.”
“On it,” she says and ends the call.
“Dante, can we talk privately?” I request with a tip of my head.
He quietly follows me to his bedroom, and I shut the door behind us.
“If what you just told me is true, I think your father planned tonight. And there is a strong chance they have footage of us kissing.”
Dante’s eyes go wide and glassy with unshed tears as he shakes his head.
“What do you want to do?” I ask, reaching for his hands. “I’ll do whatever you want. Just tell me what to do.”
“I don’t know,” he whispers before pulling me in and resting his head on my chest.
I rub his back as he cries into my chest, wishing things were different. “I’m sorry this is happening. I’m sorry we didn’t get ahead of this,” I whisper.
“I’m the one who should be sorry,” he murmurs.
We don’t say anything as we hold onto one another. It’s like we both need each other’s strength.
A knock on our door breaks the moment, and I take a step away, clearing my throat that’s threatening to clog with unshed tears.
Hope was bubbling to the surface, and in his embrace, I was teetering on giving in. Dante is within arms’ reach but still too far away.
How do we close this gap?
“I just wanted to check on you,” Anna says after Dante opens the door.
“I’m scared,” he confesses to her.
“It’s okay. You’re going to get through this,” Anna assures him, wrapping her arms tightly around him.
I hate that I’m not the one holding him anymore.
“We need to figure out what we are going to do now,” I say after a moment. “It would be easier if my team knew exactly what we are up against, but I understand if you still want to keep your secret.”
“Denver already knows,” Dante responds. “I told him when he took me and Anna to my therapist appointment.” I grind my teeth, pissed that Denver didn’t tell me, but Dante quickly puts an end to my anger. “I made him promise not to tell you anything, so don’t get mad at him. I’m still trying to fix myself, but I promise I’m getting better. You can tell whoever you think needs to know. If you trust them, so do I.” He takes a deep breath, and my eyes go wide, but I nod.
“Come on, let’s go sit with the others, and I’ll call Sophy too.”
I’m not sure what will happen after tonight, but I can’t let my hopes get too high. All I know is I’m happy Dante is working on himself. Even if we can’t be together, he deserves to be happy.
Chapter 22
Dante
Nixon goes over the basics of everything that has happened up until tonight with his team before turning his attention to Anna, Brittany, and me. “It’s probably best that you all stay somewhere else tonight,” he says.
“Why? We know no one is trying to hurt me. My dad just wants to out me. Now he has the proof to do it, so what’s the point in running?” I ask, feeling deflated.
“I feel like I failed you,” Sophy states through Nixon’s phone sitting on the coffee table on speaker. “It’s my job to make sure your system doesn’t get hacked, and I fucked it up.”
“My father has a lot of money, Sophy. When he has his heart set on something, he’ll use whatever he can to get his way. I know how amazing you are. This isn’t your fault,” I say, trying to reassure her.
“What’s the game plan, then? Do we still need to be here?” Denver asks.
“Our main job stays the same, keep our client safe, but I’m not going to lie and say I don’t want to pin all of this shit on Dante’s father and ruin his political career,” Nixon grumbles.
“Now that I have a name and some background information, I might be able to help with that,” Sophy pipes up, and even though these people are trying to help me, it still feels pointless.
“I’m going to call my PR team in the morning and go public about my sexuality as soon as possible,” I tell everyone. They all stare at me intensely. “There’s no avoiding this anymore. I can wait for my father to release the photos I’m sure were taken tonight, or I can step out in front of it. Either way, he gets what he wants. At least this way, I can keep Nixon out of the limelight.”
“You don’t need to protect me,” Nixon tells me with a determined look on his face, bringing a small smile to mine.
“This time I do,” I counter softly.
“Do you think we should double up security for tomorrow’s late-night talk show appearance?” Denver asks. “Just in case this gets leaked beforehand.”
“Not a bad idea,” Nixon agrees.
“Maybe we should also go over the details for the red-carpet event while we are all here,” Denver adds.
“It might be more chaotic than normal if I’m coming out before then,” I remind them.
“Bennett and I will be by your side the entire time,” Denver assures me, but I look at Nixon.
“Aren’t you going to be there?” I ask.
“I wasn’t sure you wanted me there.”
I nod, unsure of what to say. I know I fucked up. I wish I had a time machine to go back and erase it all, but that isn’t possible.
I’ve been seeing Mel every other day for the past few weeks. She’s helping me clear out the hurt caused by my parents and deal with my anxiety. I knew my head was a messed-up place but didn’t realize how bad it had gotten. For the first time in… well, maybe ever… I feel like a light is at the end of the tunnel. While I’m still terrified to come out, it isn’t as crippling as it would have been a month ago.
“Should we have someone stay on the property for the next week or so to ensure there isn’t some sort of backlash from Dante’s coming out?” Bennett asks.
“That’s a good idea. I’ll stay for tonight. Tomorrow, we can come up with a rotating schedule,” Nixon replies. “If that’s okay with you,” he adds, staring into my eyes.
“That works. We should probably talk, anyway,” I say.
Nixon nods before turning his attention back to his team. “Sophy, you keep working on linking Arnold Michaelson to Dante’s stalking, harassment, and attempted murder. Denver, Bennett… you two do a final sweep of the property before leaving just to make sure no one is left snooping around. Tomorrow, we can regroup and go over a more thorough plan once Dante’s PR team figures out how they want to handle the situation.”
Everyone agrees, and Nixon ends the call with Sophy while Denver and Bennett let themselves out. Anna and Brittany tell us goodnight before heading to bed, leaving Nixon and me alone.
“Are you sure you want to go through with this plan?” Nixon asks after a few moments of silence.
“This isn’t just about protecting you. It’s about wanting to lead my own narrative for once. Through therapy, I discovered my parents fucked me up much worse than I thought. I distanced myself, but I let their misguided love control me. That’s why I never made statements when my father would talk about me leaving the faith, why I made sure I had a girlfriend, even if it was a fake relationship, and why I never came out. All because I wanted to make people who should love me no matter what proud. I’m done with that. I like who I am, and I like me better when I’m with you. I know I fucked this all up, but if you’ll give me a second chance, I promise I’ll make it up to you,” I say through watery eyes and a thickness in my throat.
