Hold Fast, page 18
“Anyway, you should invite him out for coffee. You’re a really good friend.”
Isaiah smiled. “So are you.”
And hell yes, making Milo blush twice. Sweet.
“So tell me about this notebook thing. Because right now it just seems like you’re pining away for the only other person I know who has that many colored pens and is over the age of twelve.”
“Big words, little man.”
Milo, cheeks still flushed, grinned.
They finished up and Isaiah showed off his WoJo with more pride than was probably warranted, but Milo acted impressed. If he found it strange that Isaiah was treating Crux like a personal business, he didn’t mention it.
Chapter Twenty
In Zack’s many rehearsed scenarios for this moment, he was well dressed, unruffled, completely self-contained. He would stand in Terence’s office armed with data, shielded by both his good intentions and his good business sense. It was almost certain he’d be fired, but he’d go down with dignity. And with numbers to support his cause.
He hadn’t ever imagined that Terence would blow in just before closing, red faced, and snap, “Scherzo, my office. Right now.”
Zack had enough time to exchange a look with Rod and Stacy, who were chatting at the front desk, and to make sure his shirt was still tucked in. He was exhausted. He’d had a meeting with Professor Yang in the morning to discuss the first two weeks of the yoga series (and ways to boost the social sharing and viral potential of each video, phrases that Zack repeated, tasting them like aged cheddar, letting them fill his senses with hope).
Okay. The hope thing had been jumping the gun.
He closed Terence’s door behind him and with the peculiar sharp edge of scent memory, he could suddenly almost feel Isaiah’s skin under his fingertips. Not an ideal thing to be thinking while his boss glared at him, but on the other hand…he straightened his shoulders and took strength from that moment, in this room, when he had been absolutely everything he needed to be. And someone else had seen him just like that.
“I was just nearly humiliated in front of some friends, Scherzo, and something tells me I have you to blame for that.” Terence broke eye contact to shuffle some papers. “You’re very lucky I’m a quick thinker or you’d be cleaning out your pathetic little desk right now. Care to explain yourself?”
It probably wasn’t the right time to point out that they had the exact same kind of desk. Or that insulting a desk seemed a bit silly.
Zack had scripted a number of responses to this opening, but now that the moment had arrived, he found himself unnaturally calm. He was tired, he didn’t exactly smell great, and his to do list filled an entire two page spread. None of it mattered. “What would you like me to explain, Terence?”
“Do not play games with me. You know damn well what I want you to explain!” Terence gestured to his office. “I was just congratulated on Crux’s new marketing efforts. Someone came up to me in public to tell me they’d done a Crux yoga class in their living room.” He shook his head, looking somehow disgusted. “I had no idea what they were talking about!”
“I apologize. I didn’t think you’d want to be included in the planning emails, but I can add you to the list if you like.” Before Terence could decide if Zack was being defiant (it turned out a reputation for being serious was useful after all), he continued. “It’s an incredibly exciting campaign, and definitely the most interactive we’ve run since I’ve been here. Our social media engagement is at a record high, and we even put up a board downstairs where we print out and post the most popular tweets.” Which was accurate, as long as “board” accurately translated to “section of wall blocked off with neon orange duct tape.” Zack spread his hands open, the picture of honesty and forthrightness. “It’s too soon to correlate the recent rise in memberships to the video series, but there’s been a definite uptick. We’re all thrilled. I’m so sorry I inadvertently left you out of the loop.”
“You’re either incredibly stupid or incredibly smart, Scherzo. I can’t decide which.”
That makes two of us. Zack mustered his best raised eyebrow and didn’t say anything. Here it came. Terence would fire him. He would nod, say It’s been a pleasure to work here, and walk out. Gather his things, say goodbye to everyone. It would be as clean and as painless as it could be. He took a steady breath and waited.
“Listen up, because this is the only warning you’re gonna get. There is one reason I’m not firing you right this second, Scherzo, and you want to know why?”
Not particularly. Did he just say not firing me?
Terence didn’t wait for a reply. “I am a very smart person. I am friends with very smart people. If they think you’re doing something right, then I think you should be allowed to continue. At least until you hang yourself with all that rope.” He leaned over his desk and narrowed his eyes, like a mobster threatening to break kneecaps. “The second you screw this up, you’re out of here. If I hear anything that makes me embarrassed to be associated with this place, you’re the next one gone. Got it?”
This time he’d have to respond. Even though he didn’t have a scripted response to having his job dangled in front of him, at the mercy of Terence’s incredibly brittle ego.
“I got it,” Zack said, hearing his own voice as if it came from outside him.
“Good. I’m glad we understand each other.”
Zack’s internal film critic groaned. He kept his features blank. Silence was safest. He was already not-fired, so he’d won. As he kept his mouth shut, anyway.
Except he didn’t want to.
“Sir, I think there’s one more thing we need, if you don’t want to be embarrassed. We’ve been trying to get by without a maintenance staff, but it’s simply not possible. It’s one of our main concerns with regards to recruitment.”
“Do better, Scherzo.” The growl in Terence’s voice was unmistakable.
“It’s not possible. We already have to bar Val from coming in on his days off, which of course is a liability. And even when he was, it didn’t all get done. We need to contract with a maintenance service.”
Now he takes it back. Now he fires me for real.
But he didn’t. Terence’s left eye began to twitch and Zack had to force himself not to stare.
Then, abruptly—suspiciously—Terence’s expression cleared. “Fine. I’ll hire someone. Full time even. Anyway, I can’t spend more time mopping up after your every whim.” He stood. “Don’t ever enter my office without an invitation again.”
“I won’t.” Zack turned and walked out, down the stairs, onto the floor, feeling slightly stunned. Now, too, he diverged from all of his plans. Instead of going straight to his office, he went to the front desk and keyed up the computer.
“Oh my god, are you fired,” Rod whispered. Loudly.
“No.”
Stacy gave Terence an intense evil eye as he walked out and Zack shot her a look. She assumed an expression of complete innocence. “What? I didn’t do anything. Though if you’re not fired, you should text Val. He’s probably freaking out right now.”
Zack sighed. He logged in to the Crux Twitter account, hoping Isaiah wasn’t using it at the moment. We’re so proud to be expanding the Crux community! Take a yoga break if you haven’t already! He included a link to the first video and hit Post.
It was working. Maybe only in small ways, but it was working.
He logged off the computer and turned back. “I’m not fired. And he said he’d hire a maintenance person. Full time.”
“Oh my god.” Rod’s eyes widened. “Did you have to blow him for that?”
Stacy punched him hard in the arm.
“I’m not being a jerk, I’m serious! Because no one should have to take that for the team.”
“Who’s taking what for the team?” Milo asked, keys in hand, heading for the side chapel. He pulled up short at the desk and looked at all of them. “What’s happening?”
“Nothing is happening,” Zack said firmly. “Rod just had a moment of heterosexual repulsion that Stacy and I are going to be polite enough to forget”—Stacy punched again and Rod yelped—“Terence is hiring us a maintenance person, I’m not fired, and the yoga series is working. Everything is not terrible at this exact moment in time.”
“Wait, Terence is hiring someone, like full time? Oh my god. I’m gonna faint.” Milo pretended to swoon and Rod, clearly eager to get back his cool straight guy cred, moved into position to catch him.
“I don’t think we should get excited, but—”
The side door swung open and Val burst inside. “Tell me he didn’t.”
Stacy waved. “He didn’t! Sorry, hon! I shouldn’t have called.”
“But he did something. What did he do? Why are you all standing around?”
“You won’t believe it. I mean, I just heard it and I don’t believe it.” Milo jingled his keys. “I’m gonna start locking up. Don’t dish anything good without me.”
They couldn’t dish anything good—whatever standards Milo was judging by—while trying to close the gym. But they could talk about what it would mean to have someone to do maintenance, and Val actually gave him a hug out of pure relief.
“I was so sure he’d fired you. I spent the whole drive here trying to figure out how I’d keep the doors open without your help.” Another squeeze before they released each other, and Zack needed that hug at least as much as Val did.
“It was touch and go for a minute there. And I still can’t actually believe I demanded a concession.” Zack shook his head. “I don’t even know where that came from. I had all these thoughts about how that meeting would go, but it totally surprised me.”
Val thumped him on both arms. “Let’s finish closing and go out. I’ll buy you a beer.”
“Sounds good. Thanks.”
“Stace, you in?”
Stacy grinned. “If you’re buying? Definitely.”
“Oh, I’m buying. I’m buying for everyone.” Val took out his phone. “Somebody want to call the kids? I’ve got Randi. And I’ll let Bear know what happened.”
“I’ll call the kids so you can close, Zack,” Stacy said.
“Thanks.”
He walked back to his office feeling almost giddy. He’d done it. It felt like beating the biggest, hardest boss in Super Mario Bros when he was a kid.
Not fired. Maintenance incoming. Going out for drinks.
Things were good. Zack pushed away any thought that threatened his elation and got ready to go.
* * *
They walked down to the closest bar through a light drizzle, all of them talking at once. Randi met them outside with a shriek, spinning Zack around and kissing him on both cheeks like the conquering hero he decidedly wasn’t (though he’d never gotten that kind of celebratory reaction from beating a boss in Super Mario, so he could pretend).
Zack glanced back as they went inside and happened to catch a shaft of street light cutting though the rain, yellow and bright. If only he hadn’t looked back, he might have kept that tenuous high. Instead he felt it slip through his fingers, every bit as ethereal as mist, irrevocably lost to the uncertainties of what might have been, and the memory of what he’d thrown away.
He lasted half a beer before claiming exhaustion and bagging out.
More unrestrained hugs and kisses. Then Cody tried to steal the rest of his beer and Rod clobbered him. Zack slipped out during the resulting melee.
He meant to drive straight home, even though he’d reached the level of tired that wouldn’t take easily to sleep. The meeting—or confrontation, really—with Terence kept running through his head. By the time he reached the pier he’d almost convinced himself he should have negotiated for a repairs budget as well as a maintenance position, to say nothing of the damn lights, which were going to need a real commitment of funds.
A walk. That would help him sleep. His neighborhood was useless for walking.
Though now that he was here, he remembered that not too long ago people were getting killed right around the waterfront somewhere. But farther down. Much farther down. Past Isaiah’s condo and well at the other end, beyond the Harbor District.
And he was alone. He hadn’t been alone last time.
Fuck it. I’m not afraid.
Zack got out of his car and locked it, tugging his light jacket around himself. It hadn’t been cold during the day, even though it was raining. But now the breeze off the Bay was chilling. He shivered and resolutely continued walking, as if he’d somehow gotten into a one-up competition with the past self who was sitting in the car, contemplating the potential dangers of a walk alone on the pier at night.
There were other cars in the lot. He wasn’t the only one here. A thought that reassured him right up until he imagined a car full of drunk young men. Were the most violent attacks really committed by young men, or was that a baseless prejudice? Also, Zack took a moment to be grateful that he’d pictured skinhead white boys. If you’re going to imagine your own beating, you might as well not be a racist about it.
He couldn’t hear his footsteps over waves hitting the pilings below, and the wind blowing rain past his ears. He wouldn’t hear anyone else either.
This was ridiculous.
He stopped and looked around. No one in sight in any direction.
Beneath the slightly embarrassed relief there was something else. Just a tiny hint of it. Disappointment.
You did not really think that Isaiah would pick this exact moment to take a walk in the rain and you’d coincidentally run into one another on the pier. You did not really imagine that. Or hope for it. Because that would be irrational.
Irrational. Ludicrous. Utterly absurd. But he wanted it to be true so much suddenly he almost thought if he squinted maybe he could see Isaiah striding down the path from the direction of his condo.
No one was there. Of course.
Zack walked more slowly to the end of the pier and stood under a light. Maybe it was that flash from earlier, of Isaiah’s body against his, but standing here made it impossible to do anything other than think about dancing, and about Isaiah calling, I’m in love with the universe!
He leaned against the light post, heedless of the rain, and glanced back one more time. No one.
But there could be.
He fumbled his phone out with numb fingers and shielded the screen so he could pull up his contacts. It was late. Too late.
If Isaiah called him at midnight, he’d answer. And if Isaiah said, “I’m down the street from you right now,” he’d drop whatever he was doing. Even after everything they’d decided. Even though it was irrational.
He hit the green icon and cradled the phone to his ear, tucking it under his hood.
It only rang twice, but that was more than long enough for him to agonize over the decision to call, and to imagine Isaiah fast asleep, and to imagine a beautiful man fast asleep beside him—
“Hey, Zack.” Or he could be wide awake and sound happy to hear from Zack. “Man, I am so glad you called.”
“Hi.” Brilliant opening. He hadn’t really thought about this. He hadn’t prepared a pitch. And now that this was really happening, it sounded like the behavior of a madman or a stalker.
“I can hardly hear you. You outside?”
“I’m, uh, on the pier. I don’t know. I thought I’d take a walk, but it’s less fun by myself.” He cleared his throat. “Actually, it’s a little spooky.”
“You want me to come down there and protect you?”
He was supposed to act affronted by that. It was a joke. Instead he said, “Yeah. Or maybe just come down here to dance with me. And I had a meeting with Terence today.” Oh god, he was going to start rambling. “And I miss you. Mostly that. Sorry.”
“I miss you, too. I’m pulling on clothes, but stay on the phone, okay? It’s great to hear your voice.”
The words curled into him, almost like they were filling in leaks he didn’t realize he had. “You too. I think…maybe we outsmarted ourselves before. With…everything. Maybe we need to be less…logical.”
“If you’re saying we should admit we want to be together and work it the hell out, I’m right there with you. Zack, I am so glad you called. Even more glad I’m going to see you in ten minutes. Is it too soon for me to ask if you’re spending the night?”
Zack laughed. Relief, and happiness, and the excitement of things to come. He blinked rain out of his eyes and inhaled all the risks, all the truths. It was terrifying and exhilarating. “Definitely. I have to work in the morning, but I’m sick of not being with you.”
“Thank god. I didn’t know how I was gonna convince you to give it another chance, but man, I thought trying to date was hard. Living without even seeing you that much is worse.”
“For me too.”
“Good.” Muffled fumbling over the line. “Okay, I’m on my way. Don’t move. Tell me what happened at your meeting, though. He didn’t fire you?”
And maybe it wasn’t a big thing, sharing the details of the day. But Zack relished every second of it.
Chapter Twenty-One
Isaiah had to control himself so he wasn’t running down the street toward Zack’s voice like some sort of star crossed lover. He was still walking a lot faster than normal, and apparently not hiding it very well.
“Are you running?” Zack asked, amusement lacing his words. “Oh my god, you are.”
“I am not! I’m…lightly jogging.”
“In an effort to not get soaked?”
Oh, hell no. “In an effort to get to you faster, Zack. A lot faster. As fast as possible.”
“Why don’t I start toward you? We’ll meet in the middle.”
“Don’t move! Stay right where you are, I have a whole big reunion scene planned.” And Isaiah grinned at the laughter that crackled back to him.
“You’re ridiculous.”
“We should both be more ridiculous.”
“I…think I agree with you.”
