Hold Fast, page 12
Except it hadn’t. Not precisely. If anything, he should have known it was far more of a risk than that.
He pulled into Crux’s parking lot and parked beside Zack’s car. He’d waited, of course. The perfect gentleman.
Zack looked over, smiled his hello, and Isaiah’s stomach dropped.
No. He wasn’t looking forward to the last recording session. He wanted more of Zack, more rights to Zack’s time. And he could drag this out a little more, a few more business meetings, a few more dinners. But unless he got lucky with another storm, he couldn’t imagine Zack spending the night.
“Get it together,” Isaiah mumbled. Zack, thinking he was being addressed, shook his head. Isaiah forced a smile and gestured toward the gym.
He’d brought two yoga mats. If this was going to be the last time, then dammit, he was gonna teach Zack some yoga. For real.
Both of them got out of their cars.
“I can’t believe recording’s almost done!” Zack unlocked the door. “I know it’s all been your work, but I feel like we’ve really accomplished something.” His energy was almost bubbly. “Can you believe we only met a month ago?”
“No, man.” Shit, Isaiah had to get his shit together or Zack was gonna figure out something was up.
Nothing was up. Not really.
“I can’t believe it. And I was such a jerk to you at that meeting. I’m lucky you know Milo or you probably would have walked out.”
“Hey, it was plenty satisfying watching you realize I wasn’t the unprepared ass you thought I was.”
“Ha ha, I bet.”
He’d expected Zack to stay and watch, but instead he unlocked the office, kissed Isaiah’s cheek, and said he’d be back.
Leaving Isaiah looking across the gym at those looming stained glass windows, wondering if deities lingered even after their places of worship transformed into other things. He missed believing in God, especially at times like these. He could use a little faith, or maybe it was a little courage. Either way, just standing there didn’t seem to be doing a damn bit of good.
He took a deep breath and went to work.
* * *
After recording the final two episodes he felt a hell of a lot more balanced. By the time Zack returned he’d taken down the camera and lights, and spread out the second yoga mat beside his own.
“You’re done?” Zack asked, pausing just inside the door, surveying the scene.
“Not quite yet. Get your ass over here.”
“I thought we already worked out how bad I am at yoga.”
Isaiah didn’t argue. He started up with sun salutations, a flow he could potentially keep doing without thinking about it while he paid far too much attention to Zack’s presence.
“Seriously. I suck at this.”
“I like you sucking. But yoga’s good, too.”
A snort.
Up dog to down dog, carried on his breaths, back up into mountain before he looked over. Zack was watching him now, yeah, with a slight frown. “I can’t do anything like that.”
“No one will know.”
“Except you. And me. I’ll know.”
Isaiah swallowed. Maybe this was a time for courage. He didn’t know. But Zack’s feet were rooted in the doorway, and Isaiah wasn’t ready to give up. “I don’t want to leave here yet. I’m using yoga to…draw this out just a little longer.”
“Oh.”
It was hard to watch the emotions play across Zack’s expression. The frown deepened, his lips twisted a little, as if he meant to say something, stopped, tried again, but still couldn’t. His eyes skirted off to the side before coming back to Isaiah’s.
“Okay.”
Just that.
“Sweet. Shoes off.”
“Uh, right. Okay.”
He made himself busy so he wasn’t watching Zack awkwardly untie his shoes and pull off his socks. The man stepped on a yoga mat like he thought at any second it might fly out from under him, knocking him on his ass.
“Stand at the top of your mat.” He decided to cool it with the names of poses. Part of Zack’s reluctance was the pressure of yoga, so Isaiah told him to bend forward, to let his upper body hang.
“I can’t touch my toes.”
“You don’t have to. Just breathe there for a minute.”
“I thought…you were supposed to inhale and exhale at the right times.”
“Nope. Just breathe.”
Zack huffed. “Oh my god, you’re doing decaf yoga with me.”
But at least, when Isaiah glanced over, he was smiling.
“Remedial stretching for yoga phobes. Right leg goes back in a lunge. Try to keep the force of your body directed into your heels, not pushing against your front knee.”
A slight shift in Zack’s weight and he was more stable. Good.
“Left heel back. I know you’ve seen me do down dog, man.”
“I wasn’t really paying attention to your, uh, form at the time.” But he managed a passable downward facing dog.
Isaiah straightened. “I’m not correcting you, but I think I can show you how to feel it a little differently.” He gently touched Zack’s hip bones. “Press back here. Pretend I’m your yoga teacher and you’re trying to turn me on.”
Zack laughed breathlessly. “If I fall down, I’m suing this establishment. God, I shouldn’t even joke about that.” His weight realigned toward the back of his mat. “Actually, that’s better.”
“You use your hands a lot. Poses like this can be great wrist strengtheners. Press your chest toward your knees, try not to collapse into your palms. See if you can feel yourself lift up off the earth.”
“That should sound so dumb, but I…think I get it…”
He got it. He was getting a little shaky.
“Knees to the mat now, Zack. Go all the way down.” Isaiah went back to his mat. “Hands under shoulders. Press up just a little, you don’t have to bow all the way backwards. Just enough to feel that stretch.”
Zack executed cobra like he had something to prove, and Isaiah hid a smile, pretending not to notice.
“Good. Now pull your knees up under you and stretch your arms down and back, against your sides. Try to keep your ass down as much as possible.”
“I’m not trying to turn you on now?”
“Oh, I don’t know about that.” He slid over and ran a hand down Zack’s spine, exposed in child’s pose. “Can you relax there? It’s a beautiful pose for stress as long as your back and joints hold up all right. If your knees hurt, you can widen your legs and stretch forward instead.”
A shuddering breath in the body beneath his hand. “I’m worried, too. About what you said earlier. I’ve been trying to think of other reasons I could propose we meet up. I mean, I know busy people go out on dates, but I just…don’t see any room for that in my life.”
“I know.”
“So I came up with an idea.”
Isaiah dragged his hand up to Zack’s neck and left it there. Waiting.
“Maybe we determine a dating trial. To see if we can do it. Two weeks.” Zack tugged his arms up and lifted himself to a seated position. “Two weeks, no business meetings unless we’re actually doing business. No excuses. Maybe we can make it work.”
“Maybe we can.” Of course, of course Zack had come up with a plan. Isaiah reached out, pulling one of Zack’s hands to his lips. “You want to spend the night tonight?”
“Can’t. Got a meeting with Professor Yang in the morning. You should see the stuff I put together for it. You’d be proud.”
“I bet I would.”
Zack leaned forward, kissing him lightly. “I don’t usually have a problem with clashing priorities. I’ve always known where my focus should be, you know? Like my parents did a lot of stupid stuff, but they always knew the road they were on. Nothing was more important than my mom’s poetry, nothing was more important than my dad’s activism. I always really admired that about them.”
But what about you? Isaiah bit back his questions. “I made my plan so I could prioritize my kids when I had them. Though I think that’s probably easier to do in theory than in practice.”
“Well, and then what do they see? I think I gained a lot from seeing how much my folks valued their work.”
Not the time to dismantle Zack’s childhood, but Isaiah would be damned if thirty years from now his kids talked about him as if he prioritized his work more than he prioritized them. “There must be a balance,” he said evenly. “Between those things. I think that’s what I want. That balance.”
“Yeah. Me too.” Zack’s straight-on gaze made Isaiah catch his breath.
Another kiss, a little more forceful, and he tumbled back on his mat.
“I wish I’d made that meeting for later,” Zack muttered, climbing on top of him. “Do you have any idea how hot you look doing yoga? And just standing around. And talking. And dancing in the rain.”
Yes, yes, yes, this was Zack playful. Isaiah arched up into him, reaching for his fly. “You have any idea how hot you look when you’re talking about your notebooks? How much I want you to touch me like that, all reverent and sweet?”
“You think I’m sweet?”
“Hell yes. C’mere. Let me show you.”
He didn’t mean to take it too far—and he didn’t think Zack did either—but Isaiah wanted to feel skin beneath his fingertips, he wanted to taste the skin at the hollow of Zack’s throat. Zack seemed preoccupied with his nipples, pinching even as he moaned at a brush of Isaiah’s teeth against his clavicle.
“I want you,” Zack whispered. “Please. Right now.”
“Yes. How?”
“I need to feel you. Take off your pants.”
The floor was hard under Isaiah’s back, and Zack was so damn hot, stretching over him, rutting against him, teasing both of them. Their dicks sparked with every move, but Zack didn’t keep it up enough to go all the way, and Isaiah growled, chewing on his shoulder, taking handfuls of his sides to force him into a rhythm.
Zack laughed, the sound muffled against Isaiah’s neck. “Thought you liked teasing me.”
“Not when it also teases me—”
“You love it. Tell me how much you love this, Isaiah. Tell me how hot it is when I don’t give you what you want.”
Isaiah wrapped his legs around Zack and kissed him while he struggled. “I love this, yeah. You?”
“You strong bastard. You have to come bouldering with me, god.” All the twisting and scrambling only served to turn both of them on more. “Isaiah…” Zack’s voice was low. “Oh god, I’m gonna come. I don’t know if I can, but I might, and I—”
“Do it.” Isaiah hooked his arms over Zack’s shoulders, keeping them pressed tightly together, and used his tongue to trace Zack’s ear, a move that undid the man completely.
“Ohhhhh fuck, oh god, I’m coming, I can’t…”
He clung as Zack thrust against him, finally going still and shuddering and panting hard.
Zack’s fist came down lightly on his arm. “I can’t move.”
“You have to.” Isaiah pulled Zack’s head to his lips. “Touch me. Get me off with your hand.”
“God yes.” Zack lifted just enough to snake his hand between them, kissing the side of Isaiah’s face, sucking the side of his neck.
And fuck, fuck, his grip was all business, no tease.
“This what you want? You want to come all over my hand, dirty boy?” Faster, Zack’s legs clamping down on Isaiah’s, almost restraining him. And fuck, restrained while Zack talked filth and looked him in the eye. “You’re gonna make a mess, aren’t you? Right here. Is that what you want, Isaiah?”
“Want you to keep fucking talking about how dirty I am.”
“You are. Look at what you make me do, look at where we are.”
A twist and Isaiah jolted, chasing that shock of pleasure. He groaned.
“Yeah, listen to you. I could do anything to you right now and you’d love it, isn’t that right? I could hurt you, I could kiss you, I could hold you down all night just like this.”
“Yes—fuck yes—” He tried for a kiss, but Zack only smiled and evaded him.
“You have to earn it, naughty boy. I’ll count to twenty. If you come, I’ll let you kiss me. But if you don’t, no nookie for you.”
The incongruity of Zack saying nookie—and getting it wrong, though Isaiah sure as hell wasn’t gonna correct him—almost made him so bold as to laugh. In the next second Zack’s smile faltered, and Isaiah realized that they were about to lose this strange moment of play.
“Start fucking counting! And faster, faster, faster, dammit!”
He threaded his fingers into Zack’s hair and pulled him close, but Zack kept them from kissing, holding just a little bit back. And fuck, Zack stared straight down at him, pouring all that intensity into this fucking moment, yet still somehow managing an unfairly detached count.
Isaiah wasn’t sure he could perform on a timer, and he doubted the threat was that serious, but he closed his eyes at thirteen and gave himself over, pleasure boiling up, balls going tight, body mindlessly pushing into the heat and pressure of Zack’s hand.
He spilled over both of them and didn’t open his eyes until Zack kissed him. And kept kissing him. Isaiah’s fingers tightened and Zack gasped into his mouth, which only made him growl. “Fuck, that was incredible. You’ve been holding back.”
“I don’t really…know where that came from. It was okay?”
“Did I do something to make you think it wasn’t? Man, Zack. You are something else.”
“I’m really not.”
Isaiah caught up his face. “Two week trial. Let’s do it. And yes, you really are something else. You turn me the hell on, Zachary. You hear me?”
Zack’s eyelashes fluttered. “You don’t think it’s a dumb idea? It was the best I could come up with.”
Tempting as it was to insist, Isaiah figured he had the next two weeks to make it clear how he felt. “It’s great. Is there a chart somewhere? Or a list?”
“Oh my god, no. I mean. I may have a brainstorming spread, but that’s just my process.”
He kissed Zack. “I like your process. Time to go?”
“Uh, yeah, just let me… What kind of person doesn’t have a box of tissues in their office?”
They cleaned up, and Isaiah made a mental note to clean his yoga mat more thoroughly at home. He stopped Zack right inside the door for another kiss. “Have a good meeting in the morning. And bring your stuff to show me next time we see each other, okay?”
“Yeah. I will.”
Zack pulled out first, waving and flashing his lights. It took Isaiah another minute of sitting there, thinking about how much—but how little—had changed in the last month. He still had all the same responsibilities, all the same roles. And now he also had Zack. And two weeks to figure out if he could do all that without exploding.
He wanted to think love, laughter, and mutual interest would be enough to carry them through. And maybe it would.
Hopefully.
He went home.
Chapter Fourteen
Zack made a two page spread for the dating trial. He could have used his digital calendar, but he wanted it where he could touch it, write on it, visually represent time in a way that wasn’t just text on a screen.
He made the first day Thursday and drew out a grid: two rows of Thursday to Wednesday. Fourteen days.
Then he started filling things in.
He had meetings early on Tuesday and Thursday mornings with Professor Yang. The first one had gone really well. She’d seemed super interested in what he was doing and especially how he and Isaiah planned to measure success. He hadn’t really thought about it much, but she clearly expected a spreadsheet with metrics and stuff. He knew he’d be able to measure traffic to the videos, and also how far in people watched. Since each of them was right around twenty minutes, he wouldn’t have a problem measuring them in five minute increments. He might even be able to download that data.
Isaiah would know.
Which brought him back to the dating trial.
So he definitely couldn’t spend the night on Mondays or Wednesdays. That was only two days. No problem.
He was scheduled to work early on the three shifts that weren’t school days, and in the next two weeks he only had one weekend day free, the upcoming Saturday. Would Isaiah be available Friday night?
Did that seem too much like Zack inviting himself over?
Didn’t matter. He was just assessing things right now.
Both of his upcoming Sundays were split shifts. He felt a flash of irritation at Val, which he immediately smothered. Val was covering everywhere they needed coverage, and probably hadn’t worked less than ten hours a shift since Amanda left. (He felt another flash of irritation, this time at Amanda for being so fireable. Even though it would have almost certainly been someone else if it hadn’t been her.)
Being mad at other people didn’t in any way help.
Two split shifts were frustrating. Maybe he could meet Isaiah somewhere for lunch? He examined his work schedule and blocked off some time for homework, though maybe he could get a lot of that done at work, considering he was using his Crux marketing for class.
Though could he really justify determining metrics to measure engagement as a work activity? No one at the gym would ever know or care about the metrics. There was no one who’d appreciate a good chart, though Val would act interested.
Isaiah would care. Maybe he could fit in a business meeting sometime this week to discuss metrics…
The whole point of this was not justifying seeing Isaiah under dumb excuses.
But the metrics were important.
And yet ultimately only to him.
He checked the time and realized he was supposed to be covering the front desk in about ten minutes so Milo could coach cardio in the side chapel. He grabbed the list of membership calls he needed to make and headed up front.
As he walked he realized he hadn’t accounted for Isaiah’s schedule. At all.
